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CrescentGent

The mind of a Schizophrenic on paper.

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We have always lived in a world of judgement and hate, it's impossible to make everyone happy, mankind will always find something to hate as it's something we do best. We judge those below us and those above us for some reason or another, someone is better than someone else -- Whether it be for the race you were born as, the religion in which you choose to follow, mental illness you were hindered with, hell even the clothes on your back and the money you earn. 

People hear what I have or even witness it first hand in some cases and they turn the other cheek, not wanting anything to do with me because of something beyond my control. As stupid as this is,  I haven't quite lost faith in humanity, despite all of hatred that mankind has demonstrated -- I still believe that there are people out there that I would consider special, superhuman even.

Since my emergence from the woods, I've often found myself afraid to socialize with others, once again worried that people would judge me for being "insane" or calling me a "psycho" despite not knowing me in full, people are quick to judge. "Why don't you conceal what you have" -- Sooner or later, they'll know what I have, I'd much rather be honest and upfront and if they don't like it, they can take the high road. A day or two goes by and I finally gain the courage to enter a town that goes by the name of Stary Sobor as I'm later told, I do my usual checking of buildings for supplies and as I head out, I hear gunfire. I typically ignore it but this time felt different and as I turn around I notice a girl stood atop a vehicle, fending off the infected and me being curious, I investigate.

Nerves kick in as I get closer but I finally opened my mouth and began a conversation with who I assumed was another person to judge me but I was wrong, I got to know her and felt comfortable after awhile, she understood who I was and what I go through on an almost daily occurrence without the proper medication. She was one of those super humans I mentioned, she takes me through it in "baby steps" as she calls it -- It doesn't fix it, but I haven't felt this good in a long time and I'm thankful for that.

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Today has been what I'd call a tame day, I hope for more of these as they make a change from the usual. I did my usual town runs, gathering primarily food but some odd tools here and there, nothing too out of the ordinary. I'd check my radio every now and again, always tuned into the frequency that Constance had given me, just hoping that I'd hear her voice come through -- Unknowingly verifying she was okay. 

While I was looking for basic medication, I ran into a gentleman named John, he grabbed my attention from a distance rather than making me shit myself, I appreciated that -- It's the small things. He's a fellow Brit which is the immediate thing we had in common, I wonder if he'll be around to stay or another temporary friend.

A little later, I finally heard Constance's voice over the radio, my mind became settled and we had a back and forth, we met up and I introduced her to my new travel companion, they seem to get along well, only time will tell. A lot happened after that but the more memorable moment was how this asshole made assumptions -- I haven't taken another life in a long time, granted the first time was an accident, but I hated that he did that to her -- Prick.

It surprised me a little that she said she wasn't happy, but another part of me already knew. She finds the best in people and puts on a smile for those around her, but I can see right through the guise.

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Posted (edited)

People will always scare me, but I believe it's how I go about that scare, that fear is the key to improving my social skills -- Hell, talking to people is what keeps me somewhat sane. 

I awoke to find Clyde hard at work, as usual, making his home a home which is a struggle for a fair few people nowadays, it's coming along great but I'm not sure how far is yet to go but it's on par with Fort Knox for the infected. Wolves had attacked us today, we're fine but it's disheartening to think that even wolves have gotten to the point where they struggle so much to find food, they are forced to head to towns only to be gunned down by entities in which they thought were prey. 

Constance always seems to turn up at the right time, after radio contact, I headed back home and assisted in gathering firewood and cooking up the abundance of food we rightfully obtained, it tasted a lot better than I thought it would -- 8/10, 9/10 with spice.

I consumed a little more Brixpiprazole today than I usually do, at this point I'm not even sure if they're doing anything, maybe they are? I don't know .. Highlight of the day is when Constance attempted to jump from the roof onto a little mail box inside of our home but she missed it by some distance, falling and landing on her ankle -- Poor thing, she was given morphine by a doctor we met and I did my best to comfort the pain she was going through while she took a nap, she's hilarious when she's doped up on morphine (Don't tell her that). Don't think I've ever felt this close to anyone before, not even my parents. 

Edited by CrescentGent

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/////// Clyde has once again made advancements on the fort, it's coming along great, think I'm warming up to him. I awoke today just staring up at the ceiling of the house I had been given, didn't say anything but I heard the voices again and eventually glass shattering and a loud banging against my door but after checking, there was no glass anywhere and no one at the door, I'm not sure what's real anymore.

I couldn't sleep last night, too much all at once so I decided to head out and gather what I could, the sun was only just coming up but there was enough light to utilize. I followed Constance's words of wisdom and gathered things worth trading for my life. This is when I ran into a man, we introduced ourselves to one another and he seemed nice, I offered him ammunition off the bat and instead, he decided to wave a gun around, asking me for everything I'd worked for, that's when I freaked out and lunged forward, driving my knife right into his stomach, as he slowly degraded to his knees, he looked me dead in the eyes as I stabbed and stabbed and stab - ////// I told Constance, knowing she'd understand. Like the first time, I didn't feel remorse or regret, is this it? //////

The day turned from bad to worse, something happened to Constance and her other half that I can't even think about without wanting to vomit. I was right about mankind, this new world is like a shock wave that brings the "True You" out of it's shell, revealing the ugly truths of people that seem innocent before this all started, human beings are vile monsters and we deserve everything bad coming to us. Karma is a bitch. //////

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