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Faith

The Horoscope known as Dr. Hope Pisces

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Faith    727

The Horoscope known as Dr. Hope Pisces

Chapter 1: Fish Under Water, Chapter 2: Good Doctor No More, Chapter 3: Playing Her Cards Right

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Chapter 1: Fish Out of Water

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[align=justify]So I guess most people in Chernarus know me now. ‘The famous doctor’ as some put it. It’s already weird enough being a representative of the United Nations knowing that everybody despises everything about them for what they did... I don’t condone the actions of the United Nations. And I don’t agree with many of the decisions that they have made. That being said, I don’t think it’s right to judge me or other UN workers for the orders they gave and pursued. What they have done… I personally believe some of the people that represent the United Nations do so because they believe there is still a place for the idea of what the United Nations was created to do. And I believe I am one of them.

[align=justify]Doctor Hope Pisces. I never thought I would ever amount to anything. I never thought I would be well known as I am now. From the moment I stepped out of the university I was content of wasting the first few years of my life sitting at a desk. I never knew I would become that doctor everyone needed, and everyone seemed to like. But I’m sure you know all good things come to an end. I found myself making the wrong choices for the right reasons. I guess my first wrong decision was joining ‘The Matchmakers’. Even though it was to save Ellie. Although many great things came from my decision to join ‘The Matchmakers’ I asked myself constantly if it was worth it. I found it hard to overlook the fact that I was in a group that trafficked humans but if I had never joined that group I would have never met the person who mend my broken heart and supported me with Ellie’s cause. And I never thought it would lead me to my engagement to Victor. 

[align=justify]Getting Ellie out of that hell hole felt better than I had felt in a long time. The only way I can describe it is like saving a life without having to operate? Ellie felt safer with me, like I was a mother figure to her. Or at least I felt like I was her mother. Things were starting to go better for me. I should’ve seen the signs then. Everyone who lives in a post apocalyptic world knows when things start to look to good to be true, it’s because they are.

[align=justify]Things were going so good that I eventually let my guard down. Being in the same place for weeks on end could drive any person insane. So I went for the longest, most painful and terrifying walk I had ever been on. With my guard down it didn’t take long until I fell into a trap. My own stupidity led to me being taken hostage by ‘The Masquarade’, tortured, beaten half to death with a tire iron and left bleeding out over the cold ground. If not for my fiancé I would not be here now. Though at the time I don’t remember the details of what happened it turns out it was a lot more detailed than I could explain in a few sentences.

[align=justify]The next thing I can clearly remember was sitting in a warm cabin back at my camp. I remember the pain being too much. I remember my sweat drenched body shivering despite the warmth around me. The pain was more than I can comprehend. It was more than I could bare. It was the pain I would never forgot. A pain I would do anything to never remember or experience ever again. I remembered every painful second until I took that morphine. I didn’t even know what I was doing any more, I just wanted the pain to go away.

[align=justify]The next few hours travelled by so quickly. I remember wanting to walk to Russia. Being high off of morphine it seemed like a good idea. Just like every other bad idea I have ever had. How far I actually travelled was unknown to me. The blackouts started happening almost instantly. My mind would fade in and fade out. I remember seeing a camp-fire. I remember being made a slave by three men. I remember being kidnapped, being beaten, starved and forced to walk   with nothing to help the pain. I remember the cold nights.

[align=justify]I remember the rain storm two weeks into my capture. The cold water drenching me like a bath. The pathetic half dead tree providing no shelter... I remember waking up to the surprise of my friend Dragoslav covered in blood of my tormentors. The visions of that night are etched into my mind. The bloody corpses on the ground around him. The slight smile on my face before I passed out again. And the constant fading in and fading out over the next few days as he carried me back home. He wouldn't let me out of his sight for the next few weeks until my wounds had healed.

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[align=justify]Weeks of travelling back to Chernarus, camping in the same scene, laying on the same hard cold ground. Unable to do anything until my wounds healed, quickly tested my patience. It began to prod what sanity I had left currently. I would constantly snap at Dragoslav, yelling at him, calling him names and blaming him for misfortunes. Doing and saying things I regret to this day. The constant wasting of time began to take its toll on me. All I wanted is to get home and get home now. I remember one day my patience had finally abandoned me. And I began storming off into the wrong direction until Dragoslav finally gave in and took me home. I knew I was slowly becoming a different person.

