RogueSolace

Catching rainwater could be a pain, but standing outside in the downpour, at least she was protected. A ballistic helmet, raincoat and facemask were keeping her comfortable in the ensuring torrent. She had not realized how dehydrated she had been until now, thankfully clean drinking water was plentiful at the moment and she drank as much as she could happily. She heard sloshing behind her, turning to investigate she jumped at seeing a man in a neon orange raincoat pointing a gun at her. He wore a hat, glasses and facemask, ensuring to keep his identity hidden. She froze and just stood their holding the pot in her hands, knowing her friends were a few feet away but still frightened. The gun quickly lowered, apparently she wasn’t visible as a threat... “Uh...hi?” The man looked her over once and dismissed her as anything interesting just as quickly. “Hello.” Her chest froze. That’s not possible… it can’t be possible… Maybe she was hearing wrong? She sealed the pot tightly so it wouldn’t spill the water she had collected and put it into her bag. The man walked into the house without another word, greeting Ezekiel and Ashford. That’s not possible…I saw the explosion…no one could have walked away from that…he didn’t have time to go somewhere else… Ezekiel sounded nervous, Ashford simply pissed off. “What are you doing here?” “I heard you wanted to talk to me, figured I’d find you first.” She was hearing the voice of a dead man. She couldn’t breathe, her head spun and she crouched down, putting her head between her knees, trying to not faint. The last thing she wanted was attention drawn to her. “I don’t believe so, I have no business with you.” “Well I heard otherwise, wanted to see how things were going after our little visit last time.” “Well my foot seems to have healed from the bullet you put into it…” He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead….the fire catching the gas, raging out of control…the explosion…. She hadn’t heard any mention of him in the almost two years since. Well except for a day or two before… “Well… she just reminded me of someone…but they’re dead so, oh well. Pity too, she was a little firecracker.” Jim laughed almost fondly. She’d felt safe with the men in red and white. Their leader had to be around her age, which she found perplexing. But they were all very kind and polite to her. It was weird, she wasn’t used to it, but she really liked them. They seemed to have simply adopted her as one of them. Peterson she thought his name was, was that it? Well... he had apparently found her after a scuffle with an infected she thought she had won. Must have gotten jumped from behind and had a good deal of blood loss. She’s blacked out, the next thing she knew she was coming to in a green tent, with no one having any idea of how she’d gotten there. They were obviously suspicious, which she did not blame them one bit for. She would have been too, had she been in their place. After most of the day they seemed to calm more, realizing she wasn’t going to cause trouble. Mr. Peterson arrived the next day and was able to explain the situation, apologizing for any confusion. He’d found her just as she passed out, and took out the infected. Not wanting to leave her bleeding in the street unconscious, he bandaged her the best he could and carried her to camp. Since they seemed nice, and she had nowhere really to go, she offered her medical skills. Which they immediately accepted and put to use as several had been recently injured. She’d lost track of the days, but had immediately been given a tent to stay in and any needed supplies. She did what she could to help. Their prestigious mannerisms and antics were hilarious to her, they nearly always had her laughing. Something she thought she’d forgotten how to do. They had also become quite protective of her. She didn’t feel unsafe with any of them. She really hadn’t known anything about Jim Recker, not his reputation, not who he was. She couldn’t tell if the talks they had before his betrayal, or if his acts of kindness and fondness were simply an act, or real. He married her instead of tossed her to his men…they’d really wanted her too…she shuddered hard at the thought. She really did not have a choice, but it was right after that confused her the most. He actually did promise to love her, to protect her, then afterward; the way he had kissed her. She didn’t have the slightest clue as to what she was supposed to do, and too scared to anyways. But he’d been gentle, slow, and intimate. She’d like to believe that meant something good. But time had been too short to