Jump to content
Server time: 2017-08-21, 06:52

Sign in to follow this  
Kerkkoh

Elena's Diary

Recommended Posts

Kerkkoh    44

hRtKrtk.png

Characters so far:

This is Elena King's private (IG) diary that she keeps in her pocket. Images are screenshots for reading pleasure.

Enjoy the read!

All Kerkkoh's characters in this diary are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Ii8aByx.jpg

Dear diary,

Do you know what it feels like to wake up to someone crying? You have no idea where you are or where you were yesterday. You look around. You see a figure in a fetal position, on the concrete floor next to you. You can smell the stifling air around you. It is dark, but you can see some daylight shining in from outside.

You get up on your feet that barely can keep you up. You are only wearing dirty ripped jeans and a short top. Your feet are bare. You start walking towards the daylight while avoiding the figures and syringes on the floor. Someone is still sobbing in the corner, but you don’t care. You finally reach the doorway and walk out of the unfinished concrete building. You reach for your phone which surprisingly enough, is in your pocket. You call your friend to come pick you up from the nearest street you can find. In the car, you ask your friend for a cigarette, and you smoke it while she drives you home. 

Is this your life?

221100_20160716230853_1.png

07/15/2016

Dear diary,

Today I finally opened up. Ryan asked to talk with me, and I hesitated, but quickly answered “Sure”.  Ryan asked me about me shooting morphine at the clinic earlier. I tried to make up excuses, but he took me up on the hill, and I opened up. I told him about my whole past, about Sam, about my parents. Ryan also told me how he used to be involved with dangerous groups. He said that me using was fine by him, but also offered to help me get rid of it. Ryan said he would talk to the doctor, once he comes by the camp.

I don’t know if I want to get rid of it. What do I do when I feel down and alone again? Ryan thinks he is fine with me using, but deep down, he wants me to stop. I don’t know what to make of this all. I like Ryan, and I don’t want to mess things up, and I feel like declining would do just that. It has been a long time since anyone made me feel as alive as Ryan.

 

07/16/2016

Dear diary,

The doctor arrived in camp today. Ryan and Josh went to see him in the clinic, and I guess they talked about Josh vomiting a couple of times lately. Josh said that he would get his stitches out soon which sounds great. I was nervous the whole time I saw Ryan just speaking together with the doctor. I took a small hike around the town to get my mind off of it.

A little bit later Ryan came to me and told me that he wants me to talk to the doctor. I wasn’t sure about it at all, but Ryan convinced me to do it. We went to a house farther away from the camp. The doc asked what the problem was, but I was sure Ryan had told him already. I answered him honestly. The doc said that if I didn’t stop now, using would kill me. Deep down I knew that was true. He told me to use only 10 mg this week and then stop. That meant around 1.5mg a day. I assured them I would try. I don’t know if I really can do it. The doc said that Ryan was my sponsor or buddy. He would be watching my every move for a week. I trust Ryan but does he trust me. The doc left us to the house. Ryan sat next to me, and we talked for a while. I am scared it is too soon, but I have feelings. Feelings I haven’t had in years.

I only took 1.5mg today. I already felt my legs itching from the inside causing that damn leg twitching.

221100_20160716230957_1.png

07/17/2016

Dear diary,

I don’t know what to think of today. I think I just need to start from the beginning. This is going to be a long one.

This morning every limb and my head hurt so much. Ryan was there for me. I took my daily dose early. He wanted to check how much I took. We went on the hill to talk, and he checked my injector. On the hill, I couldn’t control myself at all, and I ended up crying next to him. Being close to him helps. We went back to the camp after I finished sobbing.

Lewis and his group came to the camp. They demanded cooked food, but we weren’t in the mood for cooking. Ryan was fairly aggressive towards Lewis and I didn’t hold him back. Lewis was pissed, and he said our contract was no more. I saw them still hanging around the town, and we prepared for an attack. While preparing, we got told to put our hands up, and we all did what they said. Ryan got hit by the guys. I shed a tear, and I was dying inside.

Josh wasn’t looking good. His stomach was hurting a lot.

I know from experience that I should be nice in situations like these. I told them I could cook them some food, and they agreed to let me go to do that. I wasn’t being a hero and just cooked the steaks. They finally let everyone go, but many people who were in our camp had gone missing. Ryan blamed it all on himself. Today, on the hill, I promised Ryan, I would hold him down when we see Lewis. I should have kept my word.

Ryan was sitting next to the garage. I went next to him and put my arm around him. I tried to assure him that it wasn’t his fault, but he didn’t seem to care. He pushed me away angrily and walked away. I had to chase him down. I forced him into a house away from the camp.

Ryan was depressed. He said that nobody needed him. He was sure that he had caused more trouble than good. I looked him in his eyes, and I said “We need you… I need you, Ryan”. I was afraid. Afraid to say what I wanted to say. Ryan almost shouted at me saying that nothing was worth it. He said we could be dead tomorrow. I was mad at him because those were the same words I shouted at him a couple of days ago on the hill.

“If we could be dead tomorrow, why won’t we just overdose today, and die today?”, I shouted while I pulled out my hidden morphine injectors.

“So you had more and lied to me, great.”, Ryan said and sighed.

“Of course, I had more you fool, but I didn’t lie to you!” I shouted angrily.

“Bullshit.” mumbled Ryan.

I shouldn’t have done that. There was only one thing left to say. Only one thing I could say.

“Ryan there is something I need to tell you. It’s been years since anyone made me feel alive. You’ve been there for me so much lately.”

“Elena… Don’t.

Ryan got a radio message from Josh. He ran out and told me to stay in. I wasn’t staying if Josh was in trouble. I ran back to camp. We heard shots from the hill, and I ran there. Josh was at gunpoint, and they ordered me to leave. I ran back to the camp again.

“Everyone here, grab a fucking gun and follow me!”

“Josh is in trouble.”

