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Giggle Thread

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  • MVP

Might as well create more threads to waste time during the day!

Post any decent jokes you may have found here:



One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota , a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first ting ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!"

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Guest Alpha


Here I'll contribute. It's not as good as Sumos', but still pretty funny

Me and my girlfriend had prepared ourselves to leave for a new years eve party last year. We left a small light turned on, we left the answering system on, covered the cage of the parrot with a towel and we let the cat outside. We called a cab and as soon as it arrived we went outside.

As soon as we left the house, the cat ran back inside. We didn't want her inside because she might harm the parrot, so my girlfriend decided to wait in the back of the taxi while I went back inside the house to find the cat. The cat rushed upstairs and I started to pursue her. My girlfriend who was still sitting in the cab, didn't want the taxi driver to know that the house was going to be empty tonight so she told the driver: "He's going inside to wish his mother a good night, he'll be back shortly."

A few minutes later I was sat in the taxi and said:

"I'm sorry it took me so long." I said. "but this little bitch hid herself under the bed. I had to poke her with a stick to get her away from there. She wanted to run again but I managed to grab her by the scruff. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to prevent her from scratching me! But I did it, I managed to get her and her large body downstairs and threw her in the backyard. Now let's just hope she wont shit on the crops again tonight."

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  • Emerald

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians.

While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses.

So she asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress, his reply was:

"Me only have one woman. One woman ... one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking she asked another brave.

This brave had two feathers in his headdress and he replied:

"Me have two women. Two women ... two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved, she decided to interview the Chief.

Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers. Which, needless to say amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief:

"Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"

The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said:

"Me Chief, me fuck'em all. Big, small, fat and tall, me fuck'em all."

Horrified, Ms. Walters stated:

"You ought to be hung."

The Chief said:

"You damn right me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake."

Ms. Walters cried,

"You don't have to be so hostile."

The Chief replied:

"Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style...me fuck'em all."

With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried:

"Oh dear."

The Chief said:

"No deer. Ass too high, run too fast."

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  • MVP

A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"

And another:

Three nuns are sitting on a park bench. Then a man comes up and exposes himself to them. Two of them have a stroke. But the third one couldn't reach.

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  • Emerald

That vid made my day.

On his last day on the job, a mailman is greeted by a young housewife who invites him in for breakfast.

After the feast she leads him to the bedroom for an extensive sexual romp.

Afterward she gives him two dollars.

“Jeez,” says the mailman, “this is great, but what’s with the two dollars?”

“Well,” she replies, “since you’re retiring, I asked my husband what we should do for you. He said, ‘Fuck him—give him a couple of bucks.’ Breakfast was my idea.”

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  • Emerald

Think we can relax regarding North Koreas missiles


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  • Emerald

Are dirty (including sexually theme) jokes allowed?

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Emerald

Graphic as in no sexuall pictures? Offcourse.

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  • Emerald

Aight, a cucumber, a pickles and a dick are sitting in a bar and complaining about how their lives sucks.

The cucumber starts:

"My life sucks cause when i get big and hard im getting chopped up and served in a sallad."

The pickles continues:

"My life sucks even more, when i get big and hard, im getting chopped up and served on a hamburger. That my friends is hot like hell."

The dick finishes:

"My life sucks most cause when im getting big and hard they first puts a plastic bag over my head so i can not breathe, then they places me in adark room where they rams my head against a wall until i throws up and faints."

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