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The mind's eye - A Journal by Nicolas Grey

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**TLDR; split personality psychologist is a fucking creep. I'll update this every so often. New to this so.. cheers and thank you for your eyes. :)**

The hum of the aircraft droned on and on, like truck tires on a paved road.
It was deafening.


Ludovis was on board a military plane to Chernarus and couldn't help but look around at the variety of people, noticing mostly doctors, military personnel, scientists, journalists. He tried speaking to a few of them but the constant whir of the jet engine made continued conversation strenuous. He assumed everyone was nervous or having regrets. "They doubt themselves" he said to himself while laughing. "I understand the feeling" He gave up on the pursuit and leaned back into the mesh nylon seat. He closed his eyes and drifted off. Though the seat wasn't comfortable, he was inside his mind.

He began to see a forest. He smiled.


The trees were tall. The sun was out and there was a perfect breeze. The air was crisp and the sky clear. He was walking alone and there wasn't much
underbrush. Walking through this forest was easy and direct. As he continued walking, pushing aside stray branches that hung low from the trees, he came across a bear. It noticed him and for a moment they stared at each other. The bear sniffed a little in his direction and relaxed, walking off.

He walked for sometime into the woods blanking out his mind from the worries that gripped him. He must of dazed off. There were mountains now. Valleys and ridges too. It was absolutely breathtaking. This changed. As Ludovis walked deeper into the woods the path would twist, the underbrush would crunch heavily beneath his feet sounding of brittle bones giving in, and the sky turned grey and the ground dark. Clouds had covered the once clear sky and warm sun. The air grew thick and smelled of mold. 

He found a clearing in a valley. Within that was a house with stairs leading to the front door.


The house was wooden and somewhat whethered. The roof had water spots on the outside but remained intact. A Golden orange glow shone through the windows. It was propped up on wooden stilts.  He approached and with each individual step he took he felt an increasing sense of foreboding. Still, being stubborn, Ludovis forced himself through the worry. "I don't believe in fear nor believe in the belief of it." 

He opened the door and stepped inside.


Closing the door behind him, he looked around. Straight ahead was a fresh fire.  It popped and hissed a loud welcome while the flames silently danced in the air. The room was dimly lit but he could instantly tell this was well furnished. He looked right - There was a table next to him and a top of it was placed a gas lantern. He grabbed it and turned it on looking around as it showed him what he was now a part of. The wood was of much different quality inside, it was ornate and looked like rich dark oak. It smelled like cedar. The floor was marble covered partly by a red rug with intricate fluer de lis patterns. The cabin was held up by ornate pillars.

He looked left - there was a staircase.

-No reply only the crack of the fire.

He continued to look around and noticed that the wood on the stairs seemed to change. It didn't match at all with what he first saw. The wood was simple and the details plain. 
He approached and climbed a few steps of stairs before stopping. The walls were stained with black mold. There was a door. 


-No reply only the soft hiss of gas from his lantern.

He decided to try to open the door.

The door creaked loudly. If anyone was here they would know he was here now. The room was dark and t
he floor winced with every step he took as he walked in. He stopped and it was silent. It had a sickly sweet festering smell. "Roaches" he thought. He felt a sinking dread and a piercing icy feeling straight through his stomach. "There's no place like home" he said to himself, trying to remain calm.

He raised his lantern.
He stumbled back dropping the lantern to the ground, shattering the fragile glass.

He fell to the floor clutching his chest. He couldn't breathe and looked up desperate for air.

The walls were lined with faces. He recognized each and every one. They were his patients. Their faces showed no emotion or personality. 

We'll be landing any minute now. Are you ready?

The voice was familiar.
He knew it well.

A figure of a man stood before him. He stared at Ludovis and Ludovis stared back, paralyzed. 

He  wanted to beg, plea, bargain that it not do what it was about to do but he couldn't. He couldn't make any sound.
The figure stood silently for a brief moment before grabbing Ludovis' arm.

Ludovis felt himself scream. His vision darkened, a feeling of tumbling beneath the pull of crashing waves gripped him, then nothing.
He was in a state of emptiness yet he felt aware. He could see what was being seen by his eyes but he could not process. He could listen to what his ears had heard but he could not understand. He could feel what his body did and he could perceive what it was going to do but he could not act. He was here but he wasn't. He was him and someone else.
Nicolas opened his eyes.
The whirring of the engine had stopped and the plane landed. One of the journalists was standing in front of him with a concerned look on his face.
"Sorry I tried waking you up earlier when we were about to land but you were fast asleep and you weren't strapped in."
What did you say when you tried to wake me?
Baffled by the purpose behind the question the journalist responded, "We'll be landing any minute now. Are you ready?"

Nicolas stared at the man with cold eyes.
John stared back. "What's your name?"
Nicolas smirked. "I'm Nicolas."

All three men got up from their seats.
All three were the last two passengers aboard.
All three walked into Chernarus for the first time.

