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Server time: 2017-10-17, 13:19
Safe Zone: CLOSED

dildrill

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  • Whitelisted YES

About dildrill

  • Birthday 06/19/95
  1. Unhinging one screw at a time.

    Hehehe anything can happen. Thats the beauty of survival!
  2. Unhinging one screw at a time.

    Thank you, always makes me happy to hear thoughts of other people
  3. Hi. Let me warn you. To understand me, to know me, it might be more complicated and difficult than it seems. I mean, I can't seem to do that and I've been with me for such a long time now. I guess, all things considered, that is a good thing. If that really is the case, then you have as good a chance as any to know me, to understand me and how I work. I think it would be best to start with the deepest memory I can reach. The one that stuck. I was young. Still at an age where everything was new and worth exploring. Be it an ant, and what happens when you smush it, or a bird, and seeing how it will dodge a rock that I threw at it. So many things to experience and each day would always reveal a new find. A new lesson. I was in kindergarden with all the other kids my age. Worry not, I was perfect. No one had the slightest hint of what was going on in my head, all the thoughts and plans I had for each, wonderful, unique, lesson filled day. The day itself seemed so much simmilar to all others, wake up, eat, head out to the place of my daily confiment and then dull the pain of mediocrity and boredom with new lessons of my own design. I remember thinking: "I think today I will learn all that I can from a cat. Shouldn't be difficult to find one on my way home". Thoughts like these crossing my mind, as I remember, were very regular, especially during "play time", when we were supposed to frolic and have fun with our "friends" as our responsible adults had the chance to have their coffee, talk badly about who did what and whom not to tell about it, sneak around the corner and smoke a cigarette or something else I'm not able to fully recall at this time. As thoughts like these and the chaos of a game of catch were intertwining in the environment a sudden impact interrupted everything that was relevant for that moment. A boy, a tad bit younger, if I recall, was trying to escape whoever was "it" at the time and ran into me with whatever speed and power he had. I remember the pain wasn't intolerable, but that didn't matter. The boys skin and flesh, as he hit me, was punctured from the contact with my teeth. Some of them went right out of my mouth, some hot stuck in his arm, I think i swallowed one. That didn't matter. After the shock wore off, I thank the heavens, it happened. The taste, metallic, marvelous. The texture, bland, thicker, astonishing. I could not believe that something could taste this.. this.. exciting. I had shivers going down my spine, continuing down my arms and legs, ending in a tingling in my tiny toes and palms, it was sublime. As young as I was, already I could appreciate and be grateful for something as satisfying as what I've just tasted. Unfortunately, I did loose some of my teeth, my own blood was mixing with the sublime taste of the precious liquidity of life, tainting it's flavor with my own. A new day, a new lesson.
  4. Thank you! Alright, I'll be sure to do that, thanks! /moved to media Thank you Hope it turns out as good as it's in my brain right now x) Thank you, it means a lot!
  5. Really wanted to create a long lasting series with the help of DayZRP, now with my new computer and being whitelisted again I finally have the chance! It is a video on youtube. I was unsure if this was appropriate to post, being an external video and all, but I'm just so eager to hear an opinion that I will risk it. Here goes: Ugh, just noticed that i posted in the wrong thread for some reason x_x...
  6. Re-apply?