[align=justify]Finally Dragoslav and I reached a familiar road, to me it was like I had been here before but my mind was still a blur. I guess it was a good thing Dragoslav knew where we were and where we were going. Ironically we weren't the only people using this route.It was at this time that we ran into an old friend of ours.  Dr. Isaac Blake was a breath of relief for two people travelling aimlessly through the forest for weeks. Like it was meant to be, weirdly enough. The next few days of travelling back to ‘Camp Hope’ were some of the calmest, comforting and relaxing days I had ever had.

[align=justify]Being home was comforting enough for Dragoslav and Isaac. They quickly returned to their cabins, reluctant to fill up on food and drink, before taking a warm and well deserved rest. But not for me. As soon as I was placed in a cabin, I snuck out.

“This is our home. 

Mine and yours. 

When things get too rough, or life begins to stress you out, I want you to promise me that you will stop what you are doing and live here.  

With me.”      

[align=justify]That is what Victor told me when we first started our cause. When we had found the house down the dirt road near the camp. When he first said this I thought it was bizarre, now it was something I wanted to pursue. I went back home. Standing in the house as I watched the memories of my past replayed around me. The images were so strong that it began reducing me to tears. It was at this moment that I had finally realised what I had done. Things had been said, not only by myself but other people. Fights had been caused by reasons I couldn’t understand; sometimes it was my fault… Now all I had was a home made for two, but yet it only had one.  And now all I could do was cry over the sob story I had accidentally created… I cried for hours, draining every bit of energy I had left. All I wanted was for the pain to stop. All I wanted was for the memories to go away. I cried and cried until finally my body couldn't stand it anymore,  I layed down, dragging a rag of a coat on my lap and passed out almost instantly. 

[align=justify]“Good morning.” A sarcastic voice fiercely said. Waking up dazed by the voice, I turned my head to the sound only to see a gun pointing at me. It was still dark. I scrambled to my feet. “W-Wait!” I yelled, backing against the wall behind me. Letting the coat fall to the floor. Hands in the air as I held back the panic slowly building. I’m dead now. My luck finally ran out. “What the fuck are you doing in my house!?” ...His house? Wait… That voice, I couldn’t forget that voice. “...Victor?” I questioned with a worried tone. At first there was no reaction, the gun still aimed at me as his mind tried piecing together the sound of my voice. His body began to change. His muscles began to relax, the gun started to fall away. It was as if he realised something, something that couldn’t be true. I didn’t know if he fully believed it was actually me. The gun falling ever so slightly, he took one step after another, inching closer to me. It was as if he was still trying to process who I was or if I was real.

[align=justify]“Hope?” I kept my hands up, clueless to what he was going to do. I didn’t dare to flinch. Certain things that Dragoslav had told me were replaying in my mind. He told me that Victor had gave up on me, saying, “She’s probably dead” and that it was ‘‘Every man for himself.” Was this the man that was now standing in front of me? Or was it the man that loved me, and would never hurt me?

[align=justify]My heart was frantically pounding in my stomach,  and I began to feel sick. “I… Thought you were dead…” The gun still held on me, inching lower and lower. The conflicting emotions swirling inside of him. It took him a few moments before he finally realised. “Fuck me…” He finally holstered his gun. I let my hands slowly drop to my sides, staring at him, my eyes glued on him. Was I finally insane? Was this just a figment of my imagination? He abruptly turned and walked to a loose floorboard in the corner of the room, lifting it to reveal a half empty bottle of tequila and a shot glass. Immediately uncapping the bottle and pouring himself a drink he downed the first glass like a raging alcoholic finding liquor after years of being sober.

[align=justify]“So you ran off with Dragoslav and thought you were going to live happily ever after.  But yet you came back.” The harsh words fell from his mouth making my heart drop further than I had ever felt before. “That… That isn’t it! Why the hell would I want to do that!?” Still wearing the engagement ring Victor proposed to me with on my gloveless hands. Victor sat down as he croaked a laugh, “Bullshit! I see the way he looks at you.” I blinked a few times, taken back. “What is wrong with you!?” I yelled. Who was this person? This isn’t the Victor I know. This isn’t the Victor I love or fell in love with. This is some stranger impersonating a ghost of someone I love. He replied with a harsh tone, “Oh I’m upset. No… I’m pissed, I’m very fucking pissed.”

