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Prattle of a Paddy. (Nial's Journal)

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Day unknown, month unknown, year 20-something. First Entry.

Met a group of folk based down in the gas station in Kamenka today, first group I've spoken to for a long time... Also first group I was sure wasn't the shoot first kind too. They seem friendly enough. Strange seeing it after so long; compassion, feels alien now. Got a good deal of food from them in exchange for the hammer and nails I'd picked up. Seems my habit for lugging tools around may pay off. Did not intend to stay, to speak, was caught by surprise. Megan.. Meghan?.. Gave me a fright when she emerged from the trees near Kamenka, we traded things and I left.

Almost immediately bumped into another group, more armed and less friendly, asking where I was going. Why do they want to know?
Warned me of people vanishing, said I should 'be careful'
Be polite, always be polite, do what you have to. Be polite, be generous, be scared. Trust nobody.

Went to gas station close to Southwest checkpoint, saw some others relaxing there from the road. Thought they might be with the second group. Learned they were who Meg(h)an was with. Fire, food and music that night. Almost felt normal.
Have not met all of them but might hang around for a few days, help scavenge to pull my weight.
Unsure if they have a leader, but Officer Scott seems to command a certain respect from the others. He gave me this old journal, cannot read previous entries, not in English.

Said Lord's name in vain today. Seek recompense: one Our Father, five Hail Marys. 

(Thaaaank you @Chief @Chaostica @TurtleTax @Shikaka and whoever else it was, my first proper RP in DayzRP and you guys were great. I'm sorry I didn't catch everyone's names who was at the gas station)

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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Day unknown, month unknown, year 20-something. Second Entry, 3 days since my last entry.

Went on a trip to scavenge with the rest of the Gas Station group the morning after I met them, they are still attempting to decide on a name it seems. Many hands make light work, it was all far less stressful then I am used to. No sneaking, no hiding, no begging for the monsters to go away.
On our way back they saw smoke coming from a nearby field, it led to a military helicopter. No sign of the pilots, I hope they are okay. Looted what we could, they didn't need it anymore.

They have been quiet today, the camp is so empty, 

Two different people stumbled across the station while I was in Kamenka.  Avoided the first one. Spoke Russian(?) into radio, or Chenarussian? Unable to tell. Trust nobody.
Other surprised me in Kamenka, said he'd found himself there after being wounded, spoke of conditions up in the north. Mafia and Slavers, humanity is doomed so naturally we start killing each other. Helped him get supplies, gave him a gun I'd found. 
Stood by while he took from the Gas crew, both of them, too scared to speak up, claimed I've never met them. Can never be too careful. Introduced himself before he left. "Lockwood. Dean Lockwood. The leader of the Mafia."

My feet are starting to itch, I'll need to go on a walk soon. Must not let people think they know where to find me, cannot trust them, working together, asking where I am from, where I am going. WHY DO THEY NEED TO KNOW?! 
Might go up north, to the Sobors or to Novaya. Had to learn names from the Gas-Stop group. Tourist map impossible to read. 

Stood by and did nothing, never told the crew. Seek recompense!: Two Our Fathers, 10 Hail Marys, one Glory Be.

(An interesting way to meet you @Joah but thank you for surprising me with some nice RP during a bit of a quiet day. Hopefully see you again soon.)

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Day unknown, month unknown, year 20-something. Third Entry, 2 days since my last entry.

Was away from Kamenka for a couple of days, took a walk out and about and I feel... better. Pavlovo, Zelenogorsk, Stary Sobor, up to Novaya and back again, over to Gorka and followed the coast back home. Haven't walked that far for years, lungs felt like they were burning. 
Bumped into somebody in Zelenogorsk, asking questions about his friends after he locked me in a room. Thought I was somebody else, who attacked them over in Chernogorsk.
Found a camp in Stary Sobor, they said they were arms traders, let slip I'd found nails. Traded for them, they gave me ruined shotgun slugs, heard him tell his boss that he had so I dumped them and left. The man asked his boss if he should follow me so I ran. I first went to Novy Sobor, then to Gorka. Spent the night at Gorka police station, zombies broke in during the night and I had to run, left everything behind.