    Hello, I have been whitelisted quite some time back, when DayzRP Mod was still very much active. If I recall correctly I had to cease playing for quite some time, because some exams were failed and some studying for re-exams had to be done. I was aware that the mod is closing and didn't bother to check in for quite a while. Today i actually decided to try my luck and purchase standalone to be a part of the community again, but as I checked my account, it no longer says that I am whitelisted. I figured that my status dissapeared with the closing of the mod. So my question is, do I need to re-apply to be whitelisted, or can this be fixed? EDIT: This question came to me when I remembered, that by being whitelisted I could play both mod and standalone. I just didn't have nor the gear to run standalone, nor the funds to purchase it.
  7. I have no intention of anyone ever getting their eyes on these pages, so if you're reading this, either you're a thief of the highest class... or you did an amazing job in killing me. Whatever is the case, it's most likely that we won't meet. My name is Jonathan Burdock. I'm an ex-security guard at a local grocery store. My story of survival isn't epic or amazing, breathtaking or dramatic. When shit hit the fan I was working, had a double-barrel shotgun and a makarov with 3 bullets in my "office". It was more than enough to keep the trouble to a minimum here. First came the early looters to steal anything that could have had any value in the old world. This time period is when I wasted all the ammunition that I had. Later came the families, survivors. Looking for food, shelter. It's a good thing they didn't know that I ran out of bullets. I lived off the food that was left inside for weeks, then.. well, obvious.. I ran out. No one comes to Namalsk and it seems I was one of the stupid ones to stay. After I left the shop, had to settle somewhere. I set up a little camp on one of the mountains, good view of the bridge connecting the islands. See, I survive by observing. If someone comes through the bridge I stay away. Thats the secret. Always has been. This one day I saw a figure comming through the bridge. As always took out my binoculars that I've borrowed from the shop. It was a man. Didn't look like much.. Glasses, backpack. Nothing out of the ordinary. Been following him for months now and I know this makes no sence to my way of surviving, but he could be a potential friend, I have a feeling he might me. Or maybe I'm just tired of being alone. I'm even writing this down while keeping my eye on his campfire. I'll engage tomorrow. Wish me luck. Oh wait.. If you're reading this, I guess it didn't work out all that well. Let's just hope you're a thief.
  8. I will never approve of what we do. *Rick stops in the middle of his sentence to tear another juicy chunk away from the bone in his hands* I thought this place was supposed to help me, but it made everything worse. It MADE us do the things I was trying to avoid and even worse.. yet, I don't really have a choice while I'm here. Quit your whining, the meat is getting cold, we wont be able to cook it twice. Things freeze fast here and I can't eat if you're babling.. I think it's time to go back. We can't stay here anymore, I can't do this. We need to stop before I fall too far. You and I both know theres no going back, even if we return. It's just so cold here.. so quiet.. just me and you, I need to go back, I don't care what you do, let's just go back.. Well.. I don't want to get shot by some know-it-all do-gooder when we return. What I did.. what we re going to do.. pretty sure deserve a bullet in our brain for that. Maybe no one will recognise us. I mean it's been a while.. Doesn't hurt to find out safely first.. *Rick reaches out to a bloody pile of clothes next to the flickering fire and a dull, bloody knife, from under the pile he pulls out a small journal* Jonathan Burdock.. this'll do for now. *crunch crunch crunch*
  9. Need a GUID or SteamID reset? Post here!

