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Lil_Beefy

Story Time with Papi

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Lil_Beefy    0

Hey boys and girls, just thought id make a thread and put to detail what sort of mad shit ive been up too while ive been gone

a little note to the big boss: this is true blue story time, im not tryna start a brawl but i cant promise one wont start either. just lettin ya know before hand

anyway, if you fellas wanna share one of your own crazy stories go crazy i wanna know the details


so at the start of the year, a bunch of mates and i were getting together to sink piss for the sake of it, cause why not right? since we're all derro as, we decided it would be easier to catch a metro down to the bottle-o and grab some goonbags and tinnies. we're havin a great time on the bus, talkin smack about each others misso-s. anyway, we get to the bottle-o and we scram off the bus and walk inside. at this point i feel it necessary to say that we had brought along one of my mates younger brothers, fellas only 13 but he can chuff a ciggie for all hell, mad crazy cunt. so we are inside, grabbed this new shit we hadnt seen befre, some pineapple vodka goonbag or whatever

but as we're at the checkout, the fella behind there, who mind you was as tall as a fuckin giraffe, cunt was huge. he looks straight past the boys, roughly 6 or 7 of us at the time and straight at the little fella. because the kid is underage, this cunt chucks us out, without the grog mind you and we're sitting there absolutely gutted

we call up another mate across town and he comes down and gives 4 of us a lift to the bottle-o across town (we didnt bring the little fella this time because fuck that was a waste of time first go round)

so we grab our shit, alls great and we end up back at the house and kick ons was on

some random neighbour comes knockin right, hes in his undies and socks, thongs over his feet and th hairy beer guts hangin out for the world to see. hes chuffin down a ciggie and he had the balls to tell us to shut up or hed call the cops on us. he tells us straight that he normally wouldnt give a fuck but apparently his misso is pregnant and shes given him an earful - happy wife happy life i guess

so we thought you know what, we'll be quiet so this fella and his misso can enjoy their last few days as a happy couple before some gremlin is screaming down their household, lord forbid that shit happens with me

but yeah, i forgot the rest of that story cause i got blind as and woke up the next day with half my head shaven

[spoiler=Translation for the weak dogs]

At the start of the year, a bunch of friends and I were getting together to drink alcoholic beverages for fun. Because of our social standing as low income individuals, we decided it would be easier to catch a city transport bus down to the bottle shop to buy alcohol. While on the bus, we were having a great time talking about how much our girlfriends were beautiful human beings.

Anyway, when we reached the bottle shop, we rush off of the bus to get inside. At this point, it is necessary to mention that one of the friends that accompanied us on this journey was underage. Despite being underage, our young friend is still able to smoke a cigarette like a champion. While in the bottle shop, we discover a new brand of alcohol that we have never seen before and decide that we would give it a go.

However, as we are at the check out to buy our alcohol, the man serving us looked at our underage friend and told us to get out or he would tell the police we were buying alcohol for a minor. We sat outside in disappointment.

My friend calls another friend on the telephone and we are picked up and taken across the city to buy alcohol elsewhere. Once we had bought our alcohol, the party had started.

Our neighbour knocked on the door in his underpants, socks and flip flops. His hairy belly was out for the world to see. He was smoking a cigarette heavily and told us he would call the cops if we didn't quieten down. He let us know that his wife was pregnant and that she was yelling at him to sort us out. We figured that he was just following the "happy wife, happy life" saying.

We did our neighbour a favour a quietened down for the evening.

The rest of the story I cannot remember because I got heavily intoxicated and ended up asleep for the next 14 hours. I awoke with my hair half-shaved.

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Mental    0

I got a story too.

Lez and Quinton are sitting in their kitchen when Lez announces that Mike Nolan had gone missing 2 weeks ago. Quinton claims it was probably one of the yellow things that Lez had been seeing around. He claims that they are not real, but Lez disagrees. Then, Sassy comes to Lez's front door and gives the usual greeting. Lez tells him it's 7am in the morning, and then a large red object catches his eye. "Is that a plane outside my house?", he says, and Sassy says he and Donny found it outside a Coles. Donny yells from the cockpit about when they are going, and Sassy offers a plane trip to Lez around the Pacific Ocean.

