Clyde 'The Squirtle' Blackwood wasn't much of a law abiding citizen before patient zero. At the age of 11 I was already in a juvenile delinquent facility for armed robbery. After that, I was in and out of juvenile detention centers and eventually prison until the age of 21. That's when I met the love of my life. I had just gotten out of prison and I was feeling lost in life. I wanted to try something different, something positive. I wanted to change my life, but first, I had to rob somebody.
I had nowhere to stay and not a penny in my pocket. I was starving. I saw a bald man maybe in his 50's walking across the street from me with some groceries. I didn't have a weapon on me but I thought I could bluff it since that worked most of the time. I sneak up behind him with my hand in my sweater pocket pretending I had a gun and yelled at him to give me all of his money. He turns around and before I could even blink, he knocked me out with one swift punch. What in the fuck did I just get myself into.
I woke up to the sound of steak sizzling on a hot cast iron pan and the voice of a man arguing with a younger woman...They were arguing about me. She didn't want me there. I look around to find that I'm in a very, VERY nice living room. I was confused. Am I dreaming? Am I going to wake up in prison? The young woman who was arguing with him walked out of the kitchen and saw that I was awake. She rolled her eyes and shouted "He's up, hero" and stormed off to her room. He walked in, wiping his hands with a small white towel and a huge grin on his face. "So you think you can rob people by just pushing your finger against your pocket and hope they think its a gun?" I was embarrassed and scared. Is he going to call the police?
"I'm sorry" I replied in shame "I'm just really hungry. I have no money and nowhere to go." "What about your parents?" he asked. I told him that they both died when I was 16. Both were drug addicts. Both overdosed. "What's your name, anyway?" He asked me. "Clyde. Clyde Blackwood, and you?" I replied. He laughed and said "Clyde The Squirtle Blackwood more like it. You're better off trying to rob people with a super soaker you moron. My name is Joseph Dalton, Ex Marine and current police sergeant. Nice to officially meet you dumb ass. Dinner is ready, let's eat." I let out a deep sigh...."Fuck"