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Inside The Mind Of A Sociopath[Updated 3/14/16]

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Inside The Mind Of a Sociopath

Kenway's Offical Song:

[mp3]http://puu.sh/mDQ5P/d4e5ed551e.mp3[/mp3]

(Wicked Ways-Five Finger Death Punch)

People think evil exists in the form of terrorist, murderers, and ruthless dictators, 

but not in "normal" people like me. They don't realize that evil lives on their street. Works in the cubicle next to them.

Chats with them in the checkout line at the local store.

 Reads a paper on the train next to them, runs on a treadmill at their gym.

My face is a mask. I hide my thoughts. My words are calculated to please, charm or undermine.

 I can sound smarter or dumber, depending on what you expect to hear. My actions further my self-interest.

I'm neither your friend nor your enemy unless you have what I want.

In that case, I'm not only your enemy, I'm your nightmare.

I'm always a step ahead, maybe two.

I plan everything. I set everyone in motion, and when the moment comes, I strike.

I always win in the end.

They never see me coming.

Do you know why?

Because I'm already there

One Step Head Of The Curve, Two Steps Ahead Of You

-Kenway Lee

This is a series, where I write about the thoughts inside the head of my main character, Kenway Lee or more commonly known as Mr Fortune |'Teller'|.

Kenway Lee is based off Frank Underwood as well as myself, both which has quite a grim view of human society. 

He is very manipulative, arrogant and ignorant at times, he doesn't like to lose but he doesn't want to win.

He simply wants to keep the GAME going.

A quick background on what a sociopath is:

A sociopath is more commonly known to have a mental disorder known as DSM 5, something they share with the psychopath. 

Both the Sociopath and Psychopath are closely related, both with different methods of approaching their goals but are both highly dangerous.

A sociopath is manipulative, intelligent, charismatic and has a lack of emotions and empathy. 

A sociopath is known to wear a mask, and never show who they truly are, they lack a healthy amygdala which is the emotional centre of the brain.

Unlike a psychopath, a sociopath lacks emotions, only a few emotions are registered in their brain at times making them incredibly dangerous.

They lack guilt, have a high self-esteem, always thinking they are superior to others. 

They care little for others and only focuses on their goals, 

Some of pop culture's more common sociopaths are:

The Joker, Sherlock Holmes, Frank Underwood(My personal Favorite)

The stories are mainly random, depending on my mood. They may link up with one another, they may not, most of the time it's going to be rather random.

Entries:

-In Sequence of when I wrote it-

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: Kenway Lee

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: The Funeral

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: Lady In Black

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: Dead Drop

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: Inner Demons

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: Cards And Aces

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: The First Adversary

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: Therapeutic Betrayal

Inside the Mind Of A Sociopath: End Game

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Lemons    269

I like your story, was good to read.  Kinda spooky and I see you have but a lot thought to it.

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   48

Wow...someone has been doing their reading...This is so detailed, creepy and very well-written, who knew you were a fledgling author! Cannot wait to see more of this stuff in the future, level of detail is just so impressive :)

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Inside The Mind Of A Sociopath: The Funeral

400x250http://www.worldartstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Masked-Couple-2011.jpg[/img]

People think evil exists in form of terrorist, murderers and ruthless dictators, 

but not in "normal" people like me. They don't realize that evil lives on their street. Works in the cubicle next to them.

Chats with them in the checkout line at the local store.

 Reads a paper on the train next to them, runs on a treadmill at their gym.

My face is a mask. I hide my thoughts. My words are calculated to please, charm or undermine.

 I can sound smarter or dumber, depending on what you expect to hear. My actions further my self-interest.

I'm neither your friend nor your enemy, unless you have what I want.

In that case, I'm not only your enemy, I'm your nightmare.

I'm always a step ahead, maybe two.

I plan everything. I set everyone in motion, and when the moment comes, I strike.

I always win in the end.

They never see me coming.

Do you know why?

Because I'm already there.

[mp3]http://puu.sh/lPfoU/b79173816f.mp3[/mp3]

(Through Glass-Stone Sour)

So I came across an old file while I was sorting everything out, my office can be sometimes in a mess. Haha... funny ain't it, even when the apocalypse comes I still found a way to make myself an office. It's been what? 3 weeks since I last interacted with any strangers, sure it's uncommon to find people nowadays, but I heard the rumors, the dead were returning to Chernarus.

So many things are starting, I've been on the radio this past few days, my contacts been keeping informed as I go along. What was it? 

New Paris? ZBor and the French are going to war? The remnants of my brothers joined the ZBor, shit like that. A lot of crap happening down south seems a bit chaotic for my taste to say the least. 

I rather stay informed on channels I know can provide precise and accurate summaries of the situation, the last thing I need is to cluster my desk with worthless notes that won't benefit me in any way. But one thing does interest me, though, not too long ago I received a radio broadcast from a ghost. Mr. Dyson Monroe about some kind of arrangement with the case files I have on the Federation. Never knew Jason had a brother huh? That was interesting, now... 

Who was that girl again? Some chick I found in the woods one day, God knows what she was doing, murmuring to herself and talking about some guy called Jackal or some shit like that. Julian knows her, Ashley that's right! Now... Hmm... Let's see what can I do to find her, shouldn't be too difficult, all I need to do is follow the trail.

"You not only are hunted by others, but you unknowingly hunt yourself"

-Dejan Stojanovic

"Hello sweetheart," 

I said emerging out of the darkness, a shiny pistol in my hand and a skull mask over my face. In front of me stand the sweet little angel, I knew. A girl called Ashley, Ashley Dahlia. Needless to say, emerging out of the darkness in the middle of the woods armed with a pistol isn't exactly the best first impression I can get. Well... Not when she stumbled back and pointed her pistol at me in shock.

"What? Wh...who are you?"

"Woah woah, calm down sweetheart, I merely came to pay my respects to an ole friend. I didn't expect to see anyone here, sorry if I startled you" 

Well... Apologizing is probably the least I can do, after all, manners make the man doesn't it?

"Um... why..who are you?" 

She kept repeating herself as if I didn't hear her the first time. 

"Calm down sweetheart, you can call me Teller. Put the pistol down please, it's hiding your beautiful face"

"Yo... You.. First" 

Fear, one of the two emotions most commonly used within a human mind. Typically, I would never put my weapon away, it just doesn't seem to be a smart idea. But I do have a soft spot for ladies dressed in black, especially when they're cowering the dark with a pistol hiding their beautiful face. 

Sliding my pistol back into my holster, I smiled under my mask, not that she could see it. Hm... That's weird, why did I smile, I knew full well I was wearing my mask. Brings to question, why? But now isn't the time, if I have any sense of emotions under my mask, I'll find a way to kill it eventually.

"There we go sweetheart, now lower the weapon, don't holster it, don't bother I come in peace. Now can I pay my respects?"

She lowered her weapon to her sides, hands still tight around the grip as if she didn't feel safe. Well, like I always say, a bit of paranoia could be the difference between life and death. All I need to do now is to play along, should be easy enough. 

I kneel down in the dirt, facing north towards a tree and placed my pistol on the floor looking at the ground. Silence, obviously, common courtesy when paying respects. I stayed in that position for what I reckon was the appropriate amount of time. 

I love funerals, I love "paying" respects, I believe all sociopaths do. Not because we're evil, well that plays into some parts of it, a cherry on top I would say. But it's so easy, often as a sociopath you wonder which emotion you should use in which situation. It's taxing, exhausting even, I constantly have to calculate what I need to do and say it really annoys me. But funerals or visiting a grave is so simple, there is only one emotion you need to use, sadness. Add a few drops of crocodile tears and you have yourself a grade A funeral acting. 

