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Impressions and thoughts of Emily

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Entry 1

A rather calm but also depressed look was visible on Emily’s face, while she was holding the little notepad in her hands, writing on it slowly, like she needed to think about every single word. Here and there left a few sighs her lips, mostly followed by a rather sad look in her eyes, which she quickly though tried to hide.


The days have become cold and empty. Since the last time I have been laughing with Bill, I couldn’t bring myself up to a smile. I still have those pictures in my head… him laying there on the floor, his face covered in blood. His wounds looked like he had been fighting till the very end. Bruises and other injuries were covering his entire body, which made it hard for me to even decide what exactly caused his death. Maybe because of the blood loose… maybe because of inner injuries or maybe a simple shot had ended his life. I can’t tell… because I didn’t make to look at his dead body any longer.

I couldn’t stay there… so I ran. As fast and as long as possible in a direction I wasn’t even sure where I would end up. But it wasn’t like I had anything to loose anymore. The dearest people in my life were once again gone and I felt like it had been my fault. Because I had been unwary, I didn’t notice the group of bandits which followed us since we left that little city, although it had been my job to secure everything behind us.

I have done a lot of mistakes in my life… but I can say, that I don’t regret anything else that much. Because I have been careless, four other people had to die. I’m sure others would see me as a monster if they knew… if they knew how many people lost their life because of me. Still I couldn’t bring myself up to be alone the entire time.

After I have been running several days into the same direction, I ended up at the coast. The village I arrived looked somehow familiar, I guess I have been here already once or twice… I can’t remember that well. I decided to stay here for a while, getting some rest and being able to at least give my back some treatment. I was able to handle pain… usually at least, but I guess even my body had a limit. As soon as I made a fire in one of the houses and sat down right in front of it, I finally felt how tired and exhausted I actually was. My body refused to get up and my eyelids became heavy.

I knew, a fire wasn’t the best idea to stay hidden, but at this point, I didn’t really care anymore. As I said, there was nothing left anymore… nothing to lose for me. And then I suddenly heard a voice. It didn’t scare me as I thought it would. The voice was calm, asking if they were allowed to get inside. I threw the key for the door outside of one of the broken windows. Honestly, I don’t really know why I did it. But in the end, it wouldn’t have been that hard to get inside this house even without a key.

The windows were broken, the door lock was old and rusty and everyone could have rushed inside with a little force. I was ready to face my end… but it didn’t arrive. At least not tonight. The young girl which entered first looked like she was from the military, but the way she talked didn’t really fit. Alice was her name… and she seemed actually pretty friendly.

I could see in her eyes, that she hadn’t given up yet. I don’t know why, but the optimistic look in her face was somehow calming me a little. She asked if she could stay here for the night and of course I wasn’t saying no. What for? If she wanted to kill me or anything else, well then it should be like that.

Well, so far nothing had happened. She moved over to sit in front of the door with some sort of gun in her hands. Tomorrow she wanted to keep moving, since she seemed to have some sort of home she wanted to go. It surprised me a little, when she asked if I wanted to join her, after I said there was not really any place I could go. Well… I said yes. Why not after all?

I had nothing to lose… 


Another sigh leaves her lips while lifts her head, turning a little to look at Alice. Emily wasn’t sure if she was sleeping or not, but nevertheless, she moved herself slowly to get a more comfortable position to find some sleep. She suppressed every single whimper which wanted to escape from her, since her back was still burning like someone held a torch against it. But she didn’t want to bother her companion, so she kept quiet and finally closed her eyes to find some rest.

-I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes-



Entry 2

Sitting in one more or less intact house, Emily reaches for her notepad and starts writing. Her eyes look tired, dark circles can be noticed underneath them, but she still didn’t want to sleep. Instead, she tried to concentrate on her notes and what she actually wants to write down.


A few days after I met Alice, we were forced to separate. Everything was quite rushed, but at least we decided to meet up again at her house in a few days. Alice said she would be there quite often, so I guess I will find her… even though I surely will need more than just a few days to reach that city. It was quite far away and with my current condition I needed to be careful. I didn’t want to risk, that my wounds would get infected, that was definitely the last thing I needed.