Continued my path to the coast from Dolina, two people appeared behind me in a garage building. 'Asked' to see what I was carrying, took my ammo and the camo net I had found. Finally returned to camp and picked up my journal, decided to go to Zelenogorsk one last time, wanted to use my new shotgun on something. Attracted the attention of some people, don't remember names but I should not lock them out again. It might make them angry.

I write this now, locked in a shed in Pavlovo, it's too dark outside to move. Today has been very interesting.

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Day unknown, month un-- Oh who gives a damn. Fifth Fourth entry, 3 days since my last.

Where to even begin. Unsure what happened at the camp, awoke with nearly a day missing. Unsure what happened but found most of the tents and equipment gone, couldn't find anyone.

Thought I'd put myself to work, gathering from Kan Kamenka Had a visitor, said his name was 'Belgium'. Couldn't tell him much about our group, we haven't decided on a name yet and we just work together at what benefits us, no leader to order us about. Tried to be as polite as I can and he went on his way.

Then returned with some friends, this is why you shouldn't trust anybody. hopped the fence and threw me into the store with my hands tied. Said he 'didnt like what I told him'. Took my radio, the last of our automatic guns and one of his mates gave me the butt of his rifle, broke my glasses.. Can't see for shit, head's killing me. Something is bleeding.

Gave us an ul-- Ultmat-- Ul. Ti. Ma. Tum. Wants assault rifles, and mags for them, when they return in a week. Or else. Claimed to have 'more friends' to bring. Wankers.

Holed in up a church in.. Dro.. Pul.. Sos.. I don't remember. 

Feel faint. Need to sleep.

(And just a small reminder for anyone reading these, this is a journal Nial writes in. Not a radio transmission. After my first one I got held up by two people who said they 'knew' I had nails on me somewhere ((Which I didn't)).)

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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Day unknown, month unknown. Weather feels like summertime, or it's winter and the climate's just screwed up. Fifth entry, 5 days since my last.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.

I find myself coming back to these words over and over, more and more, since the catastrophes all began. I've been convinced I was not a believer for years now, but now... I am unsure.
Though it could just be that I'm trying to find something desperate to cling to, some faint hope amidst the desperation.
As a concussion stole hours of conscious thought from me, as the cut burned with the rags and tincture pressed up against it, maybe it was due to the small town church I'd hidden in that I reverted to these words, if only to keep my thoughts occupied?

Given it's a Eastern Orthodox church, maybe my Roman-Catholic side is just working in a 'Eff You' to it?

I've been trying to keep myself busy lately, helping the.. Well we still don't have a name so just.. the usual crew? The ones I usually mention.
Oh, and been meaning to put this down to paper somewhere. Recent trips to Zelenogorsk seem to be.. interesting.

First a group that cleared out a mob of Infected that had me surrounded. 
I panicked and locked the door, whoever the speaker of the group was called, she didn't like that. Told me not to 'make her feel left out' again. Unsure who they all were, have no names of people or the group. Must be careful there from now on.

The second time I arrived in town just as a group I'd been warned of coming from somewhere northwards had entered, met an.. 'employee'? called Ace around the train stations. Unsure what to make of them, Ace fixed my backpack for me but.. unsure why, the rest seemed preoccupied by one of their group who was swarmed by infected not long afterwards. Perhaps a blessing? Still, whoever this group is (same as first??), have no idea where they may be, what they want... Can't trust them. Can't trust any of them. 

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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Month unknown, day.. Feels like a Wednesday (explains why I'm in a mood today). Nobody likes hump day. Year 20-Who the fuck knows. It's been about a week since my last entry.

The group moved not long after the incident with this 'Belgium' person. This all had happened after the recent Zelenogorsk trips I'd mentioned, I merely had forgotten to journal them beforehand. On my way north to meet up with the others, given my recovery in Pavlovo's church caused me to fall behind, a 4x4 came down the other way somewhere around Grishino. It stopped and man got out, asking which way I was headed and introduced himself. Just my luck, fucking Belgium.

I quickly gave him the name 'Robert', it was the first thing came to mind, and said I was going north. He said he was heading the other way or he'd offer me a lift, I promptly thanked him for the offer and, once he had gotten back in the car and drove off far enough, went off-road and carried on through the woods. I admit I might have gotten lost at several points here.

