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Brodie

Writing his Own Story (Brodie Kearns)

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Brodie    43

  Chapter I:

As we walked down the road away from the now falling apart Blackwood camp, a shiver went down my spine. I had a strange unhinged feeling, but I wasn't worried. Wallie seemed to know what she was doing and where we were going. So I just followed. As we made our way around we ran into a lot of people, some nice, some nasty and some.......strange. 

     

We finally hit Dolina, the place where Wallie had to deliver the letters, this is where I begin to write my own story......well atleast in my eyes I thought I was. I met some of the Alycone there, I made some friends.......I'm too good at that, well you'll find out why. I've always enjoyed meeting new people, new experiences, new things to learn.....a lot to learn. 

It was all so-real to me, I assumed people would be more aggressive towards me as they wouldn't have the patience, well some people were, but others were very kind.

The most enjoyable part about meeting new people to me was learning about them, what their story was and is.

I never really had much of a story, I've kind of lived a sort of lonely life, very isolated(unfortunitly).

At Dolina I met someone named Zhoe, Zhoe Burton.

She was very pleasant when I first spoke with her and didn't question me too much.....well that's because I don't talk much, well atleast I didn't talk much.

Wallie needed to move on, she already delivered her letters to the people she needed to deliver them to.

As we left Dolina we ran into a man......he seemed off about something(I was right).

He spoke to us in a very rushed and flusterd manner. Like he needed to get to something or do something.

He asked for 'The Professor',Zhoe seemed to know him but me and Wallie didn't really....well I didn't.

Suddenly the man began to get a bit quieter but seemed more aggressive, he spoke very lowly but snappy.

Zhoe questioned why he needed to see 'The Professor', and he explained this.

He said he killed people. Then he explained that he ate them........very strange, but I don't know it's wrong(I've never done it).

A frown began to form on his face, but a straight face stayed on mine. I felt now defensive as if I had to scare him off.

He got very aggressive towards me.....but we tried to calm  things down......he was very jumpy.

Then a violent voice from a bush shouted 'DROP YOUR WEAPONS AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP!'.

We did as the men said, and they brought us up the hill just off of Dolina....quite weird that no one seen or heard anything that just happened.....but as long as I kept Zhoe and Wallie safe....I didn't care what happened.

Up on that hill is where I saved Zhoe and Wallie from anything bad happening to them, and it's also where I earned the B on my forehead.

I don't remember exactly what happened on that hill, it was all sort of a blur....but Wallie told me, that's how I can recall this much.....I remember the anger and fury that rushed through my head.....I felt like a water pipe about to explode in the cold Winter.

Elliot and Batok......those were their names......I was going to crush them......but I didn't get a chance.

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Chill with those colors man.

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Jack the Ripper    250

YES! Here it is, I've been waiting for this :D Great first chapter man!

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Brodie    43

Chill with those colors man.

I like colours, I fianlly figured out how to use em, and I feel like in Brodie's eyes there's alot of words he'd need to underline and highlight....you'll get it later on, the colours help to remember, each colour signifies something, a name, a place, a thing, a feeling, stuff like that.


YES! Here it is, I've been waiting for this :D Great first chapter man!

Thanks Jack <3 I loved your lore so far, from what I've read, it's amazing. :)

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Brodie    43

Chapter II:

I woke up beside the beach, cold, wet and bloody.

I realised what people are like.

How cruel they can be, even to nice people.....at that moment I stopped myself to think.

I had to think of where to go.......I needed food, water, supplies.

I picked myself up pushing off the soggy sand and I patted the sand off myself.

I was only left a shirt, trousers, a B on my forehead and shoes.

I wonder what they done to Zhoe and Wallie(Hopefully nothing bad).

Once I got the things I needed to survive(atleast), I headed back off to Blackwood Camp.

It's the only place I knew to go.

I found Kenji and Kimiko there and some of the Blackwood.

They asked what happened to me.

And I told them to ask Wallie, She would know.

Trying to think or even remember what happened enraged me.

I had to ignore it, forget about it, and think about something else.

I had already known most of the people at Blackwood camp as I've met them before.

I had to calm myself so, I asked around to see if I could do anything or go anywhere.

Woody was there making his pumpkins, Blackwood, staying guard, Kenji and Kimiko doing their medical business, and the rest just talking.

I just sat there watched.

I'm used to watching, studying, I am a Hunter, so I watch animals, where they get their food and water, where they rest.

I learn a lot from just watching.

People knew I wasn't the brightest, they knew I listened to them and did what they told me.

I was like a dog, a homeless, lost, un-owned dog.

Waiting for someone to come along and swoop me up and do as they pleased with me, that seems to be what people do with me anyway.

I didn't know very much about social skills, I've never been around people really, other-than my Father, but he passed five years ago.

