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The Redemption of Lukas "Luka" Stika

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This journal would be carried around on Lukas at all times;

It would contain info regarding his general background, including but not limited to his participation in NAPA during the civil war, people he has met, stories he has heard, and his general thought process.

It would also contain sketches of various sorts from nature, up to portraits of people.

Will only be writing from past his spiral into insanity; all based AFTER his fall and time in funeral parlor, and focus on his rise back to normality



Redemption. The act of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil. The action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt. I've never understood these definitions. Not until as of recent. The first... always seemed to imply that you needed to BE saved by somebody else in order to gain redemption. The second always insisted that I was clearing a debt... exchanging something for payment for my redemption. Exchanging what? To whom? 

It wasn't until I met you two that I began to clearly understand that redemption from insanity does require to be saved. Loneliness drives you to insanity. Alone, you cannot drag yourself out of that hole. Loneliness is insanity. With one, comes the other, and with the other, comes the one. That debt that you pay... what you exchange, is your trust and faith to those around you. To those that will be the ones to save you. 

When I first met you, you seemed cheerful, innocent, almost like the world wasn't going to shit around us. We ran around together for a few days before I was revealed to a much larger and more intricate plan you had been conceiving. You were not just some cheerful innocent woman going around. You were truly a survivor. A survivor though, not only of just the world we live in, but of the one we used to know. You accepted me in a time of loss, bringing me into a group of known. Although eventually that group may have led me down a path... the path I currently find myself on the road to redemption from, I thank you. I do not blame you. You are and always will be to me, family. Although what we considered to be ours betrayed and abandon us and attempted to kill you... you will always be family to me. I hope that you move on from your tormented pasts and find true happiness. I hope you don't fall for the same mistake over and over again. You are stronger yes, but not as strong as you are capable of being. I hope we keep in touch and run into each other often again. I just hope that like me... you truly find friends and family to be around so as you are not to repeat the same path of loneliness such as me, spiraling down a dark path of insanity.

 This one goes to you "Myshinko." Thank you. 


Now onto the next. I feel that this path of redemption I walk along, closes a dark path I've walked down all my life. However, this new path... this new chapter in my life, begins with you. When I first met you, I didn't know what would be in store for us. Hell, I didn't quite know if there would BE an us. I could in no way have expected what has come of it. You know of my past... my flaws... my innermost demons. The mistakes I've made, the things I've lost because of them, the cravings they have given me. Yet throughout all the shit that goes on around us, knowing the real monster I am... no... USED to be, you still are able to look me in the eyes and say you love me. You tell me my path, no matter how dark, has been overcome. That you won't let me slip back down that dark path once more. You give me the hope I need in order to continue on this new path I walk down with you right there by my side. You filled a void I didn't know needed to be filled. Without you, I am sure that void would still eat away at me and I would find myself still lonely. Balancing and teetering over a fall back down into the dark void I have overcame because with one, comes the other, and with the other, comes the one. You, the hope you bring me, assures me and makes this balancing act of danger a casual walk. With you, I can am given a second chance I feel. A true chance at redemption.

The loneliness and insanity, now replaced with you and me.

With one comes the other, and with the other, comes the one.

I look forward to this new chapter in life with you. Mon amour, thank you. I love you. Now and always.

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The page would have a small blood splatter across it

As time passes, each day becomes more and more apparent that it may possibly be your last. 

It doesn't matter anymore what you are doing it seems. If you are a reporter, a soldier, a woman, a child, no matter what, to them, you are the same. All you are to them is property. Profit. Work.

