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Dear Diary, It's me again...

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Well, things have changed for us significantly in recent days. We thought ourselves a safe sanctuary, to take in those who needed a second chance. To give safety and a sense of hope to those who needed it. All we wanted to do was to build a community for ourselves and the people we chose to open our arms and home to, to build a family. We've met some people who have put us in harms way, some people who have brought terror to our doorstep. We refuse to be "workers" for others, to do the biding of someone else, to be lorded over by others because they make threats. We've had someone hire mercenaries against us, we've had a villainous group come to our community and scope us out, for what... I'm scared to wait and find out. We've lost our safety and respect for those around us in our area. We don't know who we can trust, should we continue to adopt people into our home, or should we become hardasses. For one, I don't know if I can do that, I don't know if I can change my caring nature, but I am tired of fighting everyday. Life is becoming more than I bargained for. I need hope in a dark time to continue. I love my husband and I will try to keep fighting for him, but I am losing my strength. 

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Posted (edited)

Well, It's a shit show. With everyone we've come in to contact with there've been some pretty shitty and terrible people. I'm sick of this world and can't live in it anymore. I can't protect my family from these monsters, I can't deal with the thought of torture, mutilations, or being kidnapped or enslaved. This world is disgusting and the people who find this type of life enjoyable. I can't take it anymore. I love my husband but he will be better off without me in it. He will be free and not tied to this place in order to protect me, I'm too weak for this world. I'm thinking of ending my life. 

Edited by MrsSunshine
decided not to die

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