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Autumn

The Diary of Naomi Briel

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Autumn    121

A weatherworn, dusty Journal, still thick with countless entries. found at an abandoned UN Peacekeeper encampment underneath a cot that had been tipped over and ransacked presumably for supplies. There is Red embroided personalized lettering that was coming out of the leather. It reads, 

Naomi Volkov

The first page, littered with scribbles, drawings, doodles, random thoughts reads in bold red text

To my lovely daughter, whom I love (Forsook) with my heart and soul.

May your thoughts always be safe in here.

-Love

Papa

__________

September 15th 2008

Now is a good time more than ever to start to write down my thoughts with how torn apart my family is. My mother says that we are leaving Chernarus tomorrow to Switzerland. Though I've never been my mother said that it is much better than here. I've grown to believe this, but I have a feeling my dad is not coming with us. He's grown accustomed to the ChDkS way of thinking, of living. What were once arguments about bills and being able to pay them have grown into disagreements over political bounds and ideas. It... scares me, he's changed into a man I hardly recognize at this rate. 

I don't think my mom and dad love eachother anymore.

But... Did they ever?

Regardless... I'm going to have to leave that truck I finally got working... 

I want to hope this isn't true, that it's impulsive.

Not real.

__________

September 16th 2008

My mother was not kidding when she said we were leaving. Passed a demonstration on our way to the International Airfield today, the police were... well out in force to say the least. We passed at least half-a-dozen checkpoints on the way up North, most were pre-emptively dressed in Riot gear, facemasks, shields, bats... It's... 

My mother was right.

Maybe I'll come back someday when it's safe.

__________

September 16th 2008 (Night, Layover, Budapest, Hungary)

My mother translated the news to me, being able to understand the language the man was speaking on the Tele. Chernarus riots made headlines on an international scale, I suppose my mother was right. But at the same time I hope my father is okay... Even if he didn't care much for us like my mom told me...

But my mother is right...

I'm going to ask her to teach me that language, it'll be valuable. She told me the people where we are going speak it.

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Autumn    121

Several of the next pages are torn out or so badly faded that they are not legible.

________

September, 30th, 2008

Started schooling. Personally, I've never been through such a drastic change in environment as I have now. I suppose in comparison to the current state of Chernarus, Zurich is much more calm and less hostile. I am, after all, partial to dying in crowds.

________

October, 13th, 2008

I can now say that I have been in a fight. Whether I won is truly up for debate. We both walked away bloody and in pain so... Regardless, my mother wasn't happy with that. Said that 'I shouldn't be a woman of war' that 'They only know blood and battle and valor'. What a joke, truly. The thrill of the fight is unmatched by anything. Though I suppose I've yet to be knocked on my ass to know any different.

Regardless, I'm figuring out what I should ask for for my 16th birthday. A small moterbike? No, to simple, perhaps. Something I can fix, something I can set my mind to and get working. It'd help me forget about the war back home, help me forget about dad, help silence my mother's bitching.

A junker would be nice, I'll ride my bike to the junkyard after school in the morrow, see what I can find.

________

October, 17th, 2008

ChDKS, that's all my mother focuses on now. That group my deadbeat father decided to join and invest his life into. As painful as it was to let him go it was for the best. He'd turned into a damned savage, I've seen what they've done, the News does a poor job to hide it. 'Fighting for a Free Chernarus'. They could give a shit about a free Chernarus. All propaganda, all lies.

I'm sick of it, sick of hearing about it. But that's all she fucking talks about. All she talks about.

It's maddening, mother shut up. MOTHER SHUT UP!

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Autumn    121

November 1st, 2008

I'm 16... Whoopie... Hardly a friend to celebrate my milestone with... I'm alone, well I have my mother. But all she does is talk about Chernarus... I just want things to be normal? Too much to ask? Why? Honestly... Nevermind. With money as tight as it was this year... I didn't get anything. But I'm of legal age to work so commencing job hunting would be valuable. I suppose I could be of assistance at a mechanic's shop. That is if they are hiring, which most are not thanks to the sudden downturn in the economy.

I just want to be normal, accepted, not ostracized... 

Fuck this place, fuck the Chedaki, fuck my dad, fuck everything.

________

November 5th, 2008

Twelve applications out, I want to say I'm hopeful for all of them... But I really am only hopeful for one. Asked if I could show him my skill firsthand and he allowed me to change a tire on one of the cars. It was easy, damn near trivial. Then came replacing brake pads, a bit more difficult. But still easy. But the rest, he taught me a few things I didn't know. Bout the way things worked, how every single piece had to work in harmony for a car to start. Made me think of that pick-up back home. Bout what I did to get that rust bucket running. Tinkering, but skill will have to take the place of tinkering unless I plan to spend two years tinkering with every car. This is a learning experience.

