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Mutant

Extended Character Background

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Mutant    0

This is my first attempt at a character background so my apologies for any rough parts or gaps in it that need to be addressed. Although this is primarily present as an extended version of my application any feedback or details you would add are greatly appreciated.

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Dennis Mattey was born in Surrey, in the south of the UK, July 1987 into the somewhat problematic family consisting of himself and both his parents. He is a caring and thoughtful character who strives to aid those in need and stand by his fellow family, friends and survivors willing to show a kind and open attitude in return.

Dennis saw little of his mother and father together as a young child, if not at all due to his father dedicating the majority of his life to his work as an investment banker in London so was very close to his stay at home mother when growing up becoming extremely fond and close to her when growing up contributing to a development of a caring and protective attitude to those close to him and any willing to show such friendly intentions in return however as of the lack of a father figure in his early stages he shows little resemblance in character and naturally feels hostile towards those who would put themselves first over others.

In school he strived to be the greatest he could be at everything he did with great skills in regards to social skills and a degree of peacekeeping in regards to his friendships and attitude of compliance towards authority figures and as a consequence went through school with ease and came out with a respectable level of GCSE’s and A levels and continues onto university and gaining a BSc honours degree in paramedical science he trained and applied to become a paramedic for the NHS. However after a while came to the conclusion as of the pressure and stress that resulted from his occupation he would seek work elsewhere where he could concentrate more on looking after and observing patients in a more calmed and to an extent more methodical manner so decided to join the Red Cross and started to work in the fray of the Ebola Crisis in Sierra Leone, July 1914 helping to study the symptoms and develop treatment of the Virus in the few months he was involved.

However this swiftly came to an end when Dennis was re-deployed to Chernarus on the 21st of October largely uninformed and unaware of the severity of the turmoil he was being tossed into furthermore without the knowledge of how quickly reality for him would be torn piece by piece by the monstrous corpses he sought to protect the desperate refugees from. Soon after setting up shop in Elektrozavodsk he was forced to go back to the job he had attempted to escape, that which involved the gore of dragging corpses operating table to attempt to stop the infection from spreading and recruiting yet another drone to join the increasing hordes that were ravaging the country. A few days in alongside a few other aid workers and UN peacekeepers who had decided that it wasn’t worth being ripped apart he travelled alongside the refugees north along the coast just before the city fell to the undead and eventually made it drenched in the blood of the failures of his research and attempt to help others in the form of their dark blood to a heavily fortified camp on the 1st of November just north of Svetlojarsk in a last ditch attempt to help those left the carnage that was the fall of the south and the majority of the east coast. Although he did not have high hopes as to where his efforts would take him he knew he had to do all that he could to survive and keep those around him going to fight for what he believed to be the human race itself.

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GRK-Atlas    2

That was quite a good read, but from a grammatical perspective, you have a lot of run-on sentences, and it seems to be just one long paragraph which can be confusing to some readers. A typical paragraph should be 5 to 7 sentences. As far as that goes, it's a great story, and I look forward to meeting your character in game!

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Guest

Quite solid and interesting story.

When the story itself is good, the way it's written is agonizing to read. A single sentence should not be +100 words long. I suggest modifying the long ones.

Paragraphs also aid in making it more pleasant to read. Right now it looks like a wall of text that only few even bother to read it.

Nonetheless grammatical errors and abominations aside it's decent.

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Alex    453

Holy wall of text :D

For ease of reading try and separate the paragraphs and add formatting, but otherwise a good read

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Mutant    0

My apologies for the atrocities that are the structuring issues behind it however thank you very much for said comments. I'll see to making it less daunting as for the sake of the reader. But otherwise it was accepted last night hence I very much look forward to meeting you all!

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Guest

It was not a bad read at all, good job. It's always good to see new members that are this dedicated already!

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Guest

My apologies for the atrocities that are the structuring issues behind it however thank you very much for said comments. I'll see to making it less daunting as for the sake of the reader. But otherwise it was accepted last night hence I very much look forward to meeting you all!

Hats off for the admin that went through it, must've been a struggle to say the least ;)

Only rarely a whitelisting/backstory gets denied due to not so severe grammatical errors. As it is only a way to test that you can actually come up with some kind of a story. As I mentioned the story itself was decent. Recently when the old members had to re-whitelist and got a look at their backstories. At least I and many others surely grinned when looking at our own stories written a good while back

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