Jump to content
Server time: 2017-08-22, 07:35

Sign in to follow this  
MadMcardle

[Missing] Lara, white staffy/labrador

Do you like my story?  

4 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you like my story?

    • Yes
      3
    • No
      1


Recommended Posts

MadMcardle    0

[it is dusk, you see a man, sitting on gravel leaning up against a wire fence post, short dark hair, stubble, unclean with a glazed look of despair in his eyes, cutting in to a red apple with his combat knife]

"Here Lara this bits for..." he looks at the empty space next to him

"I'll just save it for you...man how did it come to this?" He asks out loud

[FLASHBACK]

October 8th 2014

Lara licks Andy's face

"Ok ok girl, I am getting up he he he"

Lara lays on the bed next to Andy staring at him, waiting patiently.

"Don't look at me like that, I am really getting up, then taking you straight out for...A... WALKIES!"

Lara's ears prick up, her tongue hanging out, she loves here walkies

"Right quick cup of coffee and we're outta here beautiful"

"Woof" Lara barks, she follows him from the bedroom, through the lounge to the kitchen, the TV can be heard in the background, the kettle boils and Andy makes his coffee, he sits down on the couch and starts to stroke Lara's nose, she pulls a funny face making Andy laugh

"HA HA HA of girl you look so funny when you do that" he turns to look at the tv

A report says "BREAKING NEWS: Reports are coming out of Myshkino that..."

Andy turns off the TV

"Girl you know it's only depressing stuff on TV, that's why I never watch it and you shouldn't either!"

Andy runs off in to the bedroom to get dressed then shouts to Lara

"Walkies!" She runs after him and they leave the house.

"Sure is a beautiful day for a walk Lara isn't it? Where's your ball? Where is it?"

"Woof" Lara barks stamping here feet several times on the grass, getting ready to run.

"Go GET IT!" Andy throws the ball for Lara, she has already set of running, completely in the wrong direction, as always.

"Damn Lara, had you all these years and you never got the whole wait thing... huh, what a dog hey"

Andy throws the ball for Lara a few more times, then they start to head towards the village.

A teenager runs straight passed Andy and Lara, going full pelt, nearly running in to Lara, she growls

"Hey kid what's the rush huh? Damn kids are always rushing everywhere Lara, they need to learn to chillax right?"

Lara barks "Woof"

Andy looks down the street, there is a man and women hand in hand, they are also running pretty fast but in a different direct.

"What the F..." and remarks, you can hear a small commotion in the distance.

"What's going down in the village Lara he he"

A single guns shot echos, Lara cowers in fear, a second and third shot is heard

"WOOF WOOF WOOF" goes Lara

"Don't worry girl, this isn't our fight, I'm calling the cops" says Andy, a little shaken.

A girls scream is heard, making Andy jump, he drops his phone, as he kneels to pick it up the noise from the disturbance gets louder, much louder and more people start to appear, shouting, screaming and running like the wind!

"Fuck this Lara, lets get out of here, this is getting creepy"

A shot is fired, smashing a window next to Andy, Lara freaks at the sound of the breaking glass and runs...

"Lara stop...LARA WAIT!!" Andy yells, but she is so scared sh doesn't stop, Andy chases after her screaming her name

"LARA STOP NOW, WAIT, LARA STOP!!!"

She's gone, Andy slows down to a jog to catch his breath, his heart pounding so hard, all he can think about is Lara, she's never run off before, will she be ok?

Andy looks at the floor, he's tear in his eye, he isn't concentrating

A truck or car is near, the noise is getting closer, maybe it is someone he knows, maybe they can help track Lara?

Andy looks up, it's the military

"What the...why are they here?"

The truck pulls up, an infantryman jumps down from the back of the truck.

"GET DOWN NOW" shouts the soldier

"What the fuck are you doing, I'm a civilian, you crazy?"

"GET DOWN BEFORE I PUT YOU DOWN" the solider shouts at Andy again

"You can't do this you prick, I know my rights, who the fuck do you think you..."

[THUD SOUND]

The soldier shot Andy with a rubber bullet, knocking him out.

"Hey, check him" Says the driver of the truck

"I know I know" says the soldier "Na he's clean"

"Ok then, back on me, lets move" says the driver, the truck leaves, Andy unconscious in the road.

That was nine months again now, a lot of shit has happened since then, but one thing still remains, Andy is still looking for his best friend and companion, Lara

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pussy    312

Interesting start to your story! It started so charming with Lara and then got really dramatic, really fast, lol. 

One thing I encourage is to really set the stage by explaining a little more into detail about what is happening to your character. There was one moment in particular where I wasn't sure what the soldiers would be looking for on him, so maybe dig a little deeper into that?

Other than that, I enjoy that your story revolves around a companion that isn't human. You don't see that too often.

Good luck with your white list! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MadMcardle    0

Interesting start to your story! It started so charming with Lara and then got really dramatic, really fast, lol. 

One thing I encourage is to really set the stage by explaining a little more into detail about what is happening to your character. There was one moment in particular where I wasn't sure what the soldiers would be looking for on him, so maybe dig a little deeper into that?

Other than that, I enjoy that your story revolves around a companion that isn't human. You don't see that too often.

Good luck with your white list! 

Thanks and will do, never done anything like this before so I am a complete noob, all feedback welcome though :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pussy    312

Thanks and will do, never done anything like this before so I am a complete noob, all feedback welcome though :)

Strong start! c: If you need help with anything lore related, there a couple of Lore Masters that would definitely be able to help you. Look for the pink names on the staff list and send them a private message or talk to them in TS! 

There are also a couple of us community members who like writing our own lore and would probably be willing to help you out with any questions! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MadMcardle    0

Thanks and will do, never done anything like this before so I am a complete noob, all feedback welcome though :)

Strong start! c: If you need help with anything lore related, there a couple of Lore Masters that would definitely be able to help you. Look for the pink names on the staff list and send them a private message or talk to them in TS! 

There are also a couple of us community members who like writing our own lore and would probably be willing to help you out with any questions! 

Nice one Kattica, wow everyone is so welcoming already, very happy indeed!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pussy    312

Nice one Kattica, wow everyone is so welcoming already, very happy indeed!

Starting out as "fresh meat" in a big community can be a little intimidating. We've all been there! Glad you're having a good experience so far!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×