*If you were to find this journal, it would be worn and old, with the following written on the inside cover*
If I'm dead, read this if you're bored and maybe it'll interest you...
If I'm alive, stop touching my shit
October 30th, 2017
It’s been a few months since everything started. I found this journal in a house west of Chernogorsk (Really don’t know if I’m spelling that right) and I figured I’d start writing in it when I can. If someone finds this maybe it’ll help them pass the time or some shit. Anyway, my name’s Will and I’m from the U.S., Colorado specifically but I don’t even know if any Chernarussians would know where the hell that is. Anyway, up to this point I haven’t done anything too remarkable with my life. A year ago I graduated from college with a Marketing degree and before that I went to High School in a small town North of Denver. My parents were great, my dad was a man’s man, always trying to toughen me up, and my mom was a saint. I had a girlfriend I met while in college, but I doubt I’ll ever get back to see her. As far as how I got here well, I was kind of aimless after I graduated college, and I thought backpacking across Europe would be a way to figure out what the hell I was gonna do with my life. Hell of a time to try and “find myself”. Anyway I should probably get moving before it gets dark. I’ve been staying around this city since everything started and I want to see if I can find anyone that doesn’t look like they want to kill me. I’ll try to keep this thing updated semi-frequently.
November 20th, 2017
Alright so thank god I left that trash pile of a city when I did. I've been staying in the country side looking for food in farmhouses and cabins for the past month, but I headed back south a bit and about 3 miles before I could even see Cherno there was a giant plume of smoke. Once I got closer it looked like half the city was on fire. I couldn't believe it, it was like something out of a nightmare with entire city blocks just up in flames. I camped out on a hill to the north and as I'm writing this the flames are finally starting to go down. It's weird, if this would have happened a year ago it would've been deemed one of the worst disasters in modern history, but for all I know only a handful of people even know about it. I hope no one was burned alive, I gotta imagine that's probably the worst possible way to die, except maybe drowning.
December 24th, 2017
Damn it's getting cold. Nothing has stuck on the ground yet but it's been snowing on and off for a few days now. It's weird, even though I'm thousands of miles from home, when I walk through the woods with the snow falling I can just imagine I'm back home hunting with my dad. Speaking of that I finally got a decent gun. It's some kind of AK variant that takes 7.62, which I only know how to use because I've shot one before with friends back home. Even though it's amazing to have I never thought about how heavy a gun actually gets when you carry it around all goddamn day. This thing feels like I'm carrying a sack of rocks on my shoulder. Not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth though, thank god for paranoid Chernarussians with arsenals in their basement. Oh, if anyone finds this, Merry Christmas by the way.
January 29th, 2018
My previous comments on the cold were nothing compared to this shit. It's like the coldest day back home every goddamn day. Only good news is there's little to know snow actually collecting on the ground, meaning it's still easy to walk from place to place. I've pretty much wandered through the backwoods of the country since I left Cherno, and only know my basic location every time I stumble across a small town I can find on my map. I've seen people a few times, but I just kinda stay hidden and out of their line of site, except for one today. There was a lady with a kid walking down a road. She had some kind of hunting rifle on her back but other than that it could've just looked like any mother taking their daughter on a walk. She saw me looking at her from on top of a hill and turned around with, protecting her kid by putting her own body between me and here. I felt bad for scaring them, but I'm glad to know there's still decent people still alive.
March 3rd, 2018
I actually talked to a human being for the first time today in what feels like years. His name is Miller and he speaks at least a little bit of English. We met when I was going through some pretty thick woods and we just sort of ran into each other. I kind of panicked and pointed my AK at him. He just stood there with a blank expression on this face until I said "English", which he replied with "A little". He explained that he was a farmer that lived just down the road and was just collecting firewood. I apologized for pointing my gun at him and explained why the hell he ran into an American in the middle of the woods 8 months into an apocalypse. We eventually were able to trust each other enough after a few minutes of talking for him to invite me to his home for some food. His only deal was that he held my gun until I left. Seeing as I hadn't eaten since yesterday I took him up on the offer and prayed to god he didn't shoot me the second I handed him the gun. Luckily he didn't, and after going back and having some stew and bread, which was the best tasting thing I've eaten in months, he let me sleep in a cot for the night in his living room. As I lay here writing this it feels like best night of sleep I'll ever get.
March 4th, 2018
*The writing would be visibly less precise than previous entries, with words being harder to understand*
I killed someone. I didn't want to, I wish that I hadn't, but I did. The guy I was staying with, Miller, had some guy come to his door in the middle of the night. He looked like he was in some kind of military uniform. After laying in my cot for a few minutes trying to make out what the hell they were saying, which I didn't, I heard a gunshot. I didn't know what to do, I was freaking the fuck out. I went in the room I saw Miller sleeping in earlier and grabbed my gun. I walked to the door with it up, and just saw this guy, picking through Miller's pockets as he lay there, barely alive with a bullet wound in the stomach. Panicking, I shot the man. It was in the head, and it was over in a second. I stood there for what felt like hours contemplating what I just did. When I finally realized Miller wasn't dead yet I crouched down and tried to comfort him in any way I could. He looked up at me with the saddest expression I've ever seen and just said, "Run". I got up, grabbed my backpack, and ran from that place faster than I've ever run my entire life. I don't know why I'm writing all this, I don't know if anyone will ever even read it, but I just needed to tell someone, tell myself, tell god, that I didn't want to do it, that I wish I didn't do it and that it was justified.
