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Cipher

Let's talk about my friend, and suicide

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Cipher    0

So I debated posting this for the past couple days, it has been the reason why I thought I was leaving and got everyone's hopes up.

This is gonna be a bit of a ramble I guess as I just wanted to get some things off my chest as I feel like talking to a bunch of strangers is better than talking to my real life friends for some reason but here goes.

So I'm a senior in high school, I moved to my new neighborhood back in my freshman year and I didn't really know anyone but soon enough I made some friends. I'm not a super introvert type of guy so it was somewhat easy to find my space I guess. Anyway I meet this kid at the end of my sophomore year and he's good at CS so I play with him over the summer. I end up joining the video club that year and he joins along with me, we become pretty good friends through that and we were the best cameramen to record the football games. We didn't really talk every day or whatever "best" friends do, but he was close enough that every time I talked to him it was as no time had passed.

Around this summer, the time I joined this community, I was looking at building a new PC as I was stuck with my shitty laptop at that moment, only getting 30FPS and 10 while raining. Now, I consider myself a tech savvy person, but I never knew how to put a computer together. I talk with my friend, he shows me what parts are compatible with what, and when everything comes, he along with two other friends come and we make it a party of some sort. Long story short, PC doesn't work. So everyone goes home and I'm thinking "fuck, I'm screwed."

But when the replscement parts come in, this guy comes back. And it doesn't work again. And he comes back again after a few more days to finally get it working. He put out time out of his busy schedule, to come help an idiot put his PC together. He was a great friend.

This school year comes around, everything is normal, we're still hanging out and planning a LAN party that I always kept pushing back. Just this Monday my friend forged me a pass to the computer lab, where our circle of friends have been hanging out at for the past three years, and we sit and watch videos on our own computers. He was a bit quiet that day, nothing out of the ordinary, at least not to me. When the period was over, he packed up his stuff and went off to his next class.

That was the last time I ever saw my friend. He killed himself that night. Hung himself with an electrical cord. His parents found him but it was too late to save him. Funeral was today; he was Hindu and Hindus apparently like to clean that stuff up as quick as possible.

Honestly when I heard the news I was so shocked. I didn't break down until I called my mother and told her that the Indian kid that always came to our house killed himself. That was when it registered in my mind that it was real I guess.

He was so smart. He had a 3.9GPA, good SAT scores and could have probably gotten into pretty much any college he wanted to. He showed no signs of depression, at least while he was hanging with us. Apparently he struggled with depression and his medicine wasn't working as intended; I learned that from his other circle of friends after his death.

He was so full of life, man. Always going the extra 3 miles to help a friend in need. Always tried his hardest and didn't make excuses. He was honestly an inspiration to me, because he was so good at so much and still managed to be a great friend.

I'm gonna miss him. A lot of people are. Thirty or so people from school showed up to the funeral, students and teachers alike.

I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers because I haven't the slightest idea why he did it. There was no note or anything. All I want people to know is that if youre feeling down, talk to someone. Anyone. Please. I didn't see any signs that he was feeling down and apparently not too many others did either, and I was too stupid to ask.

Sometimes people don't see the signs, I guess. All I'm saying is that if you feel this way, people will listen. I will listen. PM me or poke me on TS if you need an ear.

Yeah, it was a bit of a ramble, but whatever. It turned into more of a personal story than a true insightful post but again, whatever, felt good to write about it. I dont really know what else there is to discuss, but if you have anything to say about it, any stories, any questions feel free. Please.

You were a good person, man. Rest in peace

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Sorry for your loss. It sucks man. It hurts. I've been through this. Im sure most of us here have. Just know some of us are here for you man. I mean what I said to you, brother. Anything and anyway I can help, just ask and its yours.

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Boston    776

First off, good on you for wanting to express yourself about what happened and willing to lend an ear for those in need. It always helps, and I've generally tried to do the same thing for others in the community. I've always enjoyed helping people and giving them advice, and seeing them succeed or triumph over an issue is always the best part about it. It's good to see that someone else is doing the same.