Over the last couple of days, myself and Holzmann took a wander from the group's new place, stretched our legs to the nearest couple of towns and plotted a big circular route around the large military airbase. Felt going in there would only bring the wrong sort of attention.
After a while, up north, we came across a trading outpost built around a hospital. They seemed understandably cautious but friendly enough to trade some ammo and tools for medical supplies. At least we won't have to treat the next cut with just strips of rag and swearing. Holzmann mostly wanted information from them, while we know there are likely groups out there; such as the ones I met in Zelenogorsk on both occasions, we've no idea who they are or what they want. 

The Hospital group didn't know much but they said one name. The Toymakers. Warned us about them, seemed rather scared of whoever this 'group was too.
I guess I can only hope my luck holds out, and that I remain as unaware of them as I have been till now...

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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3 Days since my last entry. I have no clue what day or month it is, to save the ink I'll not bother stating 'unknown' at the top.

I found a bible the other day. King James version to clarify, as I've seen maybe a dozen or so Orthodox bibles of the Eastern church in the past month or so. I don't know why I keep it, but...
Reading it brings some sense of normalcy to things. Like I'm back home, like I'm somewhere else, anywhere but Chenarus.

Anywhere but South fucking Zagoria.

I do not know if I believe, I hadn't believed since I was old enough to think for myself. None of it ever made any sense. But it's in English so, maybe it's just to have something to read I can understand?

I had a good run yesterday, found another helicopter between Pushtoshka and Lopatino. Steyr rifle, ammo, pouches for the military vest-thing. Dropped them off to a group I've come across a few times, not trying to win any friends with them and I feel like they just about tolerate me because I don't cause a fuss. 
It started raining while I was there, ended up with a small fire going inside and I nodded off for about 20 minutes. Woke up and there were a lot more people about, something had happened. Unsure what, fairly sure none of them wanted people to ask questions either. Ace was... shaken?

I say this while having to tell myself I don't know her, or any of them. But the excessive vodka consumption was a strong hint, she was oddly upbeat in a.. not in a happy way. How she spoke to me, spoke to everyone really, and this smell of.. saltwater? I wanted to talk to her, but what could I say? We're strangers, it's none of my business. By the time I looked up from my book she'd walked away. 

Way to go, Nial. That's how you be compassionate... you spineless prick...

I might travel for a bit, avoid the place for a few days. Don't want them thinking I am trying to loiter around. 

P.S: Robin is a very good debater, should look forward to having an intellectual discussion with her again... Also, keep eyes out for a defibrillator.

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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Same day as last entry.

Bear with me here, Journal. This is going to be a long one.

But really, where the fuck do I even start with what happened?

Just one more day, Nial. Just one more before you go east for a few days.

If I had any idea what was going to happen, any at all, I'd rather have walked east through the woods. In the dark. Barefoot... And naked!!

I'd spent most of the early day going on another trip, Vavilovo to Vybor, through one town or another till I met some peculiar man by the name of 'Hans'.. Hanz?.. On the road around Kozlovka. Man sounded like he was a few SS short of a Reich, asking odd questions like 'Are you alone? Do you have any friends, anyone who cares about you?.. You won't find what you are looking for'
I went off the road after he left, roughed it through the trees and changed my route. Just to be sure nobody was following me.

Met a newly established camp, led by a man named Conor. Told him of Hanz, which somehow led into a talk about Alan Rickman. (Hans Kruber, Die Hard.. I almost forgot that movie), and then Galaxy Quest. How the hell did anyone expect, two years into a zombie viral apocalypse, I'd have a conversation about bloody Galaxy Quest?

Robin and Mallory happened to pass by while I was speaking with Conor and Mitch, turns out they were heading to somewhere I'd just been to. Luck would have it I'd picked up something they were after, Oxycodone for Ace... Not sure I want to know why she needed it, but I didn't ask, Maybe I shouldn't have handed over the bottle I'd found? Too late to take it back now.
Well, walked back with Robin and Mallory since I could unload some things, see if Ace got the Oxy, help Robin shift logs like last time (We ended up talking about Mel Brooks movies. If this world ever fixes it's shit, I apparently need to watch Young Frankenstein.)


