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I Am Glad To Be Alive

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(take your time when reading. Please do not rush)


Quentin Spurlok - 3/22/2015 - Midnight

I hear the crickets chirp and the wind blow whilst I write this. It's been a whole year since all of this started.. Since the first infected awoke.. I am no longer a child.. I wish papa could see me now.. I remember going up to that bunker and hiding.. while others were dying.. bleeding.. screaming.. suffering...

when we headed down to Svet, I acted brave for papa.. showed him that I am more than a child. that I have to be more than a child in this new world. but.. I was lying..

I was scared..

when I was little, papa always called me his "Little Soldier". I always felt proud when he called me that but I despise the term now. Because a "little soldier" couldn't get the job done. A "little solder" would've cried at the sight of death. I am not a soldier. Soldiers follow orders to protect and serve. I defend and take. I survive...

In Svet we were robbed. All of my tools for survival were no longer mine.. my gun.. I headed west. I thought that I would find my salvation. but west.. was my damnation..

I have killed. I have seen men plead for mercy and bleed by my hand. And I do not regret it. "I have to live" I tell myself "I need to live". My actions are those that keep me going. I want this world to be a place where hate, anger, violence, and terror stop. I want to be able to eat meals in the morning and step out into the sun with all of the people.. people..

But if I try to step out into the sun surrounded by people they don't look at me. they look at what I have. they look at what they can take to make them stronger.. and I do the same back. I fight. I kill. I only wish papa could see his "little soldier" now. He is still out there.. leading people.. papa is.. or was.. a leader. people looked towards him for guidance because they didn't know where else to turn and he gave them hope.. I scare and make people look back at what they've done. But the only thing they did wrong.. was try to survive..

I wish I could take it all back. I have a gun and I could end it.. but ending it would be selfish.. I need to fight.. I know I can.. People would kill to still be alive.. I think that's why.. why I am..

Entry #1.. Quentin Spurlok

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