August 18th, 2018
So it's kind of been a while since I updated this thing. After that night I spent a few days alone in the woods, not eating and just drinking out of a stream by my sleeping bag. I thought I was gonna die, that I deserved to die. Eventually a group of people, 2 girls named Arina and Setzi, and 3 guys named Ivan, Peter, and Charlie came across me. Charlie was actually American and listened to me as I told him about everything that happened. He said that the man at the door was part of a group of thugs that dress up in military uniforms and exploit the locals that are still alive in the countryside. He spoke what seemed to be perfect Chernarussian to the rest of his group and got me some food and water that didn't taste like cat piss. They stayed with me in my camp that night and we talked about who we were and where we're from. The next morning they let me come with them. It was weird being with people 24/7 after being alone for so long. It was like I had forgotten the sound of my own voice. I've been with them for 5 months now I and I actually feel happy again, like I have some kind of purpose and that I'm not just living for the sake of it. Charlie's teaching me Chernarussian so I can talk to the rest of the group easier, since most of the expressions I know involve "fuck" or "shit". I'm gonna get some sleep though, we're going through Stary Sober tomorrow to see what we can find.
September 19th, 2018
I think it's been a year now since everything's started. 1 whole year of living in a foreign country with a bunch of dead people walking around hoping that today won't be your last day alive. What a way to live. Anyway, Setzi, Ivan, and Peter left the little group we were in. Me, Arina, and Charlie initially were shocked. We just camped out one night like usual and when we woke up they were gone. We looked around thinking they were gathering or something and even waited here all day hoping they'd come back. Charlie thinks they left because they were all ex-military and that we were weighing them down. I can't really disagree with him, I'm a 25 year old guy with a marketing degree, Charlie's a 28 year old translator who worked in the big hotel in Chernogorsk, and Arina is a 22 year old girl who worked on her family's farm before this. Needless to say our odds of surviving the next few days just dropped a shitload. Gonna get some sleep and hope they com back by the time we wake up.
October 1st, 2018
So they didn't come back...but we're also still alive more than a week later so I'll chalk it up to a win. Gonna keep it short today, this sucks. We're having a lot harder time finding shit and we're not brave enough to go in towns with just the 3 of us. Luckily we killed a deer so tonight we'll actually get something to eat that isn't goddamn mushrooms.
October 4th, 2018
Arina is dead...
October 7th, 2018
So I guess I should elaborate on that last entry a bit, I just couldn't do it till now. We finally worked up the courage to go into a town, I think it was called Grishino or something, and while we were all looking through different parts of it me and Charlie heard a gunshot. When me and Charlie got out onto the street we saw a man looking through Arina's backpack while he stood over her corpse. After the last man I killed I thought I never could again, that put in that situation again I'd die before taking a life, but me and Charlie put our entire mags into that mother fucker. Unlike Miller there was no poetic final moment with Arina. She was just laying there, cold, with a blank expression over her eyes. We buried her in a field just outside the town, it was nice, better grave than I would expect given everything that's happening. I hadn't cried since I killed that man in Miller's home, but I balled like a baby that night.
October 27th, 2018
Me and Charlie are finally getting used to Arina being gone. We've become an amazing team at this point. We're able to get in and out of a town in 10 minutes flat with any food or supplies that we can carry. I'd say things are going good, but saying that is an insult to what "going good' should be.
November 3rd, 2018
Charlie got shot in the leg while we were going through the town east of Stary Sober. The guy seemed like a fucking crack head and fired one shot with a pistol before I put 5 in his chest. I carried Charlie in the closest house and got him up the stairs into a bedroom. After I patched up his leg with some rags I went through the rest of the town looking for painkillers and found a bottle. It's been dark for a few hours now and he finally went to sleep while I'm just sitting against the wall wondering what the fuck I'm gonna do. One thing I do know is that I'm not fucking leaving him here.
November 5th, 2018
Things aren't getting better. Charlie's wound is getting dark and it looks like there's a lot of puss in it. I keep putting new bandages on it and giving him any antibiotics I can find but nothing is working. He's kind of going in and out of consciousness now. I'm scared. I can't be alone again.
November 7th, 2018
I left. I didn't want to, I wasn't going to, but Charlie he said wouldn't let me stay. He said that if I die he'll never let me live it down, smart ass. I argued with him for hours but eventually he said that if I didn't leave he'd put a bullet in his head right then and there. I feel weak. I couldn't help my only friend when he needed me most. I'm not sure how the hell I can possibly make it now.
November 19th, 2018
Things have been tough. I've been able to scrounge together enough to get by but Charlie was always the smarter out of the two of us. I had a pretty terrifying experience yesterday when a group of the meanest looking motherfuckers I've ever seen were going through Kabanino while I was checking some houses. I hid under a bed in one of the smaller houses while they looked through it. The fact that they didn't check underneath it is the dumbest luck I've ever had. Only good news is that today I found a guy that claims he's a traveling salesman, as weird as that is. Either way, I was able to trade some ammo I had for some cans of food. He also told me that there's a new kind of "settlement" in Novaya Petrovka, which I'm probably spelling wrong. I can't keep scrounging towns forever and expect to live more than a few more months, I'm gonna head up north and see if this place is real.
November 20th, 2018
On the way to the settlement I met 2 men named Izaak and Yegor. They lead some kind of militia and were heading south away from the settlement just north of a big ass airfield. They gave me some food and warned me not to go into town. Apparently the group of guys that run it lost their shit and betrayed them, and since these guys gave me food and didn't shoot me the second I saw them I'll take their word for it. While they didn't give me any assurances, they said I could run with them and if I'm worth it they'll me stay. Here's hoping my aim has gotten better.
//Will be updated as things happen IC