Of course I wasn't about to let that precious few minutes of kneeling there to go to waste, I was calculating every scenario, whether she'll wait till I'm done and leave, maybe she already disappeared, or will she kneel next to me and begin paying her respects as well? You may wonder why I never consider her blowing my brains out in this situation, it was easy. She had a gun and I was kneeling, staring at the dirt in front of her. She could simply take me down, one in the back of the head, mafia execution style. Like I said...  I was a gambling man, and I was willing to bet all my chips that scenario is never going to happen.

A few moments later, I felt the dirt next to me gave in a little as if something or someone was applying pressure on it. Hard dirt is usually easier to tell when pressure is applied to it, you can actually feel a bit of a shockwave if you pay enough attentions. I can't help but smile a little, this was the best situation that could possibly happen. I continue to remain quiet for a few more minutes, but to be honest, the silence was killing me.

I'm a hunter, a sociopath, I knew how to utilize patience and time to my ability but I can't help but shake a little in excitement. I love it when things go my way.

"So... I don't mean to pry but who did you lose?" 

I asked with "genuine" concern. Empathize on the genuine.

"Someone I loved a while ago"

Typical answer, I knew what it was like to lose someone close. 

[align=left]"I'm sorry"

 I heard that was the appropriate thing to say, but it's quite ridiculous isn't it? Apologizing for something you don't have control over, it's ridiculous not to mention redundant. What's the point of apologizing for something that happened in the past that isn't even your fault in the first place? 

"Don't be, you had nothing to do with his death, he died a hero" 

I heard remorse in her voice and made a mental note on it. "Guilt over love one's death", a popular label nowadays.

"Do you believe he is in someplace better?"

 I glimpse at her, seeing her eyes water up. Quiet sniffles were all I heard so I waited, you'll be surprised how powerful a minute or two can be.

"I.. I like to think so" 

"It's comforting to believe that, I like to think she's in a better place" 

"You... lost someone you love too huh?"

 I took a quick glance at her, there she was, kneeling, vulnerable and staring at the darkness in front of her. From her body language, I can tell she was trying to avoid eye contact, make sense when you're talking about the dead. After all, the primary emotion of a cemetery was grief.

"My.. fiancée, I was supposed to marry her when I got back. But... I didn't make the flight, I don't know if she was alive or... dead"

 I choked a little, as fake as my persona is, that story was true. And it's one of the few topics which made me feel genuinely remorseful, something that doesn't happen too often. It's a ghost I can never get rid off. 

"I.. I see, what's her name?"

"Ashley"

Like I expected, silence. The air became stale, it was quiet. Nobody said anything, time seemed to have stopped and everything remained in place. The trees stop swaying, the leaves stop rustling, the crickets stopped chirping, the night was... Dead silent....

“He had never regarded other men as anything but puppets of a sort, created to fill up an empty world. He divided them into two classes: those he greeted because some chance had put him in contact with them, and those he did not greet. But both these categories of individuals were equally insignificant in his eyes"

("An Old Man")” 

― Guy de Maupassant

bc55cedde9d67dbb13676987a420f6c1.jpg

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Ronan    29

This is a really cool character backstory, there's so much content and so much detail/accuracy! I'm really loving it :)

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Archangel    5

Oh man, oh man, the detail, the accuracy is just amazing....I love it. In my opinion you made an excellent portrait of a sociopath, and the details make it all better. I really hope that we can met one day ingame....please keep up the story because you hooked me on it :D

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Inside The mind of a sociopath: Lady In Black

400x250http://img03.deviantart.net/b282/i/2010/151/3/3/new_id__dark_girl_sketch_by_zetsubou_akane.jpg[/img]

People think evil exists in the form of terrorist, murderers, and ruthless dictators, 

but not in "normal" people like me. They don't realize that evil lives on their street. Works in the cubicle next to them.

Chats with them in the checkout line at the local store.

 Reads a paper on the train next to them, runs on a treadmill at their gym.

My face is a mask. I hide my thoughts. My words are calculated to please, charm or undermine.

 I can sound smarter or dumber, depending on what you expect to hear. My actions further my self-interest.

I'm neither your friend nor your enemy unless you have what I want.

In that case, I'm not only your enemy, I'm your nightmare.

I'm always a step ahead, maybe two.

I plan everything. I set everyone in motion, and when the moment comes, I strike.

I always win in the end.

They never see me coming.

Do you know why?

Because I'm already there

[mp3]http://puu.sh/lSKR7/454f014fd8.mp3[/mp3]

(Lady In Black-Blackmore)

"While I don't think sociopaths have any sort of moral urge to do good things, I think they can and do act morally in the context of pursuing their own advantage. A good analogy would be a corporation. There are a lot of corporations that do things that you like, maybe even good things, like produce vaccines or electric cars, although the primary motivation is to make a profit. But just because you are trying to make a profit doesn't mean you can't do it by doing things you like, or that you are good at, or that comport with the way you see the world, or want the world to see you"-Confessions Of A Sociopath

'I was born this way,' it's a statement used quite often by folks nowadays. It's really quite stupid, don't you think? For some reason, people actually think they are born a certain way, that their little personality and characteristics are fragments of their DNA. It's ridiculous the kinds of thoughts that flow through their mind isn't it?

In this world, there is only 3 things that are determined when you are born, your fingerprints and iris, your race and your gender but even those can be changed with modern technology or well... fire.

Personality? You aren't born with it, same way you aren't born with a name or religion, it's all indoctrination and in your silly little mundane, simplistic minds.

Simple laws of physics determined that every action has a reaction, the same applies to humans that every human is molded by the actions that he commits throughout his life.

It's the same with being a sociopath, we are molded by the things we do, the shit that goes through our minds and our own thoughts, that's what makes us unique. But I'm not here to talk about what a beautiful, misshapen and horrible useless snowflake you are. The fact is, we haven't born a sociopath, we are molded by the actions we do. 

In every human there is a sociopath begging to be freed, begging to destroy what little empathy remains in your empty soul. You just need that little awakening, like I said, every action... has a reaction...

"Ashley"

I let the silence linger in the air for a while, waiting for a response. I didn't want to risk glancing at her, the slightest movement might give myself away. There's one issue when people lie, they fidget around. Little actions like tapping, curling a hair, flicking a fingernail, looking around, it gives away signs. That's how poker is played, that's why professional poker players are the biggest inspiration for sociopaths. The ability to manipulate their opponent by mere actions. Ingenious..

"I...See" 

I raised an eyebrow, that was not the reaction I was hoping for. It would be simple if she broke down in tears if she scuttered away in fear. This reaction is... more calming than I expected. It certainly spices things up a little.

"Is something the matter my lo... lady"

 

Silence, she said nothing at all. As if she was calculating her options, not sure what to do. You see there are two kinds of hesitation, the kind where you calculate every angle and possibility, and the kind where you calculate the worst case scenario. As far as I know, the first is exclusive for sociopaths, the latter is for the norm.

"I'm going to take a shot in the dark here and say that name ring a bell to you"

"It's... my name"

"I see, I apologize if I startled you. The name Ashley really isn't that uncommon" 

It was changing, the feeling and ambiance of the room is slowly changing. That means I have to read and decide which emotion I have to use when I play my next card, which mask I have to wear to ensure I do the maximum amount of mental damage. 

"Tell me something Mr. Teller, have you heard of the Black Dahlia Murder?"

What an odd question, this certainly took me by surprise. Who hasn't heard of the death of Elizabeth Short, the murder so cruel, so sadistic, the greatest unsolved murder mystery of Los Angeles. 

[align=left]"I do, the death and murder of the young starlet Elizabeth Short. The lady in black, The Black Dahlia"

"Tell me, do you believe that it was the work of one man? A murderer who can do something as cruel as that and still disappear under the police's nose. Someone who psychotic that he left no traces behind, do you think that it was all one man?"

"I do, humans are capable of doing and committing atrocities that we determine are... inhumane. He or perhaps she was a psychopath"

"Have you killed anyone Mr. Teller?"