[align=justify]This was the first time I probably ever saw Victor like this. I didn't know what to say or do. I was stunned. Shell shocked like the soldier of the great wars. My mind blanked out. What to say, what to do? There was a moment of silence.

[align=justify]“Was it true… Was it true that you said ‘every man for himself’ or…” I mumbled to him, nervously. He nodded, “Yes, I said that. I thought you were dead, what was I supposed to think when you disappeared like that. Then when I heard your voice on the radio well… Dragoslav wanted to talk shit to me… So… I’m going to fucking kill him. Disrespecting me like that whilst I saved you from those fucking clowns. He thinks he is the only hero when really we’re all fucking villains here.” I walked over to the door, blocking it incase he wanted to leave. “He’s just angry…” Victor laughed again, “And I’m fucking pissed, he pulled that shit in my camp on the radio. In front of my men. No no no,he needs to be disciplined. I’m going to beat him half to death.” My voice began to tremble as I slipped into another fit of tears. I tried to hold it back, “I understand but he’s upset, he came up and rescued me. I know you  saved me from the clowns Vic, but he starved himself for days, pulled himself through mud, rain and bitter cold temperatures to find me, and then he did it all again to carry me back here…” Victor leaned his head against the wall, taking a heavy sigh. “Trust me, I’m grateful he did that. I’m very fucking happy you’re still alive but I’m not happy with the shit he said to me. He has to be disciplined so he doesn't talk down to me like that again.”

[align=justify]“Please Victor…. There has to be something else.” He remained quiet again for a moment, “Okay I tell you what. Because I love you, I’ll give you an option. I can beat him to death or I can punch him in the face and shoot him in the knee cap.” My stomach twisted with this, I had to make the decision… Something I didn’t want to even do… “I… Victor you…” I stuttered, like a little abused puppy. I brought my hand to my forehead as I thought to myself which would of been best… I wasn’t going to get anything better from him than this… “The second one.” My voice broke as I made eye contact with Victor, I could see the broken man in him. Hopefully he could see a broken doctor… “The second one…” I confirmed again, looking around the room with guilt, hating myself. I began pacing back and forth, I explained to Victor what had actually happened about four times and hoped he believed me. But he knew inside I didn’t want option one or two to happen. “I can give you third alternative.” I stopped and turned to him as he handed me his 1911. “Kill me, and this won’t happen to Dragoslav.” I dropped the gun, letting it thud and probably crack the neglected wood under our feet. “No! I…. Want to do something to you so much now…” I felt myself breaking down again, I didn’t wait for him to let me do it. I took my hand and smacked it across his cheek as hard as I could. His face held firm as if the smack barely even hit him. My palm tingling with slight pain as I winced. “There…” I let out a breath of relief, “Now you can be mad at me… Say you don’t want to be with me… I don’t care anymore!” He gave out a slight ‘Ow’ noise. He began laughing, rubbing his cheek, “No mi amore… I… I’m pretty proud of you, you stuck up for what you believe in… And I deserved that.” I looked at the outline hand print on his slightly tanned skin beginning to form, I didn’t even feel bad for once for harming someone.

[align=justify]I needed to tell Dragoslav what I had done though… This… I couldn’t believe I even made the decision. “Take this gun.” I had no weapon from what I thought Victor was pointing out, no, I was completely wrong.  “In case you change your mind.” He finished the sentence as I had packed it in my bag, I stood up. Looking at him before breaking down into the tears I had been holding back. “Please don’t…” Victor’s voice softened as he showed he still cared. He pulled me into his arms and whispered into my ear with the Victor’s voice I first knew, “I told you what I was… I told you what I did… I told you I killed people. I killed my father and ex-wife…” I choked out through the tears, “I see different…” But all I could think in my head right now was, ‘What have I done…?’

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Very sexy, dramatic and easy on the eyes. I'm talking about the story not Dr Hope but that works too ;)

Great story Helena, amazing read.

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Faith    727

Very sexy, dramatic and easy on the eyes. I'm talking about the story not Dr Hope but that works too ;)

Great story Helena, amazing read.

