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ThePwnmeister

Is this too much?

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Hi guys! First off, I would like to say that I very much love this community. That being said, I believe I may have put too much work and overdid my background story -- in turn making it boring and cliche for anyone to read. I tried to be a little detailed with the story but not too much. I'm not by any means a good writer and I've accepted that. I would like some feedback from the community about my background story. Any feedback is accepted, please don't hold back. Constructive criticism is great and I believe it would help me a lot! I would love to get whitelisted so that way if I do get my application rejected, I know what I did wrong and I can fix it according to everyone's feedback. So please give me your honest opinion about the background story and thank you in advance for taking the time to read and respond!!!

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What you are about to read are a few excerpts from a small biography written by Joseph Anderson's friend during the apocalypse. Anderson told his life story to his only friend Todd Matthews who used to be a journalist before the outbreak. When Todd was 3/4 of the way finished with his biography, Joseph was kidnapped silently by a group of bandits during one of the nights they spend together in the heart of the Black Forest. Each excerpt is separated by 5 asterisks.

*****After his rough life living in Central Pennsylvania with his abusive foster parents, young Anderson fled from his house on his 18th birthday to his old friend's house in Northern West Virginia. There, he completed the rest of his high school education.

He wasn't sure what to do after high school, but there weren't many options. I mean, the kid has practically a new life. He doesn't really have any friends but the one he lives with. He's poor as hell with his minimum wage job he recently earned at the local Weis and he's barely paying the cheap rent his friend's parents wanted from him. Joe was starting to think that running away maybe wasn't the brightest idea. At least he had money living with his parents; he obviously didn't have to pay rent there. It was too late to go back, though. He didn't want to go back. He couldn't go back. Joe knew he was in some deep financial shit, and he had to find a way to trod through it.

As he lay awake stressed out of his mind in the guest room at about 6:00am (which was pretty damn early for him), he finally saw it. His future was right in front of him. He hadn't spared a thought about it before, but Joseph Anderson, now age 19, decided what he would do for the rest of his life, then and there. Taking in account for his love and curiosity for electronics and radio devices, he decided what he was about to do was the most logical decision to make regarding the financial crisis he was currently a part of. That afternoon, he enlisted for the United States Army. *****

(Please note that between these excerpts, a lot of time has passed. Joseph is now age 25 and is a Telecommunications Operator - Maintainer, Staff Sergeant. What you are about to read ties in with the Standalone Lore.)

*****On Anderson's 25th birthday was when the real shit began. It was sometime in October - I can't remember when - he was sent home for half a month to visit with his family. Well, Joe's only family was the family he had in the Army (besides the family he hated back home), so they planned to all get sent home at the same time and get together outside of the war. They planned to fly to Chernarus and stay there for two weeks before heading back home, sort of like a vacation. Except we all know this vacation wasn't much of a vacation. I'll skip all the dramatic shit and head right to the point, you all know what happened.

It was the week of the beginning of the outbreak. You know the gist of it, mass confusion, people having this rabies-like disease, the whole 9 yards. The infection got to one of his two friends, "Wall", they called him (he never told me his real name). He was supposedly this invincible being who can charge through the enemy's line and mow down everyone in sight. They never expected this behemoth to catch the disease.

Joe and "Luck" (again, he never told me this guy's real name either) took extensive care of Wall and tried to nurture him to better health. He always said it was weird to see the toughest man he knew in such a vegetative state. They nurtured and fed him every day for the rest of the month (which was only a few days), but as a result no progress was ever made. He looked like he got worse every day.

Luck was trying to feed Wall again for the umpteenth day in a row, when out of the blue, Wall showed a sign of life. He reached his arm out and scratched Luck in the neck. This wasn't any pussy scratch either, it was deep. Luck drew blood, and a lot of it. *****

(As you can assume, Wall and Luck eventually turned. The next excerpt describes the events following the turning of Wall and Luck - roughly one week afterwards - where looting, rioting, and killing is first taking place)

*****They were Joe's only family, and now they were gone forever. He raised the revolver to his head and pulled the trigger. The sound of a loud click confused him. To Joe's surprise, he had used his last two bullets on his old comrades. He looked at the gun and dropped it on the ground, sobbing.

This gave Joseph time to rethink everything he's done. He's never really had a moment of grace like this before. I could go all day describing how Joe felt after his silent period, but the gist of it was, he had found a new meaning to his life. His mindset changed fast. Everything was like a game to him now. It was survival of the fittest, and Joe knew that he was definitely the fittest. It was time for Joseph to start his actual life adventure.*****

(The next few excerpts of the biography describe Joseph's long journey in Chernarus and how he found Todd. The remaining excerpts are Joseph and Todd's adventures together in Chernarus and their mission to survive. The biography still remains unfinished today. The rest is open to interpretation.)

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Mortico    1

It's the not story that matters, they look for good RP in the stories

But yeah its great, my story was about a guy who was born on an island, when i burned down he rowed a boat to chernarus, where he hit some helpful guy with an axe then ate him... so yeah i don't think they look for a good plot, more so the Roleplay aspect

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Brad    155

Good stuff man, making a character backstory that you can believe and have creativity with is the key. A character that springs to life from the text you right to the game.

Good luck with this, hope to catch you in game soon!

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It's the not story that matters, they look for good RP in the stories

But yeah its great, my story was about a guy who was born on an island, when i burned down he rowed a boat to chernarus, where he hit some helpful guy with an axe then ate him... so yeah i don't think they look for a good plot, more so the Roleplay aspect

I see what you mean. Well with that being said, does it sound like a decent roleplaying situation or is it leaned toward the plot more? Thanks for the feedback btw (:

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Mortico    1

It's the not story that matters, they look for good RP in the stories

But yeah its great, my story was about a guy who was born on an island, when i burned down he rowed a boat to chernarus, where he hit some helpful guy with an axe then ate him... so yeah i don't think they look for a good plot, more so the Roleplay aspect

I see what you mean. Well with that being said, does it sound like a decent roleplaying situation or is it leaned toward the plot more? Thanks for the feedback btw (:

its all great, good luck

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