Edited by Vrtra
picture changes

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Dude Im loving it so far, but I like to tell everyone this with journals and stories: add some more visuals/graphics and maybe an mp3 player similiar to those on peoples profiles and character pages playing an ambient track to set the mood of the entry. A little bit of extra spruce and ambience can go a LONG way to getting people immersed in your story. 

Edited by Raptor

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Thanks for reaching out and taking your time to read. It means a lot to me. I'll touch things up.

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Nicely written and nicely detailed! 

Draws more attention when adding graphics and so on like @Raptor mentioned.

It gives the reader the urge to carry on reading.

Keep it up, I want to see more. ;)

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Thanks again guys! *bow* 
Made changes and touched up on the story a little. I'm leaving it silent. cheers!!

Edited by Vrtra

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Oh, my, nice!

Looks great! 

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 As you look up to a clear sky, thinking everything you know is right, you may find the ground washing away beneath your feet.

"Ok Estella..." Ludovis puts Estella's brown leather jacket on her back with overbearing care,  "I believe you are ready."


 Estella spreads a cold, programmed smile across her dull, listless face. "Thank you Ludo. You always know what to say."
 Ludovis returns the smile. "Thank you for coming in today"
 Estella, rising up from her chair, walked in an even and predictable pace to the door closing it behind her without a sound.

Ludovis stared through the window and out onto the city. The session went well, however, he didn't feel well. He felt sick. He set his papers down from Estella's counseling on the glass table next to him.

After a few moments he closed his eyes letting his mind think to itself...

"Always know what to say..."
Ludovis continued inside his head after a few moments.

That seems to be a phrase people tell me more times than I can remember - and probably - the reason why I became a psychologist.
People seem comfortable with me and I, in turn, become comfortable with them.
It's a form of intimacy that can cure loneliness better than any physical relationship could hope to remedy.
I remember doctors calling my methods brain washing. Some would condemn them as coercion. I rather liked them calling me a coercer.
Let me be clear, I never forced a patient's opinion, but it's funny how people make inaccurate opinions or judgements on others when feeling threatened in order to handle a situation. Perhaps it was jealousy.

My patients seemed more controlled than theirs and as a result I got more business. In any case, I just respond the same as always, "What's the difference between the two?"
The truth is... I don't say much of anything to my patients - I let them speak for themselves. Observational study.
Smirking to himself, Ludovis starts to recite the drilled definition.
The method of study in which the researcher draws inferences from a subject to interpret for an intended benefactor where the independent variable is not under the control of the researcher because of ethical concerns or logistical constraints. Bullshit. His face grimaced from annoyance.

So, basically you suggest to help them but do nothing for them.
-No. I suggest to help them help themselves.
Ludovis frowned at the response, his eyes closing even tighter.
And how exactly do I?
-The mind is like a garden Ludovis. The garden needs a Gardener. There are flowers, trees, bushes, and leaves. These represent the ideas scattered inside the mind. The foliage that receives the Gardener's water are the ones that will prosper.
His face relaxed.
...And once it has prospered?
-You collect.
Collect what?


Ludovis opened his eyes. The familiar vista of tall buildings greeted him. His breathing was slow. He rested his finger on his wrist counting the beats.

He was calm. In this moment nothing was of value.
He felt no fear. He had no desire. He controlled time. He was immortal.
He believed this to be clairvoyance. Nirvana.
This is what he gives to his patients.
This is how he and everyone he can help will become gods.

I must be doing something right. I know NATO will agree as I help them with the relief efforts in Chernarus. Not to mention I could look into the journalist's methods.
He blanked out for a little before continuing the conversation. To be given immediate trust by only showing concern and having a listening ear and eye... Ludovis laughed. They are the same as me... but they control the world. I control a room. I'll need an alias though... I don't want anyone knowing what I do or who I am. Influence is more powerful from the unexpected.

Ludovis closed his eyes again.

He saw a clear sky. Looking around he was in an ocean with the familiar layout of his office. The warm sun shone gently on his face and the cool waters embraced his back.
He was floating along to the pull of the current and he, finally, felt well again. Just another piece of flotsam floating off into the deep abyss.


Let's not waste this moment.
Edited by Vrtra
Moved character page over to journal

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The entry is dated September 2017. No day is given

John pt.1

Hello? Nicolas?! You there?

John had been trying to get my attention for the past two minutes but I couldn't be bothered. Ever since he showed me a few of his interviews I couldn't help but
start writing. I wasn't interviewing anyone currently but I was writing down all I could remember from the people I had met before.
We were on a bus and it was heading to a military camp just south of Pavlovo.
It was dark and the driver was driving from Balota on unused roads. They said it was too risky to ride during the day.
There were 24 other people on the large bus including the driver. Most were scientists and researchers with a dash of contractors. I didn't care much about them.
I needed to pick John's brain more.

