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Mugin

Property of Francis Williams II

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I wish he'd killed me instead of her... My mother, she didn't deserve all the pain she endured to protect me from him.

Apparently my father was a "respectable man" before we left South Zagoria. Before the Chedaki started that fucking civil war, before the infection. I don't even remember it all.

A "respectable man" she kept saying... After every fucking beating and with the bruises still painting her face and body. I imagine she said it more for her sake than mine after a while. It was only after I found out about my half sister that it all made sense I guess. Why he left Chernarus with my mom and me so young. Why he began to hate us and beat her and me. He was a fucking coward, running from his problems. He got what he deserved but... But why am I the one who's gotta remember the fucker...

I won't ever forgive him. Fuckers always with me no matter how hard I try to forget.

I guessed he raised a coward too. When shit got too much... I ran, every fucking time... It still hurts too think about it much... This new shit, comfort, helps though. Maybe if I go cold turkey that'd be enough to kill me...

All the codeine and booze before I switched, I imagine the collective down would be enough to do me in. I know I fucking can't though, no matter how much I want it to be over. Maybe what I am doing isn't for Dom and the others. Maybe I just want to prove to myself I'm better than him. A final stand maybe? I don't deserve that good of a fucking end.

Face down in a ditch is more like it.

Maybe Alina has made a better name for our family...

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//Trigger warning. Rape and Domestic Violence.

The come down... I...

I was there...

In Chicago, in the shitty two room apartment. The wall paper peeling like wood chips. The asbestos ceiling with water marks browning what was supposed to be a white ceiling. The stained carpet, with the past of so many other traumas besides my own. The smell... God the fucking smell.

It was all so real... The pain... My neck... My mom.

He beat her into submission. I could hear the bones snapping in a muffled crack. Her arms... ribs... legs... Teeth and bits of her hair strewn across the freshly bloodied carpet... She was unconscious or dead by the time he raped her. He'd already broken my arm and my leg in three places. All I could do was watch...

Her face...

The last time I ever saw her. Beaten beyond recognition. A split lip pouring blood. Her left eye swollen completely shut nearly black. Her expression. Her jaw broken, left her mouth open displaying most her missing teeth. She'd bitten her tongue so bad in the midst of it... it dangled out of her mouth parting as if it would tear completely off at any moment. The pain had gnarled her expression masking the sorrow I could see in her one open eye.

He wasn't done...

When he picked me up by the hair... I felt my neck being slit open again. Him shoving me the the ground as I grasped weakly at my throat. I felt the land line hitting my head as I heard an unfamiliar voice, too calm for what I just witnessed

"..1 What is your emergency?"

All I could do was try not to drown in my own blood, clutching at my neck until the paramedics came.

I tried to stop him. I swear...

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Oh. My. Fucking. God. This was... insanely well written... and definitely disturbing. Poor Frannie boy. 

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Once my neck scared and my mother buried I tried to forget. I was taken in by CPS, talked with therapist after therapist, moved from foster home to foster home. Thing was, no one wanted a kid with such a visible past.

So being the stupid kid I was, I opted to get on by myself. It worked for a while when I ran away. Maybe it was the bottled up hate for my father that kept me going. Knowing he was still out there... but I was never able to get far. A fucking kid in Chicago didn't have many options to get by.

Countless nights I slept hungry on the streets. Eating garbage and left overs out of the dumpsters behind a pizza. Keeping hidden in trash and the shadows to avoid someone wanting fighting over my spot. This was my life until that greasy old man found me. He'd passed the alley I tried to claim as my own regularly, enough to where I recognized him. A hairy, fat, Colombian named Santiago. Told me he could help.

He became my pimp... I've done unspeakable things for money, sure, but then all people really wanted from me was sex. Mostly men, but some woman here and there. His gang took me in and taught me their way of life. Eventually I was able to prove myself more than just a pig for fucking. After a particular patron tried to get off by nearly strangling me to death. Santiago had taught me was to always sleep with protection, and not just condoms.

As he choked me from on top, my vision growing dark, and my struggle muted by his meaty hands around my neck. I reached for the knife I kept under my pillows. Grabbing it by the blade first I sliced my hand open, eventually fumbling for the handle, I quickly grabbed it. Plunging the knife into the man's neck. He fell back, slipping out of me, clutching at where the knife stayed fixed in the front his neck. I recognized he was choking on his own blood, as I nearly had a few years prior. The gurgling and choking sounding so familiar... I blacked out.

When I came to the man was dead. His dick stabbed through his forehead with my knife. I didn't see it for long because I was being dragged out of the room by some of Santiago's men.

That was the first life I took.

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Oh. My. God. These are so dark.. but so well written. Seriously. 

 

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Posted (edited)

Robbie got shot. I should've gotten him out of there sooner... He ain't my responsibility, but why do I feel so fucking guilty??

Kid better still be kicking...

He still had a pulse when I radioed Ace and told her where I left him. He was too heavy to carry the whole way. Not much we could do being chased by those fucking psychos. Shooting a fucking kid like that...

 

Like I can cast the first stone...

Probably why I feel so responsible... No matter the just behind my actions. Someone always gets hurt, one way or another...

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

//There would be numerous scribbles, scratched out starts, to what he was trying to say on the page adjacent.


