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Shazzzam

Best Gun For No Blood! [Open Broadcast]

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*Nikolai sits down near a radio tower, looking at the view of the nearby town from above*

Hello to all residents of Chernarus! I would like to tell you more about myself, but I am sure you have better to do in your free time than listen to how I ended up here with all of you. The important part is, that I have a wonderful offer for you! Do you have trouble finding a high-quality weapon? Do zombies harass you and your friends without rest and you have only a steak knife to fend them off? Are you tired of using the same old rusty Kalashnikov and wish you had one of those cool Dragunovs or Vintorez? Are you fed up with wolves who gang up on you and you have only a Trumpet to fend them off? Well I am here to help you with that! In my high-quality super-secret collection I have all those ultra rare hard-to-find guns, fresh from the military box I snatched them! Currently I am giving a VSS Vintorez in top shape for only two military grade tents! If you wish to have a weapon you have a hard time to find or simply are too lazy to get yourself, I am your man! Name the gun and it is yours, for a price of course! 

*He finished the transmission and turns off the radio*

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*Nikolai picks up the radio*

Well chuvak, I believe people will choose my top-grade weapons which I have bargained off fresh Russian military shipments, rather than your rusty piece of crap. Well, one of the VSS is sold already! I have only one more Vintorez left and any person who wants it can simply talk back to me, the best trader in South Zagoria! Not even a single bullet fired off of it, completely unused and ready to shoot! 

*Nikolai ends the transmission* 

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cullens irish voice comes over the radio.

"i'm looking for a aks, some ammo for it and a makarov for my boot if any you weapons dealers got that. i have information and a aug with a mag for it to trade." 

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*Nikolai speaks up on the radio*

My friend, I have exactly what you need! Contact me further for setting up the trade zone, I am more than willing to have that AUG since western weapons are lacking in Russian storage. 

*He ends the transmission*

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"i'm not really up for setting up a trade zone with a, someone i don't know. and b. someone who is going to have my countrymen pounding on his door with guns at the ready. i just like a gun and good amount of ammo. lets set up a meeting privately."

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*Nikolai speaks back on the radio*

That is exactly what I mean chuvak, give me a frequency where I discuss the details with you.

*He cuts the transmission*

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a chernarusian voice comes over the waves. though he sounds worse for ware, his voice is full of rage.

"i need gun. and alot of fucking ammo."

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*Nikolai answers quickly*

Well my friend, you have come to the right frequency, what kind of gun do you require? If I do not have it in stock, you can place an order and depending on the gun, I can give you how many days would I need to get it from my sources behind the border.

*He ends the transmission*

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"i do not know names of many guns. all i know is i need something that takes out people quickly. silent the better. as much as i love my makarov, i need a pistol with more punch. i have a mosin a shot gun random bits of ammo to trade. also after i heal and after i am done doing what i need to do. if you need a hand in your ventures. i will help."

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*As Nikolai was about to eat from his can of beans, a voice on his radio appears suddenly, making him drop the can*

Blyat! Now what do I eat? Pizdec?

Nikolai replies back to the transmission*


Indeed my friend, do not worry of repaying me, I do not plan on leaving this world yet and when you get your job done we can talk about it, da? Now, let us get to business, you want silent gun, that gets rid of problems quickly. Unfortunately I traded off my only two VSS rifles already, blin...It would take days until I trade off another one of those from Russians, not to mention what I have to give them myself. 

But to make it easier on you and cheaper of course, I have a killer suggestion! You said you need a pistol, but I have a rifle that is much more suitable to your needs. What is it that you want my friend? Bolt-action rifles? Semi-automatic marksman rifles? Automatic assault rifles? Name the type, give me a time and location and it is as good as yours!

*He ends the transmission*

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" i have ak74 but recoil is kind of a issue and not enough stopping power. i will need something better. something i can get up close with. possibly to take out as many targets as i can. i do not have much in the way of wares besides a shot gun and a mosin i have at my tree house and the ammo for said guns."

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*Nikolai picks up his radio*

Payment may be in favors or simply information, we will discuss it later as I said my friend! I will help you first with your need of superior weaponry, it is you now who is in need of help. 