John sighed giving up on the effort.
I smiled.
I'm everywhere John.

John raised his eyebrow at the response.
Do you find most people trust you as a journalist?
"Oh, so he speaks."  John loved to be snarky.

Nicolas looked at him with a slightly annoyed expression which John thought was amusing.

He continued while laughing,
Haha... perhaps you should of been one my friend. John tried to glance over at Nicolas's notebook. It was intricate. Raised Celtic knots and crosses were drawn over it. Nicolas hurriedly pulled it back from his sight. John smiled.
I suppose it is best to not tell stories until they are complete huh? Yes, to answer your question, they tend to. I imagine it has something to do with showing interest in what other people have to say and then showing them a way that their word will get out there and make more of an impact.

What makes a good story John?

Oh! good question. Well.. you need both truth and lies. You see, Truth is what brings value and order to a story but there's no lure or mystery to truth. That's where lies come in.

Are you saying you lie John? Nicolas is writing quick notes in his book as he asks and listens.

No! Not at all Nicolas! I just may sometimes have to alter a word or two. Two people can read the exact same story but due to their tone, speed, and mindset they will come to two different conclusions.

Nicolas stops writing and looks up at him.
How do you convey a meaning to someone and not have it misunderstood?

You paint.

What do you mean John?
Descriptive writing. Tell them what you see. Relate to them. Don't worry about the points to prove. Make them see a picture. You can't mistake a sight.
What makes you think they can't?
Eyes don't lie Nicolas especially the mind's eye.
"The minds eye..." Nicolas smiled and thought quietly to himself, "But the mind can lie. It can twist whatever it wants into whatever it feels like just as you do with words. It can do this even easier when the mind is blind."

Let me try painting a picture for you now then John.
John had a surprised expression on his face but quickly returned with a smile and said "Go ahead"

This came from a video game I used to play way back when life was more what am I going to eat for dinner tonight and less how am I going to survive tonight.
Nicolas never played any video games, Ludovis did.

Nicolas began to recite the poem,
I can see what you see not
Vision milky then eyes rot
When you turn they will be gone
Whispering their hidden song
Then you see what cannot be
Shadows move where light should be
Out of darkness, out of mind
Cast down into the halls of the blind

A chill gripped Nicolas and crept  up his spine. He closed his eyes and jerked his head in a single rigid motion from the intensity. He savored these moments. He opened his eyes and looked at John's face.

It sure was pretty but it was perfect now. He had an outward expression of slight worry splashed across it.  A look that said I'm worried and therefore should feel worried but why do I feel safe and not worried. A moment where John was unsure of how he felt.

Nicolas contained a grin and thought to himself.
"He Doubted himself. I want that moment forever" 

A few seconds had passed and they both stared at each other. Nicolas broke the silence with a warm smile.
John answered, "..that's pretty gloomy Nicolas. I don't think it paints a very good picture."

Nicolas grinned a even perfect grin. "It does for me."

Edited by Vrtra
Credit for the poem goes to Diablo by Blizzard Entertainment

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*As you continuing looking through the pages you find what looks like Nicolas is talking to someone inside his head*
The mind is like a garden Ludovis. The garden needs a Gardener. There are flowers, trees, bushes, and leaves. These represent the ideas scattered inside the mind.
The foliage that receives the Gardener's water are the ones that will prosper.
Nicolas smirked as he recalled his words to Ludovis continuing on in his head with the conversation.

Lets expand on this, ok Ludovis? I feel like this left you asking questions.
What is the difference between coercion or brain washing?

Funny parallels there with water and brain "washing." Lets define each.
First, coercion, I'll paraphrase - "Being forced to do or believe in something someone would choose not to naturally do or believe in. So the minds of the coerced
are still considered theirs with their own opinions still "pure", but because of outside influence they do something else because of reasons forced on them.
As for brainwashing, that is the mind believing in an idea full heartedly as opposed to merely believing in a belief, which is another theory we'll discuss later.
The way the information is received is limitless in possibilities and, depending on personal opinion, could be labeled as false or morally apprehensive. But if someone were to choose to "water the washing" or to believe full heartily in an idea presented to themselves from an outside opinion, it then is them convincing themselves that the idea is true and therefore an original thought coming from them. Regardless of whether or not they accept an idea simply because they have no other information, or if because that is all they have known, you can not deny that people ultimately have control of their own mind.
To argue someone could control the mind of another would suggest someone found the apple on the forbidden tree - or to be less esoteric - a way to become god.
That shouldn't suggest that people can't be overwhelming persuasive but that's all they are... a persuader... not someone controlling the mind of another.
Regardless of how the information is obtained, everyone has their own mind and can choose what they stand for - not from what they know but from what they feel is right.
This thought naturally brings questions like: "What is right and wrong", "Why do we feel bad when we do something wrong", or "Who or what tells us the difference between the two." All good questions, however, the two I feel is more important to ask yourself is "are morals and the brain linked?" and  "how do they come together for a singular cohesive unwavering collective like society?"
Funny isn't it? As overused as the phrase is, everything really is connected and it can become quite easy to go off on a tangent. Lets explore "society"  for a moment.
There are many forms of it. Utilitarianism, Nihilism, Anarchy... there are more but frankly I can't think of them at the moment. These "societies" delve into
social ethic codes for a singular system for a group of people. Each is interesting and has a solid reason behind it, so which one is the one way?
There is a study for that - Normative Ethics.
I'll give you my answer with a picture and a question for you to think about because, in all honesty, I can't answer for you, you have to question and answer for yourself.