tell, 3 hours later they had been separated and she was running for her life, thinking he was dead. His name never came up again, and she didn’t speak of it either. She’d listened to gossip, she’d listened for his name being mentioned, but it never was. It had been gnawing at her at the camp, maybe she could say something to them… it wasn’t like it mattered, right? The small group of people she spoke to all seemed horrified when she told them. But it was when she mentioned his name…they went dead silent, glancing at each other with a strange look. Why did she have a bad feeling? Apparently, he wasn’t dead, but was very much alive and active. She’d been in shock, but couldn’t believe it to be the same man. It got her thinking over the next few days what she should do. Should she go seek him out? Should she stay where she was? If she stayed…it was only time until she ran into him again…and if it really was him, no doubt there would be very serious repercussions. What happened if she just showed up? Would he welcome her back? Be angry? What if it wasn’t him and she threw herself into a worse fate? Her anxiety wasn’t helping so she decided to think on it for a few days, knowing she would probably end up going to him. Maybe he wasn’t that bad? She’d hoped. But others speaking of their encounter dashed that thought. The nice local boy who kept showing up in the dark hours of the morning while everyone else was asleep to trade, he loved telling her war stories. Even though they horrified her. She had asked him if he had heard the name. He did, when she told him why, his response had been, “It is a sad day in the world.” The next day or two, she figured. Get her courage up, find him. Well that apparently decided to catapult into her face. She hadn’t wanted to believe the rumors, but now there was no way not too. He hadn’t known it was her…but she doubted that mattered much. Ashford was having a very lively conversation with him inside, obviously trying to eject him from the area, it wasn’t working of course. Her head was still spinning, breathing strained, she took deep breaths…. just keep breathing….why couldn’t she see? She swore loudly as she landed on the hard ground. Opening her eyes she felt mud under her, water, more rain…what the hell happened? Looking up there was a bench. She stared at it in confusion as rain fell on her face. “Is she okay out there?” “Yes, she’s fine.” Ashford’s voice responded quickly. Jim… shit. Everything felt distant to her, like she was watching a movie. She couldn’t feel the cold she knew she must be experiencing. “Are you sure? She sounds like she’s hyperventilating.” Ezekiel’s voice joined them, “I’ve got her.” They’d only just met him, he’d seemed nice. Was this real? She felt like she was dreaming… like when getting her wisdom teeth pulled out she had woken up on the medications. She’d been fine, but she couldn’t tell if anything was real until she poked herself. It all felt like she was in a dream. It felt like that now. She found her hands fumbling to get her helmet off, another part yelling not to. She felt the rain, but at the same time couldn’t. Nothing felt real, it all felt so far away. “Are you alright?” A voice coaxed soothingly next to her. “Oh, you fell off the bench.” She looked at the man… could she just wake up now? “I…I think…” He frowned, “Here, come here.” She felt an arm wrap around her back, holding tight to her upper body, while the other went under her knees. He carefully lifted her up from the ground. “Let’s get you inside on the bed.” No…no don’t! Don’t take me inside! She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. Too late. A few steps later and sudden silence she was being set carefully onto a small bed. Taking the raincoat off to hang up, Ezekiel made sure she was sitting with her back to the wall. She could feel the emotion in the room without looking, it wasn’t good. The game had started…only now it was very different, and she had nowhere to hide. “Who is this?” Jim’s voice was quiet, calculating. “I said, she’s our doctor-” “What is her name?” Jim cut him off sharply. Ashford hesitated and tried to shrug it off. “Oh something common…um…Sarah.” “Is that what she told you?” His voice was quiet, dangerous, uncertain, and angry. Phase one of totally fucked starts now… Why did she feel this way…had she fainted? She must have. Why did she faint? Wait…. Extreme stress response. Heart rate rapid, body goes into hyperventilation, loses too much carbon dioxide, blood flow to brain slows, body resets itself via vasovagal syncope. Mind protecting itself from body… detaching