Thank you!!! <3

I'll be writing more I just forgot to put "To be continued..." At the end cause I'm a goober

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Frosty    0

This is wonderful!

I love how you write, so much emotion :)

Can't wait for more!

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Faith    727

This is wonderful!

I love how you write, so much emotion :)

Can't wait for more!

Thank you so much Scottie <3 :)

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Atasky    10

This is amazing O.o Teach me senpai :3

Looking forward to read more!

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Faith    727

This is amazing O.o Teach me senpai :3

Looking forward to read more!

Thank you! Things are going to be getting intense with Victor, Carmine, Dragoslav and Hope. All I need to do is just write it.

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Faith    727

Chapter 2: Good Doctor No More

[align=justify]I took a walk with Victor that night. I explained to him my emotions and how I wanted things to be the same, even though it wasn’t going to work as smoothly as I imagined. I imagined things happening differently, I had played scenarios in my head, it would put me at ease somewhat. At least it helped with the paranoia I was suffering from.

[align=justify]“Victor I need you to realise that I’m not… back… fully… I guess you could say I'm being babysat. Dragoslav and Carmine are watching me. They won't leave me alone, they want me healthy and won't leave me alone until I am. I just wanted you to know, so you don’t think I'm leaving you.” Victor turned his head to me, I'm sure I caught a small glimpse of him smiling. “Señorita, knowing that I know you’re alive, is enough to keep me happy. I lived without you for a few weeks, I'm sure I can keep doing that for a few more. At least it will be easier knowing you’re alive.” Hearing him say that lifted the weight  from my shoulders, I softly sighed a ‘thank you’ to him. Victor guided us to the unoccupied cabin Dragoslav had ‘assigned’ to me earlier that night and we fell asleep together with the warmth of the fire and the comfort of an actual bed. When I had finally woke from the long sleep it felt as if my stress had completely disappeared. But when I turned to wrap my arm around Victor… he wasn't there. I could understand why. I'm sure he wanted me to have my rest and he had things to do.  Maybe he was looking for a way to keep his temper from exploding... Or was hunting for Dragoslav. 

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[align=justify]Dragoslav opened my door slowly brandishing what looked like a radio. He glanced at me for a moment and then with his thick serbian accent he sternly spoke to me, “Hope. Carmine said you are to head down to Berezino, he will be there waiting for us. I will be going with you but when we get there I’ll be clearing the infected out for you. Do you understand?” I nodded, pushing myself to my feet. I couldn’t look at him without thinking about what I did last night, and I simply just didn't have the will to tell him.

[align=justify]We gathered our supplies and quickly cooked up something to eat before we left. At least I was going to be walking on a full stomach. Another can of … beans. You would think this world would be running a little low on beans, wouldn't you? Apparently not, because that's all we seemed to ever eat. The weather was fair, the sun was shining and I could hear the birds in the sky. Seemed like a good day to go for a walk.  Dragoslav,  Isaac and I began our expedition north-east. It gave us much time to talk about many of things. Most just boring everyday crap which I won't bore you with. But at least it helped pass the time. Before we knew it Berezino was within eye sight.  We stopped for only a moment, enough time to take a look around. We wanted to make sure there were no infected before we started roaming threw the streets. “Everything looks good!” The loud burst of words caught me off guard, as Isaac slapped Dragoslav on the shoulder. We made our way into the city, passing the burnt out cars and the road block. Dragoslav moved off to the first house. Myself, I went directly to the clinic. I was in desperate need of supplies and I couldn't turn up the chance to at least check. I of course kept myself on guard. No one knows what bullshit could be hiding in any of these houses. I found it hard though, hard to determine what was real and what my mind was making up. My mind never fully healed, I don't think it ever will in a world like this. So when I saw what looked like a shadowy-human figure on top of the clinics roof, I played it off as just another mind trick… I closed my eyes and pulled the sunglasses from my jacket pocket. I put them on and took another look through my prescribed cracked framed glasses… Nothing. I walked up to the clinic and pushed the front door open. The rusty door screamed as I forced it open. 