When I was done with the work I'd leave, go east, give myself some time away.
Should've done that the day before, but noooo.. Just ONE MORE DAY I said.
I fell asleep again, too much work, too much stress, I should've left. I should've left. I should've left. I SHOULD HAVE LEFT.

Awoke again and at first things seemed normal, more folk were about, the ones called Alyssa and Derek were present. Feels like they run things. I be polite and help out, can't hurt to be cordial after all.
And then it all started...

It all seemed fine right up till the horde came. Not sure how many infected it was, 60? 70? 100? They seemed to be everywhere, and the last one was barely dead when we heard this terrifying howling. Wolves, a whole pack of them, 12 or 15? I couldn't really pause to count them. They were cleared up easily enough, though one wolf got my arm, shoulder still burns like hell.
After that, plus the rain and the approaching nighttime, people ended up going inside around a fire.
Ace dozed off into a drug-induced nap, everyone introduced themselves (There'd been a few new faces in camp at the time, an older woman called Agnes and a man called Vlad), and somebody decided to suggest we play Truth or Dare.

I've never, properly, played that game before. But honestly I was not looking forward to it. Seems I should not have worried since after two people had gone, and I was next, it seemed like the Gates of Hell itself opened up on the camp. Like something out of.. Fuck, pick a haunting movie. The Exorcist, Paranormal Activity, The Amityville Horror.. I don't fucking know, just pick one! The whispers started, insane and unintelligible, the knocking, the sounds... Alyssa went mad, going on about 'The Broken' and naming chess pieces. The King, The Knight. The Bishop. The Pawn. Everyone locked inside the house was losing it, myself being one of them, while others searched the trees and the camp for a radio.

This seems to not be the first time it's happened. I thought I'd be safer inside, but maybe I should've taken my chances in the dark with the Broken. 
Alyssa was crazy, paranoid even, and having new faces around a paranoid person is never a good thing. They demanded to see my radio, they wanted to check the frequency. I'd taken the battery out of it hours ago, how could it have been on?! But apparently it was on 'their' frequency. The Broken's frequency. And Ace had told them she'd heard it on during the horde.

Thanks a fucking million, Ace. Remind me to hide my next bottle of Oxy.

If I had been sent to spy on the camp, why in the name of HOLY FUCKING GOD would I leave my radio on that frequency?!

They hauled me and this Vlad person off to Myshkino, put us in some maintenance shed and.. Fuck, well even though we aren't one of these  'Broken' we belong to her now, or them? The Toymakers. The fucking Toymakers. I have to do what they tell me, or else. Because some crazy fucked up group has been terrorizing THIS crazy, fucked up group, I have to suffer for it. All for the sake of one more day.

I don't know what is going to happen now. Now I know what this group is actually like, what they are capable of... God help me. Oh, and if you're listening, maybe time to be the smite-y angry God again? I've a few names for you.

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5 days until my last entry.. I think? It has gotten hard to keep track of the days as of late.

During the day I have grown so tired, dozing off on guard duty or when cooking over the fire. I fear I might have been noticed doing this more than once already. At night I try to sleep, but there is always something, there is always more.

The Broken, I do not know who they are. I could not even point to a single one of them if you lined them all up in front of me. They watch us, they KNOW us, and we are blind to their actions, their faces, their names.
And their fascination with chess is agonizing, warping a grand and noble game into their perverse shadowy puppetry, their secret machinations against all those around me.

I don't know what to do.

Enough time passes that things almost seem normal again, then something happens. Alyssa was taken the other day, held somewhere and used as bait while near all of us available ran one way or t'other, from place to place, running ourselves ragged in a desperate attempt to find them. All while hearing her in pain, hearing her pleads, hearing the captor's intentions through her.

Agnes, a middle-aged woman in our group, met a strange man all in black out by the pump. Gave her a Knight chess piece and was told to give that to Ace or Sunny. Nearly prompting a manhunt for him, even though only Anatoly and.. I believe a few others? went looking, I could barely sleep that night in fear of an attack.

And one of the nearby groups turned up, injured quite severely from what I was told, and muttering chess moves in her delirium. Which, in the end, could be coincidental but.. As Alyssa told me the night she dragged me to that fucking shed and carved the X into my burn. There's no such thing as coincidences.