Take a stone and a tree for example. This example may be a little out of place but just brainstorm with me and open your mind. Nicolas smirked at the joke.
You would call each what they are but they follow a different standard. I bet that when you picture a rock you assume the rock is small, mobile, and "easily" influenced, whereas the tree might be big and not so easy to pick up out of the ground. It's roots go deep and it is not so "easily" changed.

You pick up the rock and then drop it. Did it fall to the ground? You knew it would because you knew about the standard of gravity. If you did the
same with the tree it would, probably, do the same. Kudos for ripping a tree out of the ground. Nicolas smirked.
That is what a standard is - a singular indisputable current truth. Everyone and everything follows it whether they want to or not.
Nicolas grinned to himself and continued...
But what if you thought the tree was ugly or the stone is too heavy to throw? Would you try to "fix" it?
There is more to think about Ludovis but I want you to think hard about what we've talked about today, ok?
One last thought for you before you go. It goes  back to your original question - There is no difference.
The brain washers knowingly and forcibly push a singular truth onto another person, therefore they are a coercer.
The coercer attempts to change someone else that does not currently agree with them, therefore they are brain washing.

Edited by Vrtra
cut out a section by accident, adding back in.

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Damn, I dig the notebook you put in. I like it much more than people that do it in photoshop or whatever. The story is decent aswell.

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2 hours ago, Strawberry said:

Damn, I dig the notebook you put in. I like it much more than people that do it in photoshop or whatever. The story is decent as always.

thanks amigo. That means a lot. Thank you for reading... I'm thinking I will fast forward and start talking about the characters I met in game and what was gonna go on or the details Nicolas observed about them. Gotta reach out to them to make sure it's ok with them

Edited by Vrtra

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**I'm fast forwarding to in game events now. Cheers! I am reaching out to people who were involved to draw their characters but if you like what you see send me a reference picture one. I'll be happy to draw. I need the practice. Writing style has now changed to that of an actual journal.**


*Annoyed by not finding any pertinent information you flip through the journal. There are drawings attached. You stop when you find a drawn picture of a man you've heard. *


Nicolas breathed in a calm and steady breath while tucking his knife away. It was quiet now. No more cameras recording. No more interviews. Just Nicolas, an immortalized John, and a now slightly bloodied journal. Nicolas walked to a nearby pond and set John down beside his journal. After washing his hands and gathering everything he pulled
out his radio. He turned it on and heard people talking.

-Yes yes, hello?

- ...can you hear me?

-Yes, what is it?

-yeah, young matty is on the radio as well with us.

-ah yes yes yes, ok ok ok... the voice said dismissively
-Hello?! answered the first voice
-Oh wow. This thing works.
-Yeah, so, we're just making sure we are all on the same frequency. so that way, y'know-
-Oh yes, hello Matty.
-Hello how are you? I responded trying to pretend to be "Matty"
-Oh... that's not Matty.
-Oh shit...uhh... there is a fourth, *laughs* yeah, there is a fourth person on the frequency. Hello.
How are you?
-Pretty fucking good.
Well that sounds... pretty fucking awesome.
-Yeah that does sound pretty fucking awesome.
-Is this pat?
-uh, no I don't think that is pat.  who are you?
No my name is Nic. Who is this?
-Well, I'm David Anderson.
Hello David. I'm Nicolas.
-Well it's nice to meet you Nicolas. Uh, it's kinda awkward, didn't expect to have anyone else on the frequency. Anyway, real quick, excluding you nicolas from the conversation, Vytis - meet us in Staroye and me and Matty are gonna meet up somewhere close.
-Continue with the plan gentleman and head there.
Mind if I join you?
-Fuck it sure. Just don't call me David call me Jaime. People know me down here so... not good. See you there Nic.

Once I got to Staroye I walked around for awhile looking for these people that were on the radio. Almost giving up a man appeared at the end of the street and approached me.

Heyo, what's up my guy? The man held a gun in his hand.
Hello. How are you?
Yeah pretty good. How 'bout you?
Good good.

