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Story of a man called John.

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Well it's been a few fucking years scince ive written though I cant remember exactly how long it has been. I recently found a pen up in a house that I rested in last night thank god it still works. 

I also met someone new yesterday my duckling Stan. She seems diffrent and in a good way I feel. She has a more posotive outlook. I guess you could say it's bringing back who i once was. It's strange I've met alot of survivors scince the beginning but she seems diffrent to me I'm not sure what I'm feeling but it feels good. She's a fucking beutiful singer and I love her songs it reminds me of home a little. She drinks alot to due her mental health though I feel she should stop I try tell her the people who really will keep her safe are the people who like her true self because what will happen when she's in a group and they have no depressants? I can tell shes a kind person she's loving unlike alot of others I've met. Fuck the other day she wanted to give me a hug wish I'd taken it next opportunity I probably will.


It's been a while scince I tried to end what i tried so hard in keeping alive. My life is what i mean, and to be honest I'm thankfull the gun jammed. I'm not sure Stan quite knows what I've been through yet I'm reluctant to tell her meybe once she asks more questions it will be easier. I'm a lost man my mind haunted by the memories of freinds and people who I've called family murdered and purged at the hand of large groups. I will not let that happen to stan as if i loose her ill probably loose myself though I don't think she quite realises that. 

Anyway I have to go i see her down at the well talking to someone Fuck! Looks like one  of the the men that shot James.

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Another day. I woke up in kabi with you guessed it my partner in crime Stan. She wanted to go see the castle up in the north. Devils castle as ik it well. Kyle, Catherine, Richard, Tom all gone in the blink of an eye. Walking up there was hard but if hate to disappoint my ducklings imagination. fuck might aswell give her something worth living for. She told me at the bottom of the tower that I shouldn't worry to much about her as what will happen when I die.. is that what she thinks will happen? Fuck is she just waiting the inevitable of me. She saw some blood up at the old radio tower it scared her shitless. She's seen blood before why did that affect her so much? 

She was just there shaking with fear all i could do was reside to my instincts I hugged her? Why? It's been so fucking long scince any human connection. life has fucked me over so much in the past why is it that it's given me her? I felt something at that moment idk how to describe it like a sudden jolt to my non beating heart. I felt something. Love? No can't be it's been at least 8 years... 

I told her what happened she seemed a little off about the idea. Of course she fucking would you dickhead it wasn't fucking long ago her husband died. Why are you this stupid? Plus anyway who would want a man like me? untrusting to groups of people.

She seems to like them would she care if I left?

It's been so short scince I've met her but it seems so long i can't count the amount of times we've ran up and down north west it seems like months it's only been 3 days.

The fucking gun jammed again? Really again? Ugh I thaught Soviet weapons worked in any condition the bastards even pristine. Is there something out there stopping me? Fait? Something that will come over the future? 

I drank alchol for the first time in years it tastes good in honesty. I snuck Stan some at the campfire I hope it helps her. Anyway I best get some sleep meybe something will get me whilst I sleep that isn't just the nightmares.


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I woke up again. Really? Even leaving the door open won't get me killed? My sks by my leg a bottle of vodka by my head the sweet sound of birds chirping. Where's Stan I thaught i remember her with the hunters the other day but she isn't here. I called on the the radio when again her sweet voice talked back she seemed a little wierd as if she was scared. She knows I hate that. She said she was stuck on a car in zelenogorsk by green mountain so obviously I rush over, I mean what else would i do? I shot the zombies and we carried on the walk to north west. She seemed strange her eyes bloodshot I asked her what was wrong and she spoke about a man.. it seems that he forced her into a bed is what i was told. Fuck my blood boiled at that moment like it never has before. Strange to me. 

We also had a small argument I hated that. I validated my point about risking my life for her. But she responded with the most strangest answers saying that she wouldn't understand why i would. That risking myself won't help her as ill just die and she will. That hit me probably worse than any 7.62 would.

