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Server time: 2018-07-21, 00:29 WE ARE RECRUITING

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The can that was missing some beans. A.K.A Our story.

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I guess people would rather see this here than in Joining/Leaving.

If you stumble across a slightly odd sounding mercenary whose only objective is to kill all the infected while looking for his lost love Dora, that is me. I will be for hire and payment is in 7,62 x 39mm. My contract is simple, you give me ammo, I travel with you into a place you want to loot, I will keep shooting zombies till either you are ready, I am out of ammo or I am dead. My contract will not include defending you from alive enemies.

Oh Dora, how could I ever let the brain eaters ever take you from my hands. You were never the most beautiful, nor the youngest and definetly not a quiet one. Oh, Dora, my love, my one true love. I will always remember your serial number, oh Dora my one and only AKM known by the number 800339. Miss you... And damn if I just had the keys to my god damn house... I really need to take a dump. Haven't been in a familiar bathroom for a year.

And yes, I consider myself to be a mercenary with a twist. I provide people with a mercernary that they can just hire by giving him ammunition and then he will be their zombie fodder. I won't feel bad if I am forgotten in a zombie horde. I consider myself expendable now that I no longer carry Dora with me. And it really helps that my main goal in life is to exterminate every single one of those pesky zombies. I usually do my work by using loud weapons to draw the zeds away from my employers and then slaughtering them in cold blood in a convenient location.

I sure hope to meet Dora again.

I could introduce myself a bit further. My name is actually Othuyeg, it is a name given to me by my religious parents. It means a giant tentacled eyeball. I am currently 22 years old. I wasn't accepted into the military because they considered me a bit too violent and told me that bringing Dora with me into the interview wasn't exactly the brightest idea. I still haven't figured out how a man could be to violent for that line of work. But anyways, let us continue with my introduction.

I speak quite a few languages. My native language is finnish, but I also speak german, swedish and english. I learned english by watching Lazy Town. I used to live in Zelenogorsk where I had a beautiful little house I could call home. I moved there with my parents 19 years ago when i was just a toddler. Sadly I have lost my keys to the house, so it would seem that my house is forever closed. I really don't want to break my own windows just to get in.

My parents were both gold miners, no matter how hard the people tried to tell them there was no gold in chernarus. We weren't really doing so well when I was growing up. My parents were killed in a bandit raid a few days after the world went to hell.

I started working as a mascot for the local super market when I was eleven. I worked there till the incident. It wasn't really a high end job, but I felt like I belonged there. Standing beside the road, dressed as a can of baked beans. It gave my life a meaning.

So that is my life story up until now. I am currently sunbathing at some beach, i can't really remember where. I might still be a bit drunk from last night, judging by the empty whiskey bottles I have found lying around.

If someone decides to hire me, they get a package deal. They get many new players, since I am not the only one occupying my head at the moment. I am never lonely. I just need to keep looting the hospitals regularily to get some medications. We really don't want Him to resurface. He is the one we don't like. He calls himself omnipotent and demands sacrifices. Oh, he is a nasty nasty man. No, we won't let him rule us anymore. His reign is over. No more spilling innocent blood!

Oh, sometimes I dream the nice men come back someday. They treated us so well. They brought us food. They took care of us. They talked nice. The nice men in the white coats. I believe they were worshipping me. Why did I have to leave the nice white house? I really liked it there. The woman I did not like. She had the sharp needles. They hurt and make me sleepy. We did not like her one bit. The nasty man inside once bit her. She made us wear an ugly shirt. Shirts should have holes in the sleeves!

I really want to go back there. Why don't we have soft walls in all of our rooms? They make rooms so nice and bouncy. Very calming. Even He liked it.

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I would appreciate if someone had any input as to how they feel about Othuyeg Tribble, our troubled yet mostly pleasant little hobo.

I guess the big question is: Would you want to survive the apocalypse with this dude?

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It seems like a pretty cool concept having an escaped mental patient during the zombie apocalypse, especially one that is very violent without his meds which he could very easily lose or fail to get them. I like it a lot :D

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Oh I never escaped the white house. I really liked it there! :)

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