His voice was more energetic than mine. He continued...
What brings you to uh.. Staroye on this beautiful day? sounding more sarcastic this time.
I smirked. It is a nice day, isn't it? I'm looking for a man named Jaime. The sky was clear and the wind blew gently.
The man looked around clearly on guard... Jaime *tsk* *tsk* *tsk* Can't think of any people named Jaime around here... What does he look like? Does he have an accent?
I had a feeling this was a test... so I feigned ignorance but gave him a vague truth still.
No i'm afraid not. I met him on the radio. He sounded nice and I was looking to find some company.
*Tsk* Alright, ok, well I'm just gonna be rolling around town, y'kno, like uh, I got a few friends around y'kno just exploring and taking in the sights. So uh.. If I see this Jaime guy I'll direct him to you.

The man looked a little confused. I'm not to sure what you're doing... you looking trough homes here or something?
Called it. nicolas thought to himself. I don't blame them. They are an infamous group. I had already been told to avoid a group called Anarchy with a man named David Anderson in it.
Yes I am. I haven't found anything worthwhile... and thank you. I'd appreciate that. The man turned and started to walk away.
What's your name by the way?
uhhhh... you can call me "the Jackal"
Not your birth name I suppose?
You suppose correctly he said with a laugh.
I turned back to the house I was in before Jackal questioned me. I turned on my radio and tried to reach Jaime. I got no reply.
I decided to wait. They know I'm here if he is with them. If I passed the test they will come find me or radio me. 
I heard footsteps. Jackal was there in front of me.
There he is. Yeah, your friend is in Msta. I'm about to go if you want to tag along.
Do you mind?
As we made our way there we talked about his "professions", the concept of anarchy and other society ethic codes.
At one point though he thought it would be funny to quietly take off his silencer on his gun when I wasn't looking and try to shoot an infected.

"Another test" I thought with a smirk to myself.
Now maybe it wasn't. Maybe he just prefers to be loud. I doubt it though. It was on there before... so why take it off now? suspcious boy... you don't have to play games sir. Ive heard a good bit about y'all. I like y'all
My plan for this test - pretend to not know how to handle a gun or that there was even a silencer on it to begin with. If I can convince him that I didn't notice then it should be fine.
My heart was still beating hard though and my head was on a swivel... the infected are drawn to gunfire like moths to a flame.
Eventually we made it to the destination. There were 4 other men there. Jackal pointed for me to wait. I heard Jaime's voice. He was talking to someone. I listened in on what I could.

-...needed that information. Is this individual....Jack Castle, is he with the valentines?
-I suppose.. he was the security team.. at pub.
-Where are they at right now?
-No idea.
-Can you contact them on the radio?
-No. I have their open comms frequency if you'd like.
-Yes please
The man gave David a sheet of paper. I couldn't see what was written on it.
Jackal approached David.
Hey do you know a man named Jaime? This man was asking for him. He pointed at me.
I said my name was Jaime. This the Nicolas guy I was talking about?
Your friend there showed me around. You're a hard man to find y'kno.
Indeed. I like to keep it that way sometimes. Give me one second I need to go on the radio.
David walked off. I could see big green tents where he walked off to. There had to of been about 4 or 5 of them.
There was a moment of silence and I found myself staring at the sky pretending to be calm.
Hey uh... jack-off... you mind if I have a word.
Yeah sure.  Jackal and one of the men there go into one of the buildings and close the door.

The door opened after some time and both stepped out. The man I didn't know approached me.
Hey uh... you are? Just wondering, I don't think I caught your name.
I smiled and politely responded, I'm Nicolas.
Hi nicolas. I'm Raz. Raz wore a grey beanie.
What brings you here?
Well, I ran into your friend the jackal over there, I was pointing to staroye,  and uh, he said he found the man I was looking for - Jaime.
Well, I'm just a bit confused. We got a lot of new faces showing up.. and I don't know what is what.
Ok. Well, the best answer to confusion is persuit.
The man nodded and walked off.

There was another moment of silence and I was alone with the man Jaime had been talking to before.

After some time Jaime came back. The man approached him.
Are y'all interested in trading? I could use a couple of things and I have some things that may be of use to you.
Uh no, You might want to ask nicolas over there. He might be of use to you. I saw him jotting some things down in his book earlier. Its the guy leaning up against the car. Jaime smiled and walked off.
The man turned to me. Oh, hi.
Hi. What can I do for you?
I found these supressors figured someone would need them.
Ok, what are you looking for?
Medical supplies.
My eyes lit up and I gave him what I could refusing the suppressor. He thanked me.
Whats your name?
We talked a little. He's a surgeon.
Oh wow I retorted... You must have very steady hands.
I uh.. try to. Depends on the situation.
What makes you nervous, doctor?
Well uh... gunfire... guns in general mostly especially when pointed at me.
You don't mind if I jot stuff down, do you?
No. it's fine.

