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Faith

Xela's Story: Psychopath or Survivor? [You Decide]

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Faith    726

All I do with my life now is stare at the cabin roof debating if saving my life in the first place was ever a good idea…

If a women who burned on a stake which committed me to have a fear of fire… Who hunted every night and wrapped herself in a cocoon to avoid the flames I vaguely remember with the pain inside… 

If that was worth it…?

I feel like I’m falling into a never ending black hole and won’t know where it will stop… Or when it will end…

But now I know how Hope felt when she lost Stefanie…. But now I know how Stefanie felt… At the same time I’m Hope when she lost Stefanie… Heartbroken… Torn…. Clueless… On the other side I’m scared like Stefanie… Terrified of telling him the truth… Jackson the truth… And Tyler right before me…. Became the man he promised never to become…

All those promises…

All the things he told me…

Where lies too…

My husband… Went missing… Kidnapped without my knowledge… The doctors I had asked for help disappeared… I only thought one thing left which was to do it myself…. And so I did for 6 months straight thinking I was carrying one child when really it was twins… Now I know why I felt more drained and departed from the world than I should’ve…

Running around to gather food…

Running around to gather water…

Running around to gather rags to keep myself warm…

Running around and wasting the energy I had dedicated to finding all of these things…

I could feel my skin crawling from it’s very bones. The nights became harder to sleep. My stomach slowly began growling like it hadn’t been fed enough… My conciousness fading with the dark nights… My breathing barely there and my movement was worse than the infected… I knew I was going to die if I didn’t do something…

I hadn’t heard from my husband in these months… Making sure my radio always worked… Visiting our house to see if he was waiting but always new there was danger and I left soon… It was either both my child and my life to waste away in the daunting nights… Or to try again with Tyler and make sure I survived… So I did it… After hours of debating whether or not this was the right thing to do. I plummeted the screwdriver into my waist…. My waist… I missed… Only knowing I missed because of what happened a few weeks later… Bleeding out and now making myself feel ten times worse in a stranded abandoned house… I had nothing but to survive left…. For my husband…

After finally finding him… Admitting what I had done for my own survival… He got his boys to cuff me up…. Take me into a house and allow him to do whatever he wanted to with me… He had changed… He used to be so understanding… He stared at the ‘X’ I carved into his ring finger on our wedding night… Before pulling his revolver and sticking under my chin. Talking to me with spite and hate… I allowed him to do what he wanted, pushing my chin down on the barrel of the gun…. There was nothing else I could’ve done… 

My actions spoke louder than my words…

The love of my life was ready to end my life…. It was probably for the best… Ending the rest of pain that was yet to come… But he couldn’t do it… Couldn’t pull the trigger… As if he forgave me but I had yet to find out… This would never be forgiven… Instead I was still pregnant, my knowledge to this was oblivious…. Thinking the abortion tool I used would’ve worked… But it didn’t… It just made my condition worse… Lacking blood…

He ordered his man… Snake… To cut me loose. He picked me up like a useless tool by the collar before throwing me back on the ground… That’s when the pain struck… Almost felt like a balloon filled with water ready to burst… I cried… Unable to move from the pain and the weird feeling I had below....

Tyler came back, picking me up… I became afraid of what else was in stock… I kicked… Screamed… Cried… Punched…. And that’s when he back slapped me… I realised this man wasn’t the man everyone used to praise… That everyone used to laugh at or even get along with…. He was something I had never thought to meet…

I was dragged into this doctor’s office… I was slumped into a chair softly… I wasn’t understanding why now after slapping me… He was being so kind… This was my attempt to run as he recuperated himself… I tried running…. After the kicking and screaming and being thrown on the ground…

I was being chased by the brute… Snake…. Until he tackled me to the ground… I screamed yet again, trying to kick him away with the pain coming back to my stomach until he headbutted me… I drifted off not knowing what happened… Almost seeing stars looping around my head…

The doctor I had met… I feel like he understood… This action wasn’t forceful suicide… It wasn’t me trying to be a psychopath… I just wanted to come back to my husband if he was still alive…

I managed to get away… The next day my waters broke… The feeling that had stuck with me finally explained what happened… I had to drag myself to Hope’s men… Screaming for them in help before they realised the whole situation…

That night I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and boy… 

I overheard Snake mentioning I was the one at fault... Tripping up and causing all of this... That wasn't true...

Which I never got to see… I needed to see their faces to know that I wasn’t this psychopath murder Tyler’s friends or brutes…. Whatever they wanted to be called…. I wanted to know that wasn’t true…. After the whole C-Section… Which by the way… Was difficult for me from my tomophobia… I was taken into the pub to talk to Tyler…

He threw a chair out the window…

Kicked the television screen in…

And…. then strangled me against the wall… I nearly couldn’t keep my eyes open… Pleading for him to stop before he ended up realising I was about to suffocate… He let go.. I landed on the ground and my mind swarmed with why I was still here…

Why was I still here?

Why did I have to go through all this pain…

I already lost my two beautiful children…

I wanted it all to end….

Finding a gun on the ground…

I dropped to my knees and tried placing it to my head…

My children were dead…

And inside so was I…

I raised the gun to my head before pulling the trigger…

All I remember was blackness…

I woke up on a bed… Hearing the voices of Tyler and Snake talking about me… Saying if I snitched… If I told people about this so called club house… How if I was to be trusted…

He put these brothers before me…

I found myself being caught and fed… Watered… All that fairytale bullshit… I scoffed the food like Oliver Twist wanting more porridge… Something I was so desperate to have after days of hunger… 

I found myself talking to Tyler alone….

He told me he loved me after everything he did to me…

Hitting me…

More like beating me…

I couldn’t tell anymore…

I asked him if he knew what love was and if wanted me to show it… Managing to find a stanley knife to cut my ‘wedding ring’ of the ‘T’ carved into my ring finger… Until he agreed… I managed stabbing him in the arm… Trying to prove this was what he was doing to me…

His men charged in… Calling me a psychopath…  A demented bitch and anything that I felt like I wasn’t…

All these men with the same opinion made me think…

Was I really the bad guy?

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Papa Tachanka    42

interesting... more please?

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   38

Deep as fuck, honestly it drags all the guys into the story even more, it's intense!

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Faith    726

interesting... more please?

Deep as fuck, honestly it drags all the guys into the story even more, it's intense!

I'll write more eventually :)

I'll hyperlink the stories from the different posts so people can find them but thank you for the feedback :3

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Raptor    172

Poor Xela :( Jackson will make her feel better

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Guest   
Guest

The attention to detail is purely fascinating, i really want to see more of this, i got caught up in a mental place, where i felt a bit like what she seems to go trough, nice job!

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