I'm taking a break of sorts. Mostly by allowing an ic situation to have consequences that are going to make my ch out of use for awhile. I'll still be playing her, but more in a way to allow development.
I'm stressed out IRL and getting more and more stressed about playing, which is fucking stupid.
I can easily find guides that explain step by step surgery or medical procedures including emergency info and medication basics. I can follow along even having no real medical training. I'm following guidelines to use in rp.
Yet all I feel like is I'm being told either I'm doing a great job and people love it, or people hate my character. Theres a lot of shit I cant do, and how I can do certain things are literally a walkthrough in three trauma books anyone can read. Its like a chef using a cookbook. I'm fucking following directions.
I'm sick of doing tons of research, analyzing, and putting in personal time and effort, to learn how to try to portray something, only to be repeadedly shut down. So I'm saying fuck it and taking a break.
I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and hurt from dealing with people.
I should not be getting a panic attack every time I get a PM. I take time to come here because I enjoy the people and the experience, but even that is becoming stressful which is where I draw the line.
I love you all, but I'm going to very antisocial and grumpy ooc for a bit. I need to be for my own good. No I don't want to talk about it. I'm just tired of everything turning into drama thats supposed to be fun, and have more important things to put my focus into.
I'm going to do something different ic for a bit and reevaluate how I'm playing. So don't expect or come looking for happy or medical rp for a bit.