itself…depersonalization… Shock… you’re in shock! Snap out of it! She yelled at herself. “Because that’s not her name.” His voice was next to her now, almost silky, deadly. “Is it? Elizabeth.” She managed to turn her head to look at him. His face was still covered, which didn’t help, but she knew his emotion without needing to see his face, everything else told it. “Um.” Ezekiel’s voice cut in, “What’s going on?” “I would love to know as well.” Jim’s expression was hidden but she had no doubt he was giving her a death stare. Ashford tried to distract him again, “You think you know her-” Jim cut him off. “Of course I know her…. She’s my wife.” Body…really? You had to pick now to be a totally disconnected state? Because…that might just get us killed. “Your wife, hmm?” “Yes…she made her choice.” Part of her wanted to laugh bitterly at the statement. Choice? He made it sound like she had been given a real option. Oh no…. he’d given her the choice between marrying what appeared to be the devil or eternity in hell. If she was going to think with that symbolism, she might as well hope the devil remembered what he’d been before and how to act it. All she could hope for was it wasn’t the worse of the two. Maybe she would be lucky and it would go more of Persephone and Hades, where the more recent interpretations of the story was that she had willingly gone to the underworld, was treated as an equal and loved, and the marriage was actually a very happy one. But those were only stories. This was real. “You’re rather quiet about all of this Elizabeth.” “I’m kinda in major shock over here.” Is that not obvious? “Kinda… though you were dead, suddenly not so much….big deal to the system.” “I thought you were dead, and yet here you are. You have anything you want to add to that, Elizabeth?” She watched what features she could, studying them, re-studying them. She knew that voice, Jim had a way of speaking she found unique, to almost constantly sound calm as an overall tone. You could hear his emotions if you listened carefully, but overall it came off as an almost creepy stillness. “It’s true….I thought you were dead.” Yeah…that’s…so helpful….good job brain…. “You thought I was dead?” She nodded. “For all this time…you thought I was dead? Did you even look for me?” She nodded again. “You must not have looked very hard.” She sighed in frustration. So much had happened, so quickly. How could she explain it? His voice was an accusation, “I had people looking for you, for months.” “I’m sorry…I don’t know how they didn’t find me.” Maybe they weren’t looking very hard. “Why didn’t you wait for me?” “I thought you were dead! What was I supposed to wait for?” “The only thing this sounds like, is that you used it as an opportunity to run away. Now that you’ve been found, you’re trying to make an excuse to cover that up.” “I did not!” “Really?” She was angry now, being accused of something she didn’t do, that she knew could get her killed, or far worse. He was also using typical manipulation in his favor. He’d done things ‘no one else would have’, that were ‘kind’, but ‘she was throwing it in his face’ and ‘being ungrateful’. Of course, make him the victim, the worried, valiant, dutiful husband. She had heard those bullshit tactics since before she could stand. Emotions welled up and everything just tumbled out, trying to get the story out before Jim could cut her off again. She felt her face flush red and tears welling in her eyes. “The explosion happened, I thought you were dead, all hell broke loose! The stupid fire caught onto the gasoline and went out of control. Some of the women I was with, fought back, and I guess won? I don’t know, suddenly everyone was shooting. I tried to hide in the corner but it didn’t work. Bullets were everywhere. I tried to go towards the guards but they thought I was someone trying to escape. I was trying to explain but they wouldn’t listen!” Jim tried to cut her off again, but she yelled over him. “I got shot!” To prove she wasn’t lying she quickly pulled her jeans back on her right leg and twisted slightly; revealing the back of her calf and graft scar from the exit wound. He hesitated slightly at seeing it while Ezekiel and Ashford cringed. “Why didn’t you go back?” “I got shot.” She felt hot tears falling down her face and sobs starting. Any trust in him she’d had he had shattered all at once at his betrayal. She didn’t know if he’d keep his word to her. If he was dead and she went back, what kept his men from raping and enslaving her? She was 16, she was supposed to be getting her driver’s license and normal things, but no she was forced