Five people from camp followed me to the hill. Josh had been taken a hostage and was somewhere in the forest. We went looking for him and found him scared, but unharmed. The doctor led us away from the town, and we decided to follow him. He knew a place where we would be safe.

Our group started running in the woods. We arrive at some local holiday center. We decide to stay there for a moment.

Ryan sits down on a bench. I sit next to him.

“Ryan… That thing I needed to say earlier.”

“Don’t… Elena, don’t… Please.”

Ryan gets up and walks out of the holiday center. I run after him and meet him behind a stone wall. We both knew what I wanted to say. I didn’t say it directly, but we both understood. He said that people who cared about him weren’t usually around for long. I told him that it might be selfish, but I didn’t care. We hugged. It felt good. I can’t describe it well enough. Something warm, something amazing. All the pain was gone in that moment.

I felt so good, but I know if I keep my dose this low, the pain would be horrible.

---

All feedback is absolutely welcome and I would love someone giving improvement ideas. Looking to post this diary as long as Elena is alive and relevant.

Edited by Kerkkoh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

Looking good so far, liking the pictures and the layout.

Oh yeah, and:

e61162bf23dc4497a435a22818b2a45f.png

33.... Not bad :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Beni    686

Looking good so far, liking the pictures and the layout.

Oh yeah, and:

e61162bf23dc4497a435a22818b2a45f.png

33.... Not bad :D

This is the second time I've seen this happen, Ryan you're one popular guy ain't ya.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

Thanks for the feedback so far guys. This one is about 8 minute read.

---

NLlwgbp.png

7/18/2016

Dear Diary,

The pain is awful. I didn't sleep much at all last night. I woke up at night at the summer camp and went on a hike with Josh and Ryan. We decided to head to some lake so we could swim. I can't remember the last time I'd been swimming.

I think I ruined the hike. We ran to the lake, and I felt exhausted. My legs were hurting so much, and they kept kicking. Ryan set up a campfire, and we sat next to it. Suddenly I felt like I was going to throw up, and I had to run to the forest. Surely enough, I threw up everything I had eaten yesterday. I took a swig from my canteen and spat it all out trying to clean my mouth. I walked back to the campfire and washed my hands in the lake. The boys asked if I was ok and of course, I told them I was fine. They started swimming, but the water was too cold for them to stay for a long time.

After a while of sitting next to the campfire and chatting with the boys, I decided to go for a swim as I suddenly felt like I was boiling. I quickly took my clothes off and ran on the small wooden pier. I jumped in the water and felt something was wrong. My right leg started hurting instantly, and I couldn't move it. I shouted to the boys on the shore and swam to the beach where Ryan kept me up as I stretched the leg. Josh was playing a gentleman and covered his eyes when I came to the shore. What a sweet kid he is. The pain went away when I stretched my leg, and Ryan told me to sit for a while. They seemed scared, and I don't blame them. I felt horrible, but I knew it was the lack of morphine that was doing it.

I sat next to the fire, and we watched the night sky together. The sky was beautiful. Before the infection hit and we lost all electricity, the skies had only a bunch of stars, but now it is filled with them. I wonder what lies in that unexplored universe. Probably planets.

I feel sweltering again, and I just want to go in the lake. I tell the boys that I'm not jumping in this time to avoid the cramps. I throw my clothes off and walk into the lake. Ryan jumps in the lake as well, and we start speaking.

"What did you do in there when you said you weren't feeling well?" whispered Ryan.

"I threw up; it's fine Ryan," I whispered back.

We kept talking about the cramp and other things but then we decided to head back to the fire as it went out. I told Ryan I was sorry for the scene I had caused. He said it's fine. Coming back to the shore, Josh covered his eyes again while I put my clothes on. I wanted to joke about him being a gentleman, but I decided not to. We went to the fire and sat by it trying to relax for once until I started feeling sick again. I ran to the forest telling them it's fine.

I leaned against a big tree and started dry heaving. Not much came out. The gagging was taking an extended amount of time, and suddenly I felt a horrible stinging pain in my stomach. I fell on the ground still gagging. I tried to get up but I couldn't. I called for Ryan as loud as I could, but he couldn't hear me. I reached for my radio and told him to help me alone. After a while, Ryan appears and helps me up. I said I vomited and I just suddenly got a huge stinging pain in my stomach. Ryan made me drink some water and put me next to a tree. We talked about how I hadn't taken my dose that day and how I should use it right there. I told him that I was good for now if we were planning on going back to the camp. We heard something in the bushes around us, and Ryan went back to the fire and looked for Josh but couldn't find him. I sat next to the tree until I see something move in the bush next to the tree. I saw Josh lying down there. He must have been eavesdropping. We told him it was rude but didn't think about it that much. We started jogging back to the camp.

Back at camp, I saw a lot of people. Most of the people were Outrun members. They had some fist fight matches. I sat next to the store and Ryan sat next to me. I leaned closer to him and took his hand. He asked me if I was ok and I told him the usual. He asked if I wanted to get out of the camp and helped me up. We walked to the barns where there was a huge pile of hay and sat on it.

We had our usual talk about how I was doing. I wasn't doing well. Every single bone and muscle in my body hurt. Ryan told me about some girl who had cared for him. She apparently had some problem, and she had told Ryan that she needed to leave the Outrun camp, but Ryan hadn't allowed her to go because he cared for her. Ryan was doing the usual leader work as the girl had almost attacked Josh, and the girl left. Ryan caught up with her, and so did Alex. Alex shot her in the back of her head when he heard that she had almost hurt Josh. She was still alive, but she wasn't in a good condition and didn't want to come back. I didn't know what to say. I had a problem as well.

"Ryan I attacked someone as well after I stopped for the first time."

"I didn't have control over myself. The craving for morphine was harder than ever."

Ryan listened very carefully.

"Some guy had morphine on him. I ordered him to give me some of it, but he said that I was stopping so he couldn't do that."

"Then I grabbed a kitchen knife and cut him. I tried to stab him, to get the morphine. Look... The point is that I could have killed him, and I didn't even remember what had happened. All this was just what he said in the police report."

