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Mademoiselle

The Suicide Note of an Amnesiac

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Youthness Regular

(Click Here for Song and Immersion)

On the pages of the note would be dried tears, they would seem days old. The page hidden in the notebook Meika carried. She would have slotted the book away in her room, which was inside of her backpack. Inside would consist of the twelve year olds handwriting...

First of all, I want to say I’m so sorry.

I know most think if I disappeared with the family I can’t remember, that life would’ve been a bit more peaceful. And none of the problems you faced, wouldn't of been faced if I existed. I wanted to put a smile on everyone's face because I didn’t want them to hurt too. In the end, I ended up making people angry and upset. I’m sorry for that. Everything was and is my fault, and I just made things worse. I got the people I cared about, that I’d die for, hurt.
It’s not just that either. My heart hurts. The people I love who kept me fighting and staying strong, I drove away. And the nightmares of Casey won’t leave. His face. The gun. The blood. I even wake up from when he grabbed my ankle. But I kept my mouth shut, I didn’t want anyone to worry. I’m just so tired of waking up and crying. So this should help me to sleep, permanently. 
I know I’m just a screw up. I tried once before to leave, but this time I’ll make sure.
I’m sorry for being a waste of space.

Hondo....

Everyone is wrong about you. That’s what I want you to know before I leave. You’re the kindest person I’ve met. Even if you did some messed up stuff. You’re my dad. And that was the best thing I could have in this stupid country with these stupid people. I know how it feels now with the nightmares that make you scream yourself awake. No one will understand how hard you had it. And thank you for taking responsibility for me. I’m sorry for adding stress onto you when I wanted to avoid that. Hondo, look after Aleksei for me.

Aleksei…

We may fight a lot now-a-days, but I will and still love you. I wanted to make you proud, but I always felt and knew I was a constant disappointment. I wish I could’ve done more. But I know my voice and the sight of me probably irritated you. I never wanted to see you get hurt. I promise. I wanted you and Hondo to get along. I wanted us to be happy like we were in Novy. I wanted the house with Hondo and you could live with us. Even with Nat. I’m sorry for all my mistakes. I’m sorry for not being as strong as you wanted me to be or even being Blue. I know I changed, and I don’t know how to change back. Aleksei, look after Hondo for me.

To the both of you...

Though I cannot remember my past, my family or a majority of things about myself… Thank you. I made new memories, and maybe for the better. When I found out my family was gone, I knew I still had a family here. And even if this seems like an attachment, and it may mean nothing to you both, you were both keeping me strong and trying to enjoy life. I tried my best to apologise or keep the family together. But somehow, I destroyed it. I’m sorry for that. I didn’t mean too.  I never wanted to make any of you upset or hurt. 

Robbie...

I’m sorry I left you. I didn’t mean to give up but the pain is unbearable. I don’t think I can be strong anymore. 
Thank you for being my best friend and not giving up on me on my bad days. I hope you get well soon with those black veins on your neck. And don’t feel bad, I know you can make a lot of friends. Just don’t make the same mistakes I did.

All I wanted to do was make people happy and proud.
It’s time to go to sleep so I can wake up at my family’s side again.
I’ll see you all whenever.
Love,
Meika Dellouise
Meika Hunt
Meika Novak
Blue
 

//This character has not permadeathed yet. She simply forgot she wrote this and is continuing to remain strong for her guardians. This can be used in-game since she carries the notebook in her backpack.

Edited by Mademoiselle

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That feel when poor Nino isn't mentioned ? lol.

was good. You've come a long way since the diary of Riviara in your writing skill. 

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1 minute ago, Empress Nino said:

That feel when poor Nino isn't mentioned ? lol.

was good. You've come a long way since the diary of Riviara in your writing skill. 

Blue's known Hondo, Aleksei and Robbie the longest ? 

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Just now, Mademoiselle said:

Blue's known Hondo, Aleksei and Robbie the longest ? 

I though we had something special with our teddy bear fascination! Lmao 

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Just now, groovy tonyRP said:

read the title and i had a fuckin panic attack

Aw! I'm so sorry! Why ?

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Just now, groovy tonyRP said:

because panda would literally kill himself

?‍♀️wow thanks for, "Cause I love Blue!" Lol Panda wouldn't permadeath Hondo, ?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️

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YOU FUCKING SCARED ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!

 

DON'T DO THAT TO ME ? 

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1 hour ago, Kain said:

YOU FUCKING SCARED ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!

 

DON'T DO THAT TO ME ? 

?

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4 hours ago, Anthony_Kriss said:

im bouta cry

thx ;(

 

? sorry! I guess it was good then! ? 

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Excellent this. Really emotional read! 

❤️ 

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2 hours ago, Mademoiselle said:

? sorry! I guess it was good then! ? 

go away u bully, i really wished sammy and her would have a friendship, hes kind of in the same boat as her mental wise.

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8 minutes ago, Romenthegreat said:

You better not perma this character.

Why not!? ? 

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1 minute ago, Mademoiselle said:

Why not!? ? 

one of my favorite character. something that brighten up our days that isnt drugs or drinking or doing both at the same time.

11 minutes ago, Anthony_Kriss said:

go away u bully, i really wished sammy and her would have a friendship, hes kind of in the same boat as her mental wise.

she still alive.

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3 minutes ago, Romenthegreat said:

one of my favorite character. something that brighten up our days that isnt drugs or drinking or doing both at the same time.

Awh! That means a lot! Thank you!

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5 minutes ago, Romenthegreat said:

one of my favorite character. something that brighten up our days that isnt drugs or drinking or doing both at the same time.

she still alive.

i know, i said it cus my char is weak lmao

 

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