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Robin's Musing

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Well shit, haven't written in one of these for a long time. I think it was like back in junior high was that last time I kept a journal, man things have changed. *There's a whole sentence scribbled out* (side note need to remember that other people might read this and be careful what I say in here, hi you nosy snoop) I thought that would be the worst part of my life, the fucking world ended, literally. Its been about 2 years since then and things have gotten really crazy in the last few months. I saw Sam and Thorson die right before my eyes, JJ found some rather strong evidence that Alejandro and Isabella also died but no confirmed bodies, got separated from JJ for a few weeks or a month, not really sure on the times. I seem to have developed a phobia of gunshots considering I can barely function when people are shooting around me and every night I keep hearing those same 17 shots in my head as I drift off to sleep. I've met a lot of people, some have helped me out so much and others just send me running for the hills and one I really don't know how I feel about him. Ok so I'm gonna roll back a bit. So after everything happened with the crazy Korean guy and Sam and Thorson, I just ran and ran and ran. After about a week of skirting around towns and just flat out running from gunshots and nearly starving, I met some people from a group called the wolf pack. I spent a while looking for medical personal who might have treated Isabella if she got out of there alive. I kept hearing about cannibals and people like that up in the north so I moved my search area down south a bit where I a certain "camp" of people that pointed me to where JJ was. Fucking hell, can't imagine what I would of done if I never found anyone and of that whole group I'm glad it was JJ that made it out.


Ok now things things get really complicated. JJ wanted a place to hang her hat and honestly I also wanted a place to call home, so we set up near Zeli and we were able to find some useful supplies but we had a rough time with food. Luckily what we were able to scavenge up was all stuff the camp near us wanted so we were able to trade it for food. That's where I first met Sunny. *extra care is taken when writing his name* After a few days JJ is able to find the good hunting spots in the area and food wasn't really a problem and because of our frequent visits to that camp both of us became friends with a lot of the people at the camp. Sunny was soo nice and even got people to stop shooting around camp when I was around because it freaked me out. He was really thoughtful and sweet. We started hanging out there a lot more until we had a couple of people tell us these "rumors" about the camp. I'm not going to spread shit around and write them down here but they weren't good and JJ didn't want to spend too much time around them, even though they had been nothing but nice to us and we barely know the people spreading the rumors. This is where the real crazy shit happens. Apparently the rumors were true, and Sunny even admitted to them, but there was a lot more going on then what the rumors were saying. Of course they only told one part of the story. Then JJ made a comment that set me up to get a little flirty with Sunny and well by the end of the evening we were going out. Holy shit, I had a boyfriend again. I gave up on that shit 4 years ago. Got sick of the assholes who lose interest in me once they got a little close to me and the fuckheads at the bars that try to fight me once they find out that part of me, which doesn't even fucking matter assholes. That fucking psycho Andrew really killed all my hope in dating when he TRIED TO FUCKING KILL ME WITH A BASEBALL BAT after he found out. Like honestly what the fuck? Small minded people. Sunny didn't care about that, he even loves that part of who I am. Yes I know he's in a not so nice group of people and he's done horrible things but he's been upfront and honest with me. Holy shit I just still don't know how I feel about all this. Happiest I've been in years. Guns can still fuck off though.


*The handwriting is a lot sloppier*

Well its been a few weeks or more since I've written in this thing. A lot of shits's happened. We moved again, too many gunshots, I couldn't handle it. We had like 3 or 4 different wardrobes stolen, seriously what fucking weirdo just steal a bunch of girls clothes? If they wanted the actual wardrobes they could have at least just left us our fucking clothes and taken the containers. *A couple of lines are scribbled out like she was rewriting a sentence a couple of times* Sunny and I broke up. He said it was too dangerous for us to be dating and other bullshit like that. That whole thing really hit hard. I wanted to talk with him because he just sort of stopped spending time with me after a particular night. He wanted to end it but still wanted to be fuck buddies or something like that. What a fucking joke that was. If its too fucking dangerous for me to be dating him how is it any safer for me if we're sleeping together? Not that he even really fucking tries to talk with me anymore. We have a few people staying with us at our new place, Kaz and a few others. I really don't care, really its what ever. JJ can let who ever she wants stay there I really have no issue with it as long as they don't shoot around the camp. What started out as "oh its just a few walls and then we'll have a place to hang our hats" has turned into a massive construction project. Its nice to be looking for things for ourselves again. Not that my heart is really in it. JJ seems to be doing most of the work and I feel like a terrible friend. I'm really trying to pull my weight but just can't put my heart into scavenging like  I could before. Sunny finally checked in with me on the radio and fucker couldn't even be at the camp when I stopped by. Ace was there though, she seemed genuinely happy to see me though. She's a good friend and I need to check in with her more often but I don't want to get involved in their "business". No little X for me. It wasn't long after that that I found out Sunny left the camp. Met up with him and talk about maybe going out again. Asshole said he went though a lot of stuff with another FIB (that was areal nice way to find out jackass, way to go, real thumbs up) and that he didn't want to even be that. Well news flash, we hadn't even really talked for what felt like weeks so its kinda hard to even be fucking friends at that point. He was busy its fine I get it but when we had chances to talk we could of actually fucking talked. Oh and now he's staying with us. Fucking great. Sunny if for some reason you ever read this, first of all get the fuck out of my journal because that's just fucking creepy and second way to fucking resurrect my hopes that I had fucking accepted was at peace with I would never have and then smash them not just fucking once but twice. Asshole. Not much else is really happening day to day. Found a fair bit of Vodka for Kaz but fuck giving it to that asshat, he was gonna help with my gun fear thing but stopped part way through and never finished it. This shit tastes awful though.


*The handwriting is neat again*

Ok, drinking not the best idea. Going to make a note of that. Holy shit I have a lot to work out it seems like. Well yeah we have a lot more people living with us. There's this really sweet lady called Honey who's going to be doing cooking and things like that around the camp. Honestly we spent most of the day moving her and someone else into the camp and then just building and working on getting the camp secure. We're apparently going to have a security detail or something so that will be nice. JJ really reminded me why she's my best friend and even when I was a total bitch to her she's taken over teaching me how to shoot. Its really amazing what a real friend will do for you. I honestly can't think of a better person to be going through the end of the world with.

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