"I've killed enough, I'm not proud of it, but I'm still here. I don't fight for self-defense, I fight for my own personal survival. That's what separates the dead from the living, the will to fight. I wish I could say the same for those I've lost"

"He told me the same thing, that if we want to live, we have to fight"

My mind begins to race, why did she bring up the Black Dahlia case? Why did she begin asking me questions about me? This was supposed to be about her, not me! What is she playing? She took my bait and used it against me, I felt like I was losing. That I gave her more than I needed to and I've gained less than I hoped for. This was not how it was meant to play out, she was supposed to break, melt into my hands like putty and molded into my own personal puppet. I hate it when things happen out of my calculations, it shouldn't make any sense why she asked that question. Was it a test? A riddle? A way to see if I was a murderer or illiterate like the rest of the brutes? A way to determine a brute from an intellect? STOP! Don't let this bitch confuse you, play along and see what happens. Calculate from there on and continue to work! 

I calmed myself down mentally and cleared my mind. I resumed my little act, as the situation goes on I must learn to adapt. I'm not too comfortable with change, it seems like a waste of time planning when I have to change the plan eventually.

"We do, fighting is something we are bred to do. I say, my dear, why don't we move this to someplace more... Less depressing, I believe the dead do not need to hear this. We shouldn't bother them any more than we have"

I said standing up, picking up my pistol from my side and sliding it into my holster. 

"Before we go can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead my love"

"Why that mask?"

Weird, I always wore the skull balaclava because of my time in the reapers. Typically it's something people don't ask, the reapers were never liked anyway. The fear they left in the mask infiltrated many minds. 

"This mask? I found it a few days ago, I lost an ear not too long ago, I use it to apply pressure on the wound. Help me.." 

I never got to finished my sentence, before she interrupted me. 

"I'm no talking about that, I'm talking about the mask underneath that"

"I'm sorry?"

"I don't feel comfortable traveling with a man who lies. I'm no psychologist, but I can tell that you're disturbed and you're trying to come off as you're not"

There's a common misconception in this world, the sole idea that a sociopath has a superiority complex, that we live to dominate. Power hungry mongrels who live to manipulate and dominate the norms like dictators, like gods over men. Do you know who gives that kind of evaluation? 

A psychologist, the little Ph.D. candidate with the biggest fucking superiority complex in the world. A psychologist doesn't need to master the art of speech, he doesn't need to use any skill. He gets you to just talk about everything you hold dear without even trying, he just needs to hang that stupid slip of paper on the wall and prescribe you medications which do more harm than good. They learn your darkest secrets and can get into your mind with minimal skill, a poor man's sociopath. They disgust me...

"My dear, if it makes you feel better you can take me wherever you want if you want to continue this conversation. I simply want to talk, I have no intention of doing any harm"

"Prove it, then give me your gun and that knife in your boots," She said a little skeptical, almost as if she was expecting me not to comply and start blasting. But out of the corner of my eye, I can see that she's gripping tighter and tighter on the grip. A facade, a test to see if I would leave or I was actually willing to gamble my life for a few moments of her time. Too bad... I can see right through her.

You know how the saying goes, it's not the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog. But whoever wrote that forgot one last sentence.

'But a dog is just a dog, eventually, it's going to be bounded by a collar'

I slid the magazine out of my beloved 1911 and tossed it at her, pulling the slide back to release the chambered round before tossing her my pistol. Sliding out my combat knife from my boot and stabbed it into the dirt next to me and raised my hands up. 

"Unarmed and harmless, now can we go somewhere? I really like to know you better, Ashley"

I looked at her in the eyes, this wasn't just a regular little girl who I can manipulate. She's smart, someone I can actually call a worthy adversary. Every sociopath's dream, after all, who wants to waste their time manipulating someone who isn't even a challenge?

It doesn't matter which game but when the game ends, even the winner hates it. When the screen flashes 'Game Over' everybody, not just the loser hates it because it's over. The fun is over, the feeling is over. That's why we hit the replay button over and over again and continue to play until the wee hours of the night. We always want a challenge, an adversary worthy enough to waste my time on. 

[align=left]"Very well... Follow me"

I lowered my hands and straighten my collar. Reaching into my jacket, clocking the hammer on my derringer and slipping a cigarette out, lifting up my mask a little I stick it into my mouth and took out my lighter. Flipping it open, I flicked the flint sending a spark into the night sky, igniting the cigarette.I can't help but let a little smile crept onto my face as I followed the lady in black into the darkness, into one lonely Sunday morning. Like i said, I love it when things go my way. 

Most people are good and occasionally do something they know is bad. 

Some people are bad and struggle every day to keep it under control. 

Others are corrupt to the core and don’t give a damn, as long as they don’t get caught. 

But evil is a completely different creature. 

Evil is bad that believes it’s good.

-Karen Marie Moning

13c6838bc1c96f3dbb16305acc790385.jpg

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Roach    1645

Wow now this is the kind of story I like. The amount of work and detail put into this is amazing.

Thanks for writing these.

I was taking a break from editing when I was only going to start with reading the first entry and found myself binge reading it hahaha thanks again :)

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SatansNightOut    105

I'll confess I only got through like 3/4s of the first entry (I'm sitting at work so I had to stop and handle some business, lol) but I was immensely impressed by your work. I was doing some free-writing for a new character I've been developing and I had to stop what I was doing to read.

I usually roll my eyes at people who try to play sociopaths or the typical "crazies". But then you come across a rare gem that justifies a well-played person with instability. Good work, man. I'll have to get through the entries when I get a chance. :)

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I'll confess I only got through like 3/4s of the first entry (I'm sitting at work so I had to stop and handle some business, lol) but I was immensely impressed by your work. I was doing some free-writing for a new character I've been developing and I had to stop what I was doing to read.

I usually roll my eyes at people who try to play sociopaths or the typical "crazies". But then you come across a rare gem that justifies a well-played person with instability. Good work, man. I'll have to get through the entries when I get a chance. :)

Haha thank you, I've done quite a bit of research on sociopaths before I start. Even done the Hare test myself, the unofficial one, of course, I have to be admitted to an insane asylum for the real one. The issue about people playing a 'sociopath' is that they don't really know what a sociopath does. A sociopath doesn't fight, he isn't insane, not psychotic, he comes off as a regular human being. Someone you see on a daily basis, he just says the right things, in the right way wearing a mask of emotions, a manipulative son of a bitch who's only desire is himself.In other words, when I RP out a sociopath, I do it like a real sociopath, I'm a friend, a brother, a close comrade, someone who you will never suspect being a sociopath. I don't RP a crazy person, I simply RP Frank Underwood in a different scenario.

After all Frank Underwood was my inspiration for Kenway.

A mental disorder in the eyes of a therapist, but in the eyes of a sociopath? It's a gift.

"One in every twenty-four people are sociopaths, and if you ask me, the other twenty-three should be afraid"-Lisa Scottline(Every Fifteen Minutes)

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Stagsview    625

Read through this today and I have to say I enjoyed the read here. Crimmy points it out quiet well you don't go for the "crazy" approach and the writting does remind me of frank Underwood.

Only thing for me, in the writing is that he feels a little to selfaware of the situation and his condition, its good he doesn't care and the nilism here is perfect (read some nietzchel) but I think he's pushing to much the sociipathic side to much and is to selfaware because why the hell would he care?

I recommend you read some nieztchel: Human, all to human and the twilight of ideas.

He is the father of selfish desires and would suit your character perfectly.

All I all, great reads, pumped for more.

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Read through this today and I have to say I enjoyed the read here. Crimmy points it out quiet well you don't go for the "crazy" approach and the writting does remind me of frank Underwood.