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[align=justify]*CLICK!* The all too familiar sound of someone loading a gun. “Who the fuck are you?” The southern accent sounded vaguely familiar to me. Yet again for what is probably the ten millionth time in my life I could feel the cold barrel of a gun poke the back of my head.  It is as if it was a natural thing for me to do, I raised my hands and sighed in disbelief.  “H-Hope, Doctor Hope Pisces?” I stuttered for a moment but then collected myself in time to announce myself.  Why is everyone pointing their guns at me? The thought crossed my mind.  Did I miss something whilst I was gone? I felt as the barrel of the gun was dropped from the back of my head.  “Jesus fucking Christ… You certainly took your time getting here. Try to announce yourself next time. You came within seconds of losing the back of your head to a bullet.”. Joseph Carmine holstered his gun and wrapped an arm around me, we embraced for a moment as two survivors embrace to show one another that some things in this world are still real. I let a smile take over my face for a moment. “Sorry Carmine, we would have been here earlier but every muscle in my body is aching.”

[align=justify]We took as little time as we could collecting supplies and spent even littler time saying bye to Dragoslav and Isaac. But finally by the end of the day Joseph and I made our way to a tiny town on the outskirts of Berezino. When I entered the town I was caught off guard. It didn't seem like a place for an injured woman to stay and heal.  There were many men, most of them calling out insults to each other. I remember one man calling others ‘chooches’. It had the feeling of a mafia.

[align=justify]Or at least that's the conclusion I came to from what I was hearing. But they were nice, friendly and calm. If only my paranoia wasn’t getting in the way it would’ve seemed like a tolerable place. But the paranoia kept me from enjoying my stay.  I am so afraid. Afraid all the time, afraid they would pull something on me. Something like what the clowns did or the three men who kidnapped me. But could you blame me? I couldn’t. Over the few days I was camping there the memories rotting my mind were the scenarios of what is going to happen to Dragoslav. The guilt swarming my body and wrapping it until I felt like I couldn’t breath.

[align=justify]Three days so far. How long was I going to be staying here? How long could I last? It was the end of the third day when Joseph came to me. I slight look of concern on his face. “So some of the guys are saying you are antisocial… Sticking to yourself. Talking to yourself. They say you're always looking at the ground and you are just acting weird…” I stopped looking at the ground to face Carmine. “Weird how? What is this getting too?” I hastily asked, the nerves building up in me almost made me drop to the floor. “I don’t know… Is everything OK? Are you hungry? Thirsty? In pain? Do you just have something to say…?” Joseph was like an exit door for me to get rid of this guilt. So I opened my mouth and admitted to him. “I’ve… done something I shouldn’t have, I’ve put Dragoslav in danger. Victor gave me an option, saying he could be beaten to death or shot in the leg and punched. I chose the second one but I knew I could’ve done more than that.” Joseph brought his hand to his face for a moment before speaking, “You did what?” I hesitated, “It’s my fault, I’m taking the blame. I started all this. If I didn’t go missing none of this conflict would of started so this is my doing, especially choosing what happens to Dragoslav.” Carmine slumped down to the floor in a seated position, “Hope I told you what I would do if he harmed Dragoslav. I told you I was going to talk to Dragoslav.” I paused, letting out a heavy quilted sigh, “I know but he gave me a third option… To kill him. Victor said if I killed him then nothing would happen to Dragoslav. But I never chose that option... It’s my fault but I don’t want to kill or harm anyone. Joseph just promise me you won’t get yourself involved.”

[align=justify]Joseph stood up, gritting his teeth. “Hope, there is a story in the bible. Two brothers, one evil, one a good man who both hated each other. One had to go.” I interrupted but Joseph cut me off with the interruption, “Hope, someone needs to die.” I stepped forward like a with a feeling of guilt hanging over my head. “This is my fault! Because of me, the people I love are getting hurt! My friends and family! I could’ve done more! I take this blame…” Joseph’s brow furrowed, “Hope you have to make the decision. I found out my niece had betrayed me, my friends and the rest of our family. I took her down that field behind my house not but thirty yards away and put a bullet in the back of her head. That was the sacrifice I made to save other people.” I felt my eyes bulge from my head with the stress swirling like a tornado inside of it. “I don’t want to lose my fiancé like I lost Stefanie, I just can’t! But I can’t lose Dragoslav either… Or you...” I muttered with a heartbroken voice. “Not everyone is like you Carmine.” And with that I walked out of the house. 

