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Vikernes

My new character

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"Alexander ended up in Chernarus because he is half russian by the descent from his grandparents, and he used to visit them , not so regularly, at Stary Sobor when he was a child "

 

You mean half Russian or half Chernarussian? If the grandparents were born and raised in Stary Sobor , they are Chernarussians. Chernarus is not Russia.

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1 minute ago, Ron said:

"Alexander ended up in Chernarus because he is half russian by the descent from his grandparents, and he used to visit them , not so regularly, at Stary Sobor when he was a child "

 

You mean half Russian or half Chernarussian? If the grandparents were born and raised in Stary Sobor , they are Chernarussians. Chernarus is not Russia.

Ohh okay. Thanks dude! I'm gonna change that asap

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4 minutes ago, Vikernes said:

Ohh okay. Thanks dude! I'm gonna change that asap

I find the last sentence a bit confusing. You first say he came to Chernarus to visit his grandparents , traveling with some survivors who went on to Moscow.... then the last sentence says he left off to Chernarus because he wanted to go on an adventure? Was that during the Outbreak or before or...? 

🤔

 

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If your grandparents were in Stary, maybe you came to see if they made it... Just my opinion, but I would make your reason for coming to Cherno be tied to your grandparents somehow. Or simply state that you were visiting them when the outbreak took place.

Edited by Akogishi
Added last sentence.

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2 minutes ago, Ron said:

I find the last sentence a bit confusing. You first say he came to Chernarus to visit his grandparents , traveling with some survivors who went on to Moscow.... then the last sentence says he left off to Chernarus because he wanted to go on an adventure? Was that during the Outbreak or before or...? 

🤔

 

You're right, it's bad positioned. What I meant to say is that his purpose was to go on adventure, In spite of his family being alive in Argentina after the Outbreak. He used to visit his grandparents when he was a child, so that's what why he decided to join the survivors on the trip. I may have to reformulate everything again, I kinda rushed the backstory. So yeah, thanks for ur feedback! 

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1 minute ago, Vikernes said:

You're right, it's bad positioned. What I meant to say is that his purpose was to go on adventure, In spite of his family being alive in Argentina after the Outbreak. He used to visit his grandparents when he was a child, so that's what why he decided to join the survivors on the trip. I may have to reformulate everything again, I kinda rushed the backstory. So yeah, thanks for ur feedback! 

No problemo. I understand it this way around , now you've explained it.

Visiting your grandparents as a child - you should mention the civil war 2009 and how things were then maybe. Just a suggestion. You character was around 10 years old - maybe there was a break in the regular visits and worries if your grandparents survived - maybe they were even part of the military, defending their home country? ... It is an important chapter in the lore if your characters family is native.

https://dayz.gamepedia.com/Chernarus#History

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Another half-breed to be unhappy at, perfect.

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40 minutes ago, Ron said:

No problemo. I understand it this way around , now you've explained it.

Visiting your grandparents as a child - you should mention the civil war 2009 and how things were then maybe. Just a suggestion. You character was around 10 years old - maybe there was a break in the regular visits and worries if your grandparents survived - maybe they were even part of the military, defending their home country? ... It is an important chapter in the lore if your characters family is native.

https://dayz.gamepedia.com/Chernarus#History

I've reformulated the whole story. would you mind checking it out ? thanks in advance! 

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4 minutes ago, Vikernes said:

I've reformulated the whole story. would you mind checking it out ? thanks in advance! 

Looks good.

Only thing I can see, skipping through it is  "Finally, he joined a group of people that were going to Moscow in a plain and asked them to leave him at Chernarus."

It is "by plane" , not "in a plain". 

Good job , have fun developing your character in game 🙂 

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1 minute ago, Ron said:

Looks good.

Only thing I can see, skipping through it is  "Finally, he joined a group of people that were going to Moscow in a plain and asked them to leave him at Chernarus."

It is "by plane" , not "in a plain". 

Good job , have fun developing your character in game 🙂 

Oh ok, i'm actually from Argentina so I'm prone to commit some mistakes while writing or speaking english haha. Appreciate the feedback

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