into a marriage to someone she barely knew and was terrified of. Who was alsoresponsible for the deaths of hundreds of people who she had been close to, she’d watched most of them die right in front of her. She had to be a bride to some kind of warlord, in the apocalypse. She’d just wanted her dad, and to be safe. Of course, he was going to use it against her. “I don’t know what you want me to have done! I’m sorry!” She almost broke down. “I was 16! I was scared! I was a fucking teenager, in the middle of warzone. The explosion happened, I thought you were dead, I got separated, and then they started firing at us. I got shot and knew they wouldn’t listen, what the hell did you want me to do? I did the only thing I could think of, I ran!” “Why didn’t you go back?” “They’d already shot me once! I thought you were dead, how was I supposed to know what they would do if I tried to go back? Get shot again? Enslaved? Worse? I was 16, I was scared and I panicked. Of course I ran away, I didn’t know what else to do. Plus all the noise and explosion drew thousands of infected to the area…” Her voice broke and she choked back sobs. She threw her hands up in a defensive and exhausted motion. “I don’t know what you expected me to do, I was 16…I was young and I was scared! I don’t know what it is you want me to say…” Jim watched her quietly, thinking. The room was silent for a time. “So even if… you were 16, terrified, shot, and ran off…. You didn’t once ask about me?” “I thought you were dead! I didn’t know what the point would have been.” “All this time and you’ve never heard my name mentioned? Not once?” She shook her head. “I find that very hard to believe.” Jim was slowly walking in a semi-circle so that he was now facing her. She noticed Ashford had a pistol in his hand and looked ready to pounce…how long had it been there… please don’t do something stupid….Jims automatic gun had never left his hands. He didn’t look amused. Ashford tried to cut in again, only for Jim to snap at him to be quiet. “How long have you been in country?” “A few days …” “You just arrived in country a few days ago?” She nodded. “You haven’t once happened to ask about me? Or hear my name?” Be careful, be very careful. If he was going into a state of rage as his body indicated, this could turn really bad, really fast. At the moment he was at least listening. The problem with rage though, was that it cut mental communication and processing, pushing the body to react, not to think. It had only been a few days, she had mentioned him, she had heard of him maybe three times, all within maybe two days. None of it good. But she didn’t think he would care. People never process shock and confusion, they never factor it in. It would immediately turn into ‘why didn’t you pick up a radio, immediately?’ There would be no good answer to that. That would set him into more of a rage and then they were all dead. Keep him calm… she didn’t know, she really didn’t. She hadn’t known what to think about any of it, and being confused and scared made it worse, it wouldn’t be an excuse to him. It wasn’t like she had been trying to avoid him. She had decided to take two or three days to herself, and was trying to collect her thoughts to be able to talk to him and try to make sense of everything…but she knew that wouldn’t matter. No one had ever actually stated his name around her though, it was only after she mentioned their incident of meeting. “I got here, I was going around towns, ran into some people, ended up getting attacked by an infected and knocked out, brought to their camp and stayed. No one mentioned you in passing, I thought you were dead so I had no reason to mention you.” Jim glanced at Ashford who shrugged. “I had no reason to mention you to the lady.” He turned back to her with a head tilt. He wasn’t buying it…at the same time… this appeared to be seriously hurting his ego. If it wasn’t such a dangerous situation she would have found it amusing. Ashford tried to change the subject. She was worried, she knew he was only trying to protect her. But she’d already asked him several times to not do anything that would result in him or his people getting hurt. He was determined though, they already didn’t have a very friendly relationship with Jim and he didn’t want to see her put through anything more against her will. But he didn’t understand, it wasn’t that easy to just walk away and disappear. Or to say you could protect someone. Not from a man like this. She’d learned that the hard way when she had first met him. “What is with you and my personal life? Get out of my personal life, this