[align=justify]I staggered up the hill as best I could. Thought swirling in my head the whole time. Even though telling him what I did helped a little, it caused more pain inside of me.  It seemed to only increase my guilt. I sat on the grass, roaming my fingers through the leafs and staring up at the sky.

[align=justify]Joseph had followed a few minutes afterwards, sitting down beside me. “I’m sorry.” It took me a moment to realise what he just said, “Why are you sorry?” He chuckled, pulling the cowboy hat off and laying it next to me. He pulled the glasses from his face then folded them and placed them in his pocket. He stopped for a moment, as if to catch his breath. “What you said back there is true, people aren’t like me… But you have to realise I did that to stop others from getting killed.” I turned on my side to face him, “Carmine. You need to understand. You need to realise. Victor has friends, if you interfere, if we hurt him or even killed him I’m sure his friends would figure out who it was. Then we’d be putting everyone down in that town in danger. Do you understand me? I know you’re trying to help but it’s best if it was only me, Victor and Dragoslav involved. The less people the better.” Joseph rolled up his sleeve, “You see these crosses which are now scars?” I nodded, “These represent the lives I took.” I examined the thick scallop scaled scars. “Whose lives did you take…?” Do they have names, these scars? He stayed silent before muttering, “My family and my niece.” I lowered my eyes back down to the grass, “I’m sorry.” Joseph lifted himself back onto his feet. “Just do me one favor Hope.”

[align=justify]Looking up to him. The sun shining over his shoulders, making him a silhouette in the setting sun. “I won’t interfere, but don’t make me put another cross on this arm.” Then he walked down the hill. He didn't look back but walked slowly as if taking the time to think to himself. I began smiling, deviously. I persuaded him to not get in the way. Now Victor is in safe hands from Carmine. Now to focus on how to help Dragoslav.

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Frosty    0

Another good read!

You pulled me in on the first chapter and made me want more!

Keep these coming friend :)

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Faith    727

These are fuckin great. Good shit Helena. Hope to read more soon! :D

Another good read!

You pulled me in on the first chapter and made me want more!

Keep these coming friend :)

Thank you! All these happen IG but I'm trying to change it slightly to make it a bit more detailed but nothing that will change someone's character or what they have said. Maybe written slightly different to what they said because I have a memory of a goldfish. Hopefully Chapter 3 soon when Harvey's computer is fixed xxx

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Pinkerton    39

Wonderful writting, and thanks for including my 100/100, awesome, super-duper dramatic finishing line I made up all by myself.

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TheEvilFlea    8

Very nicely done Helena. I Lol'd when you mentioned me calling James a "chooch", priceless. :D 

New World Mafia at your service madam! *Tips hat*

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Jabba    0

Been slowly picking away at chapter 2 when I had time and it is fair to say that it was an interesting read. Keep it up! Looking forward to chapter 3.

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Faith    727

Wonderful writting, and thanks for including my 100/100, awesome, super-duper dramatic finishing line I made up all by myself.

Very nicely done Helena. I Lol'd when you mentioned me calling James a "chooch", priceless. :D 

New World Mafia at your service madam! *Tips hat*

Been slowly picking away at chapter 2 when I had time and it is fair to say that it was an interesting read. Keep it up! Looking forward to chapter 3.

Thank you! I can't wait to write Chapter 3: Playing Her Cards, it's going to get interestingererer but i'' try and have chapter 3 up on tues or wed

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zoyo    70

*claps* Great work! :)

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Faith    727

*claps* Great work! :)

days and days of teamspeak chatter and finaly its here

Thank youuu! Trying to write chapter 3 and 4 but my mind is so short term I should be a goldfish :S

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Breadman    11

*claps* Great work! :)

days and days of teamspeak chatter and finaly its here

Thank youuu! Trying to write chapter 3 and 4 but my mind is so short term I should be a goldfish :S

goldfish.gif

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Faith    727

Chapter 3: Playing Her Cards Right

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Being at this new campsite doesn’t feel normal. Then again, what is normal? There is nothing normal about the world we live in anymore. Maybe normal isn't the word I am looking for. This new camp has me on edge. Things just don’t feel… right, here. But then again nothing feels right anymore either. At Camp Hope I am use to feeling welcomed, I am use to feeling safe. The feeling you get when you arrive home after being gone for a long time. Now I just feel like a stranger. A stranger that is unwanted and shouldn't be there. The New World Mafia have been good to me, and I have made a few new friends. But are they my friends? Or is there something deeper, is there a hidden plan to their kindness? I don’t know, but from what I can see on the outside... they’re friendly guys. Most of them are pretty reasonable and for some reason they don’t mind wanting to help out.