I can see where you're coming from with this. A similar situation happened last school year, a quiet girl in one of my classes started laying her head down and not doing anything, yelling at random people for seemingly no reason, etc... Seemingly out of nowhere, there's an announcement that she committed suicide, and all the counselors are there in my class that I shared with her telling everyone to come along and talk if they needed to. About 80% of the class knew her and were crying, and all I could do was sit there and look at other people's misery. Everyone at the school was quiet, some are crying, some are solemn, some joking about it and everything's changed, atleast for that year. Needless to say, your situation is different, you knew this person. I was shocked to find out about the person I didn't know... I can't imagine what you're feeling. And I'm truly sorry for your loss. Prayers to you and his family.

The worst part about it is how sudden it is. One day everything's normal, the next it feels like everything's gone down the gutter, and it feels that way for months, sometimes even years. Happened that way to my dog back in February.

Long story short, death blows, always. Prayers to you and his family, and the same goes to you Cipher. If you need to talk about it, there's always me, and I'm sure others willing to talk about it. Shoot me a PM or get me on TS if you need anything. :)

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I'm so sorry for your loss and it really pains me to hear of something like this happening.

To anyone going through anything like this, keep in mind you have an entire community here that you can talk to. As hard as it may be to open up, it is always better than taking the alternative route.

You need anything, you know how to get ahold of me. Stay strong man.

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Billy    0

I know exactly where you are coming from, and it's such an empty feeling. About August 30 last year I lost 3 of my best friends in a car accident, they all died on the scene. I remember getting the call from my mom and it was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. It feels like your body is a puzzle and someone just look a huge chunk of it out of you. But that's life bro, you just gotta keep moving forward and don't let that shit get to you. Yea it's awful, but think of what your friends would want, do what I do, apply everything in life as doing something for them. We only live to die, for some it's quicker than others, you just gotta keep pushing.

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MapleMooses    0

I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounded like a great guy, and I know he will be missed by anyone who was lucky enough to meet him.

Stay strong.

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This must be a crazy thing to go through, and my thoughts are with you and your friend's family. Nobody i had ever known has committed suicide, but i have had people close to me and from my school die, and how unexpected it can be is so shocking and it makes your heat ache.

Last year we had a student and a former student die in a car accident. The former student graduated the year before and we were friends. I remember my mom waking up in the morning to tell me that there was an accident, and that he had died. That feeling of sudden and unexpected loss is heart wrenching, it hurts. The following Monday was an extraordinary thing, the hallways were silent, it was so eerie and somber, like nothing i had seen before. The entire school was in awe. He was such a nice kid, he was similar to your friend in the way that he wouldn't hesitate to help someone out. He had such a bright future ahead of him and like that he was just gone.

Like Boston said the passing of my dog was crushing. Just this morning i woke up to learn that he passed away in the night. It was so unexpected, he was healthy and we have no clue how it happened, but it did.

Basically what i'm trying to say is how sudden death can be is scary, but it helps to think positive and know that they are in a better place.

Anyone going through anything tough don't be afraid to talk about it to a friend, it'll be alright :)

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Cipher    0

Thanks guys.

I think one good thing came from this day; after the funeral we all went to the local park and just had a blast, like I'm sure he would have wanted us to. I talked with so many people and made so many new friends and connections, it feels like his helpfulness and kindness lived on vicariously today.

That analogy was pretty edgy, but still. I had a ball after the funeral. We all loved him and miss him; still felt pretty empty without him. But it was for his memory, right?

EDIT: also I totally didn't use that vicariously word correctly

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Wumby    0

Cipher my man, Were here for ya pal. Well be in the group channel if you need to talk or just get your mind off of things for a bit.

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WilliAM    431

I send my condolences to you and all of this poor mans family/friends.

Terrible thing, it breaks my heart when I hear that a person commits suicide, especially at such a young age.

Losing someone very close to you, or not even close can take a huge toll on your mind. I've lost a very close family member as well as a handful of very close family friends on 9/11. Even though I was really young at the time, they still would have been great role models for me as well as others.

If you need anything come talk to me, I know how it feels.