I talked to myself for those five years.

I had no one else.

Sometimes when I lay down I looked at the ceiling and thought to myself.

There wasn't much to think about, but I tried, I tried to learn myself, educate myself, but I simply couldn't.

That's one of the reasons I left my small wooden cabin in the middle of some random woods.

I've never been to school, never had much of a family, never had much to be honest.

Didn't have books, a radio, a T.V. , Nothing.

That's why I didn't know so much.

That's why I didn't really care much, I didn't understand or get a lot.

And I hated myself for it, I felt very stupid and sometimes thought I'd be better off going back to cabin.

But people got me think otherwise.

I felt happy with people, talking to them, but I wouldn't understand why they would argue with me, or get angry.

And it just got worse.

So I left Blackwood camp.

And I ran back into Wallie.

She was delighted to see me, I was delighted to see she wasn't harmed.

As usual, I just followed, didn't speak much unless spoken to, and kept my guard up, constantly.

We ran into some of her friends.

And now they were four of us.

Her friends were very strange, they said they hunted cannibals, and Wallie got reminded about what happend.

So I asked her.

She explained to me.

And she said I saved her and Zhoe.

I didn't know I did good, or was a good person, because I didn't understand it, or never experienced it.

On our way we ran into a very kind lady named Luanne and a boy/man named Randall.

Randall was very on-edge and jumpy.

But when he spoke to me, he was calm, he felt safe.

Luanne seemed to take an interest in me. 

I didn't realise it.

And she hoped to run into me again.

And now the fun begins........

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Brodie    43

Chapter III:

I ran into a few fellas named Zbor/Dveri and any other names they've used.

They seemed to get along with me pretty welll, and we seemed to have a growing friendship.

I got their radio frequency and even at one point I believe they wanted me to be Zbor.

I wasn't too sure.

This was all too new for me. All too unfamiliar.

To be quite honest, I was scared, Scared of people, and I have been.

I've never been a peoples person. And I don't I ever will. 

People are so, so, random.

People always do the unexpected because they have their own awareness and conscience.

I'm aware. I'm aware that I can kill people, I can change many things, and I can do many bad things.

But, I've stopped myself. I haven't killed a person.

I may have shot people, but that's only because they shot me.

I've been told to do many things, by many people, I've hunted people.

Michael was killed for his actions, I'm the one who found him, but he was coming back anyway.

His death is on my head.

I met up with Luanne again, well she met up with me, I was with Zbor at the time, but she took me away.

We talked while we ran to meet up with her friends.

She liked me, She liked my company, she felt safe around me.

She talked a lot. And I liked that. It's nice to know that someone pays attention to you, and talks to you.

When we met up with friends. They were kind. For a short time.

Lets just say I got nailed to a tree, and a bit of bicep was bitten off, and then I was kissed.

They trusted me, I knew that.

But I didn't understand what they were doing.

So I assumed it wasn't bad, well didn't hurt that much to be honest.

Just stung like a bitch.

While that was going on for me, Zbor went and saved a girl named Riviaira Dellouise.

When I went back to Zbor, I had already been patched up by Luanne and Destiny and Ivan.

I spoke to Rivi, and stayed with her for quite some time, I trusted her, and wanted to keep her safe.

So that's what I did, I could talk to her about anything, and she could talk to me about anything.

She's a very close friend of mine, like Wallie or Zhoe.

But something about Rivi, the way she gets along with me, I just stayed around.

It's the same with Wallie and Zhoe, I can talk to them about anything, but Wallie is kind of like family to me, and Rivi is like a little sister.

My anger still builds, the more people do things to me.

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Mercy    503

I'm gonna cry. Cuteness overload. Q_Q Nyah!

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Brodie    43

Was waiting for you to finally put up a story, it looks great! :D

Thanks Jade <3

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Brodie    43

Chapter IV:

I continued on my journey meeting new people meeting old friends, or people I've met before.

One day when I was with Luanne we ran into a group named The Pestilence Brotherhood.

They seemed to know Luanne and seemed very hostile towards her.

In their small group I reckonised one of them.

The greeted us politely, but seemed a bit off about something.

They circled us like sharks, staring at us, watching our every move, listening to every word.

I knew something wasn't right at all at this point.

So I pulled Luanne away and told her we need to leave.

She ignored me, and continued talking, she likes to talk to people.

It was Elliot.

I realised this because I remember running into him a second time and getting shot by Batok in the shoulder four times.

I knew they wanted me and Luanne, but I didn't really know why.

They pointed their weapons shouted their demands.

I could feel the anger and adrenaline flow through me. 

I felt like a bull ready to annihilate anything in my path.

But instead I ended up getting tied up, pushed down onto the dirt, beat up, cut, and maybe even shot.

