*the following is written in Georgian*
I know not of what to say anymore. What to write anymore. I’ve been so mentally tossed and turned over the last… fuck I don’t know for how long. At least all the work has kept my mind from my dear Elene… and Amber. Oh god yeah I forgot to write, Amber is still alive! My piece of shit government lied to me! I was holding out some hope… at least SOME that would show that my government was still showed comradery towards me. I figured that since I’m a Colonel, then maybe they would keep me in their heart for awhile. Yet no…
I will write no more of those traitorous fucks.
So… the FSB agent in Tblisi delivered on time the equipment and my note... but there was a hick up...
I didn’t anticipate Elene and Amber to full on ditch mode on me and run off before I could tell them what to do. Such is my life. Elene has always been an impulsive one. While to her I’m the child and I love this, I pull the big pants up in our relationship and make the hard decisions. Otherwise she’d go off and well… do what she did.
Panic attacks are a daily occurrence now… two a day, sometimes three. Until they are safe in my arms, I’ll never be rested. If it wasn't for my little intrusion into the Russian data centers network, I wouldn't have the information on hand to save them. So thank Christ for their incompetence and my sheer luck. I mean fuck me and call me sally I ended up pulling off a one in a million with that man in the middle attack and the spoofing amongst so many other things.
I wrote last of heading up to Stary Yar to speak with Tony Moretti… and well I did it and things went weird quickly. I offered my services to get his electricity running in the town, and once they found out exactly what and who I am - well not exactly everything but… - they asked if I wanted to go full on member of their Mafia family…. Like christ alive I was recruited into the Mafia. It didn’t take long at all for me to be moved up to Soldato, and after everything that has happened…. I think I’m close to another promotion.
A device was dropped by a Russian plane that we went on a mad hunt for… we got it…. Eventually. I was eventually handed the device for a day to take it apart and figure out exactly how it works. With the data I received, once I finish getting watering working in the town and finish off building the economy, I can work on spitting out countless numbers of these listening devices. Hopefully I can get this done before Elene tells me where she is. I want to drop a few devices along the journey to listen in for later. I’ll try and sneak up to the datacenter at night in a ghillie suit and bury the bastard under a bush… get their communications. Thing is, I’ve made some good improvements on the device… well at least I haven’t yet but I know how to do it. I want to make it possible to start dumping all the audio onto the dark web, which will be possible… just a pain in the fucking ass.
Now the Elephant in the room. My former Comrade Captain Cernik is… is dead. He was shot in the back of the head by an SVD in front of me. I beat him before hand and a cannibal had his way with him. I was so mad at him for everything that he had become due to his bullshit… but I found a note on his body. I read it aloud over the radio and broke down in sobs. What have I done? He was a friend… and I think no matter what happened he still saw me as one. I wish he would have survived now… maybe he could have been redeemed… the following is the letter I found on his body.
My name is Stepan Cernik.
Many of you know me from the radio. Many more of you know me by my actions.
We’ve all made mistakes in our life. God knows me more than others. We lie, we cheat, we steal, and we sin; sometimes against people we know, sometimes against people we don’t. No matter who you are, you’ve hurt someone, whether intentionally or not.
There comes a time where you realize that those you’ve hurt most are those closest to you. Those you considered your family, or loved like your own – and that’s when it really starts to bug you. What’s my life been like? Did I do more harm than good? How will people remember me? How will God judge me?
Oskar Hosek. You were my commander, but more than that, you were my friend. I didn't agree with your methods but you were there for me and I was there for you. Slava Chernarus.
Anna Kovar. You showed me how to be human again.
Merek Cernik. The light shining in darkness, friend.
Nino Kobiashvili. Should Old Acquaintance be forgot, and never thought upon; fully past and fully gone: for auld lang syne.
Svetylana. I love you with all my heart. I have since I met you, and it pains me more than anything to not know whether or not you are alive. Everywhere I turn, I am reminded, of that beautiful summer day, of the park, and of that young pretty girl who kept glancing over through sips on a smoothie. You are kind. You are caring. You are understanding. More than you should have been. You are more than I ever deserved, and yet somehow found it in you to be in my life. The years we spent together were the best of my life.
I am scared, Svetylana. Scared for you, scared for me, and scared for our daughter. My deepest fear is that I shall never see you again. I pray with all my heart that you found a way out of Pirgoridki. I love you. More than you will ever know.
Katalina. My sweet baby girl. I would do anything to have another minute to spend with you. I can imagine you’re saying all kinds of words now, and it brings me to tears never knowing the sound of your sweet, sweet voice. If by some miracle your able to ever read or hear this, just know, that your father never forgot about you. You were in my mind in every waking moment, you and your mother. Everything I did was for you, from the moment you were born to the moment I die.
I hope they'll do well. I hope no harm comes to them, from within or without. I told them I’d be with them forever, and that I’d never leave their side.
Lying, then. I guess I did.
Lied to you, Svetlyana. And Katalina. Told you I'd be with you forever, caring for you. And protecting you. And I didn’t. I couldn’t. But I wouldn't go back and unsay it once if I could.
What was the point of it all? So many failures.
But I never forgot your face. Or Katrina’s…or Svetlyana, or Merek, or Nino. They used to say that happened after a while but it never has for me.
Maybe the only point of all that living was to keep those pictures in my head going for as long as I could. It was the only life I could give you. Not a day went by without.
It wasn't choice. I chose to die again and again. Just never did. Body had its own drive.
I wish everyone well. It's been a gift to me, my time here, and at the end of it all, to behold the innocence.
Goodbye, Svetlyana. Goodbye, Katalina.
I’m a monster… Forgive me Captain… my comrade. In another universe we would have made Chernarus great again. Slava Chernarus brother.
End of Entry