And as always there are the radio broadcasts, just to ensure we never truly feel like they aren't right there. Like they aren't just out of sight everywhere we go. The robotized, computerized?, voices, the messages designed to shake us. And the numbers, as always the numbers. 

I don't know what to do.

I've become a pawn in this secret war of theirs, between the Broken and the Toymakers.

And as I've heard Alyssa say over and over again in her fearful comments every time the Broken make another move...

The pawn always dies.

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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Don't make friends, they'll only hurt them.

Don't make connections, they'll only break them.

Don't put any worth on your life, to them you're worthless.

Don't care about them, they don't care about you.

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3 days since my last entry. (Do not read yesterday's entry again).

I just... Can't understand why they do it. Why they talk to me, try to make me feel better, tell me to find something to live for.
What am I living for, when my life is at their mercy? 

They tell me that one day I might be told to hurt somebody, and it'll either be a stranger or me. That it won't be pleasant, but it'll keep me 'alive'.
Do they think I place so much value on living I'd beg for it? Like a shameless runt?

They tell me it won't be so bad. And then say some of them have been hurt for no reason at all.

They say I'm protected. But I don't even know what from.

They say I should talk to the other toys, make friends. While knowing friends are who the others will hurt if I displease them.

"If they can't hurt you, they'll hurt the people around you." And then they get so offended why I maintain a distance.

It's either I hurt your feelings, or they hurt you, and yet I'm the ungrateful one. 

Pardon me for not being thankful I have to force a smile and laugh alongside people who'd not care if I was gutted like a pig.
I doubt they'd even care enough to bury me.

They'd sooner shoot me just for-
-- Fuck, Ace wants to speak to me outside. I'll return to this later.

*Added later in the day*

Maybe they are not so bad. Not all of them. I might not understand why they care, but I believe they do.
Enough to get hurt for me. That... should count for something. 

Maybe it will get better.

But that is still exactly what I am scared of.

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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The weather has been getting warmer, making it either Spring or Summer. About 4 days since my last entry... Sleep is patchy lately up due to the warmth, making my Day/Night cycle pretty screwed up.


I seem to dread waking up lately, each time I do I have managed to miss some big moment affecting the group and yet still quite firmly in the aftermath; Dutch is dead, he was being 'tended to' after some sort of gunfight, there was blood all over the ground. Not that you can see it now, though our resident cleaning lady was none-too-happy about the state the place was in.

I never knew much about Dutch, only small overheard snippets that may or may not even be true. But he had tried to kill Mallory, and with his death we might have finally confirmed he was part of this whole 'Broken' group, but I just do not know.
Him and a group raided the camp, flashbangs and smoke over the walls and storming the gate... I am unsure how it led from that to Alyssa having her gun on Dutch. Darn crazy bastard had a flashbang in his hands when he surrendered, blinded the whole camp at the cost of his hand. Not that he's going to use it now of course. Brodie and the Doc were shot, Brodie had the worst of it though but he seems to be pulling through? 

God... Ace was grinning like the Cheshire Cat when she came out of the building, arms with blood up to her elbows. I do not know if it was because she'd ended a threat to the group, whether it secured herself a promotion, whether she was enjoying the killing or, fuck, all of the above? But that sort of enjoyment was... Well, rather terrifying. I knew Ace was hardly the most innocent person in the world but she didn't seem capable of that.

Will I become that if I stay here long enough? I see people around me I worry about because of their proximity to this. Robin, Mischa, JJ, Agnes... I know how these people work, using the people you are close to as leverage. Will they hurt LT to get to Mischa?.. Mischa to get to LT?

But, I'm just one spineless little coward, what can I do?


And then, the next time, it was in the middle of some questioning. A new guy, Sid? Cid. Unfortunate position of wrong place, wrong time, when it seemed he'd tried to drop something off for the camp. Whilst the Broken sent us another radio broadcast. They dragged him inside and Ace... politely questioned him, wanted his story. Alyssa and Derek turned up at some point during it all.