Most of the times I run into them, the memory of them, is usually a blur.

But the only reason they do this to me, is because Luanne, Destiny and the rest supposedly killed one of their friends.

I didn't care at this point though, I've been shot, beaten, cut up, all before, I'm all too familiar with the pain.

It's very hard for me to not understand a lot of things but have to keep trying and pushing and moving on and making friends.

I just want to keep people that I care about safe, I want to keep my friends safe.

Some of them may do bad things, or make bad decisions, but that doesn't make them a bad person.

Everyone's done something bad.

I think more than I can do, but I don't understand, and I get hurt because of it.

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Brodie    43

Chapter V:

I've been running around in circles now, lost, trying to find who I am.

Trying to figure out what I need to do.

I've been travelling with a lot of people, a lot of things have happened to me.

There's a few people that I actually Trust.

But there's a lot of people that I will protect.

I've killed some people at this point.

I've taken people, I don't know what they've done.

I guess this is what family do, they take people, test their strenghts.

My strenghts have been tested many, many times.

I've been riddled with bullets at this point, I've been stabbed, carved, cut, you name it.

I'm done with people just taking me and hurting me as they please.

I'm being given decisions that are hard to make, and that I don't understand.

It's becoming to the point where I can't bare it anymore.

People constantly lieing to me, doing as they please.

I'm done with people doing these things to me.

I've finally found myself, and realised a lot of things.

I will not hurt another unless I am defending myself or another.

I will not hurt my family or friends.

I've talked a lot with people, learned a lot, figured out a lot.

I've put it all into perspective.

I've travelled with the people I Trust.

The people I know wont hurt me, because I've done something that I don't understand.

People who listen to me, people who want to help me, and will never want to do anything against me.

I'm done with being a follower, someone who does what they're told.

If I don't understand something, I'll ask.

If I need to do something I'll explain it.

I won't follow stupid commands blindly.

I will only stay with the people I Trust, and I feel are my friends.

I'm done with being backstabbed, betrayed, beaten, robbed, lied to, it's time for me to make the decisions, do what I feel I need to do, I may die, but atleast it's for a good cause now, atleast I can say I died doing the right thing, atleast I don't die from some fucking asshole that just didn't like my shirt or some stupid thing like that. My road my be very long, or very short.

Only time will tell my faith, and I'm burning a very short fuse.

It's time I decide.

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Mercy    503

Loving it Broads!

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Brodie    43

Chapter VI:

I've been with Alcyone, Wallie and Kenji the past little while.

I've been trying my best to help people and make my own decisions.

Some people have been making it easier some have been making it harder.

At this point, I don't know who to trust, I have few people in mind, but I don't know, other people keep making it more difficult.

I already don't understand a few things, but I've now realised and now understand alot.

My head just aches trying to figure it all out, who I actually am. What my purpose is, why am I still here. I'm honestly not needed.

But people keep trying to explaining to me, that I do need them, I've helped them I've saved them, in my eyes I've only made it worse for people.

That's all I've been doing actually, making it worse for people, making their lives more difficult and complicated.

It's all to strange for me though, being told one thing, then another, then another and then finally another thing, then thinking something completley different. I mean if someone wants me to do something, they used to be able to tell me to do it, now they try to manipulate me.

I've already said that I've been through alot, and alot of people know that.

I've had to do some things, for some people, that I didn't understand at the time, now I do.

I've lied about some things, to keep others safe. I've never lied about myself, or anything like that.

I've always been true to my word. If I say something, I mean it, there's no other way about it.

If I say it was a joke, it was a joke, but if it was true, then it's true.

Back to me being manipulated.

I've been manipulated by some people to do some things. These things being bad, obviously.

I can't help the fact that I've done wrong, because honestly I didn't understand, I just had people there, that wanted to manipulate me.

Use me as a weapon, use me as a dog, a pet, a pin cushion, a play doll, a punching bag, whatever they wanted to use me as.

The fact is, I don't care, what I'm used for, I only care if it's good or bad.

That's all I care about now, is whether something is good or bad, I want to help people, I like helping people.

I've been told that I'm a good person, a kind person, but I've also been lied to about what I am.

I've been called alot more than those things though, alot more.....

I got manipulated by Luanne.

From the very beginning, she's tried to trick me, and twist me, and use me as her own, 'play thing', lets just say.

She tried to prove to me that I'm special, or whatever she wanted to poison me with.

She's cut pieces off of me, nailed me to a tree, she's never told me once, she loves me, the only time she told me that, was when it was too late.

She has never understood me, no one ever has. No one really knows what I'm capable of.

They just think I follow blindly, like a loyal dog.

That's what they think.

Enough tricks have been pulled on me, for me to know when, and what will happen, I've seen enough, been through enough, and done enough to know now, myself, without explanation, about certain things.