has nothing to do with you.” Jim was probably glaring at Ashford. “I’m trying to have a conversation with my wife.” “Well she looks upset, maybe she doesn’t want to have a conversation with you.” Poor Ezekiel just stood in the corner, eyes darting around at the various people talking. Jim took a few steps and stood next to her, facing Ashford. “Elizabeth… your friend here is really starting to get on my nerves. He’s not listening to me. I would highly suggest that you get him to listen to you...” She sighed and looked at Ashford exasperated. It looked like he just wanted to shoot the man, not a good idea. “PLEASE. Ashford, it’s alright. It’s okay… just, please…” Ashford made an unhappy noise that sounded like a growl, Jim responded the same. "PLEASE, OH COME ON, WE’RE ALL ADULTS HERE! ASHFORD, JIM. I don’t want this to get violent, it doesn’t have to… this doesn’t have to be violent! He’s not going to do anything…please…it’s okay….it’s really okay…..” She was practically begging him. “Yes, see…” Jim hesitated, “wait a minute…” then started laughing. “You think….you think that I’m going to hurt her? Her? Of all people?” Ashford’s expression didn’t ease, making Jim laugh a bit harder. The odd part was he really did seem to find the thought absurd. Why would he find it absurd though? He could be ruthless and merciless, why did the idea of him hurting her seem so out of place? Had he really come to care so much for her after so little time? Was he even capable of that emotion? “You really think I’d hurt her? My wife? Have you not noticed?” He paused to glance at her and back. “No…she’s special…I wouldn’t hurt her. Have you not noticed that she’s been getting away with things I’d have shot or killed anyone else for by now? Of course I’m not going to hurt her.” He genuinely seemed to think the thought hilarious, she wasn’t sure what to make of that. Ashford glanced back and forth again, sighing slightly. “Ten minutes. I’ll give you ten minutes of privacy.” He started for the door, glancing back he tried to finish, “If you’re still talking in ten minutes-” “If I’m still talking in ten minutes, then I’m still talking.” Jim nearly shut the door on Ashford. Ezekiel still was in the corner, Jim didn’t seem to care about him being around. “Jeez…what is with that guy?” He leaned against the wall near Ezekiel, watching her carefully. “Elizabeth… you made a vow…a very, special vow. You broke that vow, you ran away.” “I did not!” She nearly screamed at him. Actually; she specifically remembered having a gag in her mouth at the time, Jim pinning her to the ground by straddling her, and having some creepy guy not give her a chance to speak. Although she wouldn’t have had anything to say if they did give her the chance. She hadn’t made any actual vow. Well, she’d physically accepted Jim’s offer, but she never spoke a vow. Definitely not a good idea to bring that up though. He studied her some more, sighing. “Alright, I want to start this from the beginning.” She watched quietly as he shifted and looked at her. “Start again, from us meeting.” “Well… you infiltrated the compound I was at…” “Oh yeah! Oh my god that was so hard!” He laughed again, nearly doubling over. “Oh my god, Ezekiel, you know how hard it is for me to not hit people when they’re not in line right?” “Um….yeah.” “Oh my god.” He laughed again as though it was an extremely funny memory, or telling a joke. She just felt anger. He looked up at her, “Yeah, how long was I there again?” “Three weeks…” anger filled her voice. It had to have been three, they wouldn’t have let him do anything or go anywhere alone for a week. It had been two weeks in between him becoming a guard and the razing. “Yeah, yeah… I infiltrated this place, for three weeks…no one had any idea…no one…not even her…do you have ANY IDEA how hard that was? Not smacking someone senseless?” Ezekiel laughed nervously. “Well… you did get to throw that one guy out of the medical ward that one time…that was kind of funny…” she couldn’t deny that one time. “Oh yeah! That was great.” Jim laughed harder, which in turn made her laugh a bit. That one instance was a funny memory. “Then the attack happened…” “Yes, everything went great…” She couldn’t hold her anger back, she really wanted to slap him across the face. