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Pepper

From the private journal of Jessica Mills: Chapter 2

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Posted (edited)

I am writing now to recount the last few weeks... it's been horrible for me, I have struggled to pick up the pieces from the events weeks prior after everything... thanks to Dr.Brandon's encouragement I have managed to pull myself together enough to start writing once more... This entry is my first attempt at trying to understand what I have been through and proactively heal from these experiences. in all of my pain and confusion I've lost track of the days... 

the source of trauma:
Day:???(unknown)... I was scared before but... I thought for sure I was going to die the evening the toy makers showed up with guns pointed at Misha and Lt. All I could honestly do was hold back the sick feeling at the thought of them splattering Misha and Lt's brains all over me. I've really hated myself over what happened and over my own foolishness. 
Somehow Its only been worse since. my problems did not stop at the hostage situation, in truth it got worse... not long after those events I had to stand in the line of fire to protect a patient and then further trauma arrived much later as I was getting ready for bed in the form of a crack team of armed men jumping the fence of the haven and handcuffing me. I felt so helpless and humiliated...
I slighted them unwittingly by turning someone away who I had no idea was in trouble. these events torment me endlessly. 

The Aftermath: 
Vadim (the amazing friend he is) stopped me from doing something terrible,  I have been so selfish, ignorant and immature in spite of the fact that I really struggle to help... 
I really strain after this to see the love in my friend's eyes or hear their reassuring voices. it's been like a black miasma around me that has blinded me to their cries for me to wake up from it. After the storm and subsequent bomb cyclone that destroyed our janky wooden structures. we decided to move north where we encountered some crazy dude while setting up camp.. to my horror he gunned down the camp before my eyes before trying to turn the gun on me. By some miracle I somehow avoided being killed in cold blood while the guy shooting indiscriminately emptied an entire clip. it was the most horrible two days of my life traveling back to tell the others... I thought Quin, Otto, Misha, and Sarge were dead... 
It's affected me... I Have struggled for the longest time to even function, It's like I am drowning in sheer terror... every night I go to sleep and I hear the sound of men clambering over the fences and screaming Put your hands up and Don't move!!! 
my hands are bound... All I can do is stand there and stare at the wall inside the house as they kick the tents and search everything... I hear the sound of gunfire constantly... 
I sometimes think everyone is out to kill me even the people who love me the most.... 

Cholera: 
to date I have successfully treated a  number of patients, yet I had met a kid who seems insistent on drinking pond water... I will Omit his name for the benefit of my own well being as I really would rather forget. in fact I would rather not remind myself.  I will note that while living out of an old water treatment plant which felt entirely like a prison I could not successfully treat this patient due to noncompliance in regards to medical advice... I will also remind myself that I cannot help everyone and that I am only a third year intern who has been thrown into this mess. 
despite what people say to me about it age is not a factor in self preservation!

The Wonderful Dr.Brandon:
Since Meeting Dr. Brandon I have discovered new meaning to my life in spite of the fact that my head rests on cold concrete every night. we have discovered a game to play with each other. passing the Jam Jar... it's my favorite pastime since most of the time We have spent together has been locked up inside a water treatment plant with nothing but each other's gaze while we tell stories over a jar of jam. no seriously, you cannot make this up... he is brilliant and charming, more then that I actually never have once had a sense of dreading him. He makes me want to try to live...
I cannot understand fully how he can be so strong kind and capable...

If not for Dr. Brandon's guidance I would not have been able to help save a young woman who had a gunshot wound to the head, his quick advice and expertise got me in direct contact with Dr. River...
the operation was a complete success. I have left my camp at the water treatment plant and made my way south looking to study under more experienced and capable individuals if I were to openly state in the eventuality that someone finds and reads my journal even the worst storms are followed by clear skies... as the kilometers peel away from that place I feel more and more at ease knowing that there is still hope in the face of sheer terror...  

I will write more about the many others who have been kind and positive to me next time I journal. I owe them an entire entry to write about their good deeds....  




 


 

   

 



 



 





 

Edited by Pepper

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I like this

I like this a lot

Keep on it! 😄

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Posted (edited)

(this entry is written in weak scratches and edged like they were written in the throws of exhaustion)
 Hotel California,  the masked man was playing Hotel California.. I Fear that I put myself in danger by having this journal but struggle to find solace in this hard and inhospitable place, it's the only way I can hold onto my humanity... Dr. River sleeps in the top bunk nearby. while I have consigned myself to the safest place I can think of. the corner. Something horrible has happened... 
We are trapped on some island.  I am cold and afraid... around me the sounds of the building are alien and foreboding while over the wall outside my cell I can hear the crashing of waves and the passage of time against the stillness of this place... the moon is my only guiding light in which to scratch these words. 
 