Since I arrived here I have noticed changes in everything about myself. My sleep. My social abilities. My personality. My friendly being. My paranoia has me so far on edge. I am always ready to blow a hole in someone's skull now. I always hoped I wouldn't change into this type of person. But as the days moved on I knew at some point it would be inevitable. Everything about me changing for the worst. It just seems like I'm fighting more, challenging every decision people make, oh and let’s not forget that I'm fucking swearing more. I’ve finally come to realise maybe I’m adapting for the better… or at least I hope…

It’s just another cold and starless night here in this unknown town. I find myself, laying in the street, staring up at the sky waiting for a break in the clouds. I heard the steps of boots walking towards me and glanced to the side to see Liam. Liam has taken an unhealthy interest of my well-being as of late; always appearing when all I want to do is think to myself. He sat down beside me and turned his face down in effort to make eye contact. When he knew I wouldn’t make eye contact with him he stopped with the formalities and moved directly to the point. With a questioning tone he finally spoke, breaking my concentration. I have been here so long that I have come to overlook his italian new yorker accent. “Hope?” I raised my head and responded with a slight muffled, “Mm?” Finally acknowledging his presence. “Everything OK?” I smiled for a moment, but let the smile fade as I remembered I was trying to hold back the sadness buried inside of me. “Hope tell me what’s wrong.” I paused for a moment… he wants to know what's wrong? What if I were to respond with “Everything is wrong”? But I held back…  A little.  I mean hell, everything is wrong… I sighed, sitting up and replying to Liam with a broken voice, “I want to go home. I want to go home to Camp Hope. Things just feel weird here....” For a while he tried explaining to me that it was for my own safety. It didn't take him long to realise that everything he was saying was affecting me emotionally. The more he said, the more misery I had to bottle up inside. “OK, come on. I’ll take you there. Just point the way, I’ll be your bodyguard... if you want to put it like that.”

After much direction pointing and travelling with our stomach’s growling we finally realised it was a bad idea leaving as quick as we did. Still unable to eat properly I didn't even think of eating something before we left. Every time I ate something I still throw it back up, that alone is taking a large toll on whatever strength I can muster. My stomach still adapting after being starved for weeks I rubbed it gently as it growled from underneath my M65. Liam stared at me, his brow frowning with a sympathetic look as I concocted a quick smile for him. We continued walking. But it seemed like it was in slow motion. No matter how long we walked for it just felt like we weren't getting anywhere. It was taking so long to get back home, but then again I couldn’t walk normally with the injury to my leg. What's worst is it wasn't healing correctly. The damage that was done was starting to affect the tendons and muscle regrowth.

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“Do you hear that?” I looked up at Liam as he paused in the middle of the road. His eyes scanned the fields and pointed in a general direction. I squinted my eyes and listened.  There it is, a soft cluck mixed within the normal noises of other animals around us. In the long field of grass we saw the white chicken pop its head above the grass. The bright white like a candle in the dark. Liam aimed his gun and caught his breath to steady the shot. He let out a breath and pulled the trigger, the bullet fluttered to the right of the little bastard, missing it by inches. “Fucking chooch!” He yelled at the chicken with frustration, spraying in its direction until he was sure nothing was left alive on his makeshift battlefield. Time to search for whatever is left. It wasn’t long until Liam found the messed up bird he killed with a few…. hundred bullets. Liam bent down and reached into his boot pulling forth his combat knife. Holding the knife in his hand he looked up at me. He gently licked his lips as his tone drastically changed. “Time to play surgeon, right Doc?” I stared at him, slightly surprised with what I thought was a joke. “Let's make an incision here, and here.” He darkly chuckled as I took a small step back without even realising.