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t great. It was horrible. People had died, innocent people, violently. Why? Because others wanted to take their supplies? Because they were incapable of doing shit for themselves? “You fucking killed nearly a quarter of the people there!” Probably closer to all of them…. Jim sighed and looked at her, his voice had a slight whine to it as he drew out the sounds of her name. “Beth… we went over this… they wouldn’t cooperate… I didn’t have time to ..break…them… they had to die.” She glared angrily at him. He dismissed the stare, shaking his head. “So, question.” “What?” He turned his head so he was looking directly at her. “Did you cheat on me?” “What? Are you fucking serious?” She felt shock at the question. Really? Wow that felt like a double standard. Of course she hadn’t, she hadn’t cared about boys at all, she was trying to survive and find her dad. If he had cheated on her, would he have used the excuse of thinking her dead to act as a cover? It felt like he was trying to nudge her into a trap. Sarcasm took over to keep her from crying. “Yes, Jim. I totally had a fling with a guy down in the Caribbean.” Fucking glasses and mask, she couldn’t tell an expression, which of course was the point. He was being rather quiet though. Come on Jim… you have a brain in there, I know you do… put it together… apocalypse, no travel… how the fuck could I get to the Caribbean? “For fucks sake really? Come on! NO! I never cheated on you! It was a joke…” Jim just stared at her, “I dunn-” “NO! I didn’t!” She watched him study her for another moment before enforcing it angrily. “No!” Did he? “Keep going.” She sighed and repeated the story as it had happened, the same as before. He walked over and sat closer to her, watching her intently the whole time, his head tilted slightly. After a bit Ashford came back in, and settled against the wall after effectively being told to fuck off by Jim when he tried to interrupt again. Ezekiel was quiet in the corner as usual. About halfway he tried to cut her off, saying he didn’t believe her. Agitated she yelled at him, “Can I please finish the fucking story before you actually make a decision?!” He stared at her, annoyed or amused, she couldn’t tell. “Yes… finish the story.” “Thank you.” She quickly finished her side of what had happened. He was either going to believe it or not, she couldn’t do anything more. He thought for a few minutes. “So what were you doing, that led you into this country?” “Looking for my dad.” “Oh yeah…whatever did happen to your pops?” “I don’t know.” He was staring at her again. Seriously, she wondered, if she had found him, what the hell would she be doing here? They’d be somewhere far away no doubt. Obviously together. She didn’t decide to just go gallivanting around the country at her leisure. “Elizabeth… you know I abhor liars…” She looked at him confused. “I’m not lying!” “Elizabeth…” warning voice. “I’m not lying to you! I don’t know where he is!” Why wasn’t he believing anything she said? Wait… no this is a test, she realized. He was repeatedly rearranging the same questions. Simple tactic really, it worked. Someone lying would have to remember all the details of the lie. By rearranging the various words, the person didn’t realize they were being asked the same things over and over. Usually this led to a mistake as a detail would be changed. Then it would just put them into a downward spiral trying to cover it up. Well it wasn’t going to work, because she wasn’t lying to him. Ashford spoke up; “She’s speaking the truth, she’s been asking about him since she came into our care.” Jim glanced at Ashford, studying him a moment, then looking back at her. Stepping forward a bit, he watched her some more. “Well…if it’s any comfort to you, I didn’t see his body among the dead at the camp.” She nodded quietly, not sure what to think. “So now what do you intend to do with her?” Ashford glanced at Jim. Jim turned back, his voice confused. “What do you mean, what am I going to do with her? I don’t control her, she’s free to do whatever she wants to do.” Uh-ha…. Right…. Called an invisible leash… Ashford had the same though by his expression. “Why do you think… okay…look…” He sighed and turned to face her again. “Elizabeth, I’ll give you a choice again…” Of course he would, and both of them already knew the answer, any other answer would have disastrous consequences. His voice was gentle, like a caress, calm, slow. Also higher pitched, like he was speaking to a loved one. “Elizabeth… you made a choice before… and last time… you picked the right choice.” Emphasis placed via pitch on ‘right’. Of course she did. “I know what you want, and I’m not stupid…I’ll stay.” “I’m going to give you another choice. What is it you want to do? You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to.” Ashford immediately started talking and it sounded like everyone was trying to talk over each