At one point I had a normal life. We could have never imagined what was to come. But let me start from the beginning. I grew up in the shittiest part of Amsterdam. How shitty? just how you imagine it, dirty as fuck and rats all over the place. It was disgusting but there was always one little star in that shit hole; my mother. My mother was always my icon growing up. I didn't really have a father you know, he left me and my mother when I was 2 years old. The only thing I remember about him was how he was holding me as a baby in one of our home video's my mother filmed. Yeah yeah I know, daddy issues and everything. What can I say, I never really missed him. I spent most of my youth living with my grandmother as my mother wasn't around much. She was hanging with the bad kind of people you know. Drugs, alcohol, guns and you name it and she was involved. She couldn't take care of me, but I never blamed her for it. She was young and got herself in a situation where she couldn't care for me, couldn't give me attention. But that didn't stop young me from trying to get her attention. As a young kid I would constantly get into trouble to get my mother to pay attention to me. Anywhere from fighting my classmates to destroying all kinds of shit. That was the only way she would pay attention to me. As I grew older, the things I would do to get attention would become more serious. One day I got in a fight with this fat kid from my class. He called my mother a crackhead and a whore and I couldn't take it. I kinda just went in a blind rage and I kicked him on the ground. I would grab his face and just started slamming it into the stone floor. I was strangling him, you know strangling him like I wanted to kill him. He was bleeding all over the place as the teacher pulled me off of the kid. The poor kid got so fucked up that he had to get rushed to the hospital. Not even sure if he survived to be honest. Obviously this got me kicked out of high school instantly but I still stand by it. Nobody talks like that about my mother, EVER. After that little “incident” they decided to send me to this christian boarding school somewhere on the other side of the country. I really didn’t want to go but it was this or prison they said. God if only I knew what was about to happen in that fucking place, I would have picked prison for sure. But at the time christian boarding school sounded like the best option. I spend a total of 2 years in this boarding school. And god… the things they did to me…, you wouldn’t believe it. These were the bad type of Christians. The extreme orthodox Christians. Believe it or not but they claimed that I was under the influence of Satan himself. They said could “cure” me. Obviously all of this was all bullshit. They were all brainwashed by religion. They were blind to what was really going on in the world. You could almost call it a cult to be honest. After the 2 years of being forced in this christian boarding school I finally got released. I turned 18 and there was nothing in their power to make me stay. So I left there as soon as it hit midnight on the day of my birthday. I spend all night walking and lifting home with strangers. I wanted to see my mother as I haven’t seen her in 2 years. I think it was around 4am when I got home. The light was still on but I didn’t hear any noise so I just walked in. Uhmmmm well…. there she was, my mother. She was laying there on the ground. A needle in her arm. I instantly knew what has happened. I was afraid this day would be coming any day, but when it was finally here I couldn’t believe it. She had overdosed on heroin. I ran over to her body and started shouting her name. But there was no response. The body was cold as I tried to get her to talk. I realized she was gone. The most important person in my life was just gone like that. I couldn’t deal with that, so I just ran away. I couldn’t stay here. I needed to start over. And that's how I managed to get into this shit hole of a country. I got the bus station that night trying to find a way to just leave. I didn’t care to where, but I just wanted to get as far away as I could. So I tried to hitchhike. I stood there next to the road with my thumb in the air for hours until it became light again. I felt like I stood there for hours before a red van just stopped there. Right in front of me. I remember a lady opening her window and asking me if I needed a ride. She seemed kind so I got into the van with her and her husband. They were traveling around Europe as they didn’t have a place they called home. They told me stories about the places they visited and the exciting adventures they went on. We talked for hours before they even asked me where I needed to go. I told them I just needed to get out of here. I didn’t want to tell why but they gave me a look as they understood me. I end up spending about two years traveling with them and meeting all kinds of people along the way. We sometimes would stop at a campsite and camp for a few days, smoke some weed and make music. You know, just having some fun. And then one day we get to this country, Chernarus. We get to this campsite somewhere in the woods. It was the best time of my life and then I met her; Sasha. She was one of the other people on the campsite. I first met her at one of the campfire nights. There were a bunch of people playing guitar songs and having fun as I noticed she was sitting all alone. So I sat down next to