Three of the men came back. Each of them wearing a bright blue shirt. Jaime was one of them. He spoke.
We just got word over the radio that some stuff was going on in Gorka. We're gonna go back some people up.
Thats nice.
We are nice people.
Mind if I come with you Jaime?
Fuck it come on.
Raz snarked... if shit goes bad pull that shovel out.. whack some cunts on the head.
We are now running to gorka to help some people being bullied - Jackal, Jaime, Raz, and myself. Casey stayed at Msta. I didn't see the 6th man.
Edited by Vrtra

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Awesome drawings! I like your character (apart from his goofy laugh :S ) He seems interesting and everything

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12 minutes ago, Mademoiselle said:

Awesome drawings! I like your character (apart from his goofy laugh :S ) He seems interesting and everything

Thank you ma'am! :$ means a lot. I'll be happy to draw Faith since she was in the story. Message me a picture for reference.

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Very nice very nice :D good read and the notebook (as said before) is a nice touch. 

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Jade! Thank you *blush*   I need a picture from you too soon. I'll message you when i'm ready.

Thank you for reading <3

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love the sketches! Wish I could draw my own, they add a lot to it :) Like the story so far

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We continued to run to Gorka. Jackal had branched off. I didn't know why. It was hard enough keeping up with these guys...
We ran into a guy on our way there.
Who the fuck are you? I laughed... I love Jaime's blatant no bullshit comedy. Nice way to introduce yourself. The man must of not heard him.
Who the fuck are you?! What's your name?
Name's Grizzly.. He wore a nice black cowboy hat.
Grizzly, oh ok. I heard you guys were in trouble. We're here to help. The fuck are those dildo's at?
So vulgar Jaime. I bet you're a freak.
Oh thank you. Well, they just ran off with someone in blue I thought it might of been one of you boys but uh-
Yeah, which direction?  Raz sounded annoyed.
Uh... they were heading down this road here. He was pointing at the road leading away from Altar radio tower down past Gorka. They came up from Gorka and was heading down this road.
I spotted y'all and so I was gonna come up and let y'all know.
Your teammates, your people, or the bad guys?
Uh no...I don't know who they are... but they had military grade weapons and gear looked like a mercenary group.
And they ran that? Raz pointed down the road the man pointed before.
Ok cheers buddy.
Raz and Jaime ran off. I wanted to keep up so I hastily followed.
We approached Gorka. There were three people in the middle, next to the clinic.
They ran up ahead. I was annoyed and thought to myself.
They run into things like fuck this I own this bitch... fucking Bilbo Baggins does. Oh wait... Bilbo Baggins didn't run into anything... he hid
I was getting tired. Once I caught up, Jaime and Raz had gotten two guys to follow them and they went down the street leading out of gorka.
Ok... see you around Emilia.
It was just me and her now. We stood in the middle of the town and she was approaching me. She seemed a little stressed.
*There are illegible scribbles and smiles written here. You continue to read*
Hi. She sounded nice but annoyed. Are you with them?
Uh, I was. They're really fast.
You got bad legs or something?
No, it's just hard to keep up. A lie. I mean it is hard... but I did. I was more interested in this lady.
She sighed.
Who are you?
I... I'm Emilia. Still sounding exasperated. She was looking around and pacing. What's your name?
*BOOM* A gunshot rang out from down the street. The same direction the others went. I smiled.
I'm Nicolas. Think they're ok? Nodding my head down the road and my voice calm.
Yeah... they can handle themselves. Do you know them well?
No I just met them.
I lied. I've heard a lot about them.
Oh. There was a pause. You need to be careful who you hang around with.
The wind was gentle.
What do you mean?
Uh.. There's a lot of bad people around. I'm not saying they are bad, I don't know them, but really... just don't trust to many people.
She sighed again.
I softened my voice. Do you trust me... Are you ok? You sound upset. I was staring deeply into her.
Vulnerable and she is still here with me. I think she's comfortable enough. I'm already there.
I'm... a little stressed? I just lost my group leader. He's gone on a chase... and he's left me here on my own. I'm just wonderful today.
I laughed. We began walking up the street out of gorka towards Altar radio tower as we talked.
It's funny... humor seems to sprout from when we say the things we don't mean to say.
She stopped and looked at me. I'm just a very sarcastic person and everything I say just comes out sounding rude. Her face changed to worry.
Are you not gonna catch up to them or go after them?
Do you mind if I walk with you?
Uhhhm... you can if you want to, but... I don't want any trouble coming to me.
I shook my head politely. No... I'm just here. I've been taking up journalism and I've been collecting stories. Trying to at least. We continued walking up the road.
Oh have you? What sorta stories have you been getting in? Scary ones?
I laughed.
I'm sure there are a couple of scary stories I could show you. What about you?
What about me?
Do you have a scary story?
Uhmm.... she looked up to think.    Not really. I think the scariest thing I could tell you is that my favorite colour use to be pink.
And why is that scary?
She laughed. Do I look like someone who likes pink? 
She wore a black baseball cap, the dykiest fucking beige pants ever, brown boots, black coat, big ass backpack, and she held a gun in her hand.
She did not look like someone who liked the color pink.
I thought this was one of those moments where you have to watch what you say with women... you know... "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Uhh.... Is that a trick question?
MM.. take it how you want it.
MM... I'm disinclined to acquiesce your request. Sometimes I just like saying random bullshit. Usually works.
She sighed... We were near a barn now.
Why are you holding that in your hand? She was pointing at my papers.
It's uh... it's a little bi... It's my notes actually.
Oh, ok. I don't really have anything that interesting to tell you.
She was trying to get rid of me... Maybe I made her feel uneasy. Maybe she wasn't. Maybe I was over analyzing. 
Sometimes the most interesting things come from the most unsuspecting of things. It's only if your comfortable. I was hinting to her to let her know I knew what she was trying to do and giving her the choice.
She was looking around. Where the fuck did he go?
We did run into a man. Was his name Grizzly?
He went that way. I pointed a little south from  the hill where we met Grizzly. I'm not good with directions though.
He left me here alone... how messed up is that?
Maybe he is confident in your skills. You seem well equipped.
I don't have skills. She said laughing I can talk my way out of things, yeah, thats probably my only skill.
MMMmm. I responded in soft acknowledgement. 
MMMmmmm she said mockingly and continued. You seem very nervous.
That word echoed loudly in my head. My face grew serious. I wasn't nervous. I was quite calm. But I'm gonna change my act up a little for you babe.
I softened my tone again and shook my head.
mhm mm.. I said in  unassuming disagreement. What makes you think I'm nervous?
Mmm... Her face was unsure of what to think. It was very pretty. You just seem... i dunno.... nervous.
Do I make you nervous? I don't mean to. Shifting the focus off of me.
I don't get nervous.
Are you sure?
Yeeesss.... she sounded annoyed.
Everybody gets nervous sometimes don't they?
Uhh...I use to get nervous. Sure.
Wait... You aren't writting all this shit down are you? She noticed me jotting notes.
I must of seem surprised. I was because she noticed.
You trying to be my shrink or something?
I laughed. Am I that transparent?
I don't like people to get into my head, you see? She was pacing around me holding her gun.