Shit, I've done... I always had a reason... Let that be known to whoever fucking finds this. Your judgment means shit to what I've lived through.

 

I broke my only rule that night. A rule even Santiago abided by, the scumbag. That knowing sneer he gave me. Maybe he knew I'd break, because that night. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't expecting the fucker to have done something... unimaginable.

I'd gotten a tip where he was. My father, Francis, was hiding in Canada. I won't lie. I was scared to find he was still kicking.

But I dropped everything. Left Chicago, my home, my employer, my life, all behind me. Took me a couple of days, but once I got to the address I was speechless. A fresh layer of snow coated a nice house with a white picket fence. The neighborhood was spaced out pretty decently. Hedges trimmed the underneath of the window sill... There was a Christmas tree up... I'd forgotten the date.

I sat in the car I had jumped once I crossed the border. Gas tank was nearly empty but the owner had a spare jerry can in the trunk, still had enough left.

I took out my .45 and screwed the suppressor on tucking it into the bandolier under my armpit. I popped the truck and took the jerry can, taking it, and my duffel of equipment. Carried them up the front porch and placed them by my feet, but just out of sight. I made sure my scarf was hiding my scar...

When I rang the doorbell, my blood ran cold when the door opened.

A kid. A fucking kid...

I stumbled back a bit... Kid asked me if I was alright... I told him I him to get his pops...

Kid looked at me funny as all kids do to a stranger. Turning his back but keeping his eyes on me. As he left the doorway. I silently followed him in... Locking the door behind me.

Francis sat at the dining room table. A fucking holiday sweater, and a glass of eggnog in hand.

I lost it...

I didn't feel bad at first. I'm gonna be honest. That guilts caught up to me though.

I killed them all...

Made him watch like he made me. Then I broke him. In ways, I had only dreamed. He cried and sniveled begging for it to stop, another chance, forgiveness, then death.

He gave me the answers I needed. And I gave him his final wish.

"Merry Christmas."

Edited by Mugin

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what the fuck wtf GIF

He's a monstaaah!

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I haven't seen Dom or Kain in sometime. I'm sure they're fine, just makes me wonder... I don't blame them for leaving if that's what they did. I just worry about Potius. No way in hell I can deal with them myself. Maybe I should just give up on our plan? As long as I don't use my real name anymore, and they don't find out I am back. I could get by like I am now.

As if. Even in the mountains I was struggling to keep on.

I have met some pretty resourceful people, unpredictable at times, but as long as I am on their side. They seem willing to keep protecting me and those close to me. Just gotta keep doing the odd job here and there. Reminds me of the old days. Less killing, but I imagine it's only until a matter of time. It's all I am good at anyways.

Been hanging around with some kind people though. All with a troubled past it seems. They seem to like me... Likely the drugs. Easier to put on a smile. Sometimes I get pangs of guilt. Just gotta stay medicated. Been running low on codeine, may try to bump to something stronger... I'm around that camp too much to get some myself, but just gotta keep at the job. Some of the docs leave some drugs laying around though. They don't seem to notice when they go missing, so I at least got enough in the mean time...

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Potius Cras is back. Is it because I've been fucking smiling lately?

Dom said he saw them a while ago, but not in these numbers, not this organized...

I don't want to do this shit again. Too many... too many friends gone. Andy... I know I'll be digging another grave if I go at them again. I might as well start on my own. Might as well find a nice place near Chernaya. Hopefully I'll just end up face down in a ditch. Forgotten. Nobody gotta deal with my mistakes that way.

I've done some terrible things. To them. Myself. Those I care about. All in the sake of stopping the Corporation? The lines got too muddled. I mean for fuck sake. We let Jack infect one of them! Hoping he'd take more out with em when he got back to camp... I turned one into a fucking paste... I just... still can't take the chance. Even if it's this slim... that they're gonna fuck up the little good that's left... Even if I ain't doing fucking "gods" work. Killing is all I know I can do.

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Not many days go by and I don't think about Andy... I'm sure she's okay, but I know she'll never come back.

I was stupid to think I could have a kid. Better off if my name dies with me anyways. I'm ashamed of it. My papers say "Frenek Vilas", and still he made me take his name after. Maybe I wanted to before all this. I remember a time I actually looked up to him... It makes me sick.

At least things seem to be turning around... Despite the nature of how I made these friends... I've gotten very close with someone again. She and I have an eerily similar past. The kinda shit you can't say aloud and it's nice knowing I ain't the only one fucked up like that.

She's real sweet. Fucking bakes me cookies too.

I hope Aleksei doesn't kill me...

Maybe I will tell her about all that in time. She's already figured out my name, maybe I wanted her to know. Hope that doesn't bite us in the ass later. Might have to deal with Potius sooner rather than later so it'd don't.

If I get taken by Cras I'll probably leave this for her... I'll have to update this thing though. A lot of life I've missed... The Damned. Harper, Jimmy, Alex, Ivan, Avery, Lorenzo, Marv, Duncan, Shepard, Alyona, Kurt. Most are gone. But all worth note. Once a lot of this shit is over I will be more honest so this thing doesn't make me a complete liability.

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I will always bake you more cookies 😄 

Love the storyline! ❤️

Also can't wait to read more 😛 

Edited by Lyca

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