Only thing for me, in the writing is that he feels a little to selfaware of the situation and his condition, its good he doesn't care and the nilism here is perfect (read some nietzchel) but I think he's pushing to much the sociipathic side to much and is to selfaware because why the hell would he care?

I recommend you read some nieztchel: Human, all to human and the twilight of ideas.

He is the father of selfish desires and would suit your character perfectly.

All I all, great reads, pumped for more.

thanks for the feedback, I read multiple sociopaths books. Every Fifteen Minutes, Confession of a Sociopath, I write in a similar way to Every Fifteen Minutes whereby there would be time to time where the sociopath would show up in a chapter talking about facts that make her a sociopath. The frustration she feels when things don't go her way, a sociopath by definition should have an amygdala of blackness which means emotions aren't transferred but the emotion of love and anger is always coming up in books and research on sociopathy. so I assume that sociopath do have some kind of emotions.

There's one thing I've learned from the book is that they are proud to be sociopaths, they always talk about how they became to be and how they are a sociopath which is the approach I'm taking here. perhaps I can maybe dial down the self awareness but I also want to explain why a situation would be perfect or imperfect to the reader. I myself can be considered slightly sociopathic in real life scored 25 out of 40 in the Hare Test.

And I want to really get into the mind of a sociopath, I'll take your advice into consideration. make sure that I do something right :) I'm always looking to improve after all

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Inside The Mind of A Sociopath: Dead Drop

tumblr_nk1cpqiksD1slwzpmo1_500.png

People think evil exists in the form of terrorist, murderers, and ruthless dictators, 

but not in "normal" people like me. They don't realize that evil lives on their street. Works in the cubicle next to them.

Chats with them in the checkout line at the local store.

 Reads a paper on the train next to them, runs on a treadmill at their gym.

My face is a mask. I hide my thoughts. My words are calculated to please, charm or undermine.

 I can sound smarter or dumber, depending on what you expect to hear. My actions further my self-interest.

I'm neither your friend nor your enemy unless you have what I want.

In that case, I'm not only your enemy, I'm your nightmare.

I'm always a step ahead, maybe two.

I plan everything. I set everyone in motion, and when the moment comes, I strike.

I always win in the end.

They never see me coming.

Do you know why?

Because I'm already there

[mp3]http://puu.sh/lXR6K/acc5dca91e.mp3[/mp3]

(Question Everything-Five Finger Death Punch)

"Sociopaths have lifelong patterns of deceitfulness for personal gain. They lack remorse and empathy and are wizards at rationalizing away how they hurt and mistreat others." 

- Gary Small - narcissistic or sociopathic relationship abuse.

Well, time and time again, I sit alone in my little office. Mundane news flowing in like ants to a sweet cherry pie. I end up more often than not thinking about something, something which may be redundant, may be useless or perhaps useful. It is not in a sociopath's nature to think of things that are useless, usually, it has something to do with the game he's playing.

But today, I let myself wonder, the population of Chernarus. Albeit full of brutes who thinks like the NYPD, still has its usefulness and it's the only option I have at the moment. My thoughts wonder how I can influence the population to do what I want, something I learned in politics.

 "That a true politician doesn't deal with truth, he deals with lies that people want to hear." Hell, I use to say that to Jason, poor little bastard ended up on the wrong end of 7 rounds. 

I find that quite odd don't you? That humans rather hear comforting words than to hear the truth. Are we that ignorant? That.. dare I say, idiotic. I could never understand the logic behind emotions. Why people need to feel a certain way, the way they want to feel is more important than the truth. I could never get it, to me its.. taboo.

There is a little well-known fact, the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. It looks bright and orange, because of the how often people uses their emotions. A 'healthy' or 'normal'  amygdala, as perceived by a psychiatrist is meant to be bright orange like a sunrise along the horizon. Disgusting. A sociopath's amygdala is beautiful, dark and black like a permanent midnight...

"So my love where are we going?"

To be honest, I didn't feel like playing to her stupid games. I like it when things go my way, but this feels odd, we were venturing deeper and deeper into the woods. My cigarette long burnt out, my throat parched from the long walk and dry air. Not exactly my definition of a romance night.

"Not far"

"That's not an exact answer sweetheart"

"Is there even such a thing as an exact answer?" She turned around and flashed me a cheeky little grin. What do you know, the little lady in black has a sense of humor after all.

"I never took you for the philosophical kind" I shot her a look in response to her little grin. 

"What little-masked ninja feeling tired already?"

"It's been a long day"

"I'm sure it has" Suddenly she stopped by the foot of a castle, a beautiful castle in ruins. But I've been here, multiple times. Zub castle, The Reapers used to come here with multiple hostages and do them... Reaping, so to speak.

But it brings to question, why a castle? A castle is a symbolic icon, albeit destroyed and in ruins it symbolizes royalty, the strong, an impenetrable fortress. One little trim people don't understand, the location is as important as the event. It symbolizes something, the atmosphere, the ambiance. A location was chosen for a specific task, for the Reapers I always suspected we picked a castle because it is not only tactically advantageous, it also symbolize power, a place where kings rule over peasants and norms. I have to do more research on this lady to figure on what's on her mind, why a castle in particular, what does it mean to her?

[align=left]"A castle? Very medieval don't you think?"

I looked at her, raising an eyebrow. Although it can't be seen under my mask, it still adds on to the ambiance if I do say so myself. I always think that being a good actor means you have to commit even if others can't see. That's what makes a compelling actor, that is what perfects the art of behind the mask. 

"I thought it would be fitting, we are after all just talking," she said stretching out the "Talking" part, as if she was speaking sarcastically or perhaps with a little doubt in her voice I'm not there to harm her.

So I made my second little mental note regarding her, "Puts up a wall, choose castle to feel safe"

"Now what do you want to talk about Mr. Teller? But first I need you to take that ugly mask off, I want to see your face" 

I smiled and chuckled a little, it's a typical thing to ask. Nobody likes to talk to someone wearing a mask, the issue is, I got no problem taking off my mask. Well... I can't actually take off my mask, it is, after all, my own face. I took off my hat like it was a fedora, the Boonie hat I like to call it a poor man's fedora actually. Slipping the mask off, I place my left hand on my left ear stump and looked like her. Her face in shock, as she stared into my eyes. I stared back at her, straight into her eyes and let the silence linger in the air for a while.

"I didn't. I didn't think you were.."

[align=left]"Asian?" 

I let out a small little chuckle, still applying pressure to my stump ear, I looked at her and smiled. 

"Hahaha stop staring, I'm not that handsome"

 I joked a little, fashioning a fake but convincing laugh. But she wasn't laughing so I cut it out, and looked at her.

"Not much of a sense of humor huh sweetheart?"

"No, I was just wondering why do you still have your left hand on your left ear," 

She said suspiciously, her hand behind her back. I can only assume it was gripping her pistol, getting ready to draw. 

I lowered my hand slowly, to reveal a blood stained rag, used to apply pressure on the stump that used to be my ear. I watched her actions, I could tell she wasn't trying to gag in disgust, her throat tensed up. If she had an Adam's apple, it would be moving up and down like an elevator by now. I smiled at her and chuckled, it was a genuine chuckle, I like the look on people's face when they're disgusted by something. 

"My dear, since you requested me to take off my mask which was the thing holding this bandage to my ear. Do you want to help me... Bandage up my wound? it's about time I changed the bandage anyway"

 I watched her reaction, this could be the deciding factor. This is how I know she really trusts me enough or not if she has come to the conclusion on the type of person I was. Of course, I secretly knew that her conclusion would be false either way. Like I said, my face, my personality, my reactions, it's not mine, it's simply a tool I use to get into your brain. 

"Sure why not?"

 Her left hand reached down from her back and she smiled. Bingo, I could feel the strings slowly coil around her arms. Preparing her to become a little puppet, all I need to do is slowly seep into her mind now and grab those strings for my own. 