I thought to myself with a polite smile.
I like getting into people's heads, you see?! YOU SEE?! 
On the outside I remained calm and emotionally stable. I responded with a softer voice still and within normal conversational timing.
Ok. I'm not trying to. I'm just merely curious. I don't mean to scare you.
You're not scaring me. I don't get scared. I was just held up at a house back there. Someone asked me to smell his finger and I told him to shove it up his ass.
Does that sound like someone who is scared?
I was staring at her and laughing.
mm mm... doesn't sound like someone who is scared.
She sighed and I continued to stare at her with my smile.
What are you looking at? She had a bitter tone.
I played it off as if I was hurt, looking down towards the ground.
I'm sorry... I don't mean to sound like a bitch.. It's just been a couple of shit days.
I smiled warmly.

No it's ok... your friend left you... you got held up... and you thought I was getting into your head.
She smiled back. Give me a second i'm gonna radio for someone from my group.
Bruce where are you? The radio buzzed... I couldn't hear it. Where?
A voice came from the bushes we had stopped in front of next to the barn. Very Close.
It was pretty ninja. Ninja "Grizzly" emerged from the battered bush and approached us.  HAHAHA I crack myself up sometimes.
Now I got his name.
There he is. She had a smirk on her face.. as if she knew he was there. A test huh seems like people love to quiz me.
Hey... so What happened? I saw all the anarchy guys run down gorka.
Yeah... I dunno... I'm gonna head down there and talk to them. On the comms with joey and uh.... his radio was clicking grabbing his attention.
He's what?
One sec. Bruce walked off with the radio in his hand.
You don't mind if I write stuff down do you? I'm very forgetful, you see, and some days... I wake up... I kinda forget some things, you see. Is it ok if I write?
I loved using  people's mannerisms against themselves... Makes it easier for them to relate to you.
UGH! she said in agreement... You should see my memory! My memory is just *pff* the worst. uhhh... What's your name again? She laughed.
Bruce... You're gonna go down there and talk to them?
Yeah. Joey said to go meet him up at the radio tower.
There's someone coming down the hill. It was Jackal.  He's so cute when he tutt-tutts around like a kid with his big ole gun in his hands. HAHA
That's fine head to the radio tower.
Jackal approached. What's up boys and girls?
Is that you Jackal?
OOHhh you seem to know everyone you do...Don't ye? HUhhhhh~ Let's get out of here. She had a "Eureka" moment.
Bye jackal.
We walked toward the tower. Are you ok to run?
MMMMHMMM~ She mocked me again.
Are YOU ok to run? Don't trip, ok?
I'm very good at running. I'm the fastest in our group.
So we are going to meet Joey, and he's my boyfriend, just wanted to tell you.
"...and he's my boyfriend, just wanted to tell you." Did she think I wanted her gooch? 
You women and your lines. I like the ones that go- "You have a great personality", "Does "A" make me look "B", "You never listen to me", or the
"I just feel like "X" really gets between "Y" and that really affects "Z"
Just for that I'm gonna try to steal your boyfriend.
We arrived at the radio tower and we waited. She asked how long I had been with the blue shirt boys.
Not long. I just met them today after listening to a radio conversation. Met up and they seemed nice.
They did? Not so much. I've heard a lot of bad things about them to be honest.
mm mm... I don't see why. Why do you think they are bad?
Well I don't know personally. I've just heard from other people that they don't allow people to wear certain clothes or military guns.
I laughed and tried to change her mind by making a joke.
Wait, you mean to tell me that they go around with their guns enforcing fashion? That just seems silly.
We laughed and started talking about disguise outfits she wore. Mostly dresses.
The sun shined. The birds chirped to each other. One would chirp close... the other would chirp the same tune further away.
Stratus clouds in the sky. Nice.
It's nice up here.
It is. Who's this? A man was approaching. She gasped. It's JOEY!