other. Taking a deep breath and feeling numb, she had to shout over all of them to quiet them, she kept her eyes on Jim, her voice quieting. She knew what this was, they all did. “I know… I know what the right answer is… what you want…I won’t leave… I’ll stay. I’ll stay with you.” Jim turned shrugged at Ashford, “See? That wasn’t so difficult. You heard her, she made a choice.” Ashford was still glaring daggers, she didn’t blame him. Even Ezekiel was starting to look a bit odd expression wise in the corner. “Only, I haven’t decided if I forgive you yet.” Ashford made the same exasperated and annoyed groan that she did. He paced a bit as he spoke. “See on one hand, maybe this was all true. Explosion happened, you really did think I was dead, you got hurt, were scared, and kept running. IF that’s the case… I can’t really be mad at you, considering it wasn’t really your fault. Also a pretty understandable reaction. But on the other hand…this could all be one big lie… hmm…decisions, decisions…” He paced around for a few moments, muttering quickly and repeatedly to himself. Stirring suspense and anxiety she knew, he had his mind made up before this. “What to do…what to do….” He turned and looked at her. “Hmmm….I guess…I’ll forgive you…. Under one condition.” He added quickly. Of course there was a condition. “What?” her voice was calm. “I want you to apologize to me, and I want you to mean it.” His body language told her he was looking at her intently. He was studying her body language as much as she was his, waiting to catch a mistake, a lie. She was definitely going to have to do something about the facial attire the next time they had a talk about something. Cementing his position as the one wounded and wronged, yep. Figured as much. Kind of hard to apologize for something you never did. She sighed and thought, trying to get the words together before she spoke. Calming herself, she spoke genuinely, even if he didn’t believe it. A bit of sarcasm did sneak through, just from the sheer audacity of the request. He’d never apologized to her, nor did she doubt would he. He had her right where he wanted her. She wasn’t going to lie though either. “I’m sorry…that when all of this went crazy…that I got scared, and ran away. That because I thought you were dead, I’d been shot, and was terrified, that I didn’t go back to camp. Where I figured your men would brutalize me for the fun of it as they’d already shot me. Or that due to thinking you were dead, and didn’t ask anyone about you. I’m sorry my actions made you upset.” He sighed, and was no doubt giving her a look. He shook his head slightly. “Elizabeth…really? Come on now, I know you can do better than that. Try again.” “Oh, for god’s sakes, the woman apologized!” Thank you, Ashford. “She can do better-” “You asked her to apologize and she did. Don’t make the woman grovel. You asked for an apology and she gave you one,” Ashford protested, Ezekiel quietly agreed from the corner. “Ugh fine…I accept.” Her fears were only confirmed slightly later, Ashford had gone outside, and they'd been talking. She forgot exactly about what but his response confirmed her being a possession, not a choice. "Well, Elizabeth, either we can continue however. Or you can admit that all of this, was one big lie. But then I'd have to put a bullet in your skull Elizabeth, and I really don't want to do that. I know you don't want to be shot either." Of course you'd put a bullet in my head, she though. You don't want to? You would still do it. Of course, any choice but him ended with a bullet and death. I never asked for any of this, she thought. You put me here. You put me into this whole situation, you could have let me run, but no. Some part of you decided to claim me. No, I’m not groveling to you for something that I have no reason to apologize for. I’ll accept making you worry and upset, if that was even true, but not anything else. Whatever it was had to be nothing compared to how afraid he made her feel. She wasn’t going to be some medieval princess; removed from her home, family, friends, culture, and language. Married to someone she didn’t know, who she couldn’t understand, who didn’t care about her wellbeing. Only that she had babies while he ran off to give all and any attention or affection to some mistress. Expecting her to be miserable. Be put in isolation, ignored, in a foreign world, foreign people, left to be ruthlessly mocked and ridiculed for who she was, not one of them. To live out her days in misery. She certainly wasn’t going to allow the behavior and abuse her mother and she had endured. Marriage meant