I could suggest you an FN FAL, but it is only semi-automatic. However, it uses high-caliber ammunition and it hits pretty hard, with a 20 round magazine you have more than enough chances to kill anyone at any range before bullets run out. And I can also teach you how to make self-made suppressors for it, counting for only one-two shots though. But hey, better than nothing, da?


*He pauses briefly and coughs while continuing*

But I have also a second suggestion. If you want more western kind of weapon, I can suggest you the German Heckler and Koch Machinen Pistole 5 Kurz. Kurz means short in German, because the weapon is indeed compact and easily to carry and conceal! I know my shit, huh priyatel? Higher rate of fire than your AK, superior short range accuracy as well and it can be customized with all kinds of crap to suit your needs, even a flashlight for those dark, scary nights! Stopping power is not something the gun is proud of, only 9mm ammunition acceptable, but simply pressing the trigger will fire more than enough to kill whatever you want to. You want to put a hole in your target or just shred him beyond recognition in seconds?

*He clears his throat once more*

And my final suggestion is the AUG. What the hell is that you say? Modern Austrian means of putting someone to sleep! The gun has a build-in scope, high accuracy and the caliber it uses is why Vietnam wanted to sue the USA for war crimes when it was first introduced into the M16 rifles! We are not talking about shredding, but completely erasing somebody. But to not show the gun bad care. It needs to be well maintained for the best performance. The best part? A NATO suppressor will make it silent for those moments when you want to say goodnight to someone, but don't want the whole neighborhood know of it.

So what will it be chuvak?


*Nikolai stops the transmission*

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"although i do not like using foreign things. i must admit i may not have a choice. this AUG you speak of. i like the sound of it. i too wish to commit war crimes. i am under orders by doctor not to leave hospital compound. if you can meet me there. that would be nice. if not i can walk up to the gate."  

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*Nikolai readies the radio and starts a broadcast*

My friends, another successful trade and another satisfied customer! He wanted an AUG, he got an AUG in timely fashion and the highest quality! Anyone seeking of better armament, look no further than me! No more risking your lives entering military compounds, filled with zombies just for that rusty, old Kalash! Remember - the best guns for no blood!

*Nikolai ends the broadcast and lets it repeat for a few times*

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*Sven patrols Pavlovo when he hears the trader on the radio*

Hörru, are you fucking slow? Keep pushing your luck ryssjävel!

*Sven giggles and let go off the PTT*

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*Nikolai smirks and replies*

Oho, my adversaries! But you see, yesterday was not a good day for you after all! How many of you went down against the Svoboda Movement, hmm? Blyat, you do not even have a gun-trading business so why do you mess with me? You saw how much casualties you sustained yesterday, all I had to give them is some ammo in turn for having your people go down and get myself protected. You waste your lives to cut down my business. Answer me, for what do you do this? You do not possess any form of trading business like me, so what am I doing to you? Bloodthirsty urod, you willing to sacrifice your lives for nothing! 

On top of that, you guys are friendly with some illegal-substance dealers which I walk with. Joe Foster, Henry Shields...Are you willing to throw all friendships away to just chase me and stop me from trading guns? I think you are the slow one if you really think such choices will make you gain something, other than the needless death of your comrades. Use that fucking head of yours, govno. Stop this useless violence, killing me will only make you lose, not gain.

*Nikolai cuts off the transmission*

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*As Nikolai had just finished his canned tuna as he entered the Green Mountain compound and activated the radio tower there, broadcasting...*

Comraaaaades! Hopefully none of you have died, but if so it is surely because lack of good weaponry! Looking for prevention of the otherwise, still inevitable death? Want to live a little bit longer? I am always here for you. In the past days I have made numerous trades, more and more people actually manage to stay alive with the weapons I give them, so they can prove my consistency in delivering the best tools for sweet, brutal violence against whatever wants to harm you! 

*A second part of the broadcast goes up*

This week's specialty is not my personal favorite, no. But it is a European masterpiece In dealing damage! The FN FAL, for all of you gopniks out there having trouble with small calibers! I picked this up from a dead UN soldier, blin. But since he is dead, it won't help him no more!

*A quick, cruel laugh comes up*

But it can help you! This time I will not say the price, but instead be open for offers! And it does not have to be something material, services are also of use to Nikolai! Just don't pay me in bottle caps, blin. Do not delay your companionship with this wonderful gun any longer, because Nikolai gives the best guns for no blood!

*the broadcast is set on repeat* 

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