Here's a little insight of what I think about.

When someone says 'I love you.' How do you take that, how would define how much or what way they love you, they could just being saying it too, you'd never know, because if they told you, they could be lieing, the only way to figure out, is to find it out by their actions.

Things they've done. I know for a fact, No one actually loves me, well apart from one person.

But people don't understand the concept of what 'I' mean when I say 'I love you.'

Maybe if people would listen, or think about things more, maybe half of us wouldn't have the problems that we've had.

And it seems that I'm always in the middle of it.

Alot of people know my name, or atleast one thing about me.

And I know for a fact, that they think, bad things about me, everyone does.

Some of them only think good things, because I did something for them, as in risked my life for them, saved them, you should get my point by now.

In my eyes, loving someone, is when you care about someone so much, you'll sacrifice yourself for them, and you don't just say that.

Loving someone is putting everything on the line for them.

Loving someone is allowing them to do what they want.

Loving someone is accepting them for who they are and what they do or did.

Sometimes you need to change some things to love someone.

But that proves that you love them.

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Brodie    43

Chapter VII:

I was done with Luanne, done with her messing with my mind. I'm done with all this shit, done with her lies, she telling me she loves me, then cutting me up, tieing me up and eating my flesh and drinking my blood in front of me. I've been told to write my own story, make my own decisions, my own choices. I decided to trick Luanne. We all made her think we were going to just meet up, and 'talk'. When I usually say, 'Can we talk?' I mean something completely different, but not always. My favourite part about dealing with my 'Luanne Problem' was that I was on the other end of the blade. She was the one trying to get out of this situation, crying, screaming, shouting and pleading for forgiveness and what not. She kept repeating herself asking me if I loved her. How can I love monster. A person who cuts innocent people up and eats them. A person who lies to their own family. And then says that they care about them.

I didn't want to answer her question. I didn't want to hurt her anymore. She was finished with me anyways. Then she tried making it up to me by manipulating me again. I've had enough of it. I'm done with trying to cope with her 'lies', or her 'love'. The things she did to me were her waying of showing her love for me. By cutting me up? Some way of showing someone you love them, if I do say so myself. It's all very odd to the point were I've gotten fed up. Pissed off. My last straw had been pulled. The pin finally dropped. The cogs started turning. The typewriters started writing. But now I was the one in control. I was the one making the decisions. No one has made decisions for me in a short while. They've spoken to me, helped me make my choices, but never told me what to do, until I've run into Luanne, she's told me what to do, never asked for my opinion.

I've promised someone that I wouldn't hurt people, but Luanne deserved it, she would keep rambling on, of course I listened, and because I listen, she made herself a deeper hole. Until finally, I pushed her into that hole and burried her. Right then and there, in the cold hard dirt. Alone. She only needed family for her own protection, she never cared for any of us, just played us like another doll in her collection. I've been used enough, and I know now when enough is enough. I can figure it out myself. A lot of people question me about this. But they haven't been in my head to know. No one has. It's fascinating really, how someone can just change to save their own life. Luanne went from sweet and manipulating, to a complete physco, back to being sweet and manipulating, lieing out of her teeth.

The only reason I did what I did, was for her own good. I did not want to harm her, but Destiny and the rest did. I just wanted to talk, sort things out, set things straight so she'd understand. She thought we betray her, she mostly thought I did. In all honesty, I think she did love me. And I think I broke her heart. That's why she treated me the way she did. I feel terrible for what I've done, and I regret allowing the others to do what they wanted to do. The only reason I hurt Luanne, is because of the others. She kept asking me if I loved her, I avoided answering, because if I told her, I don't know if she could take it. How she would take it, I felt too sorry for her already, I felt too bad, The things I allowed them to do. I shouldn't have.

My mental state has changed. My mental state went from, copying those around me to fit in, and show nothing. To show anger, regret, guilt, confusion, to begin to question everything, and most of all, Love. Love was a huge emotion that I felt to some people, some people I love more than others. I know I should've just told Luanne, spoke to her, not allowed them to do what they did, but I felt so angry, I felt so betrayed, so pissed off, that I didn't think straight. That will stick with me for the rest of my life. I will never forget that. I wish I could just go back and change what happened. I wish I could've helped her way before then, so she knew, before digging her own grave. She's not dead. I don't think. But she is done. She isn't going to move on though, I know she isn't, neither will I. The decisions that I've made will always haunt me. Always.


Chapter VIII:

The reason why we did this to Luanne was because she constantly manipulated me, lied to me twisted me in every which way she liked. But she probably just wanted to protect me, keep me safe. I also wanted to keep her safe. Make sure she was ok. But the reason why I decided to turn on her was because of all the people I've been talking to, my mind had been changed about her and the rest of my family. But the rest of my family aren't as bad as her, or as emotional. I don't think she was that bad, well that's because I'm used to her. She was just trying to make me be the type of person she wanted me to be, she wanted me to be a kind of soldier to her. 