There are no strings attached on me, who said that? I remember it was a Disney film, it was the one with the wooden puppet who pull out some bible bullshit and got swallowed by a whale. I always found that saying quite... Ridiculous, everyone has strings attached to them. Some kind of weight, weighing down on your shoulders. A family, a job, a loved one, a lost love, a mortgage, a house, a conscience. No man was truly free, it's like the promise of freedom. Or I like to call it, Free Domination, shortened and you get freedom. Americans brag about how they have freedom, but they remain in the grasped of the society like the rest of us. A submissive cuckold where they're dominated by little big brother Uncle Sam. The promise of freedom is nothing more than a fancy term to get people to become their own personal bitch. Do You want to see a true organization of sociopaths? Look at the government of America, politicians and lawyers are the greatest sociopaths alive. 

"Dr. Robert Hare, one of the foremost researchers on sociopathy,

 believes that a sociopath is four times more likely to 

be at the top of the corporate ladder than in the janitor’s closet, 

due to the close match between the personality traits of sociopaths

 and the unusual demands of high-powered jobs."

-Confessions of a sociopath 

"Please be gentle," 

I smirked as I sat down on a rock.

[align=left]"I thought I was supposed to be the one who says things like that"

 A small little innuendo to lighten the mood. A hint of humor lingered the air, I knew that she thinks I trusted her to some extend, enough to put myself in a dangerous position once again. 

I squirmed a little as she peeled the bandaged applied by Kenji off, revealing a disgusting patch of flesh and a hole where my ear used to be. The bandage peeled off with a disgusting sound, the kind of sound that sounded like meatballs hitting soggy spaghetti. And the feeling? Oh god it was nasty, imagine peeling off a band aid which has been there or weeks, where your wound was all soggy and wet after a bath, that was pretty much what it felt like, that with stings of pain from time to time. Then came the mandatory splash of cold water, it should be warm but without a fire and with the night so cold it was an improbable choice. Water and flesh do not go well together, the sting was unbearable like a hundred bees decided to sting one particular spot in general.

"Shh... stop moving and squirming, it's getting annoying"

 She said with a sigh, I can't tell if she was joking or not. I was never that good at reading emotions without looking at someone's face. It's really the downside of working on someone with a mask. They tend to be able to hide their facial expression, leaving me to guess their emotion through words. It was fairly annoying.

"I'm trying, it kind of hurts" 

"You sound like a child"

"Maybe I wouldn't be if you kiss my boo boo"

 I heard a small little giggle, it sounded quite sweet actually. Like a child's giggle, it almost reminded me of my fiancée. Mentally I smacked myself in the face, I cannot afford to think about her at a time like this. I have to focus on the game.

"There you go, it should be fairly clean now, I just got to bandage you up" 

She said softy, almost like a nurse mending a patient. I closed my eyes and braced for the always annoying rag filled with water or hydrogen peroxide if Kenji was here, to touch my ear. But it never came...

"There you go, good as new"

I opened my eyes and touched my face, a bandaged was applied and everything was mended. I barely felt a thing, to be very honest, I was impressed.

"Wow, I barely felt a thing, my dear has the gentlest touch. Any man would be lucky to have you"

 I looked at her and smiled. But she didn't smile back like I suspected. You see people always say the wrong things at the wrong time, for example, "Any man would be lucky to have you" while talking to a mourning widow or "You will make your parents very proud" to an orphan, to others it would have been an honest mistake. To me? It was a chance to read her cards, facial expression can tell a lot, more than words and louder than actions. 

I turned around and looked at her, she was looking at the floor, quiet as a church mouse. By then I've known I hit a nerve, her amygdala was going in overdrive. Processing all the emotions she is experiencing, fear, sadness, grief. Trying to fight the urge to break down in tears, it was becoming clearer to me why she chose the castle. Putting a concerned look on my face, I muttered,

"I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me"

"It's fine... I just didn't want to remember" 

"Nobody ever wants to... Is that why you chose the castle?"

She looked up and stared into my eyes, another well-known fact. When someone is telling the truth, their eyes can give them away. Looking around, avoiding eye contact or being distracted, can be signs of someone lying. For me, I use it to read the level of trust I've gain from my 'victims'.

Here's a little trick, look at someone in the eyes. When you see your own reflection, it means that's she's focused on you, and in a moment of weakness, it is a sign of trust. Like the church, I aim to strike when the person is at her lowest, makes it easier to control.

"What do you mean?"

"A castle is a symbol of strength, walls to defend against external threats"

I knelt down next to her and stroke her hair away from her face,

"You were a princess, but you could've been a queen. You had everything you wanted, every angel under your assumed broken wings. You thought that his death was your fault, you bear that burden on your shoulders like there's no tomorrow. Leading you to believe that you live in darkness, where there is no progress. You knew it could have been much worst, but it should've been better"

I glared into her Pearl blue eyes, reflecting the face of Tiamancius himself. The demon Prince of deception. She began to tear up, eyes watering as if she was trying to contain her urge to cry.

[align=left]"You knew it would end, that nothing lives forever. That your boyfriend was going to die when he led you to safety. That's how he died a hero's death, he sacrificed himself to save you. I see your pain, I know how it feels like. It hurts, knowing you were the cause of someone's death. It's never easy to pull a trigger on a living creature, much less carry the burden of your love one,"

I closed in on her and gave her a kiss on the lips. Just a small, short kiss to shock her. She stared at me in surprised but didn't move away nor did she say anything. So I continued.

"it's a long and lonely road when you know you walk alone, it's a cruel world where there is no such thing as right or wrong. You want the pain to be gone, you want to forget everything, but it isn't going to happen. You feel like can't live in this ,like you're going to end yourself soon. That everyone you ever trusted have let you down, that everyone you've trusted have died. That's why you chose the castle, to put up a wall. To feel like a princess again, well... my love from one broken soul to the other, you should have been a queen"

I leaned in again to kiss her, this time a slow and long kiss. It took her by surprise again, but i waited. Until I felt her response, her hands wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer. So I did what felt natural, I reached around her head and begin stroking her hair. A long passionate kiss to seal the deal, to sign the deed of the devil. I peeked open my eyes and saw her closing hers, and all I could see is the strings around her arms and legs, coiling around. Tangling her in a web, like a snake on a pole, a moth to the flame. Before anything else happened, I closed my eyes to continue the kiss. How a sociopath can commit to a kiss like this?

It's easy, there are two emotions which I see come up every once in a while. Anger and love, when something can't be explained it's usually love. And no matter how hard I try, she would forever be in my mind. Burnt into my brain like a cruel scar... Too bad she couldn't be with me right now. But picturing that I was kissing her was definitely a way for me to... Commit to the act.

Anyway, I split away from the kiss after what felt like an appropriate amount of time. well maybe longer, I wouldn't be a man if I said I can't keep my mouth of a beautiful lady for a second or two longer. The two of us just sat there for a few moments of silence, staring at each other. Before bursting out in childish laughter, it was the kind of shit you see in teenage love movies. Ahh the youth, the ignorant, media controlled generation. Play things out like it would in movies and suddenly half of them are putty in your hands.

I can't honestly remember what we did after that, maybe we sat under the moonlight at the top of the castle or we slept, I don't remember. It definitely felt different than usual, to me it maybe the fact that I was proud to have claimed another conquest. 

My my, can you imagine how many people I would offend if I said that out loud. 

Brings to wonder, what turned the world into a place where people stop being their own person? Where everyone must be involved in other people's business and the constant fight for 'rights'. Think of a number of scientific breakthroughs the world could have gone through without those idiots spending all their time fighting for stupid little mundane crap. Perhaps mankind would've been able to avoid this disaster of an apocalypse.  