Alyssa just HAD to go and call for me, 'Oh wait.. Where's Nile? Nile come here!'.... 'Ask;' me to come in, tell them what they believe about coincidences.
"We don't believe in coincidences."... Stupid thing to say, really.
And they decide that the only way to be certain his story, the one he stuck with no matter what Ace did to him, was to mark him. So th--*The handwriting goes shaky, to the point of ineligibility*

They had me do it. The three of them trying to even give advice, like I was trying to bake a fucking cake; You know what they say about too many cooks, right?

I've yet to talk with Cid about all this, I tried telling him it wasn't anything personal-- At least what I was doing, the Broken stuff gets very personal for the bosses of course. But it might be best to leave a few days between trying to talk to him again, feelings (and wrists) might still be rather sore.

All this in the span of a few days.. Not to mention the incident with Flynt and the other pricks locking me in the building with a drunk Aliana. Not going to detail that, for my own sake. My embarrassment is already bad enough , last thing I need is those arses finding out I've never--- No, best not write it down. 

Never know if somebody in camp is reading this when I sleep. If you do? I hope you get a paper cut, you nosy git.

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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4 Days since my last entry, 8th of July, 201?

I know the day and month now, as four days ago a number of Americans in country all seemed confident it was Independence Day.
Unsure what the point celebrating it is anymore, given the 'British Empire' is long since dead... And, frankly, the whole country seems on the brink of following. As is most of the world. But hey, here's to the celebration of High Treason, war, the death of tens of thousands and personal gain. Cause that's what it was all about, right?

So happy Fourth of July.

Now, on to my usual ranting.

I realized Mischa is part of the group now. Nobody told me but.. Sunny made everyone awake report back to camp the other day, he was the only higher-up present and he seemed more unhinged then usual, and I didn't realize it at the time.. I was too focused on trying to worm out of it, though he saw that from a thousand miles away, made sure I didn't. But I later realized, she took part too, she reported back to camp too. This group. This abyss which nobody will ever escape as the person they were entering. Should they ever escape at all.

And here I am...

Neil, the idiot.
Neil, the weak.
Neil, the one stupidly thinking just because he feels bad about it all these vile acts, that he's any better then the rest of them.

To, at least, give credit where it's due. The others, they have the spine to be the monsters Neil thinks they are. Which is more spine then he has... Will ever have.

All he can do is witness it...

Neil, who is good for nothing, but cowering underneath the watchtower and weeping like a child. Who every night covers his ears, because he can't bear to hear the thought they'll call for him again. Call him in to mark another one, to hurt another one. That the next one might be somebody he knows. That is might be  more then just a name. Somebody he...

Do you have any idea what it's like, to be a coward?

You don't need to torture one to break them. Just leave him alone with his thoughts, he'll do it for you.

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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4 days since my last entry, 12th of July.

This whole camp seems plagued by more troubles then the Hydra had heads, deal with one and two come up in it's place.

What is it this time? Another person going rogue, though it feels like the only difference between a higher-up and a rogue one is the latter tries to hurt the former, rather then just the grunts. Yeah, must suck when you're on the opposite end of it all. Boo-fucking-hoo.
But yes, another sheep abandons the flock. It's almost as if the 'Masters' are unable to instill any sort of actual loyalty. Gee, I wonder why.

Martin, this time around. Supposedly injected Ace and Mallory with some strange drug cocktail. Ace's leg got pretty beat up too, it seems, not gonna be sprinting anytime soon.
Though it strikes me I've not really gone into detail about anyone in the group, so writing names isn't really going to mean much is it? Maybe that's for the best, should I ever lose this.

Had another 'friendly' conversation with Drago the other day. Never let it be said first impressions are everything, given my first conversation with him was me explaining how I came to be brought into the group. I left nothing out and I spoke plainly and honestly, thought he'd appreciate that. He seemed like a no-nonsense person, and in many ways he is. But I didn't realize the old bastard was even more of a gloomy fucking misery then I am. Descends onto banter harder then a ton of bricks, make light comments around him at your own peril. My mistake was making the joke I was a 'slow learner'... Bad move.
"Yeah, well you won't be a fucking slow learner around me, you'll fucking learn when I am fucking done with you.. etc. etc. etc." I just stood there, digging the garden plot for his precious fucking zucchini while he went off on one. "I always enjoy our conversations, Drago.".. He eventually went over to Mallory and... whoever the hell she was sharing a cigarette with.