We are made aware of... I guess they call themselves The Time... but the fact it consists of ex-house members... well to me its just the same. The House. The Time. To me, its just the same. The Enemy. You can show them kindness one day, and the next, be repaid with a gun being pointed at you, your possessions being scattered among the ground. At this point it just leaves you questioning what their motives are. Do they actually give two shits about anything? At all? Whatever... either way, we are made aware that everybody is going to hold up inside of a warehouse and are offered a spot inside. We figure it best from a strategic point of view and for our own safety to not have the entire defense all stowed away inside one space. After all... with only one way in, also means one way out. Eventually one side will win... but if everything goes to shit and you are trapped inside a singular building... well then you're fucked. It just becomes a waiting game. A cat waiting for a rat to leave its hole. Well... so it may seem. Eventually though, that cat will find out the hard way that a swarm of rats will eat it alive soon enough. So we left to go collect some numbers and set up to prepare for a firefight. Once we returned though... I guess it had already started. Looking through some binoculars, orange armbands could be seen in the compound up on factory railways and such. Mother fuckers had their backs to us and had no idea where we were... I should have shot them then and there. We couldn't though... not until we could confirm what was happening. We took up positions near the apartments and watched from the distance, waiting for word on the radio to begin counter attacking. Once we got the approval, we were about to go in. I pushed back in to town and that is right when everything went to shit. A tracer round flew past my head... another grazing my leg. Seems we waited too long. As I said... I should have just shot them then and there.

We spent the next couple of hours in captivity. Brought into the compound as their "siege" as they all it continued. However though, I was at least in good company. Bobby and Lawrence somehow are able to make a bad situation good in some way and bring some laughter into it. I honestly can't tell sometimes if Lawrence is being serious or one of the most passive aggressive mother fuckers to the time. Either way though, it brought both sides laughter. Throughout all of it though, my main concern was on her. Where was she in all this? Was she safe? However... as much as I wanted to worry, my attention was brought elsewhere. Right back into the cold factory, its metal walls riddled with bullet holes, the rays of the sun shining through them. At times even new holes forming right next to us. Through it all there was at least one man that stood out to us.

Benedict... also known as Falk. The one eyed old mother fucker. I mean, I have to give the man some sort of respect. Seems he understands his days are numbered. Shit, of course they are. You want to constantly attack people and force them into slave work? You bet your ass days are going to be numbered. Somebody is going to have a bullet or a knife with your name on it. Seems though something else already does. He's practically coughing up a fucking lung right then and there. He's sick. Dying of something. Radiation? Cancer? Whatever the hell it is, as much as I hate to say it, I feel bad for the guy. He's fucked up yes... but to know that your days are numbered like that? Knowing that hell, even if he makes it through the next firefight, that he may not even make it through his next sleep in the night? It's fucked. I hope it doesn't go down like that. However much I feel some sort of empathy for him, he doesn't deserve to die such a merciful way. In his fucking sleep. No... he deserves to suffer. He wants to talk shit to me... calling her a whore and trying to convince me to leave her? Sorry Falk... I made a promise and I intend to keep it. I will never leave her. No matter how much you want to threaten me and say that she will get me killed, if I wasn't willing to die for her, then I wouldn't be telling her I love her.


Now that brings me to an even better question. I know what I'm capable of... but do I want to go through with it? I had the opportunity today to pull the trigger on numerous occasions. I didn't though... why? I'm holding myself back... The last time I fought like this... I lost everything. Everyone. An entire lifetime of friendships and more. An entire town... practically burnt to the ground, hundreds executed. All because a mistake I made! If I try and fight again like I did before... to fight yet another enemy... what will it cost me? What will it cost others? I can't do it again. Not if it may cost me her. I know her though... better than anybody I'm sure. She's a fighter. I love that fighting spirit in her. As much as I like it, I just want to make sure it doesn't get her hurt or killed. If any of us make the wrong move, it could be our last. I don't want that to happen. If I lose her... then I already know that's it for me. I know that I will just fall right back down the path she is helping me stray from. At that point, I don't think there is any sort of recovering from it for me. It will be the end of me.

It's fine though... enough about that. Right now she is here with me. That is all that matters. We'll get through this together. She won't let me go back down that path. Maybe with her by my side, I can fight without worrying about going down that path. Maybe she will keep me from making the same mistakes I've made in the past whilst making me stronger and more capable of fighting by her side. God she looks so peaceful in her sleep. Enough writing today... I need to sleep. Prepare for tomorrow and whatever it brings.