"What if I attack Josh or anyone at the camp?"

"You won't, I won't let you do that," said Ryan calmly.

"You don't know that Ryan, what if you are sleeping and I kill Josh? Think about me waking you up with my hands covered in blood, and then I hug you with a knife in my hand. I can't let this happen." I told him with slightly raised voice.

"I can't stay Ryan, not like this," I said keeping my voice down.

"You can't leave me, Elena," Ryan said.

"I have to," I told him calmly.

Ryan took his armband off and threw it away. He ran away from me. I shouted him to stop. He shouted that he would kill me if I followed him. I was almost crying when I yelled from the top of my lungs to stop right there if he ever cared for me.

"DON'T YOU DO THAT ELENA!", he shouted.

I took a hold of him and pushed him against a hay bale. He was breathing heavily and fast. He told me to let him go, but I pushed him harder against the hay bale behind him and leaned closer to him.

"I need you to man up Ryan. I can't let you leave Josh and the others because of me. I can't let you do this to yourself." I said to him.

"They don't need me. I will just get everyone killed!" Ryan yelled angrily.

"No Ryan, Josh needs you, we can't both leave," I said with raised voice.

"Elena, let me go!" he shouted to me as he pushes me away from him.

I pushed him back against the hay bale and pulled his face mask down and kissed him. He let me kiss him.

"Why did you do that?" Ryan asked.

"Because I love you Ryan! I love you!" I shouted.

I realized what I'd just said, and I had to repeat it to understand.

"I love you, Ryan," I said calmly and thoughtfully.

"You can't do this to me, Elena. You can't just come to my life and make me care for you and then leave. You can't do this." He says quickly.

I understood what I had just done, and what this all looks like. I felt like shit.

I told him "I'm sorry. I'm sorry Ryan" as I burst into tears.

He grabbed a canteen from his pocket.

"Mason said there is whiskey in this." he said and took a swig from it.

"Ryan you shouldn't." I sobbed as he kept drinking more.

He pushed me away and walked back to the hay pile we were sitting on earlier. He took his armband and shoved it into his pocket. We sat on top of the stack.

"You can't do this to me Elena." he said.

I was speechless.

"I guess, I love you too," he said as he took another sip of whiskey.

"Damn, it's been three years since I said that before." he said.

I was speechless and tried to bring the mood up by throwing a joke at him, "I haven't said that since I found morphine," but he wasn't amused. It took me a while to realize that he said that.

He loves me.

Ryan's radio makes some noise as I am just wondering about what he just said.

"Just what I needed, Lewis is here. I need you to stay Elena" he says.

"I will. I will stay." I quickly respond as we start running back to the camp.

Back at the camp, he spoke with Lewis and Petrov's guys as I whispered to him that I am sorry, and we would talk the next day again. I headed to sleep as this day took its toll on me. Good night.

I had to get up to write this, so I remember.

~I love Ryan~

But I feel like I might mess it all up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

7/19/2016

Dear diary,

I am drained and can't bother to write a novel about today. I just want to remember every day that I have lived in this hellhole. I just told Ryan how today has been peaceful, except for everything that has happened. So how do I start?

I woke up in a building just next to our camp...

I am on the floor, and I can see vomit next to me. I try to push myself off the ground, but my legs won't carry me. Every single part of my body hurts. I hear the sound of Petrov's guys outside. I can hear Ryan talking to them and him getting stressed again. I knew I could ask Ryan to come help me up, but I was weak. I couldn't be there if he needed me for anything. I had to take some morphine now, more than the usual amount. I grab my injector and shoot what's left of it. After about 5 minutes I feel like I can get up, and I walk back to the camp. I'm feeling good again, but I know Ryan would be pissed if he knew.

Petrov's guys are our flatmates or neighbors now. They have set up a couple of their tents next to our camp, and they casually hang around there.

Ryan was stressed about everything again. He snapped at Josh for no reason, but he apologized. I took him aside and told him that he couldn't take it out on Josh and suddenly my radio started making noise. It was Josh. He said that he had run away. We began looking for him, and after I had been running around for a while, Ryan finally found him, and we talked. Josh said that he wouldn't do it again. After Josh had walked back to camp, for some reason, I felt like I had to tell Ryan that I took today. I couldn't be lying to him and running around looking for Josh without pain with a straight face. I said that I had to use today, but that I couldn't talk about it today, maybe tomorrow, but not today. Ryan ran off, and I had to run after him. He drank again. I convinced him not to do this all again. We went back to the camp. I felt like it, so I took more morphine in a tent while Ryan was on a trip to Berezino.

After Ryan had come back from Berezino, we drank his whiskey and tried to relax for once. Well, clearly I couldn't drink because I had taken today.

We went on the hill to relax and talk about the usual stuff. We were laying there and talked about how I can still try to stop using. He agreed to be my buddy again but said that if I needed to continue, he could take it. Petrov's guys were sneaking in the bushes eavesdropping and Ryan told me to handle it. I tried to be funny again, and I shouted that we're having sex, go away. We laughed pretty hard after that and kept talking even though one guy was still listening in the bushes. We didn't talk long until all the ten Petrov's men came on the hill along with Lewis and gave us shit about having sex in the mud or something. It was the funniest thing in years.

Good night.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hebi Kotei    302

Nice entry Kerkkoh. Looking forward to some more from you. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

Thanks for the feedback, sorry for being late with these entries.

---

7/20/2016

Dear diary,

Today was quiet, but yet the town was crowded with people. I decided to take a hike down south and visit our old home for once. I felt like I needed some time away from the camp and all the fuss that was going on in there. I ran all the way down to Pogorevka where I met some traders and then came back through Stary and Novy. I met many interesting personalities, and many of them knew about Outrun. In fact, whenever I said that I would be going home, they recognized that I was speaking about Outrun camp. I guess we are the only ones that can call a place home nowadays. Our little old house was still up. There were guts all over the yard, and it looked like someone had butchered a herd of cows. Who could do that? To kill an animal so peaceful and quiet as a cow. Well, I guess nowadays people skin men and women alive just to feast on their flesh.

