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Journal of the Wolf : Phoenyxx Stika

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Posted (edited)




If one where ever able to find it on her, Phoenyxx would carry a journal that looks barely used with three pages torn out of the front and someone elses hand writing on the first page, the rest would be a story, of someone just trying to survive.

First Entry


"Phoenyxx, If you're reading this, then things took a turn for the worse. I'm sorry for everything that I've done, and everything I didn't. In a world filled with darkness, you were a beacon of light and hope. I would've followed you to the ends of the earth to ensure your safety because you are the future this world needs if it is to rebuild. I'm not like you. I don't know how to lead. I don't know how to teach. Throughout my life, I profited from spreading death. Unfortunately, this world has no place for someone like me if it's to heal. We need more people like you. You need to LEAD your pack. You need to BE THE ALPHA. You need to protect those around you. If you allow anyone to tell you what to do, or question your authority, you will never achieve what you've set out to do, and you will spend the rest of your life running. I wish I could've told you everything I wanted to before this. I wish I were better with my words when writing this. Unfortunately, I am in a hurry. I can hear you swinging your ax, I can't pass up this moment for one last opportunity to show you how brave and strong you are. - Chains"




Edited by Phoenyxx

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Posted (edited)

The next page after the first entry would yet again be another's writing



Edited by Phoenyxx

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I remember growing up, hearing a story of an old Cherokee Chief teaching his young grandson about life.

The story went along the lines of:

“ Inside each of us are two wolves, constantly fighting one another.

One of these wolves is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, compassion, empathy and faith.

The other wolf, is Evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, greed, regret, resentment, pride and superiority.

You may ask which wolf will win and the answer is simple.

The one you feed.”


For the longest time. I fed that good wolf. It got me into situations where I lost friends, family. Where I ended up losing all hope because nothing was going to ever change. And then.. then I tried something new.

I began to feed that other wolf.


Things have changed.. within me.. within the pack.

Those who once looked to us now hate us.


I can see why.. but I do not have an ounce of care left in me for the opinions of sheep.


Tonight. I watched someone get beaten.

I didn’t do a damn thing to it and basically gave the go ahead.

While me and my pack did not do the deed.. it was still done before our eyes.


I’m hearing that he is now dead. Succumbed to his injuries

This person was one I went to war for. This person I considered once a friend. I moved two times to be close to this person and their organization in order to make sure they were safe.. even when I couldn’t protect my own pack. I once respected this person.


However, even as I heard of his death. I feel nothing.

No sympathy, no hurt.. not even guilt.

That being said.

I hope your people learn from their mistakes. It didn’t need to end the way it did.

What a shitty way to start my journal however.. but felt I needed to mark this down to remember it.


Rest Easy Chip.

For the people until the end I guess.




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Posted (edited)

One week.

One week since I seen your smile. Heard your laugh.

Im broken. Everything in me hurts everyday because you aren’t here.

You were one of my last bits of hope. The last little light inside me.

You might not have shared the same blood as me, but you were still my brother.


From the first day I met you, I knew there was something about you.

Something special.

Something Unique.

You were everything that I wanted to be.

That little beacon of hope.


Im sorry.

Im sorry we couldn’t get to you in time.

Im sorry I couldn’t protect you.

Just like I couldn’t protect the others..

You were one of the last ones Lawrence.

One of the last original wolves.



When you were just an honorary wolf pup, howling jokingly as we walked to Eden for the 100th time in one day.

Back in the ‘hands up don’t shoot’ days.

Those were simpler days. Where we had no worries, no enemies.


Now here I am.

The last one standing.

How I’ve made it this far is beyond me.

I should have been the first to go between the two of us.


Everyday it gets harder. Whoever said it would get easier lied.

Everyday someone mentions you. Everyday I look around the camp, waiting to see that white suit of yours come strolling through the gates.


I killed someone involved in your death.

I made him look me in the eyes as I put a bullet in him.

Its not even close to what I really wanted to do to him.

I want to shed the blood of every single person present and anyone they love and care for.

I want to take away what they took away from me.

I won’t stop until they’ve all paid. I can’t stop.


I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise.

My promise to keep you safe.

I love you brother.






Edited by Phoenyxx

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I really like these texts... what are they? Half prose, half poems?

They are a new style of writing!

And I am sorry that Lawrence died... that makes me sad... 😞

I also miss the "hands up don't shoot" group! XD!

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