One thing I did remember was me and her sitting at the top of the castle, a blanket wrapped around the two of us while we stare into the morning sunrise. From the top of Zub castle, it was beautiful but I knew that my time was almost up, so I kissed her on the cheek and smiled,

"My dear, it is time for me to part ways. I'm very sorry, but there is one thing I want you to do before I go, a little favor from me to you."

I kissed her again on the cheek and whispered in her ear,

"Take this document, when you reach a town in the north-west called 'Sinistok' asked for a man named Jason Monroe. Tell him Teller sent you, you'll know it's him if he says the name "Jackal Krastanov"  and he'll let you seek refuge.  It's the safest place you can possibly be"

I handed her a document that read, 'Federation New Order'. And stood up, and put on my jacket.

"How can I find you again?"

"I'm afraid my dear, you don't. I'll find you if I need to, but I'm sure you'll be in good hands. Good bye love, thank you for the lovely evening"

I straightened my collar and put on my hat, smiling I left her at the top of Zub, huddling inside a blanket. Walking down from the castle, I picked up the radio and tuned it to the Federation Comms and left a message for Dyson.

It would be fun to see him reacting to his brother's name. I picked up my pistol and mask on my way down the steps and flicked the safety off. Like I said... I love it when things go my way. 

There are two kinds of monsters in this world, a sociopath, and a psychopath. I'm the kind that pays better. Who am I?

 My name is Kenway Lee, and I'm one step ahead of the curve, that means I'm two steps ahead of you. And I'm a highly functioning sociopath. 

"Would you know a sociopath if you met one? 

Can you spot the one within the twenty four? 

The answer could very well cost you your life"-Every Fifteen Minutes (Lisa Scottoline)

e4279a1b312df46b33a89ca39c80fde9.jpg

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Inside the Mind of A Sociopath: Inner Demons

500x280http://d.ibtimes.co.uk/en/full/393874/private-detective.jpg[/img]

People think evil exists in the form of terrorist, murderers, and ruthless dictators, 

but not in "normal" people like me. They don't realize that evil lives on their street. Works in the cubicle next to them.

Chats with them in the checkout line at the local store.

 Reads a paper on the train next to them, runs on a treadmill at their gym.

My face is a mask. I hide my thoughts. My words are calculated to please, charm or undermine.

 I can sound smarter or dumber, depending on what you expect to hear. My actions further my self-interest.

I'm neither your friend nor your enemy unless you have what I want.

In that case, I'm not only your enemy, I'm your nightmare.

I'm always a step ahead, maybe two.

I plan everything. I set everyone in motion, and when the moment comes, I strike.

I always win in the end.

They never see me coming.

Do you know why?

Because I'm already there

[mp3]http://puu.sh/m8bGR/01b8f01621.mp3[/mp3]

(Some Classic Noire Jazz this time enjoy)

Self-pity, a dominant characteristic of sociopaths, is also the characteristic that differentiates heroic storytelling from psychological rumination. When you talk about your experiences to shed light, you may feel wrenching pain, grief, anger, or shame. Your audience may pity you, but not because you want them to.

-Martha Beck

One thing I really love about humans is that they are so easy to manipulate. Just place a few pieces of cheese at the end of the maze, know when to shock them and just watch them go. A few well-placed words, a few pokes of initiative and you can watch them walk the route you set them out on. The tricky part is to not get found out, it's a game really. The main objective is to make sure your puppet never knows where the mastermind is.

The promise of free will is the ultimate method of control. If you convince someone they have free will, they'll be inclined to 'think' for themselves. All I need to do is plant the thought in their head. Its the same concept as video games, how violent video games will turn a person violent. I never really played games. Except for one particular game, I wonder if whoever created World Of Warcraft, realizes that it's a practice for sociopaths....

I haven't heard anything from my handler or any of my contacts in the pass few days. To be quite honest, I'm getting quite restless sitting here in my little office looking through the same old files and being unable to add anything in. I hate it when progress is stalled when the game has to be paused for some idiot to take a piss break. It always pissed me off whenever someone would tell me, they need a break before they finish their daily quota. Schedule, organizing, everybody who wants to work under me or under my handler has to have some kind of organizational skill. A system, where everyone do their part effectively and efficiently that's the network I dreamt of having. No bumps, no stalls, no issues. 

My finger coiled around my pen, probably one of the last few I have well that and my official pen in my left pocket. One of my pride and joys from the pre-world, a 1980s Vintage cross pen signed by the president of Singapore himself when he got elected in 2013. Back when I was just a low life politician under the prime minister. I never used it for anything, even till today, only for signing documents.

I was getting frustrated, the pungent odor of freshly burnt out cigarette lay in my makeshift ashtray. I utterly despise smoking, the act, the smell and most importantly the health risk. If I smoked when I was back in Sweden, she would've cut out of the throat. It was a habit that I utterly despise, an act of destroying yourself. Alcohol, drugs, smoking, is all acts of self-degradation, but I'm no saint, I indulge in the act myself. Mostly smoking and drinking, smoking more recently. Picked up the habit from an old Reaper friend who seemed to have an unlimited amount of cigarettes on him, someone who probably had more tobacco in his system than he has red blood cells. 

Nevertheless, frustration is building up, I can feel my blood pressure rising, it was getting... uncomfortable. The silence, the smell, the fact that I can't think of anything that is useful, the thought of being utterly useless and uninformed. Driving my fist down into the ashtray, shattering the small ceramic bowl I once used as an ashtray into shards and bits. Cutting my hand in the process, a large gash on the side of my palm. 

I stared at it for a few seconds, how easy was it to make a human bleed. How simplistic is enforcing pain, how fragile is the human body, magnificent. I didn't know why I didn't patch it up right away, I knew the dangers of having an open wound, I got an earful from Dr. Kenji when well... my ear was amputated, such irony. 

Instead of doing what the doctor asked, I simply say there letting the blood seep out of the wound slowly. It was a strange feeling, warm and in a weird way comfortable. It's almost of letting something go, some kind of feeling I didn't even know I had. I felt myself calm down, relaxing my hand to allow a better flow of blood, I closed my eyes to enjoy the taboo sensation. 

"It's amazing isn't it? Almost pleasurable, the way you feel, the way you let yourself go"

I felt like I was in ecstasy, it was amazing, I haven't felt like that since... Since I can't remember, the memory was foggy, who did it to me? I remember figures, the woods, a few men standing around me, all armed with the teeth. The image was becoming clearer, yes, there was a few soldier-like men, red beret with a mask, balaclavas, there was blood. My vision was blurry, but it was clear that scene. I remember now, it was the Brotherhood right before they took my ear. Something triggered this feeling back then, it happened with Nora Wilson too. It was like some kind of drug, it made me relaxed. 

I snapped open my eyes and slammed a rag into my hand, I cannot let myself fall into that pit again. I've accomplished too much to let it all go to waste simply of a wound. I am a sociopath! Not a masochist! 

Carefully, I applied some hydrogen peroxide onto my wound, stung like a bitch but it felt right. I knew I couldn't let myself fall in that... state. It was the reason why I started killing, why I joined the Reapers, why I followed Mel'nik without any hesitation. That was a pit I was not allowed to fall in, not again. 

It seemed weird, all of this, it was unnatural. Surely there is something wrong with enjoying the pain I feel, it was certainly... A weird kind of pleasure, but it was similar. Similar kind of feeling to when I know I successfully manipulated someone and I know it, it felt like an accomplishment. But no drug comes without its poison. There was a part of me that knew I couldn't keep going on like this, this little office I have. This little home I made, it was going to be my downfall, comfort is the weakness of mankind. Laziness is what drove us into the dirt, think of a number of scientific breakthroughs we might have had if the world has not decided it was going to spend decades high on cocaine and dancing to shitty music. 

