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Spikey

The Brotherhood (Open Recruitment)

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Posted (edited)

The Brotherhood

“Brotherhood is the very price and condition of man’s survival”

Our Story:

Death, It’s all around us and is far from new to anybody anymore. Since the infection everyone has known only grief and loss. This has made everyone fearful of one another.

 

The Brotherhood’s Story is something that has become familiar to us all. A story of downfall. A story we are trying to rewrite. Jack Pike, code-named Big Brother joined the US Military as a young man, mastering combat and espionage. During World War II Big brother was tasked by the CIA as head of a special organization called “The Sons” To infiltrate and spy on the USSR, as tension was high and trust was low between the two countries.Big Brother and The Sons continued their military special operations until they aided communist forces in seizing South Vietnam in 1975, after this the group went dark.

 

Sometime around 1990, a chernarussian camp called небо (Nebo) was established, by a group calling themselves The Brotherhood. The leader of the camp called himself Big Brother. For over twenty years the camp provided haven to the citizens, at some point the group nearly disbanded when their leader, a man named Jack Pike, AKA Big Brother, was killed by a Chedaki soldier. The group, however, persisted with a new leader, Dmitry Perkov. At Camp Nebo the people of chernarus were allotted food, water, shelter and safety during the civil war. Nebo housed hundreds of thousands of refugees over the years. The Brotherhood helped the chernarussian forces hunt down and capture the Chedaki for prosecution after the civil war ended in 2009.

 

My step brother, Tony Pike, Never knew his father. When he was told the man’s story and how he was killed, Tony insisted on traveling to Chernarus to join The Brotherhood and continue in his father’s name. Against the wishes of the rest of our family, he left. In 2017 there were rumors that the country had been overrun by some mutant infection, something out of a movie that was plaguing the world. After hearing this, I boarded a ship and went looking for my brother. Upon arriving at chernarus I found that camp Nebo had been all but destroyed by a nasty storm shortly after the outbreak, and was overrun by the walking dead. Everything I came to find was gone. Most of The Brotherhood, along with most of the civilians, were already dead. There was no word from my step brother, whether he was alive or dead.  We’ve known little more than loss since this whole thing began.

 

In Stary Sober I met a man, named Chip. He gave hope to those around him. His group provided shelter, weaponry, food and more to anyone in need of it. He made it seem as though civilization could come back, and that not everyone in this new world we’ve been thrown into is evil. But a group came along and destroyed that hope. They took everything that Chip cared about, killed many people and threatened more. They’ve taken many hostages, and force them into slavery. A group of pure hatred plagues the land, like the Chedaki, perhaps even worse.

 

The man I grew up with, knowing as nothing more than my brother, gave his life for this country. As did his father. The leader of The Sons, the leader of The Brotherhood. I feel it is my duty to start this brotherhood anew.

To stop this bullying. To end slavery. To stop genocide.

 

We are “The Brotherhood”

 

We are Durable, Intelligent, Determined, and Strong.  We are The Brotherhood because we have each other's back no matter what happens.  If you do one of our brothers wrong, we will have our revenge. We hold our word highly and don’t break promises. As a brotherhood you treat the guy to your right and left as a brother, with love and respect.

We would kill for out brothers. We would die for our brothers.

 

Loyalty is most important.

 

The Rules of the Brotherhood are:

 

<Show Respect to each member of the brotherhood and grow from one another>

 

<If you are accepted into the brotherhood you are to uphold the title of being a brother, which means to respect the necessary things>

 

<Men that treat you with respect may be left alone, if not there will be punishments>

 

<We will Rob if deemed necessary, but for the most part we are reasonable people>

 

<We are here to defend against the tyrants raining fire on chernarus>

 

<If your brother needs help in any situation, you will help him, no man is left behind>

 

<Do not speak for the brotherhood as a whole unless you are deemed worthy to do so>

 

Ranks:

Big Brother

Captains

Lieutenants

Brothers

Little Brothers

Runners

 

Members:

Big Brother: Tony Montana @Spikey

Captains: Rick Johnson @alrizo

Lieutenant: Steve Wade @moxx

Lieutenant: Chad John @Chad John

Brother: Nikolai Pavlov @William89

Brother: Donut (Medic) @perry

Brother: Andy @tjockis_swe

Little Brother: Sen Marcieles @Sen Marcieles

Runner: Jimmy tikkle @Lish

Runner: Axel @JuggOrNot

Runner: Travis Smiths @Foxtrot0295

Runner: August @Monsterlyy

Our  IC Goals:

Recruit valuable members that contribute something important to the group (in-Progress) (Infinite)

Set up a safe haven for the people of chenarus. To rebuild Nebo (In-Progress) (Day 710)

Set-up Alliances with groups that have the same end game goals and want to further the good of chernarus (In-progress) (Infinite)

Set up a successful trade route for all of chernarus (In-progress) (day 720)

(Green) = Completed - (Yellow) = In-Progress - (Red) = Failed

 

OOC Goals:

Engage in good RP to everyone and not unnecessary PVP

Be Respectful to everyone

Create a discord with ranks and sub group attached

Absolutely no racism ←------

 

Recruitment:

Message Spikey for discord or message me on Dayzrp site for an interview

 

DECALS COMING SOON ALSO PLEASE LET ME KNOW OF ANY CONCERNS OR CHANGES THAT SHOULD BE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION

Edited by Spikey

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Looks pretty good mate, would recommend you link the character pages and @ whoever it is that's playing that character 

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Posted (edited)

A few things to jot down on your list of things to do to improve this group thread, having made a few groups myself, you'll probably want to heed my advice and a few others, if they also decide to comment on some feedback for it so far.

- Group graphics, they are a must-have. It makes your group-page look nice, a bit more professional, and will genuinely make me want to read the lore behind it.

- The group name. While the name is probably pretty cool, it comes off to me as a bit generic. If it's cool to you and you like it, though, then I guess that's all that matters.

- Lore. The lore is a SUPER big part of group pages, and this will make or break the group for approval, just like your goals, honestly. It needs to be fleshed out a bit more, and personally, I find it lacking in uniqueness and there's almost no depth to it besides a brief history on the friendship between friends and another fellow and quite frankly, feel like it might have been rushed. (No offense.)

- Your goals. Your goals don't really match up with the lore of the group, to me, I can't tell the groups alignment whatsoever because I feel like the goals just don't really make much sense to me in comparison to how the group came to be.  

Personally, I would be glad to hear that you're continuing to work on it and fix it up a bit more, but it's a clear statement that there will be no WIP groups. With that being said, I'm afraid an involuntary archive is coming soon. I would take the time during the archival to work on some things I said, and hopefully that will lead you closer to gaining approval for it. Other than that, I believe I've spoken to you guys before in Discord, so I imagine you probably have some good ideas in store for the server. Best of luck! 

Edited by InactiveNate

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Its looking good, and I like the concept, that being said, there a few small things that may need some touching up.

 

Graphics - although not needed, it surely adds to the entire groups "feel" in total. A few members of the community are really good at making graphics, i'm sure if you asked, they could point you in the right direction.

Name - it's very generic, but also very intimidating if you have the right people behind the name.

Lore/Goals/Rules - As a whole, I think the lore is actually well written - but the story does seem to "rush" through some key points, the beginning is where I think you should point your attention to mainly, introducing the group a little more before you dive into "Your story". | Goals - to me, the only goals that really spark a light, are building a safe haven, and creating a trade line. (If you want to become a group that really pops off, try and make the safe haven, something for everyone, and not just your group members.) | Rules - Two of your rules, are basically one in the same, "Show respect to each member of the brotherhood and grow from one another" and "If you are accepted into the brotherhood you are to uphold the title of being a brother, which means to respect the necessary things".

To me, both goals come across as the same in a sense, I'd suggest removing the second goal, or coming up with a new one, to avoid confusion - but, it is your group so do as you wish.

Overall, I really like the concept - I am excited to see where this group goes in the future.

 

Best of luck gents.

 

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@InactiveNate@CalRP Thank you guys so much and like I said the graphics are coming soon for sure and I appreciate your comments a lot and will definitely be making some changes!

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goodluck

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Posted (edited)

You’re name on the roster is black. With the background black as well. Idk if it’s been mentioned yet. Same for some of the section titles. (IC/OOC goals. Etc) You'd have to really lean in to see what it says. Other than that, good luck with the group. Hope to meet y’all ig. 

Edited by Wendigo

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Posted (edited)

There was already a group called brotherhood, have you asked permission to use the name? 