I followed commands, I listened to what people said, I've helped people, and I changed my mind about that all, I've changed my mind about everyone. Most people I thought one thing about, but now I know what they're really like, how I should act around them, I've studied them. I'm a hunter, I know something just by looking at someone. I watch people very carefully, I know how to get into people's head, it's not that hard to be honest. You just test different things on them, and one of them will make them 'Snap'. 

Luanne and I have travelled a lot together, but since I didn't understand much, I didn't get some of things that I've learned from her 'behavior', I knew something wasn't right about. Something was always wrong. She constantly changed her attitude, it depended on the person she spoke to, or was with. With me I honestly thought she was truthful, she wanted to keep me safe, she cared about me. But there's so much that has changed my mind, that now I just think it was all poison, I was her 'failsafe', if all went to hell. Well, no, that's not what I am. I'm just another gun to people, someone to watch over people, a babysitter, but the type that just doesn't care what they do, but just keeps them safe. 

I've never felt love before, I've known what's it's like to be loved, be cared about, having people worry about me, do things for me. I just don't understand it. It scares me to think that I've done some things without batting an eye lid, without worrying. I worried a lot about a lot of different people. One of them being Luanne. She treated me different then everyone else, and she treated no one else the way she treated me, I never knew she loved me, if I did, a lot of things would be different. I wouldn't have done what I did, whatsoever, and I would've helped her a lot earlier and understood a lot more. 

It was the anger, it was the frustration, the feeling of betrayal, being left for dead, being left alone and being told your family is 'done' with you. Especially when she didn't listen. Rivi, Zhoe, Wallie and Destiny have always listened to me, they've helped me, spoken to me about certain things, and in all honesty, I care about them, very much. Wallie has helped me a bit more than the rest, but the way she helped me, is an explanation for another day. Rivi has helped me a lot, she's my best friend, I care very much for her, and I feel as if I'm some kind of guardian angel for her. But she's also my guardian angel, she's helped me, so has Max, and everyone who I've mentioned. I know I haven't mentioned some people, but that's because I have mixed feelings about them. I trust Rivi and Wallie and Zhoe and Destiny and Max with my life. I'm Max's Bratr and I think I'm Zhoe's Bratr, but I don't know. 

The day before we took Luanne. Luanne had spoken to me, about Zbor, and all the people I've been with, trying to get me to pick a side. I explained to her, but she didn't listen. All she felt and thought she heard was betrayal, her heart was broken, and I don't think I can fix something that I didn't know was broken. She loved me, I know she did. But there was no way of me knowing that she did. After she dealth with me and was 'done' with me. I seen her the next day, we all did, the whole family, including Rivi. Luanne tried to speak with me, explain to me, she knew what she did, she shouldn't have done, tears filled my eyes, I tensed up, and let my anger control me, I pointed my gun to her head. The others ran out, my family with their guns pointed at her, Rivi confused. 

I was done with being manipulated, lied to, treated like another tool in the shed. Thrown back and left to rust once I was done being used. We took her, brought her to a shed nearby, she was preaching, and screaming and shouting, at us all, about me and my family, then at Rivi. That's when I drew the line, that's when I really wanted to fucking snap her in half. She has finally pissed me off, she finally made me snap. I was done with it all. Listening to people, all I heard was lies. All I wanted to do was snap her head off like a little play doll. But I didn't allow myself to fall into that kind of darkness. I stopped myself, I let the others speak for me.

They all cut her, hit her, even shot her, Rivi was pissed off, very much that day. She was going to kill herself, I got very upset, I tried my best to save her, but she didn't listen, no one really ever listens. That's why I'm just another tool in the shed. Never heard from, too quiet to hear. The only reason I'm still around is because of a few people. Only a few people have actually helped me, most people have just 'pretended to be nice'. I knew they pretended, but I didn't care, I've never really cared about anything, only people that I wanted to keep safe and have helped me I've cared about. Anything that I've tried to do, anything that I've said, in one ear, out the other, it's the same for everyone.

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Keep them coming Brodie! Man your character has been through some fucked-up shit.

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Brodie    43

Keep them coming Brodie! Man your character has been through some fucked-up shit.