    Need a GUID and a PID reset! Thanks in advance! //Voodoo: PM Sent. GUID Reset. PID Reset Change in Donation Exchange
  10. Date: unknown I couldn't stay there anymore. People here they..they are normal. I can't be around normal, not now... not yet. I have to keep Him away from causing anymore pain. Yes, He saved me, but He killed to do it.. I met Timothy. A friendly old chap. He looks pretty young still and...well..damaged, hurt maybe. I see myself within him. I feel the need to try and pull him out to safety. it's not my call, but I.. I just know I'll get some closure atleast if I manage to help him somehow. I don't know what happened to him that made him..like he is, but.. knowing what kind of things happen these days I think I'm not far away from the truth with my speculations. A few days ago we met outside Prud. He was looking for a girl named.. named.. Dora.. Yes.. yes, Dora. I decided to help him look for her and... It happened.. I almost lost it.. Forgot to take my pills. At first I thought it was a heat stroke or something. He was fighting to come out. He didn't like Timothy. I fought and thank god.. I won, that time. We eventually managed to find the girl, but I took my pills way too late. I felt Him taking control again, I had to leave, had to keep everyone from seeing what I am. I met Cece the other day aswell. We agreed that she would come visit me at Prud. I waited and she eventually was here. She was.. well.. she was gorgeous. I can recall her eyes.. green.. spring green, her brown hair. And the voice. It was a voice filled with hope, filled with optimism, a joyful voice. We spent a day together. Managed to find a pool table in Stary Sobor, played for a little while, I was conquering her, didn't know I was this good at that game. Eventually I had to let her win.. he he... I won our bet and now she owes me a settle romantic dinner! Too bad.. That made me think, made me remember what I'm hiding. What if I lose it again, what if He sees a threat and decides not to take the risk. I can't allow that to happen. I won't allow it. From a couple of lads in army gear I heard that theres an island. Two islands acctually. Its not far enough to be unreachable, but not close enough for me..Him.. Us to hurt anyone. It's called Namalsk. I will leave and I won't return untill I have atleast some sort of control. Try hard or die trying. Either way, this is whats best for me now. I'm sure of it. *Rick closes his jounral, wraps it in a cloth and places it in his bag. With a smudged, rusty spoon he finishes the last of his beans and disposes of the can. As he places the bag on his back he turns around and sees a flickering light at Prud. People talking, laughing. He closes his eyes and leaves it all behind his back as he walks through the darkness of a Chernarussian night. He pulls out his compass and turns a little more to the left.* -This will be fun. *Surprised by the voice comming out of his mouth he replies* -Shut up.
  11. Date: unknown I feel the need to engrave this day into my journal as a turning point in my life. I had decided to end myself. I thought that if I did this, no one else would get hurt, good or bad. I wouldn't have to live in constant fear that I might not wake up where I fell asleep. I wouldn't have to fear the dead that is not so dead anymore, wouldn't have to live in fear of waking up and finding myself being devoured alive by a random roamer. I wouldn't be hungry, thirsty, scared..wouldn't be a danger... The plan was me jumping off a building..any building, just has to be tall enough. Then I realised I wouldn't be..you know...completely dead. i don't want to die and realise I'm still alive, trapped in my own mind, forced to witness my decomposing body search and eat fresh flesh. Then my eyes turned to the pistol Jimmy had in his bag. Quick and if I do this right painless.. I could see Anna..my dad.. heck, who am I kidding? probably even Seth.. These thoughts inside my mind made my arm rise and my painful fingers wrap around the handle, placing the right end to the right side of my bloody head. I was scared. Somewhere deep down I knew I couldn't do it, I guess at first it was just a way for me to realise that I have that option. But then, almost in a second, I felt it. I felt i could do it right here, right now, end everything, stop the struggle, stop the apocalypse...stop the pain... I said goodbye quietly in my mind and decided to pull the triger.. Out of nowhere my left hand which was holding my hunting knife drove it right between my arm bones, forcing me to drop my weapon and scream in pain. I pulled it out, bandaged it, took a few pills of painkillers, antibiotics, just to be safe, and injected a bit of morphine. When I was able to think clearly again I realised.. My goddamn hand took out a knife and drove it through my other arm on its own... I was just staring with my jaw open, not understanding. My eyes going to my wound, then to my other arm, then to the wound again. Words came out of me on their own: After all I did this is how you repay me I knew there was no one there, that my mouth was the owner of those words, but it still made me look around in fear. I just couldn't believe what was happening. I closed my eyes, comforting myself by thinking that I will wake up soon. Things are going to change. Not everything is up to you anymore.. I screamed: GET OUT! But I could only hear a faint laughter inside the depths of my mind. Date: Unknown My luck.. my luck has changed I guess. Running around the forest like a madman with no destination helped me. I found a camp. It was full with survivors. I didn't go there at first. Camped in the forest nearby for a few days, listening, studying. I don't want the Jimmy accident to happen again. I stayed out there for hours, trying to catch a glimpse of anything sinister, but there was nothing that could alert me. People coming in and out. People talking.. People laughing.. I decided to try my luck. On the fifth day I woke up got my things on my back and started to approach the house. There were 2 people. I said hello, so did they. Asked for my name, I gave it. Offered me supplies, I took them. Then they just continued to talk among themselves. Like I was supposed to be there. I felt how my grip on the pistol in my pocket tightened. I panicked. Pulled out my weapon and started to scream: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? WHY ARE YOU SO..WHY IS THIS PLACE SO..SO..NORMAL??!" They didn't seem alerted, I probably wasn't the first edgy guy to walk in on them. After they got me to lower my gun and got me to sit down we talked. They explained that this area was called Prud. A spot for survivors to..take a breather. It's by no means safe, they said, and has it's occasional roamer horde or bad people attack. I got comfortable in an hour or so. Listening to stories about who is who, who to avoid, where not to go. And I couldn't believe it but eventually I got bored..haha can you, whoever is reading this, believe it? I GOT BORED. I missed that feeling so so much. I pulled out the radio that told me to go to Chernarus and turned it on, not a phone, but still something to keep me buisy he he.. I went through all frequencies one by one like I was searching for a game commentary or an old song. Thinking like that made me remember where I really was..what was around me. The temporarily dulled pain in my mind started to grow and as I was placing my thumb on the on/off switch.. it happened: "He..lo. Hell...o." I didn't really know what to do so I did the only thing that seemed appropriate.. "Umm..Hello?" As I replied i tried to tweek the handle to get the right frequency, fearing the voice might dissapear forever. "O.. he..y! You..o..kay?" "Woah..um..yes..yes I am fine.. are..you?" "Oh. Yeah im great. Whats your name?" "Err..Rick..My name is Rick." "Hey Rick. Nice to hear you're alive. My name is Cece." Her name was Cece and she was alive.
  12. This mod is just amazing!