We carried our journey meeting two people a man and a woman. The women's name was ambla. She was kind, caring she didn't want to hurt anyone she had alot of good in herself barely any bad it reminds me of how I were before this shit went down. We exchanged words and she decided to come with us. We also met two others one hunter from yesterday and one new feller youngish. We carried our journey but i needed a new vest as mine became ruined. I asked ambla and Stan along but stan seemed hesitant insisting I and ambla should go alone. So we did. I walked with ambla making talk and decided to actually start to really liking her personality we gathered supplies and was about to re group with the others when a group of green dragons appeared we ran and I mean fuckin bolted straight to Vybor. We hid in the police station I talked to stan and her reply was asking if i were enjoying my date. I wasn't quite sure how to answer as she knows how I feel. She said it was fine and that I should be happy. I dont think she quite understands yet that she has been the one making me happy all the time bringing life to myself again. I really need to talk to her I need to know more stuff why she feels guilty how I should be happier I dont get it.

I've nicknamed ambla too same as I did with Stan bambi I call her after the really imcompetive, cute deer in such a fucked up world. 

My heads a mess of hope, trust and pain I'm not sure wich one of my thaughts are wich either. 

I taught stan how to properly shoot now she seems happy with that.

Well tonight is probably the first of a few where i haven't wanted to die and actually carry on in this world. I'm not too sure why though. I'm worried about Stan it seems shit is getting to her she seemed not very talkative today she says we will talk soon again like we did on kelm.


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Posted (edited)

The story of the she wolf

There was once a wolf he had a large pack plenty of food to hunt and water to drink from the river. One day as the wolf went hunting for his pack he heard a gunshot. Then another. Then another. He thaught well that's strange and decided to return to the den when he returned to the den his 2 cubs and companion wolf were dead. Murdered by hunters his companion wolf Arleta a strange type soft black fur dark red eyes. She enjoyed pain from other wolves before she met the wolf. The wolf showed her kindness ,caring and love they had 2 children 2 boys. She felt alot happier safer with the wolf she felt protected wich was strange as she never felt that before. 

The carcasses of his family just left there rotting no meat taken all for sport. His wife clutching her babies but they were gone too the wolf cried and cried he howled at the moon for answers to why there fate was met, to no responce. 

The wolf lived in isolation for years 8 to be exact he had no one he met freinds but they too had left him too. One day he stumbled across a small blonde coloured wolf her hair was fine and a small scar resembling a duck was left by her right ear she had whip and lash marks on her back but she talked to the wolf. She seemed scared her voice soft. she spoke with a thousand words faster than the expanding galaxy. She decided to follow the wolf on his journey, though the wolf was hesitant as he knew what would eventually happen he decided to allow it. They walked and walked eventually the wolf started to notice things about the she wolf she would at some moments seem scared and at other times seem aggressive. The two wolves wondered to a radio tower the wolf stammered quick to leave her reaction filled her with shock the wolf comforted the she wolf her fur becoming a Gray her eyes turning from a Oceanic blue to a blood Crimson red. The wolf saw her transform into something he knew too well visions from the night of the hunters flooded back to him. before him the she wolf wept. He gave her comfort he promised he would never leave, that he would take care of her, even when hunting for food... A day later the wolf and she wolf met a young fox and a small doe the doe spoke softly her personality caring. She only ate grass she stammered to tell the two wich was both surprising to the two wolves. as they continued their journey the wolf began to feel sick his belly ached for food. The wolf wanted to find some with the two but the she wolf insisted she should leave and stay with the other animals and that they would meet again. The wolf hated this flashbacks of the night came back to his head but he knew what she wanted of him and so he left with the doe. The doe and the wolf had fun running from danger and sharing stories he began to really enjoy his tine with the doe but he was worried for the she wolf. When they found each other again she seemed diffrent her fur becoming a soot black her scar faded but the ones on her back remained a beastess stood before the wolf she had transformed into something even he feared he knew what would come next but he decided not to care he would not break the promise he made. He wouldnt break it not like he did back at the den. Even if it may cause the death of him though he knew it wouldn't, he would survive.