He has he really has, thank you Blackburn <3

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Brodie    43

Chapter IX:

People keep telling me different things, one person would tell me that hurting someone is wrong, and hurting someone just makes you the same as them. Luanne has lost all grip on what sanity is. She has lost her family. Her loved ones, if she even loved them. She's manipulated people, hurt innocent people, and forced people to do, in-human things. She is insane. She has this idea in her mind about everything, and she feels as if she can do anything. She is a rabbid dog that I should've put down when I had the chance. But I couldn't. I wasn't allowed. So I cut a piece off her ear and put a knife through her knee. I know, I shouldn't have, but she's done worse to me, way worse. And she's done a lot of things to a lot of people.

All we wanted to do was help her. But I didn't want to hurt her. But she kept speaking in a different language, trying to manipulate us, make us turn on eachother and just went all out mental. She needed help, but she wouldn't accept it. She would just lie, and try to tell us what we wanted to hear. I will not torture someone, ever again. I never wanted to do it to her in the first place. The guilt is killing me for what I've done, but I know it shouldn't, she's done a lot of crazy and questionable things and shouldn't be around. But I left her alive. I wasn't allowed just kill her. I just wanted to talk. Now it's all pinned on me, everything, I'm the center of it all. I can't change the past, but I'd love to, sometimes atleast.

I'm slowly pushing myself off the cliff, by the things I do, contradicting myself, forgetting and remembering things, being told things. Hopefully now I've set myself straight. I like to be in conversations, I like to listen, I like talking to people and I've been told how to be polite, and actually talk to someone. At the moment I know people are having issues with me, but if they have a problem they should ask me, talk to me about it, I'll explain best I can, but I might not be able to. Some things I just cannot explain. 

It's all strange really, how I get along better with some people than others. Mostly women. I've been called a 'ladies man', but I don't really know what it means apart from, I get along well with ladies, that's about it. I can just talk to them, they listen, they actually help me, they don't threaten me, they like to help me. I appreciate that, and I try my best to keep them safe, I make promises, And I wont break them. 

I made Zhoe a promise, that I wouldn't hurt anyone, and what did I do? I hurt Luanne, and others hurt her, how stupid am I? Honestly. At the time, I just didn't think, at all, all I wanted to do was talk, but she kept trying to manipulate me, lie to, I got fed up. As soon as I walked off, un-noticed, I wanted to just go back to the forest, and stay there. I felt as if I was done with it all, I'd be better off dead then breaking promises. I don't lie, I don't like liars, especially when they try to manipulate me and make it seem right, well if cutting off a piece of my thigh, and my bicep, nailing me to a tree and drinking my blood is right, then what is wrong? This is why I did what I did to Luanne, this is why I lost control, I was too pissed off to stop myself. Too afraid to let go.

I regret it. I should've just shot her. Put her out of her misery, end her suffering, I feel terrible now, and I haven't been myself in a while either, so this just makes it worse. Zhoe is disgusted with me now because of it, but if only she knew, maybe then she'd understand, but that's what she thinks, and she is right, I know she is, Zhoe is a kind and good person, and speaks her mind. She would never hurt someone else. I know she wouldn't. She doesn't deserve to have to put up with me, no one should, but there's so many people stopping me from leaving keeping me from jumping off the cliff, but that's all I want to do. 

No one really needs me, maybe one or two people, but they just think they need me. They don't, no one deserves to try to put up with the bullshit that I am, the problems I cause, No one.

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Brodie    43

Chapter X:

The only reason I'm still around is because Rivi, Max, Wallie and Zhoe are keeping me from going. Stopping me from doing stupid things, but I've been stopping myself a lot, and trying to stop others. I need to see Wallie, it's been quite some time since we've been able to properly talk, without interuptions, problems, or just something getting in the way. I'm still on the edge of the cliff, slipping slowly off, I need help, I need someone to grab my hand and pull me up, to set me on the right track, because if I keep conflicting like this, I'm going to end up the same way Rivi wanted herself to end.

I need to stop thinking this way, I need to pull myself up the cliff, set myself on the right path, 'Write my own Story', as Rivi always tells me. So I will, I'll draw pictures if I'm angry, talk things out calmly and peacefully, not got easily pissed off. I haven't been myself as of lately, so I've done some stupid things, and ended up on the coast washed up in the wet, cold and hard sand. I hated myself, I wanted to rip myself apart for things I've done, some people I've let do things to me, stopping myself from doing something.

This is why I wanted people to make my decisions, because the past ones I made, weren't the best, And I know they weren't. All I need at this point is someone to just talk to, to lean on, to relax with, not be stressed worried, go off somewhere nobody would go and talk about some things. I needed some time away, some space to breathe, somewhere to clear my head from all the anger and frustration. I needed to stop myself from having a mental break down and something happening, I don't want to be like Luanne. She lost all grip on what she stood for, she was lost in her own lies.