I could never wrap my mind around the ideas this modern day kids have, weed culture, drug culture, drunk culture, to me? It was a waste of precious time, precious space, space which could be used for more important people in this world. In this world, there are 1% of us are psychopaths, 4% of us are sociopaths, do you really think it is a coincidence that the upper class of power comes within the few percent of this world? Just the thought of it made me angry, this nudging feeling in the back of my head begging to get answers for questions I can't ask. 

"Ahh, Mr. Fortune.. hehe, I thought I'll find you here"

I know that voice, suddenly all the thoughts just flowed away. All the anger disappeared and I was as calm and relaxed as well... A sociopath. This was one of the few people I always felt comfortable around, where wearing my mask seemed like an unnecessary act. He was no friend, nor was he my enemy, he was my nightmare... The steed of Taimanicus himself, a true sociopath. No, not even a sociopath, he was something else, he was a psychopath and a sociopath. A mix of both, a hybrid creation of Taimanicus, a psychosocial leader. And well, he was the only one who called me out, and what can I say... Great minds think alike. 

"And what are you doing here? Care for a drink?" I said calmly, pouring a bottle of fine scotch into a glass cup. I always wondered why nobody bothered to search the houses of the rich of Chernarus, perhaps what they called Rich here was mere mortals to us in the higher ups in the modern world, isn't capitalism just beautiful?

"I'm not a here for a drink, I'm here to offer you another... Activity. The boredom must be simply killing you"

"You always know what to say to get my attention don't you? So what is this activity that you have in mind?"

"Why don't we go somewhere more.. secure?"

"What you don't trust me? That this place isn't safe enough?"

I heard a small chuckle from him and can't help but chuckle a little myself, he was a man of caution. Even in places, I deemed safe, he tends to think that it wasn't, a smart man if I do say so myself. He trusts no one but himself, almost like I do. He knows the dangers of playing with another sociopath, and so do I. After all, to defeat a sociopath you must think like a sociopath, but the trick is... To always find the sociopath, the only way to defeat a sociopath is to know who the sociopath is. Ever heard of the quote, "Keep your friends close, but your enemy closer?"

We both already know that we are sociopaths, even possibly psychopaths. Something which I lean less towards, but he doesn't ever seem to have an issue with being ruthless, I prefer not to get my hands dirty unless I absolutely have to. A psychopath's wrath with a sociopath's mind, someone who I can actually respect. And he was smart too, he keeps those he trust close, those he doesn't closer. And when the time comes, he strikes with the force of a rabid honey badger, small but ruthless. 

"You aren't coming back you know that right? This is going to take a while, I hope you know what you have to do"

He was obviously referring to me rigging this hideout to exploded or at the very least to destroy all evidence that I have any connections with the network or all the crimes I have committed. Including the plots and list of people under my control and those who I deemed easy enough to manipulate. 

I took a sip from my drink, waited for the warm but familiar feeling to surge through my body. I thought about what I need to keep and what I didn't, it was a pity for me to destroy my little hideout, but I knew it was important. If he could find me, someone will eventually be able to and when that someone does, it would ruin me. 

In complete silence I walked towards a small little stereo and hit play, it will transmit a song that will broadcast over the whole network. Something I rigged to tell my agents, I'm coming back. To Chernarus.

stop the music and play this if you want full immersion

[mp3]http://puu.sh/m6WAe/452c1610a6.mp3[/mp3]

(We'll Meet Again-Vera Lynn)

I think Hell exists on Earth. It's a psychological state, or it can be a physical state. People who have the severe mental illness are in Hell. People who have lost a loved one are in Hell. I think there are all kinds of different hells. It's not a place you go to after you die.

-AL Franken

51zxrpvZ6%2BL._SX311_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

Huge thanks to RedSky for breaking me in half when he was trying to convince me that Kenway was a psychopath and not a sociopath... Caused me to do more research and spend more time thinking about the whole sociopath/psychopath thing

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Roach    1645

Another amazing entry dude :) I love these a lot!

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Hellspawnceri    533

I've also had that struggle between deciding if my character is a sociopath/psychopath. The best way I've found is to ask someone who you can trust to differentiate the difference between them in your characters.

Anyway I love the choice in music and the mood it sets for the writing. Keep up the good work man.

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Joules    274

Still too many words and not enough checkmate of Perkele.

Good read again. I like this music for the story better.

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Still too many words and not enough checkmate of Perkele.

Good read again. I like this music for the story better.

thou shalt only perkele at certain times :3


I've also had that struggle between deciding if my character is a sociopath/psychopath. The best way I've found is to ask someone who you can trust to differentiate the difference between them in your characters.

Anyway I love the choice in music and the mood it sets for the writing. Keep up the good work man.

haha, I took a while to do research. If you need anyone to talk to about the difference between sociopath and psychopaths or if you want to talk about how I play sociopaths you find me on TS either in the ZBOR or AFK channels. Im not an expert on it but I think I've done enough research, but you know.. There is never an end to research, however my research is very bias, I only view sociopaths from the Sociopath's perspective just to get an idea of what is inside a mind of a sociopath.


Another amazing entry dude :) I love these a lot!

Thanks a lot :3 I do my best.

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Hellspawnceri    533

haha, I took a while to do research. If you need anyone to talk to about the difference between sociopath and psychopaths or if you want to talk about how I play sociopaths you find me on TS either in the ZBOR or AFK channels. Im not an expert on it but I think I've done enough research, but you know.. There is never an end to research, however my research is very bias, I only view sociopaths from the Sociopath's perspective just to get an idea of what is inside a mind of a sociopath.

I'm always up for talking about the differences between a sociopath and a psychopath, the more I know the better I can role-play it out. 

With both Lance and Duncan I feel that they have similarities between their personalities. But they both have their differences as well.

The better I can get at role-play, the more I can learn. Thanks for replying.

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RedSky    123

I broke you, I broke you again, and till this day I am right <3 Do not fuck with me Fortune friends dont exist remember? Its all just pawns on an empty board. waiting to play the game of chess. The right chess

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Inside the Mind of A Sociopath: Cards And Aces

500x250http://puu.sh/mpfQ3/5de951e5aa.png[/img]

People think evil exists in the form of terrorist, murderers, and ruthless dictators, 

but not in "normal" people like me. They don't realize that evil lives on their street. Works in the cubicle next to them.

Chats with them in the checkout line at the local store.

 Reads a paper on the train next to them, runs on a treadmill at their gym.

My face is a mask. I hide my thoughts. My words are calculated to please, charm or undermine.

 I can sound smarter or dumber, depending on what you expect to hear. My actions further my self-interest.

I'm neither your friend nor your enemy unless you have what I want.

In that case, I'm not only your enemy, I'm your nightmare.

I'm always a step ahead, maybe two.

I plan everything. I set everyone in motion, and when the moment comes, I strike.

I always win in the end.

They never see me coming.

Do you know why?

Because I'm already there

[mp3]http://puu.sh/mpgcN/bf6907c641.mp3[/mp3]

(Lady-Regina Spektor)

"Remember that the sociopath wears a mask of sanity. 

It is easier for them to make you out to be crazy than it is for you to

 expose the reality of who they are"

There is a very interesting concept behind the ideals of wearing a mask, perhaps it has to deal with the idea of masquerading. A place where your identity is hidden and no one can ever make you out for who you really are. It is a symbol of hiding your identity, why psychopaths wear mask who depicts who they truly are, the mask of a clown to symbolize a lifetime fear of clowns. Those who wear mask depicts their true nightmare as their face, it gives the facade of fearlessness. A mind of a psychopath and sociopath is not so mundane, we wear the mask because it depicts who we truly are. Our own god forsaken face is a facade, it depicts our true nightmares. Why we wear it? We are forced to. Why we live our lives under this persona? Because it helps us with our goals. You see, we wear what we need to, we put on every facade we can get, as long as it moves us inches towards our goals. Even if that means, being someone you aren't.