During the flight, Sassy spots an "island out of nowhere". Lez questions Sassy if they have enough petrol to get back to Australia. Sassy says they'll be fine, unless Donny snorted all the petrol. Suddenly a Choomah appears at the plane's window, and when Lez gazes over, the Choomah screams and splits the plane in half, sending Sassy and Donny away from Lez. Lez plummets towards an island below.

Lez somehow survives the crash and awakes unharmed. That night he builds a campfire and lounges around, a strong wind comes and blows out his fire. Out the back of his ear, Lez hears a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turns and wonders through the bushes. After some time, he finds Sassy and Donny camping out whilst playing some music and smoking weed. Lez, obviously distressed, yells at them why they did not bother looking for him, and having a "party in the jungle" without him. Donny then reminds Sassy of that time that he went without a hit for 20 minutes. Sassy claims he had no memory of this event. Donny then turns of the radio and asks Lez and Sassy if they heard anything. Donny and Sassy bolt off into the jungle, while Lez stays at the campsite. Through the rustling of bushes, a Choomah appears. Lez starts sprinting off, screaming until he finds the wreckage of a similar plane to Sassy's lying up against a tree. He takes shelter inside the plane wreckage and finds a half-dead pilot inside. He wakes up, vomiting, and Lez moans in disgust. The man walks outside of the plane wreckage and looks up. The beefy arm of a Choomah picks him up, breaks his neck, and throttles him to the ground with 2 heavy stomps.

Lez survives the night in the wrecked plane and finds the man outside with his face impounded into the ground. Lez leaves the scene, and walks into a nearby bush. The familiar rustling of a bush startles Lez, and turns around to find a Choomah behind him. He punches it in the face, as more of them appear. Lez makes multiple threats, and as a Choomah is about to eat Lez, the Choomah is shot. The surrounding Choomahs then get shot, their heads blowing up, and fall to the ground. Lez turns around to find Mike Nolan with a shotgun. Mike explains how he has survived all this time and takes Lez to his campsite.

Once Mike and Lez reach his hilltop campsite, Mike hands Lez a 'present'. The present is a shotgun, named Doris. Mike explains to Lez that he'll need guns, ammunition and a pack of smokes. Whilst Lez is studying his new gun, Mike pulls out a pack of cigarettes and begins smoking. Lez notices that Mike does not exhale the nicotine smoke. Mike explains that you don't get the full experience of a cigarette if you blow the smoke out. Lez is very confused, and states that Mike is going to die. As soon as he has said that, a Choomah comes out of nowhere and begins to repeatedly punch Lez. Lez reaches out, grabs it's face and rips it off. Lez turns around and finds another Choomah screaming at him. Lez kicks it and sends it flying over a cliff. Lez lands and rips out his new shotgun. Lez then kills another three Choomahs, before turning around and finding a massive Choomah. He screams as he dodges his attacks, before the Choomahs unusual stinger hits Lez and sends him flying towards a tree. As Lez awakes, the Choomah says his name. He introduces himself as Bumble Brutus, and he has lots of questions for Lez. He wants to know why he is on his island. Bumble Brutus seems to know a lot about Lez's past and claims that Kingdom Cum is destroyed, and he is surprised that six Kingdom Cumians survived. Lez doesn't believe him. Lez rips out his shotgun, shoots Brutus three times, and kills him.

Lez turns around to find a Choomah screaming at him. Lez shoots his shotgun and kills the first Choomah, and then runs out of ammunition. Several other Choomahs appear out of the bush and shrubs. Meanwhile, Sassy and Donny are sitting on the beach, smoking a bong when Donny asks if Lez is alright. Then, Mike Nolan comes out of the bush, asking where Lez is. Whilst waiting around, Clarence appears on his tinny, to Mike's disbelief. When Clarence is about to say hi to Sassy, Lez races out of the bush, pushes him to the ground and hops in his tinny, along with Sassy, Donny and Mike.