It was arranged over the radio the one evening while I was busy doing something... the idea was brought up to me about joining a group of medics. 
I was more then happy to oblige given the circumstances with living out of a water treatment plant.... the very one where I was sure that I was going to die next to a couple weeks ago.   
my welcoming to the group was amazing, I found out a lot about my new colleagues. I was actually fed breakfast by the guides in the group. Milk soup with jam
 we had many of the same interests and concerns.  on our way to go help some patients we arrived on Vishnoy a sleepy little town on the far side of a castle... 
this is where the terror started... first we were told to throw our radios on the ground and stomp them to bits. next we had to give up our weapons and additional bags we might have on us. 
 

we were marched until my boots started to fall apart and then forced to swim out to some sort of island. the plastic bags in my medical bag were enough to protect my bible and my journal from becoming waterlogged.  Ellie, Jaro, Dr. Rivers, Nikolai and myself were forced to huddle around a fire, still sopping wet from the swim we were paraded around and split apart. 
I've kept that bible in my inside coat pocket since I arrived here. 
even now I question why this... why now...  Immediately I knew what the song meant when I was in the warden's office today... I don't think I can leave the island... 

I don't know who these people are, or what they want with me but they were certain they wanted me to stay... 
the cell is hard concrete and old tile. I do not know if this is a blessing or a curse compared to the water treatment plant my former companions were so hell bent on living in.) one of the inmates... threatened me.... 

I am pretty sure the guards are going to duck their head into the cell any second now to check on me. I had better pretend to sleep! 
 


 

Edited by Pepper

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Poor Jessica!! Aww, it's okay Ellie is here to hopefully be somewhat upbeat!

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Posted (edited)

Shakedown
 I still do not know who these people are... but they started trying to wear us down. Khandra arrived in the prison a few hours earlier and they separated us in the yard then took us into separate rooms. they wanted to tattoo me and that got me furious. 
Instead they took me to the yard to let me simmer but I was not calm so I got dragged back to my cell. 

I do not know what got into me but I was banging against the door. then I realized the guards in their haste forgot to remove a tool off me. I threw it at the door... I had become so upset that I forgot I had been starving and passed out in front of the man I assume was the warden as he was yelling at me... 
I woke up to Dr.River in my cell and immediately got to treating Khandra who must have been hitting her cell door.. 

that night they sounded the alarms! but I had not slept, they had loud music cranked. we were filed out into the court yard where they faced us against the wall and searched us. as well as the cells.. after all of this we were returned to our cells and locked in.   I was taking care of Khandra who had been loosing her mind in the dark. 
then again so was I... I comforted her and we held each other close as the night went on. 
she slept because I gave her meds

morning came about... 
Exhaustion screws with people's concepts of time. I had no idea how long I had been out for. I did not feel good at all... 
after some food and water in the yard.  I talked some with my colleagues but the gunshots got to me. then someone threw a flashbang. I was crying... so they threatened me and closed the door to my cell locking it. 

I slept finally. but it was only a few hours and I woke up to the sound of gunfire and men raiding the place.  they freed me from my cell, gave me clothes beyond my humiliating prison garb and  was evacuated off the island... my memory is foggy at best

but I was lead towards Berezeno by Constance who was reassuring me of my safety. I will sleep again and finish my entry in the morning hopefully... 

 

Edited by Pepper

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I seem to have forgotten to return the journal that belongs to you, guess I'll have to track you down now haha. 

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Posted (edited)
33 minutes ago, wirpy said:

I seem to have forgotten to return the journal that belongs to you, guess I'll have to track you down now haha. 

that whole rp situation was pretty disrespectful, you also gave me your cholera glitch. nope

Edited by Pepper

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-User has been warned for this post-

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-User has been warned for this post-

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-User has been warned this post-

 

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7 hours ago, Pepper said:

that whole rp situation was pretty disrespectful, you also gave me your cholera glitch. nope

What was it that you find disrepectful really? Please do tell me so we can better ourselves in the future. 

I don't recall me or anyone else being disrespectfull towards you and you have to think about the circumstances about the situation as well.

The sickness is not my problem, that's a problem caused by the game itself and It is nothing I could have prevented. Should I just avoid RP just so others don't get sick and have to wait a lot of in-game time just to be able to RP again so people don't get offended that they get sick? No thanks. 

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Posted (edited)

alright I agree. I'm sorry and You're right. I admit that

Edited by Pepper

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