A broken spirit grabbing onto the weakest link and crushing it, molding it again, recreating it, doing as she pleased. I'm too used to being broken, too used to getting cut up, shot up, and most of all, people playing with my head, messing with my emotions, joking with me, I hate jokes. I've always told people that. But you know what's a real joke? I am. Acting like I can fucking protect people, I'm just a punching bag, a dummy in the way, so the people I care for can run, I've killed people, it's easy, but I don't want to kill anymore, unless I absolutely have to. 

Just yesterday I met Mr.Diamond, at Green Mountain, I was with Wallie, Thomas and Sol. I knew she was shaken up, her voice was very brittle and sounded like she lost everything, like she got broken down. I made sure no one touched her, I talk to her shortly after we left, we didn't stay long, not with Wallie reacting the way she was. I had to make sure she was ok, and not to remind her of a bad past. 

When we got off the mountain, Wallie and I went up a hill and talked a bit about Mr.Diamond, what he's done to her, well lets just say, the next day, he shot himself in the head, because of what he'd done, I got my Bratr's and friends to help find him, and they did, and they dealth with him, she doesn't need to worry, I kept true to my promises, especially for Wallie, I don't want people out there, that have hurt her, or done anything remotely traumatising for her.

I've found out some things, realised some things, watched my Bratr and my Best Friend get betrayed by the ones she put her trust in, The French, they took them, assuming Zbor are some kind of Nazi's, Fuck Off, French have done wrong to me before, and Pestilence were around, seems like they've got some kind of relationship going on here, they threatened Max and Rivi, I would've killed them, but I had a fucking .22, Still, I could've ran in there with and knife and slit their throats, no, no, why am I saying this, this is my anger talking, this is me getting reminded of a bad memory, a frustrated time, I need a fucking break.

It's getting very hard when you're on the tight rope, without balance.

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Mercy    503

Loving it!

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Brodie    43

Chapter XI:

I need to stop. I need to just get away from it all. Yesterday I shot some people that took a friend of mine, I believe I got one in the chest and killed the other, shot him in the head. It's not easy. Well, it's easy to kill, for me atleast. But after, it effects me, I get some kind of urge to keep going, it fuels my anger, I have a lot of anger, and it's getting harder to control the more things happen to me. Max kept fighting with me about Wong and Rivi, and I was reminded about someone by Wong and also found out something, something that will either push me completely off the cliff, or give me a hand up. 

I need to speak with Wallie, I need to see her. Rivi has tried to get me relax, but nothing has worked. If I don't calm down, and control my anger, I feel like, I'll become a monster, if I get anymore angered I'll explode, I'll just kill everything, killing animals makes it worse too now, I can't get rid of it, it's always in the back of my head, thoughts of doing things, people hurting me, hurting my friends, I keep thinking everyone's against me, maybe they are, I don't know anymore, I'm just being spun in circles, and I'm getting really dizzy now.

If I don't control my anger, I'll have to end myself, For others, I don't want to hurt people, but it's getting very hard. I don't want to become a helpless maniac like Luanne has become. She has gotten uncontrollable, she doesn't he know who she is anymore, she changes herself every-time I've seen her. 

I was with Max, Riviaira and Wong. Since we're all friends, I think , we were making some pumpkins, made and fire, but.....there was a lot of tension between Max and Wong. It got me pissed off. I stopped the two from doing anything they'd regret. Then Max got mad at me for it, Max has only been nice to me once, and that was.....well.....lets just say that's why I'm now under Zbor protection. I'm already losing my grip, Max just made it worse, Rivi tried her best to calm me.....I decided to leave.....I went to Kabinino, to see Wallie.

When I arrived at Kabinino, I heard Wallie speaking to quite a friendly fella. He was looking for a matches. Mid conversation. Two people walked up. So I came out behind of my hiding spot, so I could be involved and make sure nothing happened to Wallie. They seemed to know Wallie, well atleast one of them did. There was a male and a female, the male was Australian, and his name began with a T, the other was Zoja, I've met and heard about her before, Zoja seemed to know Wallie, and they seemed to get along.

Of course I was wearing my green beret and red armband, I was told to wear it, to prove I was under protection, it has only caused me problems. As we were all talking, well, I didn't really talk, The French and Irish decided to show up. I knew by their armbands, and mixed accents, I've had run-ins with them before, but they've only taken me once, but I've been observing them. I know a lot about them, more than I know about Zbor. They took most of my things, left me with a shirt, black beret, trousers, shoes, a bottle of water and some apples, they took everything else. 

Fortunitley they only wanted me, I'm glad they didn't do anything to the others, they probably just let them go, but they insisted on questioning me about Zbor, I answered everything they asked, but I twisted it, I've been in this situation before, way too many times, I told them information they were asking, but I gave nothing away. All they got was a frequency they already had, and all of my things. They beat me up, insisting I had more to tell and that I was lying, they said I was a soldier of Zbor, bullshit.

