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Marketh Kraft ( feed back please)


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My name is Marketh Kraft, I am a twenty-four year old adult white male weighing in at 150 lbs. Born in Branson Missouri i finished schooling and shortly after i was convinced

to study abroad in Russia for an internship in Business management. While there i learned skills in leadership, accounting and other business leading me to join a business in Russia before the shit

storm happened. Being the one with little gun training i used my skills i learned in school to trade gun lessons for putting my neck on the line for negotiations. After successful agreements i grew in the group

and no am the one called out to deal with new survivors. My rules include; Help where help is needed as long as service to the group is received, recruit any i can to the community, and to get whatever i can to

benefit the group.

( i am planning to sit down and add more detail and what not but would appreciate feed back to point me in possible paths. thank you in advance)

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This is a great start to a character that sounds like he will be a lot of fun to RP...it just needs some padding to fill it out.

I am a twenty-four year old adult white male weighing in at 150 lbs."

Can use some elaboration, these are all facts, lets hear some details about those facts. Single child? Stable home? Strict demeanor, complex, cocky. Just some fluff to flesh out your guy and give him some personality.

shortly after i was convinced to study abroad in Russia

Who convinced you? Your school, your family or friend? Convinced himself as he saw it as an opportunity? Did you stay on campus, with a friend of the family, or rented and had to figure everything out himself?

While there i learned skills in leadership, accounting and other business leading me to join a business in Russia before the shit storm happened.

What do you mean here? The sentence is fragmented.

"and other business courses, leading"

"and other business applications, leading"

"and other business related areas that were shady business practices, leading", etc.

Being the one with little gun training i used my skills i learned in school to trade gun lessons for putting my neck on the line for negotiations.

Totally flesh this out as it sounds exciting. Who did you fall in with? Business acquaintances? Former students? Random people? Who did you negotiate with? Some great detail here will go a long way as it is already interesting!

After successful agreements i grew in the group and now am the one called out to deal with new survivors.

Did your group also grow with you? Is your group nice, shady, arms dealers, survivalists. Give an example or two about a negotiation you had. Maybe one that wasn't going to be successful without you intervening.

My rules include; Help where help is needed as long as service to the group is received, recruit any i can to the community, and to get whatever i can to

benefit the group.

Why did you come up with these rules, show some personal experiences that may have led you to them. Talk a little about your community...but also understand that you probably won't be starting in a group(unless you are then don't read further). You will probably be joining the DayZRP server as a fresh spawn, so you will have to explain what went wrong? How did your group dissolve, or get torn apart. A real good chance to get some action and adventure here...were you betrayed? attacked? scattered and you are on a mission to find them again?etc.

Good luck in making more, this character REALLY REALLY sounds interesting, I am very enthused with the business man approach. Nice job!

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