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The Traveler

Journal Of Andrew Washington

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The Traveler    137

Who Doesn't love a bit of mood music?

[video=youtube]

[spoiler=Week 1]

It has been 8 months now, 8 grim, lonely months... I have been through anger, greif, depression, even a few nights of having to find a reason, any reason, just to pull the gun out of my mouth before I did something stupid.

But still I played my part, saved people who were still out there doing good, killed those who weren't... and yet even with all the good I was doing, I still felt as if it wasn't enough, that something was missing, that I could still do more... 

And then I met him. 

The Traveler isn't exactly the most stable screw in the shed, but my god is he a sharp one... A hunter, a medic, a tracker, a diplomat and, most importantly, an extremely good teacher. I have learned more with him in the past week than I have taught myself in the past month. The moment I realized he was the sort of man I was searching for was yesterday after our hike from his hut to elektro...

"I need a rest, please!" I pleaded. And indeed he gave me an opertunity to sit, and I fucking took it. But the moment my arse cheeks touched the grass, I felt a sharp pain on the left side of my face as I reeled back from a out of nowhere kick in the face from him.

"The road you wanna go down is hard and long Andrew!" he said, almost shouting, with a determinant anger I had never seen in him before, it was almost primal. "You think those who wish to stop you will give you a rest? Will let you recuperate? Think again! They will wait till you think you are safe, will wait till you let your guard down, and will then destroy you, and make sure you never try anything even close to what you are trying to accomplish ever again!" 

I listened to every word he said, in both disbeleif and utter concentration

"You know how you are gonna beat them don't you Washington? It isn't through your survival skills, it isn't through your ability to patch a rwound or avoid a patrol of bandits, it is gonna be through your endurance. They won't get even get a chance to knock you whilst you are resting, you have to forget that the word resting even existed! You are always at work, always watching, always waiting for the next fucker who tries to stomp on your dream! NOW GET UP!" 

In that moment, staring into his eyes, eyes that showed such anger, depression, but at the same time expectation, I somehow found the courage to stand... and we continued.

With that, for the first time in over 8 months, I had the first morsel, the tiniest taste of the bitterest of illusions...

I had hope...

[spoiler=Week 6 (New)]

"Good... now you have tied him up, I want you to kill him"

 He said that... we had just spent the past 3 days staking out the roads leading into Berenzino, I am dirtier than some tramps from before the infection, I have ate so much pumpkin I am pretty sure I have one growing inside of me and, to top it all off, I have pissed on the same plant I am pretty sure dogs back in fucking England know this is my territory! And for what? To catch this robbing piece of scum in the act, save the poor bastard whom he was trying to rob and ditch for dead, knocked him out, tied him up, hauled him all the way back to camp and for fucking what?!?!

So he could give me this ultimatum?

"You have to do it you know Washington... the only way to prove you are ready to save Chernarus from itself is by proving you are ready to do anything, we do not have a prison to put this fucker in, and if we let him go he will only do it again. SO.... END ... HIM!"

 

Time froze... I had a choice to make. I could kill this man, the sadistic fuck probably deserved it, I saw the dried blood all over his knife when we took it off him, this wasn't his first hold up, and The Traveler's right, he will more than likely do it again if we let him go....

But if I kill him, then does that make me any better than him? I mean I don't know his story, what drove him into this path of criminal acts and bad intentions... he could have a family... he could have a wife.... kid.... a son.... who am I to be judge, jury and executioner? Killing the criminals and bandits out there, without any regard for why they did it... it makes me no execution... the murder, just as bad as if the stupid piece of work had pulled the trigger himself...

All these thoughts raced around my mind, less of a "good side , bad side" sort of thing, but more of a collection of voices, all spouting off about different opinions, different justifications and condemnations of the action I might or might not be able to even go through with. 

"Just make it quick"

 said a voice that, for a moment, I thought was coming from my own head... but instead was coming from the pathetic excuse for a man ... kneeling before me, a tear trickling down his face and a cold, almost dead look in his eyes that I still remember to this day..

"Just stop pussying around and shoot me you idiot! Then go back to your tidy little cabin , pour yourself a gin, and toast to a job well done! You captured me, you stopped me from doing something stupid, and now you get the pleasure of giving me something I have given to so many others... SO JUST FUCKING DO IT!" 

It was in that sobering moment that I made my choice. The Bandit... the man in front of me had just dragged me out of my fantasy, my dissociation to the situation, and reminded me of how truly insane all this was. I'm not going to kill this man! I'm not going to kill anyone I don't have to! But if I don't, someone else will.... he will... And with that, I pointed my revolver at the bandit, straight between the eyes... But then I said...

"I am sorry friend, I just can't bring myself to do it... and I can't let you do it either!" 

I turn my gun toward The Traveler, and with almost know hesitation, but a overbearing feeling of regret , even before I had done it... I pulled the trigger...

...

...

...

...

"Click"...

The gun... it was... empty? 

"Good Washington... good" 

I was speechless...

"You see Washington, for the first time since I have met you, I have  led you astray... It it is true that the only way to save Chernarus is by doing what needs to be done... but what needs to be done is not... this" he says, gesturing to the now full on sobbing individual on the floor.

"What needs to be done by you... by everyone, is being able to figure out what DOESN'T need to be done... where the line needs to be drawn. And noone can tell you that , not even me, or else what would be the point? Monkey see monkey do? No... people need to find... no... re-find their morality on their own. They need to see the light, and you shining a torch at them doesn't count. You've done good today Washington... but this man still needs to pay... Cuff him up, blindfold him, and lets go drop him somewhere far, far away from here... give him plenty of time to figure out if he still wants to go down the path he has been treading... "

And with that, we let him go... 

And needles to say that this both made me ecstatic, but also absolutely terrified... 

There are lessons that The Traveler cannot teach me, and worse still I seem to be learning them on my own.... which gives me a new dilemma... or rather burden. I now have to hold these lessons to heart, encouraging good will and morality when I eventually go out on my journey... but I must resist the urges to push people into my trail of thought. People will make bad judgement, and I have to stand by and watch them make them... for their own good... it will be hard , but I am going to have to do it... and I will not falter, in the honor of my family... in honor ... of my son...

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Guest Viktor Kolenkeov   
Guest Viktor Kolenkeov

like it and i loved the music great job here have a nice image i'm trying to make the community a bit more colorful

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