After I had returned to our camp, I was feeling a bit lonely again since Ryan was away. Victoria sat next to me, and I had a chance to speak with her. It was fun to talk to a girl for once, and it cheered me up. We discussed a lot of things, but I didn't open up to her about my addiction. Nobody needed to hear about it. Nobody needed to carry that burden. Ryan was away from the camp today, so Victoria took the lead until he came back. I like her a lot.

Petrov and Lewis wanted to meet with our leader, so Victoria decided to head to the meeting and asked me to come with her. I felt important. We went up on the hill where there is a two-story house and sat down. Petrov went over some things about trading and other groups. Lewis came to the meeting a bit late, and he had something to say about Ryan being rude to him and his men. I told Lewis that I would speak to Ryan about it when he comes back to the camp. Victoria handled the situation very well just as I expected. I pitched in a couple of times when it came to Ryan because I know a lot about him.

I took half of the injector today, and I have about 2mg left in it. I needed to stay alert and rational in the meeting today.

7/21/2016

Dear diary,

The camp was raided last night if you can even call it that. Everything is gone, and we have to start gathering supplies again.  It didn't take long to find some clothes, food, and handguns but we're low on ammo. I planted some pumpkins and peppers so we could get some food faster.

Ryan's finally back. We talked about the meeting that Victoria and I had yesterday with Petrov and Lewis. I told him that he needs to stay calm with Lewis and his men, but I knew that Ryan already knew that. Ryan asked about my using, and I said I would be taking 2mg a day from now on, and he was all right with that. I took my dose a while after that. I am out of morphine.

I told Ryan about my trip down south yesterday, and he said that I could have waited for him or more like I should have waited for him. He said I could have died and that he couldn't deal with me dying. The truth is that I was fine, and nothing occurred. There were no situations where I felt threatened at all on the trip. He must trust me more. I can deal with keeping myself safe.

I am drowsy. Good night.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

Thanks for the feedback, sorry for being late with these entries.

---

7/20/2016

Dear diary,

Today was quiet, but yet the town was crowded with people. I decided to take a hike down south and visit our old home for once. I felt like I needed some time away from the camp and all the fuss that was going on in there. I ran all the way down to Pogorevka where I met some traders and then came back through Stary and Novy. I met many interesting personalities, and many of them knew about Outrun. In fact, whenever I said that I would be going home, they recognized that I was speaking about Outrun camp. I guess we are the only ones that can call a place home nowadays. Our little old house was still up. There were guts all over the yard, and it looked like someone had butchered a herd of cows. Who could do that? To kill an animal so peaceful and quiet as a cow. Well, I guess nowadays people skin men and women alive just to feast on their flesh.

After I had returned to our camp, I was feeling a bit lonely again since Ryan was away. Victoria sat next to me, and I had a chance to speak with her. It was fun to talk to a girl for once, and it cheered me up. We discussed a lot of things, but I didn't open up to her about my addiction. Nobody needed to hear about it. Nobody needed to carry that burden. Ryan was away from the camp today, so Victoria took the lead until he came back. I like her a lot.

Petrov and Lewis wanted to meet with our leader, so Victoria decided to head to the meeting and asked me to come with her. I felt important. We went up on the hill where there is a two-story house and sat down. Petrov went over some things about trading and other groups. Lewis came to the meeting a bit late, and he had something to say about Ryan being rude to him and his men. I told Lewis that I would speak to Ryan about it when he comes back to the camp. Victoria handled the situation very well just as I expected. I pitched in a couple of times when it came to Ryan because I know a lot about him.

I took half of the injector today, and I have about 2mg left in it. I needed to stay alert and rational in the meeting today.

7/21/2016

Dear diary,

The camp was raided last night if you can even call it that. Everything is gone, and we have to start gathering supplies again.  It didn't take long to find some clothes, food, and handguns but we're low on ammo. I planted some pumpkins and peppers so we could get some food faster.

Ryan's finally back. We talked about the meeting that Victoria and I had yesterday with Petrov and Lewis. I told him that he needs to stay calm with Lewis and his men, but I knew that Ryan already knew that. Ryan asked about my using, and I said I would be taking 2mg a day from now on, and he was all right with that. I took my dose a while after that. I am out of morphine.

I told Ryan about my trip down south yesterday, and he said that I could have waited for him or more like I should have waited for him. He said I could have died and that he couldn't deal with me dying. The truth is that I was fine, and nothing occurred. There were no situations where I felt threatened at all on the trip. He must trust me more. I can deal with keeping myself safe.

I am drowsy. Good night.

Nice "Shit" as you said to us :P

its really good, keep it up man :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

7/22/2016

Dear diary,

The camp was silent today and not that many people came through. That was until I was sitting by the campfire and Iceman shouted to me about being a junkie. The words hurt like a dull sword going through my stomach. I was out of morphine today, and I hadn't had my dose which made it worse.

"Yeah, I'm looking at you, Elena. I know a junkie when I see one."

Those words were all it took for me to die inside. I felt the light go off, and I just felt anger. Anger like I never felt before. I stood up with my eyes watering.

"You shut up your fucking junkie mouth, or I'll sew it shut" I shouted at him and walked away with tears in my eyes.

Ryan followed me and told me to "not care about it." I guess he doesn't understand me after all. He told me about something that had happened last night.

Apparently, I shouldn't have slept last night. Mr. Black came to the camp again causing trouble disguised as some Russian guy. He was whispering to someone about capturing Josh. Ryan realized it was him and made Petrov's men arrest him. They questioned him in a jail cell where Ryan went too close to him, and Mr. Black tried biting his finger off. Thankfully there was a doctor close by, and they sewed it back on. The finger looks nasty, and I hope it will heal soon. Mr. Black knocked the guard out and escaped the restraints. He ran away from the camp and now he wants Ryan dead and Josh captured. Fucking hell. If he can walk into our camp disguised and do things like this or even take Josh, how can we defend ourselves?