 

Edited by ne_om

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Posted (edited)

@ne_omI started brotherhood in 2017 he never asked me permission on my other character of tony pike 

It never made it onto the forums but IC there were about 30 members within teamspeak and steam

This was during the Kingdom and the clowns

Edited by Spikey

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32 minutes ago, Spikey said:

@ne_omI started brotherhood in 2017 he never asked me permission on my other character of tony pike 

It never made it onto the forums but IC there were about 30 members within teamspeak and steam

This was during the Kingdom and the clowns

Brotherhood was started in 2014 in the mod 

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Posted (edited)
On 6/1/2019 at 8:45 PM, Spikey said:

If you do one of our brothers wrong, we will have our revenge, which will be twice as worse as what you did to one

Just a grammar check for ya.

Change the word "worse" to "bad". 

 

On 6/1/2019 at 8:45 PM, Spikey said:

The Brotherhood’s Story is something that has become familiar to us all.  It started out with my step brother starting the brotherhood a few years back and I have lost all radio contact  a few months ago when there was a huge storm apparently a lot was lost then. 

May elaborate on this.  What storm?  What was your step brothers purpose for creating "the brotherhood".  Did he go off on his own, is that why you lost contact?  Was he at sea?  It's a bit confusing.

 

Interested to see the graphics you come up with.  This thread needs some work but the general concept is interesting and could work well in game if you do it right.

Good luck!

On 6/1/2019 at 8:45 PM, Spikey said:

Tony Montana

Also not sure if this matters but this character name is the main character from Scarface.

Edited by MR Pussywhipped

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+1

I approve my own group 🙂 It was a lot of fun playing with you yesterday! XD!

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You guys have a strong roster which is a great start!

You've already got graphics on the way, love to hear that! But I'd recommend trying to give more uniqueness to the group. It seems rather generic without much to make it stand out, but that's for you boys to figure out!

Best of luck with this guys, will be checking back soon to see the progress!

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Ran into one of your Dudes, "Andy", in your base last night! He was probably startled that 5 of us were suddenly climbing in to drink from the fountain. Either way, was a solid dude, sad we wouldn't crash there and engage in some more RP in the morning but understandable as we're strangers!

 

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Posted (edited)

Yeah i got startled 🤣 Thanx for the good Rp //Andy

 

Edited by tjockis_swe

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Hey Spikey, just coming back to the thread slightly under a week later and this time giving you some proper feedback. Most of it is constructive criticism but your boy is just trying to help your group be the best version of itself it can be.

 

- Grammar: There's a lot of inconsistencies throughout the thread, easy example being "The Brotherhood" being both upper-case in some places, both lower in others etc etc... To further it some sentences are quite hard to read. It's an easy thing to do, as I've done really similar things on my old group threads. Best way to avoid this - re-reading over the thread again once you're done or have a group member check it for you.

Graphics: As mentioned above, the temporary black can be hard for some users to distinguish from the background. Where's the new graphics though fella, they on their way?

- Story: From your story section, less than half of it actually explains your story. The following is the only actual backstory;

Quote

 

It started out with my step brother starting the brotherhood a few years back and I have lost all radio contact  a few months ago when there was a huge storm apparently a lot was lost then. Me, Tony, being apart of a gang within New York and my step brother in the same gang I felt a need to try and start the group where it left off to my knowledge.  Starting off was rough and not many people were interested in joining because there were so many other groups, so I met with a man named chip and so did a lot of others and he gave us all a sense of hope and showed that not everyone is evil.  Chip was eventually raided by multiple groups and many of his men fled and were looking for stronger groups to join. This gave me the idea to start the Brotherhood and around up everyone that was tired of being bullied and that's where our journey started.

 

I understand it doesn't need to be an essay but it doesn't say much about the people or story in general. If you're struggling on what to write then ask around, there are some amazing writers in this community that can give you directions and tips on writing a detailed story.

- Goals: Of the four you currently have, I'd say the first three are pretty generic to any group going about in Chernarus and even then most groups set-up trades too. Try to stand out from the croud with some unique goals.

 

Overall, there's a ton of potential. Your roster is strong so you have no fear of dying out and I'm sure your RP as a group is pretty swell but I personally feel the thread needs more work before you're gonna be looking at getting approved. Make sure to check over the thread and make sure all your grammar is corrected and add some juice to the story, really show off what your group is and where its come from. Consider adding more sections too.

The thread is pretty bare-bones at the moment and nothing has changed since I last visited. It'd be dope to see you boys go official but I can't see it happening until you try updating the thread homeboy.

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//Archived at the request of the OP

PM a Mod+ to bring it back.

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