Whilst sailing the sea, Mike asks is Clarence will be alright. Lez asks him if he would like to help him with a project of his.

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Nihoolious    1248

I got a story too.

Lez and Quinton are sitting in their kitchen when Lez announces that Mike Nolan had gone missing 2 weeks ago. Quinton claims it was probably one of the yellow things that Lez had been seeing around. He claims that they are not real, but Lez disagrees. Then, Sassy comes to Lez's front door and gives the usual greeting. Lez tells him it's 7am in the morning, and then a large red object catches his eye. "Is that a plane outside my house?", he says, and Sassy says he and Donny found it outside a Coles. Donny yells from the cockpit about when they are going, and Sassy offers a plane trip to Lez around the Pacific Ocean.

During the flight, Sassy spots an "island out of nowhere". Lez questions Sassy if they have enough petrol to get back to Australia. Sassy says they'll be fine, unless Donny snorted all the petrol. Suddenly a Choomah appears at the plane's window, and when Lez gazes over, the Choomah screams and splits the plane in half, sending Sassy and Donny away from Lez. Lez plummets towards an island below.

Lez somehow survives the crash and awakes unharmed. That night he builds a campfire and lounges around, a strong wind comes and blows out his fire. Out the back of his ear, Lez hears a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turns and wonders through the bushes. After some time, he finds Sassy and Donny camping out whilst playing some music and smoking weed. Lez, obviously distressed, yells at them why they did not bother looking for him, and having a "party in the jungle" without him. Donny then reminds Sassy of that time that he went without a hit for 20 minutes. Sassy claims he had no memory of this event. Donny then turns of the radio and asks Lez and Sassy if they heard anything. Donny and Sassy bolt off into the jungle, while Lez stays at the campsite. Through the rustling of bushes, a Choomah appears. Lez starts sprinting off, screaming until he finds the wreckage of a similar plane to Sassy's lying up against a tree. He takes shelter inside the plane wreckage and finds a half-dead pilot inside. He wakes up, vomiting, and Lez moans in disgust. The man walks outside of the plane wreckage and looks up. The beefy arm of a Choomah picks him up, breaks his neck, and throttles him to the ground with 2 heavy stomps.

Lez survives the night in the wrecked plane and finds the man outside with his face impounded into the ground. Lez leaves the scene, and walks into a nearby bush. The familiar rustling of a bush startles Lez, and turns around to find a Choomah behind him. He punches it in the face, as more of them appear. Lez makes multiple threats, and as a Choomah is about to eat Lez, the Choomah is shot. The surrounding Choomahs then get shot, their heads blowing up, and fall to the ground. Lez turns around to find Mike Nolan with a shotgun. Mike explains how he has survived all this time and takes Lez to his campsite.

Once Mike and Lez reach his hilltop campsite, Mike hands Lez a 'present'. The present is a shotgun, named Doris. Mike explains to Lez that he'll need guns, ammunition and a pack of smokes. Whilst Lez is studying his new gun, Mike pulls out a pack of cigarettes and begins smoking. Lez notices that Mike does not exhale the nicotine smoke. Mike explains that you don't get the full experience of a cigarette if you blow the smoke out. Lez is very confused, and states that Mike is going to die. As soon as he has said that, a Choomah comes out of nowhere and begins to repeatedly punch Lez. Lez reaches out, grabs it's face and rips it off. Lez turns around and finds another Choomah screaming at him. Lez kicks it and sends it flying over a cliff. Lez lands and rips out his new shotgun. Lez then kills another three Choomahs, before turning around and finding a massive Choomah. He screams as he dodges his attacks, before the Choomahs unusual stinger hits Lez and sends him flying towards a tree. As Lez awakes, the Choomah says his name. He introduces himself as Bumble Brutus, and he has lots of questions for Lez. He wants to know why he is on his island. Bumble Brutus seems to know a lot about Lez's past and claims that Kingdom Cum is destroyed, and he is surprised that six Kingdom Cumians survived. Lez doesn't believe him. Lez rips out his shotgun, shoots Brutus three times, and kills him.