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Cipher    0

Cipher my man, Were here for ya pal. Well be in the group channel if you need to talk or just get your mind off of things for a bit.

Thank you Wumbo but my phone's about to die and I probably should study for this fucking psych test but if youre there tomorrow I got you.

Thank you Castiel as well my dude

@Boston yeah man, that was kinda how school was that Tuesday when everyone found out. The people who knew him best were all getting harassed and asked questions and shit. I walked into my psych class and someone asked "you good?" and instantly the entire class was staring at me as I sat down.

Shit's rough, but it gets a bit easier from day to day. Yesterday was definitely a lot worse.

@Corb sorry to hear about your dog bro. Loss is loss, no matter dog, friend, family, house, whatever the fuck.

@Maple I got you, thanks so much for the support

@Castiel <3

@Billy that really sucks to hear man. I hope you've learned to come to grips with it as it sounds like you have. You need anything poke me on TS mate.

@Sean you already know what it is brother

@ctcorncob You need me, you poke me on TS. Do NOT let that shit brew, man. Get well soon.

@LoneStarr you already know what it is, I got you if I need you and vice versa.

@Will yeah man it really sucks. I'll never understand why he did what he did but hopefully we can move on from it without any more situations like this.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that everyone's pain is unique in times like that and everthing. But I do understand the feeling of shock when people you care about do that, and you're looking back and not understanding, and you're feeling like you could have done something if you paid more attention and noticed or whatever. xoxo

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Faith    732

Again my condolences to the matter at hand, I hope everyone overcomes the great deal of pain that you're all suffering. I hope that he is at peace, though no one should ever end their lives.

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Billy    0

I have thankfully, and you will too soon enough. And once you do, you'll have a purpose for everything.

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Commissar    119

Sorry to hear this Cipher, one of my best friends died of cancer, so I know how it feels. The only advice I can give is to remember him in your own way, and keep moving forward. As you don't know what the tide may bring in.

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Cipher    0

Sorry to hear this Cipher, one of my best friends died of cancer, so I know how it feels. The only advice I can give is to remember him in your own way, and keep moving forward. As you don't know what the tide may bring in.

That sucks so bad man. The diseases that just eat away at people are honestly some of the worst things people can go from. My dad passed a couple years ago from coronary heart failure, and seeing that shit wear away at someone just made me numb inside honestly.

Thank you for your support Lankin <3

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   77

I'm so sorry for your loss Cipher, got teary reading this - however glad to hear that people are coming together in his memory, quite inspiring.

may he rest in peace, my friend

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ThatRyanGuy    0

We've spoken a lot lately Cipher and you have truely become one of my closest friends in this community. im sure you already know but feel free to poke me, PM, text whatever if you need someone to talk too. Goes for anyone else as well, if you know me or not feel free to just send me a PM. Sometimes just talking to someone can really help, don't feel you need to stay quiet about it.

Cipher, stay strong mate. May your friend rest in peace

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Thanks for posting this cipher, its a difficult thing to talk about, i'm proud you had the courage to step up and talk about it. This post was actually a huge help in motivating me to follow through with talking to my doctor about depression yesterday. You have my respect, and my condolences. Keep keepin it real, and hit me up if you need to talk.

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Wong    0

Sorry for your loss man really I am, if YOU need to talk send me a Pm I'll be down to listen and help in any way I can.

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Diamond    0

EThere's been 3 suicides at my school. I knew 2 of them and one really well. I also struggled with major depression and sucifial urges as a freshman and sophomore.  I almost. Limited suicide many times. I have been going therapy for 11 years but just recently stopped a year ago. I know what it's like. It's fucking awful and the war in your head will cloud judgment and everyone will turn on you in your eyes. It's loneliness and brutal. I won't keep going on about it. It that shit is awful man. I hope you get better. Always a light at the end of the tunnel. Suicide is permanent solution to a temporary problem. Luckily I found another girl and this community to get my mind off my anxiety and depression. Been a lot better since. I told you if you need to talk to me that I'm all ears man. Keep your head up.

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