I wonder if asking for a part-time job was too much.

Maybe it was. I did offer to work for bare minimum pay though.

________

November 7th, 2008

Landed the job, I only work one day a week though. As that is all he could afford to bring me on for. Regardless, I couldn't be more ecstatic. My mother... She could give a shit, seems to have taken a liking to drinking more often. What used to be a glass of wine has turned into bottles a night. It's... Why? What's causing her to drink? That scum who she left in Chernarus? Really? Hopefully he's dead for all I could give a shit. Not my damn father anymore, not my damn problem.

Start work tomorrow, it'll keep me busy after school.

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Guest CUDA   
Guest CUDA

Cool stuff. Would be very interesting for our characters to meet that is for sure. :)

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Autumn    121

November 8th, 2008

I have never been so tired, yet so happy. In this day I actually met someone who I can get along with. Her name is Mia, very nice girl too, sat with me at lunch and we talked about general things, like futures, likes, things like that. After that! I got to go to work and learn even more. I'd go change a tire or two, rotate them so that they'd wear at a decreased rate and occasionally have to replace them alltogether. When I wasn't doing that I was always next to Mari, learning what I could from the space I was given beside him. He'd point out things, ask for certain tools and I'd have to find them... The man is a genius.

My mother however seemed... disinterested when I told her. I'm... worried of her.

________

November 11th, 2008

Gotten accustomed to introducing myself with my mother's maiden name. Briel. Seems only right as I don't have a father anymore. Besides, I always looked like my mother anyway. Also Mari paid me today, 50 Euros and showed me how to take out the radiator of a car and fix any leaks that were coming through, Off the clock of course. 

I also started saving money to buy an old clunker in the future.

Also going out with Mia tomorrow. She said something about shopping? Maybe I'll ask mother for money. She hardly even knows I have a job anyway.

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Autumn    121

Many more of the pages are ripped out, clearly out of frustration. Perhaps the author no longer wished to read these words Fragments of pages remain. The edges near the seem read

Bitch

Mia

Betra-

Mother

I am

________

December 24th, 2008

Christmas, religion was never a large thing in my family... But any excuse to get my mother to be lively again is something I will take.  I've also started hiding her liqour and wine. Keeping her sober might actually do some good for once. She's never been like this... Regardless, I bought presents for her, clothing that Mia helped me pick out and a nice necklace.

I hope she likes it.

I hope she changes soon.

I hope... for alot of things.

________

December 30th, 2008

I never knew my mother to be a violent woman, never knew her to raise a hand in anger at anyone. She prided herself on that, on that promise that she'd never hurt another human being. Well today she broke that promise, she hit me. Will I say I didn't deserve it? Hard for me to say otherwise... But in three months my mother has changed... Part of her never left Chernarus... And she filled that part right back up with anger, spite and hatred.

I feel the same way.

Spite poisons my words when I speak of my father.

Hatred stings my tortured soul as I w-...

No, no no no... I can't nope. I need to get a grip... I need to figure out my life...

My thoughts are festering every time I write in here... "Safe" but festering, rotting all the while...

I'm going to fix my life, without the help of this... I'll pick this up again when I don't feel like ripping someone limb from limb.

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Chief    597

This Diary is a great addition to dayzrp and I hope you know I really enjoyed reading every page piecing together the story. Keep up the good work :)

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Autumn    121

Februrary 10th, 2009

It's been awhile since I picked you up my old friend... But that is exactly what you are at this point. An old friend that logs all my dirty, nasty, pshychotic and irrational secrets. But nonetheless, I've done my best to keep it rather... toned down in case someone I don't want to find this in fact does. 

Since December, things have changed. I feel so much more different than I did, like I'm growing up and actually have my shit together. I've gotten more hours working for Mari and hence have made more money working for him. Not only that I've compounded my knowledge about cars almost tenfold. More than I ever could from a textbook or anything of the sort. Learned to avoid my mother as well. A valuable skill that I've acquired is the ability to get the hell out of sight. But with that learning German from her screeched to a halt. Since then... I decided to teach myself. After all it is a valuable language here. I've also joined a gym... Just to shave off a few more Kilos before Summer rolls around and for more... Well dating reasons. 

The fuck am I saying... I... Well I wish to look more physically appealing for... well...

Mia.

I can't believe it but I've... fallen in lust or love for my best friend. I do need to think about what I'm saying or well... If I'm even going to tell her if I...