I closed my eyes for only a moment. But a moment was just enough time for everything to start coming back to me. Flashes of being beaten, cut, and left for dead flashed in my mind. My fears had returned. What had happened to me previously had affected my well-being. And this made it worse. I put my trust in Liam and it felt like he was taunting me for the fun of it, to maybe get a reaction out of me. I knew this’d happen. Why did I so suddenly trust someone?

As soon as he finished butchering what used to be a helpless animal he put the chicken in a semi broken plastic container, his mood hadn’t changed. I looked down at the parts of the chicken we didn't want and noticed he also left what looked like a heart with a slash through it in the ground. I blinked a little before clearing my throat with the sore lump which was numbing my throat. “Let us get going to Camp Hope so we can… cook that.” I softly, nervously, said. He chuckled again, nodding as he stood up, still holding the knife in his hand. I was able to see it a little better now, I swore I saw a name carved in the blade, but my eyesight was terrible. We began walking up to Camp Hope as Liam abruptly shouted, “Oh how rude of me! I forgot to wipe off the blood!” He used his sleeve, wiping the chicken blood off of the blade. I watched and felt my shoulders tense. In fact, my whole body tensed. The rest of the walk was quite, not normal. A tension in the air.

We reached the camp as I muttered, “Home sweet home.” Exhaling a long sigh and staring around at my home. Again the ghosts of the past began replaying in my mind. Watching Luke, Scottie, Victor, Bourbon and his boys, Nikolai in the pub making some tea and the New World Mafia when I nearly lost it. When I was still a person who wouldn’t harm anyone or anything. Just threats which would’ve meant nothing to anyone. Now I’m that person who will pull the trigger without second thought, unless it was something that conflicted with my feelings. For instance killing a friend or family. 

Liam walked up behind me and I flinched. “You OK Doc?” I stuttered, “Y-Yeah…” He placed a hand on my shoulder, “Doc…” I moved away as quick as I could and took the opportunity to look at him. “I’m fine. I said, while performing another fake smile. Liam began acting weird again, or maybe it was my paranoia. As the days went by I found it harder to fight the thoughts conflicting in my head. He walked up to me. Uncomfortable as it was, it really seemed like he was squaring up to me, his eyes trying to stare me down, his body motions tense and firm. Then, as quickly as it happened, it disappeared.  “Hope.” He strictly spoke as I began backing away. “Hope!” He yelled again. “Hope! What did I do?!” I nearly tripped over the fence as my breath began to show the panic built up inside of me, “You was acting weird!... Holding a knife! Butchering a chicken almost as if you enjoyed it. Drawing hearts in the ground…”

Liam stopped, looking at me with a blank look until it turned into a worried one, “D-Did I hurt anyone?” I shook my head no. “If I… Take my knife out again…. Don’t take it off me and try and convince me to put it back Doc. That’s not me asking you. That’s me telling you.” Liam’s eyes looked like they were filled with fear. An idea instantly popped in my head, sometimes I need to remind myself I’m still a doctor. I still have to help. “Has anyone taken the knife out of your boot before? Maybe that’d help.” He shook his head as I suggested to him, “Maybe we should try then.”

I got on my knees, rolling up the right hand sleeve of his pants revealing the handle of his knife. I gripped the knife’s handle in my hand, taking it my palm I pulled gently but it felt or seemed to be stuck. I grunted a little, “Seems to be stuck.” As soon as I yanked on the handle Liam pushed me, growling with anger, “Don’t you touch me!” I landed on my ass, taken back slightly before getting up on my feet. Liam began to panic. Nearly crying. “I’m so sorry…” He began examining me, hovering his hand over me from a small distance. “Hey!” Liam didn’t focus, too worried on what damage he may of done. “Liam!” I embraced him into a tight hug, rubbing the back of his head, “Calm down, I’m fine. This is my job, I take these risks to help people. Including my friends like you. That clearly didn’t work so we will try other things.” He nodded and parted from me, beginning to walk off to a cabin in the camp. ‘Another one to add to my list of uses.’ I thought to myself, walking away with that same old devious smile.

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Faith    727

never fails to provide another bible from Mrs hope

It has to be detailed and have some effort put into it when it comes to me c'mon Q_Q *Sniffles*

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