"If anything happens to me, promise me you will look after Josh" whispers Ryan.

"Nothing," I whisper back without finishing what I was about to say.

"Nothing will happen to you Ryan; I will make sure of that" I finished my sentence.

I knew Mr. Black had had a thing for me before so I was thinking about a plan. That plan would be me breaking up with Ryan and convincing Mr. Black to meet me so I could cry on his shoulder while the others would ambush him. I told Ryan about my plan and after a while of convincing him that it works, he said that he could think about doing it, but we don't have any way to contact him. Damn I miss phones. I guess we just have to wait it out.

I just can't stand the idea of losing anyone, not right now. Not Josh, Ryan or anyone else. I will be there to make sure that doesn't happen.

If I have to write you about losing someone...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

Thanks for the feedback, glad you enjoyed the read :P

---

6dz9gt0.png

7/23/2016

Dear diary,

Today Josh and Ryan went out looking for a tent. They spoke about going to Vybor to look for it. I felt bored at the camp, so I decided to leave and maybe visit Stary again. I told someone at the camp to tell Ryan how I was heading South so he wouldn't worry about me. It was silent, and I decided to walk along the main road going through Novy, Stary, Kabanino and Vybor. I met nobody on my way to Vybor but coming back to Stary I met about four natives. The natives seemed a bit hostile so I decided just to ask them if I could pass through since they were on the road blocking it. They told me I was free to go, but they asked questions.

"Where are you from? I can hear from your accent that you aren't a native."

"Well, we moved a lot, but originally I am from America," I answered politely.

The man mumbled something and then went on angrily "We don't want you here, get out of here!"

I nodded and walked away towards our old home in Stary.

While walking, I took out my radio and asked Ryan if they were still around looking for the tent. Ryan tells me to meet them at Vybor military base since I was close to it. I arrived at the military base wearing a cowboy hat, ripped and dirty leather jacket and a violet bandana on my face. Ryan seemed shocked about my outfit. I had mentioned the natives to him on the radio, so I guess he thought that they had robbed me or something. I told him that everything was fine, and we headed back.

We arrived at the camp and not that many people were there. Ryan went sleeping for a while, and so did Josh. I stayed up since not that many Outrun were guarding the camp. After a while, a lot of guys came into the camp. One of them was James, who I had met earlier in Gorka while scavenging for supplies and one of them was Kibuka. Not long after the guys arrived, some guy with a yellow armband came to the camp and everyone at the camp went to him and accused him of being a part of some group Coyotes that had been stealing from us. I was somewhat confused at this point, and then the guys at our camp started being hostile against the new guy with a yellow armband. They began escorting him in the middle of our camp. I had to stop them because they couldn't be robbing someone in the middle of our compound.

"Guys, take it out of here!" I shouted from the top of my lungs.

"Now!" I continued.

They left and came back apologizing to me. I told guys it was okay as long as they won't bring this kind of stuff to the camp anymore. I believe they also robbed the poor man and came to our camp with his stuff and left it there. I felt worried about keeping his things in our compound in case his friends come looking for them. I stressed for having to be in charge of the camp even for a short time. I have no idea how Ryan does it.

Victoria and Corbin came to the camp again. It was great to see Victoria. I like her a lot. I told her about everything that happened in the last hour or so, and I told her how I anxious I was with a lot of people in the camp again. We headed out of the camp to talk for a while.

I told her about me leaving the camp and how I felt about everything. It was amazing to open up to someone else than Ryan again. I tried to tell her about everything that was on my mind but it was hard without telling her the whole story. I had to say her. I knew I could trust her, and after all, she was taking charge while Ryan was gone, so I think she deserved to know. She swore that she wouldn't tell anyone. I opened up about everything. I told her about my whole past, about Sam, about how Ryan and I became a thing and so on. Having to explain a couple of weeks and my whole life story in 10 minutes is messy.

She was overwhelmed by all the information and then really concerned about everything. Even I realized how messed up this all was, how messed up it was for me even to be in Ryan's life right now. We were thinking about my problem with stopping. The fact that I could attack someone who had morphine. Victoria offered to help me and offered to lead the camp whenever Ryan and I needed time together. I knew she wanted to help, but I didn't necessarily need help with stopping. I promised her I wouldn't continue to use stuff. She told me that her parents were users, and they overdosed. I felt horrible. She said that she would talk with Ryan, and we headed back.

Ryan told me that we needed to talk. We went on the haystack together, and he said about his discussion with Victoria. He said that I should tell everyone at the camp and that it was Victoria's idea. I told him how I couldn't do that. He truly wanted to push it and kept telling me that it would help. I was angry that he kept pushing it since he knew that I couldn't do it. I said I could do it. I told that I would honestly just want to leave the camp and deal with this alone or just be with him until it was over. With him, I didn't feel the pain. It just all went away.

I told him that I wouldn't be in the camp that much because I would stay in the houses next to it since it won't be pretty. He said that I don't deserve that.

I hadn't taken any yesterday nor today. I felt some pain and leg twitching, but I've learned to keep it hidden better. My neck and my arms were itchy, and I couldn't help scratching them. I might need to use tomorrow, but I will keep the amount as small as possible. I'm feeling fairly good. Forgive me if I don't have it in me to write every day, this is going to be tough.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

Thanks for the feedback, glad you enjoyed the read :P

---

6dz9gt0.png

7/23/2016

Dear diary,

Today Josh and Ryan went out looking for a tent. They spoke about going to Vybor to look for it. I felt bored at the camp, so I decided to leave and maybe visit Stary again. I told someone at the camp to tell Ryan how I was heading South so he wouldn't worry about me. It was silent, and I decided to walk along the main road going through Novy, Stary, Kabanino and Vybor. I met nobody on my way to Vybor but coming back to Stary I met about four natives. The natives seemed a bit hostile so I decided just to ask them if I could pass through since they were on the road blocking it. They told me I was free to go, but they asked questions.