I overheard bits of what he had to say, cigarettes during the wars in Yugoslavia only had a few puffs in them cause snipers would use the light to shoot the smoker. That he saw a lot of people die because of it.

So, a nice cheerful story of long-dead people. In a war barely anyone knows about. In a country that hasn't fucking existed for 10 years. Why don't we just talk about the Romans, if we're delving into the depths of irrelevancy.


Sometimes I think back to one moment I had.

That one moment.

But it's impolite to shoot anyone in the back.

Even Romans.

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3 Days since my last entry, 15th of July.

After the Royalists lost the English Civil War, and yes they lost that by the way, Oliver Cromwell (may he Rot. In. Pieces.) invaded Ireland, given back then we were still part of the United Kingdom and, foolish us, supported the King that.. owned us, during that. A year of war, sieges, civilian massacres led by Cromwell later (and another 2-3 led by others in his place), during which a famine broke out, followed by the plague. Not A plague of something. THE. LITERAL. PLAGUE.

The Great Famine (The Irish Potato Famine) lasted four years, 1845-1849, during which the population the population fell by over 2 million (half to dying, half to exodus to the US.. not precise numbers but estimates, so meh). So if you were a young man, or were born around then, you were old enough to fight when the US Civil War went from 1861-1865... Did you know between 200 and 300,000 of the Unions two million soldiers (over the course of the whole war) was Irish. That's 10-15%.. 20% of the Union Navy too. The same fuckers who had just gotten off the boat to come live there. Not to mention the smaller, but still present, number of Irish in the Confederacy.

And then, of course, the Irish had their own Civil War almost immediately after their war for independence from British Rule. The same soldiers who'd fought and died together were fighting each other over the stupid fucking terms of the treaty. It tore the country apart, in every sense of the word. Now this last one was by far the smallest of the conflicts, but it was 10 months of war almost immediately following 2 and 1/2 years against the British (and their oh so lovely Black & Tans).

And noooow the group has their own civil war, albeit a quick one; Loyalties and sides turned during this thing almost on the hour, every hour, and alliances made with.. people I care not to even fucking name. But now, well, the King is Dead. Long Live the Queen. Is it a curse in the blood? Something about being Irish? Doomed to keep getting caught up in other stupid bastards 'Civil' Wars, why can't they just kill each other and leave me alone?

------ *The handwriting for the following passage is more rough and shaky then those before it, written by a much more unsteady hand* -----

And twice I tried to use the chaos to try and slip away, for a time, to distance myself and sort my shit out while everyone else calms down. The first time I was spotted in Sosnovka, I had to refill my canteen and Alyssa's side passed through town and I was 'invited' back. I didn't have to go but it would've looked bad.

And the second time I got as far as Zelenogorsk.. And I ran in to fucking Anthony. We gave each other false names but I should've known, I should have fucking known, I let slip about the group so he knew it was me, we were just outside of town heading Pavlovo way and he was limping; next time Sunny should aim higher, actually make sure the prick is dead! So he was right behind me when he pulled his gun, took me off into the woods... Fuck.. Fucking fucking shit bugger damn blast fucking of all the fucking shit outta luck stupid shit-eating fucking dumbass stupid nonsense, I get dragged into this.

So now he wants me to spy for him. Tell him what happens. Be his good little fly on the wall or he'll be back for me. The sadistic prick... I returned just in time to see Ace being buried alive. They buried her alive right next to where they buried Derek, for fuck sake! She at least was let out again, but what happens if Anthony tells them I tried to escape while they were busy? What happens if they find out he wants me to spy on them?!! 

I don't know what to do. 
I can barely think straight.
And why do I keep yawning?!

If this is the luck of the fucking Irish... God help me.

Edited by AVeryBritishGael

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Friday/Saturday, 19/20th of July, 2019. (Sun has set, cannot tell if it's past midnight or not)

It's... Over.

After everything, after all of it.

As if it were all a mere afterthought. Just like that we're free, with one simple message.



... As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

This shall be my last entry.
In the morning, this journal goes to the fire. Where it belongs.

Niall Muireach

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