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Server time: 2019-04-25, 18:44
Melvin

On depression and the feeling of inadequacy.

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Okay, yeah, let's drop the tough guy act that many people often (even if subconsciously) put up. 

 

Life can suck. That is the truth or reality for many. But my view is, no matter what happens, you can find positive aspects. I had to eat a lot of shit in my childhood, figuratively, and lost my parents early on in addition. One can dwell on bad things or try to move on. 

 

I'm not saying 'suck it up' and not saying that hardships in life cannot leave a (lasting) impact but those personal examples are the best advice or relation I can give, in addition to the positive outlook one should have, whether it is the loss of relatives or a hard competitive environment:

Shit will improve eventually. You just don't have to give up along the way. Eventually you may look back on your hardships and be like "I mastered this and made it through intact. Feels fucking good." 

 

The worst case alternative I see in some things is becoming a broken shell. 

But who wants that? 

Enjoy some good things in life, you only have one anyway. 

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I have very close friends that suffer from depression and severe anxiety. It's honestly hard to watch how hopeless they feel sometimes, especially when you can't do anything to make them feel better. I feel for you and just know that it will always get better, no matter what. Something my Mom would tell me is (whether you are religious or not) "God may close one door for you but he will open another." basically saying if something doesn't work out, don't get upset. It just means there is something better for you, don't get stuck in the past. 
(Another cheesy tip but its helped close friends) Wake up every morning and make your bed, accomplishing that very first task is so beneficial to your mental health. Success breeds success.

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-Snip-
 

Edited by Beni

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Hope you feel better my mans. I’ve been in the dumps bad before and I usually just push through it. Really the only way I’ve ever found to fix it.

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1 hour ago, Melvin said:

-snip-

Sounds like you're in a very unique position and from what you've wrote here, a smart person as well. I believe the answer to your problems is simple, and I also think you know how to fix it as well, but just incase you don't. I'll tell you! You have to start taking responsibility, prioritising what is important and what is not, but of course I assume you already know this. But maybe some random guy you don't know is enough to give you a kick up the arse you need. The girl who left you, fuck her. Whether you want to believe it or not, theres a million girls like her out there, and she ain't special.

You have to sacrifice the things that aren't helping you, thats holding you back. As much as you might enjoy them, they gotta go. YOU are in a very good position to go on and do well in life, and you don't need someone to tell you that theres a lot of people out there who will never have the chance you have. So take responsibility Melvin, start studying better, work your ass off everyday no matter what, cause Ill guarantee you in the future you'll look back with nothing but even more self-hatred and regret, and regret is the worse. Theres things I regret everyday, that I don't feel like sharing here, but I choose to do what I need to today, so I wont have regret tomorrow. I'm not one for quotes, I think they're kinda lame but this one is very relevent to you now.

Good luck man.

Spoiler

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Coming onto this website and being vulnerable to everybody is probably one of the bravest things I've ever seen anybody do. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem, let alone tell everybody else you have a problem. I might not understand exactly what you're going through, but I've been in and out of depression myself, I understand what that feeling is like.

I'm sure everybody else has put theirs forward, but coming from someone who has had depression in the past, it always helps to have someone to talk to. Anybody reading this post that is struggling at all or just wants someone to talk to, I'll be here to talk, no matter the time or day. Life is more important than anything I'm doing right now.

Edited by BreadERP

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I've suffered from depression and social anxiety for the past 8 or so years so and couldn't offer any advice if I tried, but I'm always here dude.

Keep yourself surrounded with as much positivity as you can and focus on what's good for you.

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I personally tell myself to never stop fighting. Never stop. I think you can see some of my down times when I play my character, he gets depressed too. Burns man.

Edited by BillyR

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I've had depression, anxiety + paranoia, among other things, for about 13 years now. It's not going away. It kicks my ass.  Especially these days. Nothing helps.

Nice to know I'm not alone tho.

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I feel you hmu if you need Melvin we in this together 

F92FA41F-B3BC-4863-87F8-87B0D8906FFE.jpeg

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My guy, I get it. I fucked up my first year of university (Italy's probably not as competitive as your country, but my uni's ranked 4th in Europe for the subject I study, so yeah, I understand what it means to have a competitive studying environment ) and that shit kicked me down big time. Was really damn depressed and had no idea of how to face my parents with the news; never told this to anyone irl nor will I ever, but I almost off'd myself for that which, in retrospect, would've been silly as hell.

Stuff like this happens, we all go through bad phases and make a big deal out of things that, honestly, are just minor setbacks. The only tip I can give you is to take life as it comes, ups and downs are part of the ride, the sooner you make peace with this, the sooner you'll be happy. Even if you don't make it into whatever university you want to get into, so what? Life's full of other things you can do. Do what makes you happy.