A poem is written here, but is blacked out and scribbled beyond anything one could read.

_______

February 11th, 2009

Well... Still feel the same as I did last night. So it's an ongoing feeling... Maybe it isn't just simple lust... Maybe I'm thinking up things... Maybe this, maybe that. Blah blah blah... This entry I honestly feel like I'm regurgitating on a page like one of the essays I have to do for my class at school. Regurgitating information... Relevant but obvious and hardly without reason or heart.

Maybe I should just tell her? She's my friend right? Bring flowers or something? Make a little show out of it?

What is the worst that could happen?

She's my friend, my best friend, and if anything she'll understand.

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Guest salrom2324   
Guest salrom2324

Keep up the good work, this is a character that I want to hear more about, great work

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DarkSide    229

10/10 would really read again :D

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Autumn    121

Feburary 14th, 2009

Valentine's Day, could I say it was a sucessful one... In short yes. I managed to snag a dozen flowers for my mother and for Mia before I got home. Set them in a vase while I got ready to bike to her house. It was a glorious day, though my mother seemed a tad bit more sour than most days. Now all she does it sit in front of the TV watching the news... I w... Fuck it this isn't about her! No today was... IS about me.

So I got dressed, nice, pressed, cleaned, check shirt, An old, but my favorite army jacket, nice jeans, and made my way to her house. Sure it was freezing, had to be just above 3 degrees Celsius. Nonetheless, I pressed on with flowers in my hand. It's... difficult to say what I was feeling as I walked up to her door. My legs quivered not only from the cold, but from anxiety. My stomach churned with... a feeling, indescribable and every language. When she opened the door, I froze, stunned by how she looked in that moment. Felt like my heart was fluttering.

I... handed her the flowers, and she asked who they were from? Some boy? I responded with... No. They are from me. 

I poured my heart out to her, explained how I felt, everything deep down and I don't think she could have been even a tad bit more embarrassed. I was, I felt stupid, defenseless.

She said... I'll get back to you on that... I need to process this...

How do I take that?

How do I... 

God I feel so stupid...

Should have just not... Fucking.

Fuck.

________

February 16th, 2009

To my surprise. Mia visited me at Mari's shop today and we talked about us... About feelings and that. Used up the entire lunch I was supposed to be taking but... we agreed that maybe trying something couldn't hurt. Making a pact that if at any point things got too... 'steep' we would just be friends and put feelings aside. That is after all what we treasured.

Then... She kissed me, oddly enough, I thought my first kiss would go a bit differently. I certaintly didn't see myself covered in grease and oil and stinking of gasoline. But she didn't care... She accepted me.

Oddly enough that's all I ever wanted.

To feel wanted.

To feel accepted.

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Autumn    121

Feburary 24th, 2009

Is it... odd for me to say that I am... actually happy? With myself? With how things are going? Steady flow of income, girlfriend, school isn't kicking my ass and I'm healthy! I've started lifting weights alongside my running. I was actually going to ask if Mia would start going with me. But she's so focused on school at the moment it'll probably fall on deaf ears. 

Regardless...

Life is.

Good.

_______

March 7th, 2009

Mari seems troubled with how little business we've been getting lately. The economy is still in the shitter and just now it's starting to affect him an immense amount. This is the first time he's actually sent me home early because he can't afford to pay me and have no business. I completely understand his reasoning behind that. I'd rather him still be open than him pay me the maximum amount of money and have me bleed him dry. 

I'm also debating on whether or not to bring Mia over to meet my mother. With how she's been, I don't really think she would care... Come to think of it, she seems to be looking at the rest of the world as if it is dead to her. 

Regardless, things are going well.

But for every good time in this world there are badtimes.

At least that is what I've noticed.

_______

The next few pages are ripped out or too terribly damaged to read coherently. Even the legible words were too far apart to put together a coherent thought from them.

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Autumn    121

April 3rd, 2009

Today as I received my last paycheck from Mari, remarkably more sizable than I would have thought. I questioned it but he told me it wasn't a mistake. That it was on purpose and that he wanted me to have a good life... Wanted me to be successful. But it seems that this... downturn really is taking everyone with them. Mari had to close shop today, out of business, for good. Said he'd lost his ass on it and said he'd have better luck elsewhere. He... he's selling one of his projects. A classic '67 Ford Mustang fastback... Imported, obviously, but the payout for restoring it would be... Massive. 

Sadly, the dream of seeing that gorgeous babe run will never come true. He said that he's going to have to sell it, along with the shop, tools, jacks, equipment. Even then he said it might not be enough to break even. 

It's a terrible thing to see someone's dream be crushed. To have that turned from them.