"Where are you from? I can hear from your accent that you aren't a native."

"Well, we moved a lot, but originally I am from America," I answered politely.

The man mumbled something and then went on angrily "We don't want you here, get out of here!"

I nodded and walked away towards our old home in Stary.

While walking, I took out my radio and asked Ryan if they were still around looking for the tent. Ryan tells me to meet them at Vybor military base since I was close to it. I arrived at the military base wearing a cowboy hat, ripped and dirty leather jacket and a violet bandana on my face. Ryan seemed shocked about my outfit. I had mentioned the natives to him on the radio, so I guess he thought that they had robbed me or something. I told him that everything was fine, and we headed back.

We arrived at the camp and not that many people were there. Ryan went sleeping for a while, and so did Josh. I stayed up since not that many Outrun were guarding the camp. After a while, a lot of guys came into the camp. One of them was James, who I had met earlier in Gorka while scavenging for supplies and one of them was Kibuka. Not long after the guys arrived, some guy with a yellow armband came to the camp and everyone at the camp went to him and accused him of being a part of some group Coyotes that had been stealing from us. I was somewhat confused at this point, and then the guys at our camp started being hostile against the new guy with a yellow armband. They began escorting him in the middle of our camp. I had to stop them because they couldn't be robbing someone in the middle of our compound.

"Guys, take it out of here!" I shouted from the top of my lungs.

"Now!" I continued.

They left and came back apologizing to me. I told guys it was okay as long as they won't bring this kind of stuff to the camp anymore. I believe they also robbed the poor man and came to our camp with his stuff and left it there. I felt worried about keeping his things in our compound in case his friends come looking for them. I stressed for having to be in charge of the camp even for a short time. I have no idea how Ryan does it.

Victoria and Corbin came to the camp again. It was great to see Victoria. I like her a lot. I told her about everything that happened in the last hour or so, and I told her how I anxious I was with a lot of people in the camp again. We headed out of the camp to talk for a while.

I told her about me leaving the camp and how I felt about everything. It was amazing to open up to someone else than Ryan again. I tried to tell her about everything that was on my mind but it was hard without telling her the whole story. I had to say her. I knew I could trust her, and after all, she was taking charge while Ryan was gone, so I think she deserved to know. She swore that she wouldn't tell anyone. I opened up about everything. I told her about my whole past, about Sam, about how Ryan and I became a thing and so on. Having to explain a couple of weeks and my whole life story in 10 minutes is messy.

She was overwhelmed by all the information and then really concerned about everything. Even I realized how messed up this all was, how messed up it was for me even to be in Ryan's life right now. We were thinking about my problem with stopping. The fact that I could attack someone who had morphine. Victoria offered to help me and offered to lead the camp whenever Ryan and I needed time together. I knew she wanted to help, but I didn't necessarily need help with stopping. I promised her I wouldn't continue to use stuff. She told me that her parents were users, and they overdosed. I felt horrible. She said that she would talk with Ryan, and we headed back.

Ryan told me that we needed to talk. We went on the haystack together, and he said about his discussion with Victoria. He said that I should tell everyone at the camp and that it was Victoria's idea. I told him how I couldn't do that. He truly wanted to push it and kept telling me that it would help. I was angry that he kept pushing it since he knew that I couldn't do it. I said I could do it. I told that I would honestly just want to leave the camp and deal with this alone or just be with him until it was over. With him, I didn't feel the pain. It just all went away.

I told him that I wouldn't be in the camp that much because I would stay in the houses next to it since it won't be pretty. He said that I don't deserve that.

I hadn't taken any yesterday nor today. I felt some pain and leg twitching, but I've learned to keep it hidden better. My neck and my arms were itchy, and I couldn't help scratching them. I might need to use tomorrow, but I will keep the amount as small as possible. I'm feeling fairly good. Forgive me if I don't have it in me to write every day, this is going to be tough.

was a nice read, im loving your diary so far coco, keep it up :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
   77

just googled "dayzrp iceman" to see what 'd find.

Not disappointed! keep it up yo, this is some great stuff!

p.s better include the part where I apologized pls pls I was drunk

p.s.s all coyotes must hang

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

Thank you for all the feedback, guys. I hope you enjoy the read! This one was a bit hard to condense because of everything that had happened, but I tried.

---

7/27/2016

Dear diary,

So much has happened that I haven't told you. I've been exhausted by the pain and I just couldn't write, but I think the pain is finally over. I still feel like taking some, but the pain isn't forcing me to do it anymore. I guess I am off of it now.

I suppose I should just start by telling you the biggest things that have happened. So, we moved our camp to Berezino from Gorka because Josh and the guys found a beautiful place from there. It isn't that defendable, but it has a place to drink from and a place to take an occasional bath. I think Victoria is my best friend now. She told me about Corbin and her breaking up, and she found someone new. She said that his name was Eli, but I wasn't excepting the Eli that I had met back in Stary. Eli lost her daughter Jessica. Victoria and Eli had been searching for her, but they hadn't found her yet. Victoria seems happy with Eli, and I am glad for them.

Mr. Black came back to our new camp disguised as some German guy. Ryan somehow found out about him being in camp, and he took Josh out of the camp and met up with me. He told me that I should take Josh and his new friend Rachel out of town. Eli and Victoria came with us, and I told Eli to take Josh and Rachel out of the city for now. I went back to the camp to make sure that Ryan wouldn't get himself killed. I watched him in an apartment that had good visibility to the camp. I saw many people in camp with weapons and Ryan in the middle of them. I had my scope on the other guys so I could shoot if they even laid a hand on him. I had to leave the apartment building and try to look for the others and then Ryan send me a radio message that he was back at camp. It was all terribly confusing. I didn't know what had happened. Ryan was outraged with me because I had come back near the camp and not stayed with Josh.