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I have like one day every two weeks where I don't want to move, think, or do anything. It's gotten better but it happens.

I workout and hangout with people and just get human contact from people other than my family. It's easy to get sucked in to your own isolated bubble in our modern society, so get away from toxic people and just chill with anyone who makes you happy.

My dad almost got my mom fired from her job and I just left for two days to avoid "picking up the stick" as we would say. Gotta get out of those situations or at least find somebody to talk to.

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Alright, let's get real.

Firstly, I think you're beyond the word brave, more conversations like this should take place, and you have my genuine, heartfelt appreciation from person to person. 

I have a very hard time being myself especially online, some people that know me understand I never show my fact, this isn't out of a need of privacy or a sense of shame in my appearance, it's because I have a very distorted sense of self. Around the time I left the community I was a moderator on DayZRP, it was at the same time that I was studying game design at University, and I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Studying, work, stress in general, all of this mixed with the almost toxic sense of stiff British upper lip means that talking about it is intensely stigmatized. I have had great opportunities which I have destroyed completely because I inundated myself with a disbelief in my own sense of worth, I've had brilliant relationships which I've thrown aside all because I simply cannot handle being close to somebody, because I believe I'll do something so terribly wrong that they'll hurt me first. 

The thing that we can see when we have clarity of mind however is that despite the fact that not everyone might understand how we feel, even though we desperately want them to, they aren't trying to be malevolent. I can say for certain people here in this very community often care deeply about one another, my issue is I don't let anyone close enough to share that sentiment, despite holding fond memories of many people here. The trick, I suppose, is just to keep moving. It's tiring, easier said than done and there's been plenty of times I've almost convinced myself to give up, and tried to.

If you, or hell, anyone here ever needs to talk, please PM me or someone you trust, or better yet seek someone out in real life you can share the same sentiment with. You might not beleive it, but speaking face to face can really help more than you know.  It feels like it goes without saying, but always take care of yourself, and if you're in a crisis and can't face somebody in real life, or on the internet, please seek the aid of a site like https://www.befrienders.org/ 

I genuinely adore this community, always have, despite my breaks I have many people here who I have a deep appreciation for, some that I've never told. Perhaps I should.

I wish everyone here happiness.

Edit: Oh, and I feel I should add a positive note, I'm doing much better now, perseverance paid off in the long run. Never trade the certainty of nothing for the possibility of everything in the future. I have a good job, I'm surrounded by good people and most importantly I waited and got help.

Edited by Baron

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Got a couple buddies in the Army who have been through shit. One of them was on the phone with me as he drove his car into a concrete pillar.

If you've got an issue, talk to someone. Get some help.

 

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I got into this community late 2013 after the mother of my kids passed away from multiple sclerosis. I was trying to find a place where I could leave the shitty real world for a bit and pretend I was someone else, if only for a short period of time. I have made friends along the way, but all of them have left the community now. I hadn't played DayZ in a long while because of the of state of the game, but also because I literally had no one to play with. Most of my in-game encounters consisted of robberies and torture, and it felt like no one I came across could ever be a potential ally or friend. So i kinda gave up on that for a long time and I was completely disillusioned about ever making friends or finding a group to play with, topping that with how much I am disliked by some members of the community. I've started to play again this weekend, but it feels really lonely and I miss the good old times of Cerberus when people were actually were happy to see me in game.

 

TLDR: I wish I was cool enough to have friends.

Edited by SWAGRP

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I really appreciate everyone coming down to share their stories. I hope this thread can stand as a place for anyone whose inner demons are too big for them to bear. Yesterday, mine was, and I posted this out of the heat of the moment. I am glad it was received well.

I thank everyone for their well-received positive messages. It's awesome and while I hope this thread won't fade into oblivion, I'll hope this reinforces that despite the fact that this place can seem like a high school sometimes with everyone disliking at least somebody, we all came here because our life probably sucked one way or another, to forget our lifes because that was me for a while. I didn't want to play fucking basketball and lose against a juggernaut school for once, I didn't want to do H2 Mathematics and fail my next test for once and I didn't want to face my parents who spent almost all their life savings for their son to flibflab and almost flunk his way out of pre-university for once. And that's why I came here to roleplay Mr Chang.

Hope it's the same for yall and while there is certainly room for argument and shade, I hope that this just reminds you guys that there is a core reason why we are here and to stick together. 

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For all the bad things that happen in this community, there's been a hell of a lot more good things, at least in my case.