This only angered me more, them thinking I'm fucking lying, I'll cut off each of their hands and feet, and make them choke on then, bastards like that don't deserve to live, I don't care what promise I made with Zhoe, the anger is getting too much, I can't keep that promise, but I have to! Fuck, fuck, fuck.......what the fuck is happening, I can't stop it......it's too much.

Everyone will see soon enough.....what's coming may be a storm, or a nice bit of sunshine, but you can never tell........

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Guest

Damn... RIP Black High Cap vest I gave you :(

On a more serious note tho, can't wait for the rest!

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Brodie    43

Chapter XII:

Looks like someone did grab my hand, pull me up cliff, things seem to be getting better, apart from the fact of The French, some Blacksky guy and some random guys at the airfield. I'll begin with the Blacksky fella. So, I was with The Pestilence Brotherhood, and many, many friends of mine, this includes, some Trust, some Chernarus Post, and some part of no group, no'r family. My friend Peter, and my friend Nick, they both had previous encounters with someone named Maggie, they said her and her son took out some of their teeth and robbed them, I was pretty shocked at first, to think that an old lady and her son doing such actions all by themselves, it was a bit strange, so, I talked to them, they seemed a bit off and anxious.

They tried leaving, but we didn't let them, instead, we took them to the same barn we took Luanne, and we talked to them, I don't believe we did anything, or take any of their things they needed to survive, I do not rob people personally, no'r do I torture, so I don't know what exactly took place in that barn, but I had no involvement. I was just doing some a friends a favor, they found some people that did stuff to them, and they wanted to sort it out, so that's exactly what they did, then suddenly, mid conversation, we hear a group of like ten people are on their way, fortunitly it was a miscommunication and it was just my friends, Blacksky.

I knew the Pestilence and Blacksky didn't get along, so I made sure no one would have any conflict, and I made sure both parties were safe, one safer than the other. So, we all met up, and the Pestilence left, and since most of the Blacksky knew me, we had a good ol' chat. Then, suddenly I see a person in a field, I run up to them, and guess what they do, they unload of my bloody leg, they're lucky they missed bone. More like, I'm the lucky one, well from there it only gets better, later that day, I'm with Max, Riviaira and the Pestilence again, and we run into the French, since the French were on 'OK' terms with Pestilence they left them, but for some unknown reason they decided to take me, I know why they took Max.

So, Riviaira went off with Wong, and all his boys went off somewhere, and it was just Me, Max, and three French, or friends of French. They did the usual thing people do, they robbed our weapons, brought us up a hill, and questioned us about Zbor, since Max used to be Zbor, they beat him up a bit, but since I've only been put under their protection, and I'm not only Zbor, they only questioned me, one of them actually began to like me, Pauley, He knew Luanne, he was probably the guy that was with her in Stary. Anyway, They let me go, but on one term, I have to tell them if Rivi is with Zbor, and if I'm there, and do not contact them, I die, and Rivi will probably get hurt, so, no more hanging around Rivi whenever she's going off with Zbor, if she even does go off with them, actually I think she left as well as Max, a little bit ago.

After that night, the next morning, yesterday morning, Drew and I decided to look for some supplies on the airfield and we found jack shit, apart from me finding one gentlemen at the well grabbing some water, he had a friend near by, I heard him, and radio'd Drew to get here. They pointed their guns, and ordered me to drop all of my things, my clothes, EVERYTHING, I said no, but of course I did, I'm not getting naked for two complete strangers, they seemed pretty fucking weird too, so I really wasn't in the mood, so Drew opened fire, and I ran, luckily I got away, but they also took like all my shit, so at this stage I'm pretty pissed, Drew got lit up, but he's ok now. 

I contacted Vestige, and we hunted them, and we found them, but unfortunitley, we only got one of them. The other ran, I don't think the one we got is dead, but he might be. But, I didn't kill them, I wasn't there for it at all. I just wanted to hunt them, and get my stuff, and make sure they knew what they did was wrong, without torturing of course, just a talk. 

Later that day I seen Chloe again, a second time, we usually only run into eachother, every now and then, but I had only just seen her the day before. This time it was only us, and we talked a bit, got to know eachother, it was nice, talking to someone calmly, that knows a lot of people you know, knows some stuff you don't, and talks to you about things they want to talk to you about, not just you talking to them, so we were understanding eachother, and even helping eachother, it was nice.

Later that day we met up with the Brotherhood, and Luanne was there too, I faked who I was for a short while, but I have a very recognizable voice. I'm still dead to her, but she doesn't want to harm me anymore, I think we've come to an understanding, and personally, that's all I want. I want an understanding, to be understood for what I do, who I am, why things happen, I just want to help out, solve problems, protect the people I care about. That's my only purpose, I'm a body guard.

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