(//Listen as you read)

Edited by JohnBarron

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Alone. Forgotten about I'm by myself again a lost soul in a forgotten world my life slips by every beating moment. I missed stan there was something about her. I knew what it was though I stuggle to write it down I've tried to contact her to no avail so far. Same goes with Embla. Embla is nice i miss her too it's just strange as i haven't been traveling a long time with her. She seemed very sudden to leave as if she doesn't see me that close of a freind I've tried to contact her too. again to no avail well i best be going soon I can't sit on my arse all day aha.. Ughhh.

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Posted (edited)

Well i met Stan again I missed her we snickered and argued but we were still us. I fought the 'champion' today so much for champion I were beating his arse during our fight at night untill he called it off till day. He obviously bet me in that one Stan also fought not as well though... 

I met my new freind today a brit like me. It's seems the only people I can trust nowadays are fellow brits we are thinking of starting an organisation called 'the gaf' who knows? 

My new freind caught after me and was just about to win when a group of men stopped us. Telling us to rase our hands I obviously complied looking down the road hoping for Stan to run but she didn't... the men told me to drop my firearm when one called my name to leave i did and Stan took me away. Stan told me it were the men that gave her the mark to signify strength. I tried to explain that the only person to know or see strength are the people closest and dearest to you. I'll give her something though.. She did somewhat save me. She explained how I was foolish and stupid wich hurt not going to lie her words hurt more than that. I started to see my long lost wife in her wich I told her.. She hated it. I dont see why? She says that she can't resemble her as she can't be the one allowing me to live. I just hugged her again like on the radio tower. She's fucking hurting and I just want her to stop putting herself in pain. 

She knows what i feel for her and she moved on so quickly to another man after her husband.. what is wrong with me? Why do i see my wife in her she's right she's fucking dead but so many aspects resemble her. 

Meybe i need to leave her. It seems I am nothing to her. not even family anymore I just seem a burden. I guess I need to leave her decision to her choice if she wants me in her life in always there if not I need to leave. I dont make her happy anymore the old Stan who smiled on the road has faded a lost dream her body and soul walking into the sunset. 

I hope she decides to radio me as ill always be on the same frequency tuned in. I hope the guy she's found treats her right unlike her husband before and I hope i find a better future for myself.

She needs to know i don't need her to survive. It's just the thaught of actually living that she's allowed me to do. Anyway I best get some kip I have alot of thaughts I need to get rid of demons in my head way worse than the ones outside.

Edited by JohnBarron

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Posted (edited)

Another day. Another shit day... 

I met Stan again today. And told her what happened.. Why I've been away so long. She choice to ignore it began to say that she was in a hurry to meet Elliot.. her boyfreind... Ugh I knew it wasn't just the fact she couldn't move on still pains me to think of the thaught. At the first elliot seemed decent.. then they began to talk, the remarks the jokes 'wanting to shag in every house possible' 'that she had his green Dragon all the time' fuck me nothing but sex to that guy I'm sure there's love with it but fuck me I feel bad for Stan. I could see my wife as Stan ran pulling and grasping at me from out her body her soul trying to escape. A grizly scene a dark shadow pulling themselves from within themselves. My wife is still in her though she's trying to leave. 

She seems to have moved on has stan. I'm no longer family.. fuck why. I wanted to be there she knows that. Things between me and Elliot were getting pretty aggressive so she split me from the group near zeleno. She said that meyve we should meet up later.. I hope so

I want her to send me a message over the radio when she's free. Please just give me that..

    *John picks up a his guitar he leans against a tree in a chair he found from one of the houses he closes his eyes and begins strumming the guitar*


"I've dug two graves for us my dear,"  can't pretend that I was perfect leaving you in fear. 


"Oh man what a world the things I hear. If I could act on all my revenge oh would I?"


"Some kill, some steal some break your heart, and you thaught that I would let it go and let you walk"


"Broken hearts break bones so break up fast. And I dont wanna let it go so in my grave ill rot."


 "In my grave ill rot"


"so In my grave ill rot"


"In my grave ill rot"


"Is my pain your freedom?"

"Is all my pain your freedom?"

*John carries on playing the song. with the same rhythm and lines*

Edited by JohnBarron

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