equality. If he expected a nurturing wife, then fine. She could do that, but he better prove it to her too. He’d better keep the promises he made. She was an equal, not someone battered around and expected to sit, wait, and do whatever she was told. She could never be okay with what he did to people, she couldn’t accept the cruelty of it, but nor could she change it. He was right about the steel underneath though, some people had glimpsed it heated and gone running in fear. He’d known about that though…he’d seen her temper, her rage…even her grief. Yet even now…he was letting her snap at him. To be sarcastic and angry with him, and he wasn’t retaliating or punishing for it. He was letting her get her rage and pain out, calmly continuing to the next subject…simply…accepting it? She wasn’t sure. It made her stand there more confused. Why? Why would he accept that behavior if she wasn’t an equal? It was obvious he was trying to come out on a more dominant position but she would fight that tooth and nail. Her whole life had been so fucked up with relationships. She wasn’t going to let this one be too. Maybe, by some miracle it would work? Or she’d just end up with a bullet in her head, by his hand or her own. She was even more baffled by his later response. She figured he would keep her with him, yet he knew she wouldn’t like running around and getting shot at all the time. He said she could come with him, but he knew she would be safer and happier with the Cavalier’s. They both agreed it would make more sense for her to continue staying with them, even if he wasn’t there. She was emotionally exhausted and confused by the end of it. All she could do was hope, maybe it wouldn’t be the endless nightmare she thought it was going to be. Maybe there was more to Jim than the cruelty he’d shown. He had shown kindness, even if she didn’t know if it had been an act or not. Maybe.

"and my bow!" *turning off the radio she laughs, amused. Then speaks to herself "Okay... he may have gotten a cool point for that.." *hitting the ptt again* "Sorry, had to... now what the fuck is going on?"

wow! this is awesome!!!!

*Beth goes sheet white at hearing the noise and listens in absolute horror* "Oh my god what... STOP IT! Please!" *turning off the transmission she takes a few deep breaths, eyes tearing up and lip trembling, determined to not let her fear show. After she has herself composed again she pressed the ptt* "For fuck's sake.... you know, having someone come and teach me I mean NOT having you beat the hell out of them, or show up and hurt someone, or someone you found on the way, or whatever you can come up with for 'experience'. I have plenty of that. I'd like to just have a nice sit down and talk with the poor man, without anyone being injured or threatened in the process. Not that damn complicated or hard. Pretty sure if I was ex-girl I'd have a bullet in my skull and not be among the living... Also I thought if he was going to come visit it would just be him? Kinda hard to get to know someone on a one on one basis when they're with people... no offence of course... just doesn't make much sense ya know? Hubby knows where I'm at..." *turning off the ptt she takes several more breaths, brushing tears away. She forces an expression of 'everything's fine' at a man walking past in camouflage. He stops and looks at her suspiciously, raising an eyebrow in question. When she doesn't change her response he frowns looking concerned but continues on his way.*

"Oh... I didnt realize he was really busy, of course I don't want to bother him. Okay! I have no idea when I'll come visit, but I look forward to seeing you again! "

"Thank you... I was kind of hoping to you know, AVOID being traumatized more? Thus staying more or less where I am... "

*the voice of a young woman, maybe in her late teens appears* "You know who you are... you never gave me a frequency for you. So if something happens and I can't contact you, you're not allowed to be mad at me or the people I'm with. I'm joking by the way, everything is perfectly fine. But point made, don't forget next time please. I was wondering.... you mentioned someone, a doctor? I was wondering as you seem to be... commandeering.... his skills... if maybe, occasionally, you could leave him with me? Pretty please? I'd love to learn from him. Obviously something that takes awhile, but, it would be nice. So.... ugh.... yeah.... try not to burn down the county or something... bye!"

totally thumbs up too @Hope hahahaha thus the fistbump in game lol

Had lots of fun with @Aristocrat @Hope @Otter @Undead & Bastian crew & Ezekiel!