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Well well, today was interesting. As I stated before, it would only be inevitable that eventually the people would get tired of The Time's bullshit. Interestingly enough, apparently The Company is allying with them? We were lead by Dean in a large group of fighters composing of his men, and us, The Wolf Pack. We ran East towards Severograd, before inevitably heading up North towards The Company's supposed base of operations. When we arrived, the place was emptied out... abandoned. They must have packed as much as they could and left in a hurry though since they left all their tents and such. Hope they don't mind if I took one. Hell, after today... they won't be needing as many tents. They'll be... missing... some people. Who knows though? Maybe they'll eventually be found... well riddled full of bullet holes. We made our way back, hearing about a possible counter attack since they were prepared for our arrival, expecting an ambush.

What a fucking rush?! With her by my side today... in that firefight, I can be confident that we are both more than capable of protecting each other. I am not scared to fight anymore. Not with her by my side...

I would write more, but I have something more important to do that I am too excited for and to wake her up now in the next few minutes. A little makeshift holiday. I have something to do that hopefully I won't regret. Hopefully it will make us both happy for the rest of our lives.

Who knew that a question could hold so much weight to it?

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A question can have a lot of weight. An answer can have even more impact. I got my answer last night.

Yes Lukas. I will.

I've never been so nervous to ask a question. I've never been so happy to receive an answer.

We moved again today. East from Novaya towards a Summer camp. We've always discussed with each other that we finally want to settle down somewhere. We wanted to do that in Novaya... but it didn't quite feel like a place we could call home. Whether it be the constant state of warning and caution we are on anticipating another attack from The Corporation or The Time. So we moved further away. Some place we could call home. Someplace that could hopefully be separated from the conflict. I hope so at least. Fuck it. Let Novaya be the war zone. Let us have someplace to call home. Someplace I can settle down with her... not having to worry that we may be shot or kidnapped in our sleep. Have her not having to worry about the same for myself and the rest of the wolf pack. So... we're building the place up. Walling it off, fortifying it. As I said... even if we don't stop fighting, I at least hope and wish that our home can remain neutral from the destruction war always brings with it. That people may be able to come and visit us from time to time. For our home to become a hub for others to interact without worry of violence breaking out. Whether it be The Time or Corporation or Mafia. Obviously not at the same time. Tensions would be too high then. Point made though... it would be nice. However... this isn't a fantasy. Things like that don't happen.

As I said though, at least we have a place to call home now. At least we have a house, and a bed, and a place we can finally call ours. Now I just need some things for the wedding. Maybe I can contact Hutch at some point. Seeing as he is getting married, than I am sure we can get in contact with a preacher for ourselves and such.


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It's been a while... it's just been rough recently is all.

I made mistakes recently. I took comfort again, got rid of all of it though when I realized how upset it made her. I just got so worried was all. 

Now we both have to deal with an even bigger threat... Some she bitch by the name of Jessica.

I'm... we're both scared. We'll get through it together though.

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The writing would be shakily written, a few wet spots from tears staining the paper and causing the ink to separate a bit

I've been thrown out... kicked to the curb. Mon amour... you've always been able to look past the mistakes I've made... the horrors I live with to this day. I don't know why they can't.

I guess it doesn't matter though... 

My past has caught up to me in a really bad way. I've talked to the pack about it... although I considered them family and went through hell trying to protect them... they can't see past it and help me and forgive me in my time of need. The main issue as well being that Kamenici are supposedly looking for me. Thus, the pack considers me a security threat and gotten rid of me.  I've spoken to Ryan about it already and his second in command. They rightfully don't forgive me for withholding the truth, and breaking their trust... but maybe over time I can rebuild it.

I will have to speak to Chip and Dean about it tonight and hopefully... hopefully it isn't the last thing I do. I'm hoping they'll be understanding, and see I've moved on from the mistakes I've made in the past and am attempting to better myself as a person. Either that, or they'll execute me then and there.

If they accept it and try to look past it... then the wolf pack's allies are made clear of everything regarding me. Hopefully then, that clears it all up for them and they can continue to keep their allies.

I've got to have a talk with Phoenyxx to Kamenici and set the record straight. They heard rumors that we were assisting the cannibals and such. We have her journal now... we can set the record straight and prove the rumors false. Hopefully that will settle the problem with them... and then who knows? Maybe then I'm not deemed a threat... maybe I'll be allowed back.