her. We both didn’t speak until I broke the silence. I remember saying something stupid about the campfire or something. I didn’t wanna say nothing because I was attracted to her. We ended up talking for the whole night. She was a runaway kid from Russia. Her parents abused her when she was growing up and one night she decided to run away. She ended up here, with me. We instantly fell in love. After a while we decided to stay here and try to build a new life here, together. We spend some time on the campsite until we decided to get married. We wanted to get away from people, get a place for ourselves. One day I heard news of some abandoned shack somewhere in the woods. Me and Sasha decided to check it out and after a hike for about 2 hours we made it to the cabin. It was deserted and run down. Or at least what was left of the cabin. But it was perfect for us. Our little project. It was a rough time for us, fixing up the cabin from a wreck. But we did it. For about two years we enjoyed a simple life together. Hunting for food and hiking almost every day. Life was good. Then one rainy morning everything changed. I went out to hunt and gather some firewood for that evening. I grabbed my hunting rifle and my backpack and I kissed Sasha on her forehead like I always did. I went out for a couple of hours, but I didn’t get lucky and returned with just some firewood. When I was almost at the house, I heard a horrible scream. It was Sasha. I can still hear that scream in my nightmares. I started sprinting back to the house in a sheer panic. Sweating and holding tightly to my rifle I stormed back inside. There I saw something to changed my life. My wife, on the ground, being eaten alive by something out of a horror movie. Screaming and dredged in blood, she shouted for help. I didn’t have a moment of doubt and fired a bullet straight into the body of this monster. But it seemed to ignore it. A second shot to the head finally killed the horrible monstrosity. It was too late tho. She was dead. My beloved wife. The only one who understood me. Gone… I couldn’t stand the place anymore. So after I buried my wife, I had to run away. Again… I spend the next days wandering around the forest, empty. I didn’t know what to do. Her cries were haunting me. I could still hear her scream. I could still see her imagine when I closed my eyes. I thought about ending it all you know. But I couldn’t do it. I could never bring myself to take the leap, or to pull the trigger. One day I was walking through the woods as I see this group of people walk straight towards me. I couldn’t make out their faces as it was dark at night. I was terrified and wanted to get out of there, I just wanted to run. But I couldn’t. When they got closed I saw that they were fully loaded. I'm talking heavy machine guns and shit. They were wearing black masks with skulls on it. It was a sight straight from a horror movie. They asked me for my name and where I was going. I didn’t feel like telling them about Sasha so I just lie and tell them I’m searching for food. I think they noticed I was lying because next thing I know I get a swift punch in the head from one of the guys. When I woke up I was laying in a barn. I tried to move but I was tied up. I saw them. They were sitting around a campfire, laughing and drinking. Once they noticed I was up the whole mood instantly switched. They had the picture of Sasha that I always kept with me. They held it in front of my eyes. Toying with me like I wasn’t even human. I didn’t feel human anymore. They tortured me and made me do all sorts of fucked up things. Just for their entertainment. I was their slave, their toy. I lost everything that made me human. That's when I ate my first human meat you know. They made me eat my own eyeball. They gauged it out after giving me some sort of drug that I didn't die. I was disgusted at first but they forced me to do it.... But what they wouldn’t expect is that I started to find enjoyment in the pain. It made me feel something. Every time they burned me or cut me, I would feel alive. More alive then I had ever felt. I started to embrace the darkness as it was forced upon me. One night I saw my chance to escape. They were all passed at drunk next to the campfire. They had killed a poor guy that they ran into that day and feasted on his body. You could still smell the flesh as it was burning above the fire. Its smell was enchanting. I managed to break free from my shackles. I was finally a free man. But I couldn’t just leave. I had to express my vengeance. So I proceeded to get a knife from one of the guy’s backpack and I murdered them all. One by one I took their lives. I loved the feeling of my knife entering their bodies. The blood, the pain, the control. It got me in a state of ecstasy. But it wasn’t enough. I had no respect for these individuals. I didn’t even see them as people anymore. I needed to feel ultimate power. This was accomplished by eating their flesh, eating their flesh. I cut pieces of their legs and arms and proceeded to roast them above the campfire. I even saved the best for last, the eyeball. It was delicious. I felt like a god. On the top of the food chain. And where does that leave us? Just you and me in this barn, around this campfire. And why am I telling you all of this? Why am I telling you all my deepest darkest secrets? Well, it’s not like you will be able to tell anybody once you are inside of me, now can you?