I wanted to know what had happened between Ryan and Mr. Black and asked Ryan to get out of camp and talk with me. He had something going on, but I didn't care at this point. We went away from camp. He blamed me for everything. Apparently, he would have shot Mr. Black at camp if I hadn't come back and it was now my fault that we were all still in danger. Ryan knew that if he had pulled the trigger on Mr. Black, he would have got shot himself but Ryan didn't care because he was "a dead man walking." He said that his past came to haunt him and went on about how he had killed so many people. I told him to stop, and I shouted at him, but he just didn't listen. I couldn't take it, and I just walked away from him.

I went to talk to Victoria about this and told her what had happened. I ended up sobbing about it next to her. She understood me and told me that whatever I was going to do, she would support my decision. I told her that I didn't know what to do, and she said that I should just give it some time. We went back to camp, and I just sat down thinking about what I would do. She had told me that she had almost died yesterday because of her faith. I'd told her that I didn't have faith anymore, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to find faith. She had said that she could maybe help me with it.

I was thinking about leaving for a while to sort my feelings out. I knew that I still loved Ryan. I just couldn't deal with him thinking that he was a dead man walking and him not trusting me at all. I couldn't love someone who was dead.

I went to look for Ryan, and I found him talking to his former boss Zeke, who said that he would come down to our camp and burn it down. I went to Ryan and told him that I was sorry. I was sorry for what had just happened with Zeke and for walking away from him when I should have talked it out with him. He told me he was sorry for everything as well. We walked back to the camp together.

I don't know what to think right now. We are all in danger, and I still don't think Ryan and I are fully ok.

I guess I'll just have to give it time like Victoria said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

Had some catching up to do , but loving the read so far ;) Keep it up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Phoenix    1056

cf2150e90a.png

Not as popular as ryan but still play my part :D

Loving the diary, coco :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

Thank you everyone for feedback <3. I really love writing these so I am glad that you like them.

---

7/28/2016

Dear diary,

Today I learned that it still isn't safe to hitch a ride from a stranger.

Camp was quiet once again, and I couldn't be bothered to talk to someone. I just didn't feel like it for some reason. Only thing I could think of was taking some morphine, but I knew I was off the stuff so I couldn't. I had to leave the camp for a while.

I jogged all the way to Novy where I stopped to get a drink and then continue to Stary. When I was leaving Novy, a truck full of people stopped and asked if I needed a ride somewhere. I was going to Stary, so I politely declined their offer. They all seemed nice. I continued my way to Stary, and I stopped at our old house and the lake Outrun. I had a nice little bath there, and it was pleasant in so many ways. There was no infected anywhere, and I couldn't hear a sound in the town. I am glad that it has calmed down in Stary this much. I knew Kabanino was still a horrible place especially now that the Kingdom has taken it over. They have terrible policies that they enforce, and I just don't want anything to do with them at all.

I told Ryan that I was in Stary and that he should tell me if something important happened in camp. Soon after that transmission, I got one from him saying that there might be clowns coming into our camp. I don't exactly know who the clowns are, but I've heard that they aren't exactly the nicest group of survivors in South Zagoria. I told Ryan that I am coming back to the camp. I was right next to Gorka when Ryan asked me to stay away from Gorka and the gas station between Gorka and Berezino. I decided to go a bit around Gorka and run through the forest so I wouldn't get in any trouble. While running in the woods, I saw three people dressed in all black run behind me. I kept moving and hoped that they weren't after me.

I heard a man behind me shout something, and I quickly pulled out my radio shouting "Ryan! Gorka!". I immediately put my radio away and asked the three men what was going on. I was trembling, and my heart was pounding. The men wondered why I was running away from them, and I tried to avoid saying anything and just kept telling them that I had to go home. I told them that I heard that there might be clowns going to Berezino and that I want to help my group members defend the camp in case something happens. The guys laughed at me.

"And you think that you are going to help your friends against clowns? Go on then little girl, keep running!" They shouted and kept laughing.

I thanked them for letting me go and started running towards Berezino. I took out my radio and told Ryan that I was okay. I explained what had happened and said I was sorry for the false alarm. He had four guys running with him towards Gorka because of me being too scared. I meet up with him on the road and tell him what happened. He said that the clowns weren't going into our camp and that they drove a truck full of people past Berezino. I told him how a truck full of people had asked me to come for a ride. Back in the camp, the guys confirmed that it was the same damn blue truck. So I guess I avoided death at least once today.

Back at camp, I kept farming for the rest of the day to get my mind off of how I could have just died if I had gotten into that blue truck. There was a lot of people at the camp, but I wasn't feeling sociable at all. I have no idea why I feel like this all of the sudden. I just can't control my emotions at all right now. I just hope this passes soon.

Good night.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

I heard a man behind me shout something, and I quickly pulled out my radio shouting "Ryan! Gorka!". I immediately put my radio away and asked the three men what was going on. I was trembling, and my heart was pounding. The men wondered why I was running away from them, and I tried to avoid saying anything and just kept telling them that I had to go home. I told them that I heard that there might be clowns going to Berezino and that I want to help my group members defend the camp in case something happens. The guys laughed at me.

"And you think that you are going to help your friends against clowns? Go on then little girl, keep running!" They shouted and kept laughing.

That feel when we actually offered to help you :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

I heard a man behind me shout something, and I quickly pulled out my radio shouting "Ryan! Gorka!". I immediately put my radio away and asked the three men what was going on. I was trembling, and my heart was pounding. The men wondered why I was running away from them, and I tried to avoid saying anything and just kept telling them that I had to go home. I told them that I heard that there might be clowns going to Berezino and that I want to help my group members defend the camp in case something happens. The guys laughed at me.

"And you think that you are going to help your friends against clowns? Go on then little girl, keep running!" They shouted and kept laughing.

