Jump to content
Server time: 2017-08-24, 01:16

Sign in to follow this  
scornofhell

Character Idea / background ( criticism welcomed. )

Recommended Posts

scornofhell    0

~Background update~

Gavriila Esfir, most who knew her called her Gavi, When she was Eighteen she joined the military as a military sniper, once her four years were up she joined her hometown Turovo's police force, naturally they gave her position, in the sniper unit for hostage situations and such, she was a pretty good at it. she had made a lot of arrests and caught a lot of bad people, even put some down. however there was a turning point in her life that changed everything. she tried to stop this event but it was like a tidal wave. the day the world went to hell.

When the infection hit the police tried their best to maintain order and try to keep the infection from spreading but it was impossible, so in order to protect her own family, she went home only to find them dead. she had to put them back down, because the infection did something to the bodies making them able to move after death. after that she took supplies and made out for the forest. it changed her completely. once she reached the forest she used her training to stay hidden, avoiding people and the undead for as long as possible until she finally decided she needed human contact, so she headed out in order to hopefully find companions to survive the oncoming days of the apocalypse.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ammo trader    0

When the infection hit the police tried their best to maintain order and try to keep the infection from spreading but it was impossible, so in order to protect her own family, she went home only to find her dead.

ok I hope you dont take offense to this, but that is a dangling participle and needs to be reworded and made into two sentences.

Other than that i saw no major problems. i to expand on it easily I would suggest reading the lore and make it a guideline on your characters background and what she did during the beginning of the outbreak. This can impact facts about your character like what city was she a police officer; if she was in Myshkino she would have been aware of what was going on since day one and would have taking part in quelling the riots, or if she was a chernogorsk cop she would start to have a big role during the battle of cherno. Finally you can go on about what happened as she joined the mass evacuation from city to city.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

Its a nice backstory for your character, but....

The question you should ask yourself is what happened that made the character have that "turning point" that she attempted to stop. That alone has the possibility to make your backstory even greater. I'd recommend putting thought in to what that was that made the character change and always remember that so in the future you can use that IG.

If you already know, please share!

Nobody has great RP without a great backstory, so do your best! It's your character after all, so it's the person you'll be playing. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Basoon    15

Since you said it is welcome I will give some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.

First, your foundation for the story is good, but it could be written a bit better. The last sentence of the first paragraph doesn't really fit. It is like this big intro to the story and then tagged on as if an afterthought "she had a wife".

Maybe put that as the first sentence in a whole new paragraph, one where you explain how she met her wife, her name, go into detail about her family life, about her childhood and her experience growing up.

Tell how she got to Cherno. Tell the story of the journey she has already lived after the infection.

It changed her completely.

Tell us how. "It changed her completely, she once would uphold the law but now saw no point. This new world that threatened her life every day had no law, no code, no reason to fight for the people left in it."

Something like that, talk about the change, give your character emotions and depth.

This is a great start, can't wait to see what you do with it. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
scornofhell    0

~Background update~

Gavriila Esfir, most who knew her called her Gavi, When she was Eighteen she joined the military as a military sniper, once her four years were up she joined her hometown Turovo's police force, naturally they gave her position, in the sniper unit for hostage situations and such, she was a pretty good at it. she had made a lot of arrests and caught a lot of bad people, even put some down. however there was a turning point in her life that changed everything. she tried to stop this event but it was like a tidal wave. the day the world went to hell.

When the infection hit the police tried their best to maintain order and try to keep the infection from spreading but it was impossible, so in order to protect her own family, she went home only to find them dead. she had to put them back down, because the infection did something to the bodies making them able to move after death. after that she took supplies and made out for the forest. it changed her completely. once she reached the forest she used her training to stay hidden, avoiding people and the undead for as long as possible until she finally decided she needed human contact, so she headed out in order to hopefully find companions to survive the oncoming days of the apocalypse.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest lonewolf27   
Guest lonewolf27

This is a heck of a good story compared to mine xD Really nice hope to see you in Chernarus!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×