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Sam Fields

Start the consigliere search? [Open]

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*The PTT is pressed. A Brooklyn accent sounds through*

"Hey, Sal. I hope you ain't fuckin' wrecked the place whilst I'm out, eh! Listen, I think it's pretty, err, safe to fuckin' say that our consigliere Mr.... errr..."

*He pauses for thought*

"Mr.... Eh, I don't fuckin' remember his fuckin' name. This English fuck. It's pretty safe to say that we ain't gunna see him no more, he's fucked by the sounds of it. Like properly lost or some shit, I dunno. It's been a good few fuckin' months since we've seen him so, ya know, he's probably sleepin' with the fishes."

"Nevertheless, we need to keep track of shit. I aint' gunna lie, the loss of motor vehicle functioning is probably not entirely your fault. But we gotta stay on top of our spending and time and shit. Without that Brit we've been bumblin' around at fuck knows rate of knots without concern of the bigger fuckin' picture. We need to start out-sourcing shit again, ya know. And to do that, we gotta get ourselves a brand fuckin' new consigliere!"

*He pauses to puff on a cigar*

"But maybe, ya know, not annoying fuck like we had last time choo' know. What you think, eh?"

*The PTT is released*

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"'Eyy, Louis!"

*Sal's voice rings through the radio on that same open frequency*

"First off, you know damn well I don't ruin no nothin' - It ain't me chuggin' the hooch!"

*He laughs merrily, digging through an underwear drawer somewhere in Zelenogorsk as he responds*

"You know, I think you're fuckin' right, Louis. That other prick had the numbers under control for us. Kept shit tight, you know?! Maybe we fuckin' do need a new fuckin' boy to keep shit balanced out. Gotta be good with the fun though, am I right! No fuckin' dead in the stinkin' fuckin' water pissant again, I won't fuckin' stand for it!"

*A particular part of underwear catches his eye and he lifts it to his face, sniffing it loudly over the radio, then adds, as an afterthought perhaps*

"I'm thinkin' fucking blonde. BIG rack!"

*And with that the transmission dies off. Probably for the best*

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