That feel when we actually offered to help you :(

I was too spooked. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

I heard a man behind me shout something, and I quickly pulled out my radio shouting "Ryan! Gorka!". I immediately put my radio away and asked the three men what was going on. I was trembling, and my heart was pounding. The men wondered why I was running away from them, and I tried to avoid saying anything and just kept telling them that I had to go home. I told them that I heard that there might be clowns going to Berezino and that I want to help my group members defend the camp in case something happens. The guys laughed at me.

"And you think that you are going to help your friends against clowns? Go on then little girl, keep running!" They shouted and kept laughing.

That feel when we actually offered to help you :(

I was too spooked. :D

Yeah we have that effect sometimes :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

-Snip-

Man that Zeke guy seems like a real asshole :troll:

It's a great read! Enjoyed every entry so far.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kerkkoh    44

Your favorite diary is back. That Zeke guy is a real asshole :P Thank you for the positive feedback and reading through it (:

---

7/29/2016

Dear diary,

Today has been the worst day in my life. I can't write much because my hand is hurting so much. I will tell you why.

Today I decided to head out of the camp for a bit. I ran along the coast and thought about everything that has been happening lately. Smelling the fresh ocean air was great. There has been a lot of fog on the coast in the past few days and today wasn't an exception.

Just as I passed, a town called Solnichiny, I saw two men on the road. I was intimidated, and quickly told Ryan where I was via radio. I greeted them when suddenly one of them says that I have a green armband and tells me to put my hands up. I wasn't panicking since I knew that they wouldn't hurt me if I did what they said. They tied my hands and told me to walk down the road. It took me a while to recognize that one of the guys was Mr. Black. He knew that Ryan and I were together and told me that he saw us talking together. Mr. Black also said how Ryan was a horrible person and how he has sold people. I assured him that I didn't care about Ryan's past.

They placed me in a two story house where Mr. Black let his friend who was a part of the Coyotes to get some information out of me while he was getting in contact with Ryan. The guy was clearly new in the group and needed to prove himself. I told him how he didn't need to do anything to me. I said that I honestly didn't know anything about Kibuka. He kept demanding information and then told me that he would have to hit me. I begged him not to, but he asked me to look the other way and shut my mouth. I looked at the floor as he swung his fist and hit me. I screamed as hard as I could. He shoved my armband in my mouth and kept beating me as I tried to scream. I remember getting hit multiple times until I fell unconscious.

When I woke up, I could hear Ryan's voice. I whispered "Ryan." He said something to me, but I couldn't hear much. Mr. Black was in the room along with more Coyotes. I didn't hear much at all, but I could hear Kibuka's name multiple times. Ryan was clearly an asshole to them, and I know it would get him killed, so I gathered all my power and told him to stop with it. They still decided to hit him multiple times. I was going in and out of consciousness, but I made out that they were going to carve something on him, and I told them not to do it. They put a grenade in my mouth, and I was scared to death. I spat it out as they were about to start carving something on him and told them to scar me if they had to because he had enough of them on him. They didn't listen to me and started carving some symbol on him. Mr. Black bashed my head on the floor a couple of times. I was crying on the floor until they stopped. Everything is still a mess in my head, and I think next Mr. Black took out a can opener and took a hold of my right hand. He said something about cutting it off. I begged him not to do it and then I felt the pain. The pain was horrible. I could feel the blade of that can opener cutting, and then I felt my bone breaking. It was my pinky finger. He took it off and showed it to everyone and then crushed it and said: "You can't sew this one back on." I remember going in and out of consciousness again and shaking hard on the floor. I don't remember much other than him saying something about 88 and then shooting Ryan in his stomach and leaving the house with his Coyote crew.

I started untying myself from the ties and finally succeeded in it. The pain was horrible, and I could barely stand up, but I knew I had to bandage Ryan, or he would die. I got up and took Ryans shirt from the ground. I tied the shirt around the wound and checked if there was an exit wound, but there wasn't. I wrapped another shirt from the ground around his stomach as tight as I could. I took my beanie off and pressed it against the wound with all the power that I had left in my hands. It hurt like hell to push anything with my hand. I decided to wrap a bandage around my hand as well so it wouldn't bleed. I found a radio from the ground and used it to contact Josh. He said they were coming with a doctor.

Ryan woke up, and I just told him to stay on the floor and held him. He was in more pain than I was. He said he was sorry. It wasn't his fault. It just wasn't. I told him it was all okay, and we waited for the others to arrive. Josh and the doctor came into the room, and the doctor started operating on him with Josh sitting next to Ryan. I tried to get Josh out of there so the doctor could work on Ryan without that many people in the room. He declined and told that Ryan was his whole world. I knew the doctor needed space, but I just let Josh be there since it seemed to help Ryan cope with the pain. I stepped aside to make some room. They decided to dig the bullet out right there since they couldn't move him. Josh helped the doctor with the surgery. They did a blood transfusion on him since he had lost some blood in the process.

I talked with Ryan, but he needed rest badly. This doctor was a life saver, and he told he was just doing his job. I didn't have a chance to hear his name, but I am glad he came with Josh. I had an opportunity to look myself from a mirror. My face was bruised and bleeding. Ryan's didn't look much better either.

Later the doctor, that I had talked to about my addiction about came there. He stitched Ryan's wound and made sure that he was alright. I showed him my finger, and he told I should be okay if I took some antibiotics just in case. I asked if I could take pain medication, but he said not to take any due to my past. The pain was horrible.

I can't possibly imagine what Josh is going through right now since he had to see Ryan in that condition. Josh was angry, and he was trying to cope with it by shooting. Everyone needs to find their way to deal with things like these and firing a gun isn't a bad one compared to what I used to shoot. I hope he can get over this without any bigger trauma.

I need to try to get some sleep. I can't take any pain medication, and my head hurts like a hell along with my right hand. It feels like everything is on fire. I don't know what to think of all this. It was humiliating and scary, but I am glad that we made it out alive with Ryan.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

Nice entry Kerkkoh, death to Mr Black and all Coyotes must hang

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

Great read !

Who is this Mr Black ?

he sounds like a cunt ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×