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Guest sean micheal

tell me what you think first try

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Guest sean micheal   
Guest sean micheal

hey people im good at drama and RP but never wrote anything so can i have some pointer on this

Name: sean fisher

Age: 24

Language: english

Occupation before Event: Solider in the british army

Post-Event skills: shooting skills.Sniper.Team leader

Personality: friendly, loyal, fair.

Likes: safety.family.chinese food

Dislike: liars.

Weapons of choice: tactics,sniper 

My name is Sean I was born in England Essex im 24 years old.

I have a wife ria and a 2year old son jayden

I am currty severing in the British army as light gunner

But before that I grow up with my mother sue fisher.

I brought up in a sea side town called clacton on sea. I alwayed work growing up I a an chef builder and store assistant manger but that dead end jobs wasn't the life for me

So I join the army iv been in the army for 3 years iv been on 3 tours of afgan. But iv some of the best times in the army meet some great people and the best thing was my best friend

For 19years Paul Newman was in the same unit as me. And on the 7th June was the day we got told we have week an a half the we off to afgan.

Not going to lie we was shitting it but so excited.. For that week an half all we did was talk about going out there. worndering what it would feel like to get shot at.

Wired I no but in the army we wanted to no.also what we would feel if we have to kill.

But the last tour was the worst we lost a close friend of Ares killed by an IED..

Was the worst day of my career in the army once we got back I felt that I didn't want to do this any more.thinking about what if I die my son is to young to no what happened an my wife would be on her own.

But I didn't pull out I can't just quit on something that meant so much to..

One day me and Paul was in the gym when are lieutenant come to use and said that he an the heads need to talk to me and my unit at 21;00 hours..

We didn't have a clue what it was about we thought maybe we was going to afgan again.

So in the meeting they told us that we have been chosen to go a mission but they can't tell us anything until we get to LZ.

We was also told there would be 25% more money at the end of the month so we said YES SIR

Best thing was we got two mouths home leave to spend with are family's. So for two mouths I was going out with my wife an son partying and chilling at home was great but

me and my wife ria started to row a lot because I couldn't tell her about the mission as I didn't no anything about it but she wouldn't listen WOMEN HEY!

So the two mouths off finally the day came I meet Paul at his home an we drove to the base wish was about an 2hours drive we didn't really talk on the way think we was both

Scared of was going to happen an where we was going..

4hours later we joined up with the rest for the team Steve McNally,matt bird and Chris Doyle we was still told nothing about the mission but we was told to bored a plane..

We was told where to sit by a Russian guy that we never seen before and told this was an 13hour flight..

After we took off an hour or so went by and the Russian come to us and said we'll no more when we land. Paul asked were we going dude?.

He looked at Paul and walked off

We didn't no what the hell was going on. But the Russian came back with 5 cold beers we was happy

After we drunk the beer I fell asleep.

And when I woke up I was in a room with nothing

In but an bed wish I was laying in I got up an walked around the house to see if I could find someone but no one in sight.

I walked out side an I was in the middle of no wear just fields for miles.

All my gear and guns was gone I didn't no wear I was or wear my team was..

I started to walk until I found a road I had been walking for miles but I found a little house an ran to see if someone could help me.

I saw a guy in the garden I was shouting help me but he didn't seem to care I was there when I heard a funny noise coming from behind me.

I quickly turn and this guy grab me an throw me to the floor and was trying to bit me I punched him an started to run but the problem was he they was running after me I ran into a factory I found I lost them I made my

Way to the roof I could see for miles but I could see nothing so sign for life apart from the to crazy people that tried to eat me but they was slowly walking away.

My first thought was what the hell was wrong with them I didn't want think zombies because zombies aunt real

But with no gun I was scared.

Its was dark an I wasn't gonna find anything in this darkness ill wait it out till the sun come's up but I don't no what the time is.

First thing I need to do when the sun come's up is find if there is anyone normal here to help and find away of contacting my lieutenant to say what happened.

And I need to find my team I hope to good they are OK

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JayJay    0

I hate to be the one to say this, but your story really needs some work..

I am sorry to say, but I could not read past the first few lines without becoming lost in broken english and spelling mistakes. :(

I get the idea you are trying to get across, but the grammar really needs a lot of attention.

I really hope you get the help you need to fix this up, because I see potential.. I just dont think English is your first language, and you need to work on understanding how to put together sentences and paragraphs correctly.

Just being honest..

I sincerely wish you luck.

~JayJay

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I hate to be the one to say this, but your story really needs some work..

I am sorry to say, but I could not read past the first few lines without becoming lost in broken english and spelling mistakes. :(

I get the idea you are trying to get across, but the grammar really needs a lot of attention.

I really hope you get the help you need to fix this up, because I see potential.. I just dont think English is your first language, and you need to work on understanding how to put together sentences and paragraphs correctly.

Just being honest..

I sincerely wish you luck.

~JayJay

I agree with this.

With the spelling and some of the grammar a word processor would help you i.e. WORD/WORKS or you might be able to download a spelling add-on for your browser (I have one for mine, I use chrome) It seems like it could be a good story, but I just kept getting losing the plot as I was trying to work out what you were trying to say.

Once you have it sorted, please post again and I shall gladly read it for you.

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Exactly what BayKon said. This story has potential, no matter how cliché it is, but your grammar is just utterly horrible. You definetly need to work on that.

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