He smiled at me before I left... but I knew...

It broke him.

_______

April 5th, 2009

Word spread fast, too fast... And when the words came it... It hit like a ton of bricks. Mari killed himself last night. 

I... don't even know... what to think about that...

I don't know what... to say...

He's just...

Gone.

I miss him already...

_______

April 8th, 2009

I attended the service, sent him off on his way. It was respectful, for the best and... It gave me some closure... I've never been a religious woman... never really thought much of it... But I want to believe there is something after this... for him, even just for him. Mari was a great man... He gave me that chance I needed, that break, that knowledge.

I'm going to miss you Mari...

I hope you found a better place...

I hope you found peace.

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Autumn    121

April 21st, 2009

The school year is coming to a close, I'm happy about that... But I've grown so idle without a job... No shop is hiring, no nothing is hiring. I mean I do have plenty of Euros sealed away... I really, really want to buy an old junker and parts soon. Maybe... No I should just leave Mari's wife alone... She's suffered plenty and is still mourning. Bothering her about getting parts for a car would be distasteful.

I need... Something to do besides hanging around at Mia's house. She knows I don't like being in one place for long. I like to get up, to go, to do things. But without money that's... Well it's damn near impossible... Just like finding a job.

It's a viscous world.

It is...

_______

April 22nd, 2009

Maybe I'll join the military.

I love how even as I think about this the Chedaki remnants of Chernarus are being driven back. Things are going oddly as I thought they would. That this would only be a phase, a year and things would proceed to go back to normal. Though, I don't think my mother has any desire to go to back to Chernarus. She doesn't have desire to do anything besides sit on her drunk ass and wallow like a bitch.

I shouldn't speak that way about my mother.

Fuck it though I'm considering joining the military.

I mean why not? Not like I can afford schooling after I've graduated...

Might as well do something with my life.

After all I do not want to end up like my mother.

Nor my father.

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Chow    45

Took me a while, but wow, a good read. Keep it up!

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Autumn    121

Took me a while, but wow, a good read. Keep it up!

I really am glad for your feedback and everyone else's on this thread! I assure you more is to come!

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Autumn    121

Many of the next diary entries are missing, torn out cleanly, hinting at it being a conscious thought rather than an impulsive action. Seemingly to create a blank slate for the next year almost. Though one page remains, tucked back in the weatherworn diary before the next wholesome entry.

_______

November 1st, 2009

17 years old. I can't believe I get to say that, a year closer to freedom, true freedom. I'll finally be out from under the thumb of my mother and her bitchy tyrannical rule. It's not wrong to long for freedom, it's not wrong to want and yearn for something you don't have. I spent maybe about an hour at my house this morning and instead went to spend my birthday with Mia. Bought me a necklace... oddly enough. It was a cross, adorned with silver and wooden beads and... It was a nice thought, despite the fact that I don't believe in a God. She knows I don't, but it's an extension of what she believes, what her family believes... Hell her family even knows about us and they don't care. 

That's what a family should be.

That's how things should be.

That's how I want to be.

_______

November 2nd, 2009

I've never been thrown out of my house until today. It's a scary thing to have to break back into your house to grab a coat, schooling materials, this diary and things I need. 

Mia is letting me stay over, course her parents are making us sleep in separate rooms. I wouldn't expect anything less from them regardless. But they understand my current situation, they understand what's going on. 

They told me I always have a home there, always could come and stay if need be.

They are good people. More a family than I could ever have.

I also told Mia about my thoughts about joining the military. While she'd gotten the opportunity to go to university in the United States after the following school year. I don't know why she'd want to, to be honest. But she didn't expect me to come with her. But it was something we discussed together.

We actually discussed perhaps breaking it off. But in reality we decided against it, that maybe this long-distance 'relationship' thing could in fact work out. She'd be back for every holiday, so I'll see her then...

It's useless to talk about the future.

Right now I need to worry about today.

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Autumn    121

December 24th, 2009

What can I say. This is the first Christmas in a long time that I have spent with an actual family. But at this rate I'm beginning to call them my own. Mia's mom and dad seem to like me and she assures me so when they are not around. I just... It's so nice not to be alone, to be able to go somewhere after a long day at school where you are actually wanted.

This is my home.

The home I always wanted.

I love it here.

_______

 

December 25th, 2009

I never thought I'd... I got a present, didn't matter that times were tough. Mia's family actually thought about me in this time and... I'm touched. A pure silver... Dove necklace... How did they e...

Mia, had to be her. I'll have to thank her, somehow, sometime.

I have to thank them all...

But Mia first.

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