    This, dayzRP looks to be the game I had imagined when I first jumped in to dayz standalone only to get KOS 90% of the time, purchased the arma 2 series with mod hoping to find what I was looking for only to find the same but with more things to play with. dayzRP from what ive seen on various youtube vids and read about on the websites is exactly what I was looking for all along, cant wait to get my whitelist application approved (fingers crossed)so I can role play with the best on here you WILL love it.
  13. Date: unknown Found something to keep me busy...
  14. Date: unknown I am almost no more. My mind has been shattered. Chaotic shuffle of memories racing inside my brain. I can't tell who am I anymore. It feels like something being reconstructed within me. Memories of my life leaving their proper place, claiming another. Sometimes I see the future, but it's the past. I see this in the present while being before past started. Is this what it feels like to be insane? It just feels disorganised, but when I try to fix this, I don't have the strenght.. Last night I could swear I was nine again, running along side Seth like the future didn't happen at all, then in a blink of an eye I appeared nowhere. Standing in the middle of the field, darkness surrounding me. Oh my god.. Seth.. He's out there.. all alone.. my little brother is out there. Hes probably dead. No..no..I'm sure hes fine. I can't remember yesterday.. or the day before. I forgot I had this journal. I forgot that I'm searching for a girl. Sometimes I even forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it... It's getting harder. The blackouts are getting worse and unpredictable. Before it could have happened if I fell asleep or was in a state of extreme stress, shock, and now.. Today I was making a fireplace, as I was placing wood inside of the rock boundaries, I blinked once and I was somewhere else. I had a bullet wound in my arm, which comforted me, because at first glance I didn't realise all that blood on my hands and clothes was mine. Lost all of my things, except my journal. For some reason I never leave it behind when I'm out. I've been trying to find some more pills around the hospitals of chernarus. I forgot the name, so I just wrote down "green bottle - blue pills". I fear that one of these days I'll close my eyes for a second and wont be able to open them again. Because of my condition this journal is the only way left for me to preserve my new memories and whatever is left from my old ones. Maybe someone someday will read my journal, if you do, congratulations. You survived longer than me. Date: unknown *Rick is sitting in a windowless apartament block, shaking, both of his hands placed on his lowered head, the only sound that can be heard inside the room is the air that he's pushing through his teeth. He takes his journal and starts a new entry.* This went too far. Today I realised that I no longer have that tiny thread of control that I thought I held firmly in my grip. I met a man in the woods today. He said his name was Jimmy. Without any small talk he asked if I needed anything.. food, drinks, medical attention. I asked if he had any food for I didn't remember when was the last time I ate. He offered me some bacon and a smile appeared on my face forcing his lips into a gesture of hapiness aswell. He took off his backpack and started to dig through his things.. I heard whispering. A faint one. Then it got louder..and louder..and louder.. my head started to spin. I was surrounded by waves of invisible static sounds composed of hundreds of whispering voices. I thought I was going to faint. In a second it got quiet. As I turned my head around trying to understand what just happened Jimmy was nowhere in sight. My body went numb.. My eyes fell to the ground. I was standing and beneath was Jimmy. His eyes filled with tears, his face frozen in fear, his lips muttering the word "stop". I felt my socks getting wet from the blood that was pouring out of the wound that was made by my hatchet in his chest. I started shouting "NO NO NO NO".I grabbed all the bandages I had and started... I didn't start. I didn't know what to do. There was a fucking hatchet about three inches deep inside his chest bones. I held his head as he released the blood that built up in his mouth and started to scream "I'm sorry". It didn't take long for him to die, but it was painful... I couldn't stay there for long. I was sure that my screaming attracted some attention, dead or alive. I started to walk away, but stopped and turned my eyes to his backpack. Would you, whoever is reading this, have left the food? It's just how it is now. I opened his bag. No food. No water. Couple bottles of choroform, a few rags, a bloody bone cutting knife and a bag filled with.. with fingers. I couldn't keep my balance and fell back, releasing the bag and its continents on the ground. I turned my head to Jimmy's corpse as my lips almost on their own whispered: "He saved me."
  15. Death in sleep?

    I reseted the PID. Now we have to wait and see if I have any more "blackouts"
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