Lez turns around to find a Choomah screaming at him. Lez shoots his shotgun and kills the first Choomah, and then runs out of ammunition. Several other Choomahs appear out of the bush and shrubs. Meanwhile, Sassy and Donny are sitting on the beach, smoking a bong when Donny asks if Lez is alright. Then, Mike Nolan comes out of the bush, asking where Lez is. Whilst waiting around, Clarence appears on his tinny, to Mike's disbelief. When Clarence is about to say hi to Sassy, Lez races out of the bush, pushes him to the ground and hops in his tinny, along with Sassy, Donny and Mike.

Whilst sailing the sea, Mike asks is Clarence will be alright. Lez asks him if he would like to help him with a project of his.

Thats a pretty good whitelist backstory. Accepted.

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Lil_Beefy    0

I like this. Everyone should make their own blog!

Appreciate the support darlin

Names Papi, nice too meet you


New story in a few hrs

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Dishes    159

I literally can't understand a word of this.

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Cormac    0

I literally can't understand a word of this.

/me throws a few L's and R's towards Dishes like a 25 y/o

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Strider    0

I literally can't understand a word of this.

* Cormac throws a few L's and R's towards Dishes like a 25 y/o

oath

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Lil_Beefy    0

Seeing all these Ls and Rs vein thrown reminded me of this story. buckle up


right so it was a day after pay day and i thought i would treat the missus to some chinese for lunch. we were walkin through the schools courtyard and out toward the front gate when we see this fella stumblin and chuckin Ls and Rs to the invisible man in front of him. this fella was full blown wound aye i swear

anyways as we go up to him see how hes goin, this fella leans in real close to me and he smells of piss. fella was fuckin blind off his tits.

anyways he leans in, told us he hd no clue where he was (hed busted through out front office i found out later on and was harrassin some teacher). he was trespassin on school grounds which coulda gotten him arrested fella was munted as. this lean he was doin over and over had him crackin up laughin

he leans in again, this was like te 5th or 6th time by now and he just starts singing smooth criminal too the misso and i

we fuckin lost ah and was crackin up even more at this point. never have i seen a cunt so munted in the middle of the day it was crazy as

[spoiler=translation for the weak dogs]

It was a day after I was paid by my boss. I decided it would be a nice idea to treat my girlfriend to some Chinese for lunch. As we are walking through the courtyard of our school, we notice an intoxicated male struggling to walk around. He was throwing punching to the air in front of him. He was heavily intoxicated.

We decide to talk to him. When we walk to him, the intoxicated male leans in close to us and he smells of alcohol. He was heavily intoxicated.

As he leans in, he tells us that he has no clue where he is. We found out later that he was harrassing teachers. He was trespassing which could have ended in him being arrested. He was heavily intoxicated. He leans in toward us again and laughs loudly.

Another lean in, this was the 5th or 6th time he had done so. He begins to sing Smooth Criminal to my girlfriend and I.

We both because to laugh loudly. Never have we seen a male so heavily intoxicated in the middle of the day. It was insane.

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Hop    0

fuck me sung have a got a story for you

yeah right listen up, fucking one day me and the boys were down at some derro cunts gatho just sinking some pure piss and ripping some of the maddest cones ive seen to date anyway it got to that time of night where we were all gonna go piss off and hed out for a maccas run but fuck me dead all of us were bloody minging so we had to go walk about down towards the servo where me mates misso was gonna give a us a lift down to maccas so we could get the 24 pack of chicken nuggies for 10 bucks aye but the bloody bitch was being a stooge and wanted some dosh for the ride aye anyway we said fuck that the  muzza was dogging the boys worst of it all is i busted a bloody plugger trying to run down to the maccas in me singlet and me cronulla footy shorts. was a minging of a trip just for some nuggies but at the end of the day me tummy was full and i was choofed out of me mind. many tinnies were sunken that day.

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Lil_Beefy    0

You need to calm down with all them pot brownies

Pot brownies hit me harder but i still have a love for the billy

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Dora    0

You need to calm down with all them pot brownies

Pot brownies hit me harder but i still have a love for the billy

We're going to have an intervention for you tomorrow

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