I know they won't trust me... or like me... or whatever for a long time. That's okay. I'm not asking for them to instantly forgive me or to like me... what I am asking though is for their acceptance of me... to hopefully one day eventually forgive me. After all... a pack is supposed to be family. We are supposed to protect and support each other... not kick one another to the side when a threat comes knocking. 

I'm scared. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave. I don't want to lose her.

I've... I've got to write a note down now... I'm going to tear it out the journal... put it inside of something in case... in case this is going to be my last entry. For her to read if... if I meet my end today.

I love you mon amour. Forever and always. I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused. I'm thankful for you sticking by my side through it all at least. I just hope... I hope we can fix this. I hope we can finally get on with our lives together and get this wedding taken care of. I love you now and always.


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How long has it been? Little over a month now ano?

Figured I should get back to this. I seemed to be at a point where writing things down was only degrading any progress I had made and kept reminding me of the current situation at the time. It angered me to the to the point I was almost just as bad as I was before. Being kicked out of the Wolf Pack a month ago didn't serve me any harm though. It served as a lesson in a way. Though I felt unnecessary considering I feel karma has already made me pay for my past sins and mistakes with those I've lost and the situations I found myself in.

A lot has happened since then.

A lot of the hierarchy of the wolf pack has changed. The two alongside Phoenyxx left. As well as a few others in that mix. They like to blame me for it, saying they are leaving because Phoenyxx still wants me back in and such or that I over step my boundaries. What it seemed like to me though was that they were just unhappy and used me as a scapegoat for leaving. It didn't matter what I had done. Hell, I put my life on the line for 2 of them in firefights, only to then have them scoff at me not even 3 hours later. As for over stepping my boundaries, in a firefight, you can be damn sure I'm going to yell at you to get your head down when you stand blatantly in an open window about to get your head blown off. Whatever. If you are able to leave the pack, a family, that easily over something as petty as that, than were you really family in the first place?

I now find myself as one of the heads of the Wolf pack. Kinda funny ain't it how that worked out? Even more happened though. Although it was basically more of just the same. To sum it up... we moved again, went to war again, moved again, went to war again, etc. Same shit, different day, different group, sometimes the same group. Oh well though, I think by now we are pretty used to it.

Did I kill more people? Yes.

Do I regret it? No.

Do I feel any sort of remorse for it? No.

As far as I was concerned, they were our enemies. They executed or helped with the execution of 2 people we considered friends or even family. Once again, the mafia, Constance and her people, came and helped us in our time of need. We went and moved with them and fought once again. We stood our ground for once no matter what it would cost us. In doing so, gained some sort of foothold of respect again for ourselves. 

Then Constance left off somewhere. I haven't heard or seen from her since.

We could have stayed in Novaya, ended our hostilities like we have now, and just lived there. I feel though we wanted to get away from all that and start fresh somewhere. So we moved once more to Polana. We now have a clean slate with those around us. It feels good to once again not really be fighting in a war. Now we fight to defend ourselves which feels different in a ways. The Corporation want to attack us? Fine. We'll wipe the floor with them.

Will I kill more people? Likely, yes.

Will I regret it? no.

Will I feel any sort of remorse for it? For killing corp? Hell. Fucking. No.

Falk actually became one of us. I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first, but honestly, he isn't a bad guy. Well... that is once you aren't on the shit list of people he is trying to kill. He still is the master of telling people to fuck off though which is good. A skill that honestly, the wolf pack really needed. Now I don't have to be the one doing it all the time.

Not all of it is fighting at the end of the day though. There for once is a lot more good than there is bad. Phoenyxx is pregnant. We're expecting twins. I call them gremlins though cause knowing me and knowing her... fuck we are gonna have a LOT of fun with the trouble those two are gonna cause. Yesterday, we also finally got married. Honestly, probably the major sign that things are turning around for the better since we were FINALLY able to do that since we weren't to busy fighting and having to put it off and push it away. I also had time to draw again. Figured I'd draw my wife a little after our wedding. Happy to see that I still can draw. Its been a while, but I'm happy with it.


I look forward to the rest of my life with you by my side. Phoenyxx Stika. 

How did I get so lucky?

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