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The broken relationship of Tyler and Xela.

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*Cowboy sits in the Clubhouse of the Rough Riders M.C., drunk, high, and alone in his room, muttering to himself as he writes in his journal.*

What the Hell have I done?  I fought everyday to get back to her........  She took our children....  So I though......  DAMMIT, why did I do what I did?  Why the fuck did I hold that gun to her......  Why did I let Snake hit her?  Why did I carry her over my shoulder like she was a gun slung around me, as she kicked and punched me, she was afraid, I was only trying to get her to a doctor.......  She called me a monster......  Am I?

*He takes another long drink of whiskey, as if he was trying to drown himself in it, lighting up a cigarette before continuing through the tears.*

"I fucked up......  I didn't  should've known better, I should've held her tightly, but my instinct now is to fight, to lash out on anyone who angers me.  That's how it always was before her......  Now it's the same after her......  I'm supposed to be a father.......  A husband.....  But as it always has been, the Club comes first.......  I'm President now, I have to be there for my brothers, that's the only thing I've ever known.  She needs to stay away from me, away from the Club, take the children and run, far away from here.......  To Iceland, the U.N. said it was safe........  Untouched from the outbreak, and untouched by men like me, like us.......  I broke a little inside tonight, seeing her like that, how cold, how lifeless she was.  She always knew what I was, the monster I was, now she has seen it first hand, I've lost many people dear to me, to get the Club back, to get her back.......  Now it's just the Club and I, I got what I wanted, but yet I feel so empty at times, without her, it seems like it's all for nothing......  I don't want our kids to grow up like I did, to become like me.  Maybe she should leave, maybe she was right to be afraid of me, Hell maybe I should be afraid of myself.  Maybe I'm just too stupid to see that I am a monster, a monster that doesn't deserve something as pure and good as her.  I did what I thought was right, I fought everyday these past few months to make it back to her, and when I finally find her, I fuck it all up.  I lash out, I unleash the monster that was inside of me this whole time.  I love you Xela Mitchell, I just don't think you should love me.

*He closes the journal, tears streaming down his face as he finishes his cigarette, tossing it out the window and taking one more large drink of whiskey before laying on the floor, staring at the X on his left ring finger, before eventually falling asleep in a puddle of spilt whiskey and crumbs of weed.*

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