Because at the end of the day, it's all a game. It's not life or death, it's a game and at the end of the game there is going to be a winner and a loser. Unfortunately for you, I don't lose.

It's been what? A week since Finnr found me in my little lodge, apparently for him it was easy to find me. Apparently I'm too predictable, how... Quaint, perhaps I misjudged him, or perhaps I have to change the way I act. I hate change, have I ever mentioned that? I never liked it when something changed, well to be more precise, when I have to change. I could give less of a crap if someone else is forced to change. Travelling with him for a few days, it made me realize something. 

I have misjudged him, he didn't seem to be that... Psychotic or sociopathic from what I've witnessed. It bothers me a tad, it feels weird to see a person who can acts so. Chaotic and intelligent with a heart of a 'human'. I'm starting to lose respect for him, the sole fact that he actually has a conscience, how can I trust a man to have my back if he possess guilt. Survivor's guilt are the biggest issue I have to deal with in my line of work, I can't always be there to control someone who feels bad for the atrocities I've committed. Those are the people who sabotage big companies, people who betray their country and traitors who walk the streets. Conscience is not a good thing, it is a burden we have to accept from the mundane and 'normal' people. Fools who walk the Earth as puppets thinking they got free will, who think their voices and actions matter. Do you actually think the government gave a shit about who you are? Why do you think we give you a serial number to remember you by? A social security number? Please, at the end of the day, little old puppets or normals as you like to call them are nothing more than numbers in a machine. In the end, you are just chalk lines on the concrete, drawn only to be washed away.

"Morning Hyde"

 I woke up to Finnr standing there, looking at me passed out on the table. A bunch of radio equipment laid out meticulously organised as best I could. The cold  morning air turned my throat dry as a desert. The sounds of silence, emptiness, almost too quiet. The serenity of the forest followed sounds of birds in the morning and the morning grass swaying back and forth on the outside. How annoying, this wasn't what I was used to. I mentally slapped myself in the face for how ridiculously stupid and I was, luxury is the mother of all failures.

"Morning Finnr"

 My voice was all dry and rusty like sandpaper, and unpleasant sound from a parched throat. I really hate that, how you wake up in the morning with a throat dry as the desert, breath which stinks like rotten fish. It made it so... Unpleasantly horrid not to mention unsanitary. I would never talk to anyone with a dry mouth usually but my mask was still on so I figured I could spare a few sentences before I do my best to brush my teeth.

"Fell asleep organizing huh?" 

I could tell from his voice, he wanted to talk about something, my guess is about the orphans down in that rat hole town, can't remember. Although I have no clue why he wants to help those orphans, the last few days he's been talking about respect, about gaining trust from locals from survivors. Things in this world, they don't work off respect, nor do they work of trust. There is only one mother of control, and that is fear. Power is one thing, strength is another but nothing controls another like fear. I cannot swallow this ball of crap about respect, about how we need to help others, karmic retribution crap. You know who likes to talk about karmic retribution? Those that couldn't make a name for themselves, people who hug trees and eat cabbage while dissing on people who eat meat. In this world we live in, there is but one rule. Hunt or Be Hunted. And I fully intend to be at the top of the food chain.

"You dragged me away and made me torch my setup, so yes, it does take a time to set everything up again. You know how much I hate it when my setup is... Different."

"You were never one for adaptation or change"

"Adaptation and change are two very different aspects of this world, my friend, now why don't you leave and let me freshen up" 

I made sure the tone in my voice indicates that I want to be alone for now, and even Finnr knew I was never one to phrase my sentences too direct. If anything, I was polite at least to a certain extent. There is a saying in this world, "never assume the quiet is weak, and the loud the strong".

I was never one for loud and commanding tones, I prefer to be more. Silent, more calculative.

"Very well, but after you are done, I want to talk to you" 

He muttered staring at me, unsure if I was even looking back but I have the feeling he knew. He knew the sinister stare behind the shades, the eyes only fit for men with an amygdala as dark as mine. I watched him every move out of the corner of my eye, waiting for him to leave. My fingers clenched around the grip of my pistol, almost as if I was feeling cornered. 

It wasn't too long before it hit me, that the people I was with, I didn't trust. That I was more afraid for my life than I was when in combat, this was not right. This person they were hand picked by Finnr, a man I once respected and looked up to, but now. I was feeling vulnerable as if I was a pawn on the board with no backup surrounded by foes I knew I could never defeat. 

I pushed that thought to the back of my mind, there are a time and place for everything now isn't the time to be worried about trust, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be cautious. But for now, it wasn't a priority, I had more important things to do. As I leave my little cabin in the woods, I felt the cold Chernarussian air blast me in the face, the smell of ember and wood in the corner where they sat having breakfast. I glanced at them, two females and Finnr, there should be more, hell I knew there was more even if I couldn't see them. Walking over to the well, I took off my mask and splash the cool water onto my face. Icy and freezing due to the winter air, the clear liquid woke me up as much as an electrical shock to the nuts. 

Letting my mind wonder as I do my daily routine in silence, I began thinking about the people around me. Danni, Darya and Finnr, there was more, though, Finnr told me there were a few more men and women I have met, he refused to tell me the numbers. Quietly I did my own evaluation of each of them. But I focused on one, Finnr. He was a mystery to me, someone who I have yet to read, my initial reading was wrong. And I really hate to be wrong, I made a mental note to keep an extra eye on him. 

"Hyde, are you ready now?"

Hyde, what a name isn't it? They made me choose a code name or some shit like that, I really prefer Fortune, though. I like the message it sends. The hidden meaning behind the word Fortune, that where there is fortune, first there must be misfortune. But I like the name Hyde,  it symbolizes the journey I've gone through, how many games I've won. You heard of the quote, "You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain". I choose that name because I shed Jekyll and now I see through the eyes of Hyde. Hahahaha, thinking about that, it sound so cheesy, sound so... Wannabe badass. 

"The orphans right? I said my piece, I don't invest in things I am unsure about"

"They're orphans, Hyde, they're our first step"

[align=left]"First step to what? To show the world we are people that are respectable? To show that the huntsmen in the north are people who can be respected? You know Finnr, I dealt with respect before, I played my hands, my cards were dealt and I was still tortured and beaten to near death. Respect is nothing more than an illusion, it gains you nothing but rebels, it earns you nothing."

"There is more than one way to play the game, you know that"

"I do, but I work with results. I don't care about the journey to it, I want to see the results. There is a difference between you and me, unlike you... I don't fight for the little guys."

"You think I fight for the little guys? Fortune, you have no idea. We need to show the world that the Serveni are not just people who hide and cower. We gain respect through little things, you look at the big picture and you see the final puzzle. I don't, there are many ways to find the end, you love to play the game don't you? This entire thing is a game to you, unlike you I don't see this as a game. I prefer to do long term investment no matter how long it takes us"

Long term investment, I like that. Finnr has a way of getting inside my brain, but he tries to entice the hunger in me. The sociopathic aspect of myself, I doubt he even know he is a sociopath, in fact, I'm beginning to doubt the fact he even is a sociopath. One thing he doesn't know is that this is a game but the goal is power, it isn't about control, it's always just about the game. My goal is not to become the strongest, it's not to become the ultimate puppet master, the mastermind behind many deaths. It is to find one person, and one person only...

A Worthy Adversary to take me to my grave...... 

"You need somebody to stand up for you. You're the little guy, you just don't realize it yet.

The Commonwealth has all the aces, and you don't even know you're playing cards"

-Lisa Scottoline

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[spoiler=credits] Thanks to Finnr(Redsky) for doing the immense amount of research on sociopathy and psychopathy with me. Gave me a lot of ideas for the new and upcoming chapters. The amount of In game talks we have about the games we play is too damn high. I guess that's what happens when two manipulative minds come together <3

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Roach    1645

Thank you for another great entry to your story here. Loved it man :)

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