I’m not even so sure where I was right now. The city seemed empty, at least I haven’t seen anyone around. But well, it wasn’t like I was just having an open fire this time. I tried to stay hidden and not get any attention from anyone who might be close.

The house I chose was maybe not the best one… the roof was destroyed at some parts and the windows were broken, but I didn’t want to sit right in the middle of the city, although there would be a few houses which seemed to be in better shape. I just needed a few hours sleep, afterwards I would continue my way. I knew where I needed to go and tried to focus on only that. I didn’t want to think too much about the future, not even what my next steps would be, knowing that it could end up in loosing hope again.

Actually I’m not even sure why I am writing all this down… it’s not like I would want anyone else to read this… and still it somehow makes me feel better. Like I’m making sure that I stay somehow on this world… as a memory… or something like that. At the same time I wonder what my sister is doing right in this moment… is she alright? Is she even alive? I don’t know and maybe I will never know. At least she was not trapped in this country like I was… I couldn’t go back, not even if I wanted to.

Once again I’m asking myself questions which I couldn’t answer… just like I always do and even though I know they are slowly making me crazy, I can’t stop. Otherwise it feels like I’m missing something… I don’t know what or why I feel this way, but I guess at one point I will either stop asking me all those questions, or I’ll go insane… I wonder which of these two possibilities will happen.


Emily stops writing as she hears some noise from outside. She didn’t move a single muscle and tried to concentrate on what she heard… but afterwards it was quiet once again. Holding her breath, she waits quite a few minutes to be sure. Maybe it had been an animal or something like that. Calming down from her sudden alerted state, she continues writing.


Or something else will cause me to go crazy… whenever I’m alone I imagine things… I hear things which maybe aren’t even there… or I’m just thinking way too much of it. I have no clue what it was I just heard. Maybe a door that slammed or maybe just something that fell on the ground. I can’t tell, but it makes my heart beat faster every time. A few hours sleep… that needs to be enough, afterwards I will leave this place. It’s better if I keep moving and reach that city as soon as possible.


She closes the notepad and puts it back into her backpack, before she checks once again the doors. Afterwards she lays down in one of the darker corners of the room, trying to get some sleep.

Edited by Revie

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Entry 3


Silently grabs Emily her notepad, making sure to not disturb her company in any way. First she looked at the pages she already wrote something down, before she starts writing.


I know in what kind of situation I will get myself into and I know it won’t end good. Maybe I don’t understand the whole conversation the two of them had, but I understood enough to know, that this is just dangerous. Alice seems at least like she’s able to defend herself, but in my case… I don’t even want to think about it.

Turning around and leaving is no option. As long as Alice wants to keep this path, I will follow her. I chose this way already since the night we met back there in the house where I was actually ready to die. I told her that… and even more, though I’m not sure if she really understood what I was talking about. Well of course not… because I didn’t tell her the whole truth. Some things are not meant to be shared with others, even though sometimes it would make things a lot easier.

I guess I won’t be able to sleep the next few days. Not that I sleep often or long anyway, but right now is just too much going on in my head. This guy… his voice and even his behaviour just creeps me out. But I guess this wasn’t the first and last time I saw him. Alice seems interested in him and partly I can even understand why. I’m not in the position to tell her she should better stay away, although sometimes I really would like to do it. But I’m just the white rabbit. A white rabbit has not the power to do something about the Jabberwocky. I know that, although I’m asking myself why I suddenly started to use those nicknames as well.

Well, can’t be helped. I guess the best thing I can do is hoping, that both of them are not suddenly changing their interests. Although I will do everything to help Alice, since that’s the only thing that counts for me, I’m not really fond of getting in this strange game. Though I guess I’m sadly already part of it.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong… Murphy’s Law. Maybe I should just accept it


A low sigh leaves her lips while she puts the notepad back into her backpack, her eyes shortly moving over to Alice.

Edited by Revie

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This was very nice, I enjoyed the story. :)

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Very interesting read, keep it up!

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