Playing this server for 6 months has acted as a form of therapy for my social anxiety. I'm finding myself getting more involved in discussions in college, being more proactive about talking to people and feeling less awkward when I'm in public, ever since I started playing here, and it's showing, as old friends who I run into notice how confident and outgoing I am now. I've also managed to get a great support network of a handful of people here who always support me whenever I feel shit. I appreciate those people more than I can ever put into words. You know who you are ?. When I feel like there's no point, I always convince myself that things will eventually improve. It definitely doesn't help everybody, but it gives me enough motivation to go about my day.

It's crucial that you talk to somebody if you feel depressed. Bottling it up never helped me at all when my depression was at its peak. I personally open up to people I trust on the internet more than people I know IRL, due to there being a certain level of disconnect, which helps me express my feelings more.

Edited by Onyx

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You can do it mate just keep hammering your studies and you'll make it.

 

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As someone who deals with depression myself a lot of my own comes from a combination of wanting to be perfect and the understanding that I never will be and the sort of mental disconnect that comes from it. I had a very, very poor education growing up (Something like the bottom five percent of the US) where we were all but taught creationism in class and had incredibly lacking science and math. In dealing with chronic health issues, multiple surgeries, and the inability to really do much in the way of "proper" work I've always fallen back on my love of writing and every time I've tried to put pen to paper I've always become disgusted with myself and my writing because, in the process of trying to edit or proofread anything I've written, I can't help but feel like a failure, and that sort of feeling pervades my self-image in most aspects of my life.

One of the reasons I'm still on final warning after three years is because my health and depression have kept me from being able to even play on a game that I truly enjoy for three straight months because I always find myself falling into a funk or requiring doctor visits and rest away from games or doing anything really to help try to deal with what's going on. I personally never have really entertained suicidal thoughts to any real extent, though I have had them, and when you are trying to sit down and work through things yourself, at least in my own struggle in trying to beat down emotion and brain chemistry with logic, I've come back to it more than once even if it was never given much credence.

I understand that it is different for everyone, and that cultural aspects of life can get in the way of getting help especially in cultures where a public appearance is important but I would urge anyone who has these issues to get help and at the very least try to see a licensed therapist who can help you come to terms and understand what it is you're wrestling with, because it is different for everyone if only because our own experiences as humans are different. Don't let the fear or worry of how other people see you stop you from getting help, because just having that one outlet can do a lot of good for some people.

To anyone else who may be having issues, it never hurts to try to get some help for yourself. Friends and places of positivity can be great things, but never put them above or completely try to replace actual help with them if you can get it. Always take your meds (That is something that I'm bad at and when I get into a funk I can stare at my pills and tell myself that I know taking them will make me better and still not be able to do it, that's just how things go sometimes). Remember that, if nothing else, you've got people here who care about you, and if nothing else my PMs are always open if you just want to send angry, venting letters about things so that you can know someone will read them and don't want it to be public record.

Try to keep smiling, and for all the shit you might see on the forums, I can say that when people stop shit-posting and see someone in need they never fail to pull through for them, so never be afraid to voice your own worries or stress if you just need an outlet for it.

Love you all.

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As someone who's been dealing with depression, anxiety, paranoya and sorta developing scizoprenia from home abuse, I can tell you that it gets better.

Even though it doesn't, it will.All you have to do is just keep studying, keep working at it and don't listen to the internal deemons. They will leave eventually, even if they like it or not

Whenever you need help, feel free to hit me up on discord and i'll try my best to help if I can, or call anyone of help. The world doesn't need to lose any good person, lost a bunch already anyways.  It's actually really good that you made this post, because people have to talk about it. It's just that, when you talk about it, you get it out of your system which actually makes you feel much better after that. You have social interaction, get to make friends and get to empty yourself for the time being while not focusing on your problems anymore for a time, therefore making you be able to get to them and solve them with a much clearer mind.

 

I wish you the best, I know you can make it and I belive in you! *huuuugs* ❤️

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Depression can be a bitch.. It will drag you down but you gotta keep on fighting your demons.

I myself have been having problems with depression, anxiety and PTSD for many years now but Im still fighting because what else is there to do, you know.. Be strong and keep on fighting! I believe in you all! ❤️

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Please just listen to this all the way through.. when I was having troubles a few years back with depression and anxiety I woke up and listened to this every morning.

 

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I've never really been the depressed type but lately ive been getting these on and off waves of feeling like im uninterested in everything and have no motivation to do things. its a weird feeling which I would say isnt sadness, but the lack of joy. What I've come up with that usually solves it is socializing, staying occupied and physical activity. I feel like the combination of sitting around playing video games and not being around people causes me to get too deep into my thoughts. Once i start socializing with friends or go to jiu jitsu for a few hours I feel good again. early adulthood is probably your most stressful years because you have to figure out what you are going to do with your life and do a shit ton of work. If you maintain that balance of socializing and exercise you should be aight brotha 

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