She ran to meet him. Joey?
mmhm. Joey wore a white plaid shirt, blue jeans and a hat. He had a beard.
OH. Oh my god. Shit's going on and I don't know what to do... she turned toward me. ..And, this... is... a... a Journalist did you say?
I laughed.
Yes. I'm Nicolas. Nice to meet you.
How'd you end up here?
I just followed Emilia and uh... there were wolves... so we ran up here.
Hmm. His tone sounded unenthused.
He was following the Anarchy today. He's doing some journalism and writing some... stories.

HMM. His tone sounded intrigued.
There was a pause.
Joey, do you have antibiotics on you? I shot parker last night.
Yeah, I do.
Oh my god. I've got to go help parker... I shot him last night in the shoulder.
There were shots echoing up the hill from Gorka. Bruce was still down there.
We looked down the road trying to decide if we should go see if everything was ok.
I still have my radio on me... I can radio them.
I walked off and called for Jaime. No reply. I turned around. Jaime was walking up to us. Raz was with him, Grizzly, and the 6th man too that I haven't met yet back at Msta.
Oh. That works.
I'm looking for those cunt bags. Where did they go?
I didn't see where they went.
Alright, I'm gonna dip out and try to find them. If you wanna stick with these people you can Nicolas. This guy right here is good friends of mine so they'll keep you safe.
How do I find you again?
The radio. I'm always on it.
The 6th man gave joey a rifle. He wore a green tracksuit jacket and black running pants it looked like.
I am man of my word. It was the Russian accent I heard from the radio! So he must of been the "Vytis" Jaime was talking to on the radio. He ran off.

So bruce... is it ok if Nicolas stays with us?
It is grizzly right? I wanted to make him think I was stupid.
Yeah. Like the bear.
Worked like a charm. Imaginary jazz hands! Alright fuck off... let's move on.
A man with a smiling clown mask, a fireman's jacket and some red shoes walked up.
the man laughed. I know not again huh?
If you're looking for your friends they went that way. He ran in the direction Emilia pointed thanking her as he left.
Who was that?
He use to work for me when I had a trading camp... so.
Yeah I was walking with him for awhile and turns out he works for the anarchy.
Emilia lied to me earlier. She seems to know Anarchy better than she portrayed.
Oh... and let me point this out buddy. Joey looked serious. Everything that goes on here - Off the grid. No notes.
I smiled and politely agreed. You have my word.
HAHAHA I'LL JUST WRITE WHEN YOU AREN'T LOOKING. I suppose Joey is suspicious of me. Or maybe he's smart. 
We gotta go help parker.
Right. Let's go.

Joey, Bruce "Grizzly", Emilia, and myself are now running to wherever a man named Parker is. I am following them.

emilia 1.jpg

Edited by Vrtra

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woooooooooooooooooooooooow :P u called emilia a bitch lol im hurt lol was so cool to read that :) thankyou so much :trolle: 

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22 minutes ago, kimmylou said:

woooooooooooooooooooooooow :P u called emilia a bitch lol im hurt lol was so cool to read that :) thankyou so much :trolle: 

Thank you for being a good sport!  (I love you) <3 Thank you for reading! 

Edited by Vrtra

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My own dialogue cracked me up through the duration of reading the journal entries. I love it, keep putting stuff like this out, dude.

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Imaginary jazz hands though xD 

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What in the gotdamn!? This looks amazing now Vrtra! Deserves a follow and some beanz :)

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1 hour ago, Raptor said:

What in the gotdamn!? This looks amazing now Vrtra! Deserves a follow and some beanz :)

Thank you. You taught me well senpai. ☺️

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I have been reading this off and on for a couple days now, this is amazing. Keep adding to it.

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