Heroz_Nick Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hmm don't usually give credit on lore/ stories written by peeps, but this I enjoyed very much, Nice entry, anxious to see more. Link to comment
Vesper Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hmm don't usually give credit on lore/ stories written by peeps, but this I enjoyed very much, Nice entry, anxious to see more. Why, thank you. Hopefully I get around to writing more soon. Link to comment
Guest Roach Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 This is great writing. I enjoyed it a lot and looking forward to the next entry. Link to comment
Sapphire Medvedev Posted January 18, 2015 Sapphire Share Posted January 18, 2015 Just like reading a novel. The pictures really add to the story. Keep up the good work! Link to comment
Captain Panda Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Awesome writing ! Keep it up! -Panda Link to comment
Vesper Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Awesome writing ! Keep it up! -Panda Plan to, thank you! <3 Link to comment
McDugals Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 You stole my beans T-T Why you do dis? Can't wait for the next one! Link to comment
Sapphire Brad Posted January 18, 2015 Sapphire Share Posted January 18, 2015 -snip- Awesome! A very human struggle potrayed in this story. The gravity of the simple act of her getting up and walking away is strong! You stole my beans T-T Why you do dis? Can't wait for the next one! haha now I'm wondering what happens when Damien wakes up. Is it "Autumn's gone! and she's got me beans!" Or "The beans are gone! ...oh and I guess so is Autumn..." Link to comment
McDugals Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 You stole my beans T-T Why you do dis? Can't wait for the next one! haha now I'm wondering what happens when Damien wakes up. Is it "Autumn's gone! and she's got me beans!" Or "The beans are gone! ...oh and I guess so is Autumn..." I am very serious about my beans. Let's just leave it at that. Link to comment
Vesper Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 You stole my beans T-T Why you do dis? Can't wait for the next one! Hey man. A girl's gotta eat! lol Awesome! A very human struggle potrayed in this story. The gravity of the simple act of her getting up and walking away is strong! Thank you very much Link to comment
MVP SatansNightOut Posted January 19, 2015 MVP Share Posted January 19, 2015 Was this the entry you were having trouble with? If so, I can't even tell. Seems like it all flowed really nicely. Your descriptive skills and imagery are fantastic, and the only constructive criticism I have is: I'd like to see more dialogue. Dialogue is the hardest part for me, but seeing how easily you've smithed these words together, I'm curious to see some conversation. Loved it Write more. I'll read more. Link to comment
Vesper Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Was this the entry you were having trouble with? If so, I can't even tell. Seems like it all flowed really nicely. Your descriptive skills and imagery are fantastic, and the only constructive criticism I have is: I'd like to see more dialogue. Dialogue is the hardest part for me, but seeing how easily you've smithed these words together, I'm curious to see some conversation. Loved it Write more. I'll read more. I agree, I love dialogue but having no one to really talk to but herself doesn't make for much conversation. I have ideas for the second and third parts already and I will try and work some dialogue in there. Thank you so much for the kind words and feedback Link to comment
MVP SatansNightOut Posted January 19, 2015 MVP Share Posted January 19, 2015 Was this the entry you were having trouble with? If so, I can't even tell. Seems like it all flowed really nicely. Your descriptive skills and imagery are fantastic, and the only constructive criticism I have is: I'd like to see more dialogue. Dialogue is the hardest part for me, but seeing how easily you've smithed these words together, I'm curious to see some conversation. Loved it Write more. I'll read more. I agree, I love dialogue but having no one to really talk to but herself doesn't make for much conversation. I have ideas for the second and third parts already and I will try and work some dialogue in there. Thank you so much for the kind words and feedback Understandable, of course. I mean, you can have a conversation with yourself, and that's okay, but... if you start responding to yourself, things start to get eerie. The hardest part about dialogue for me is writing other people's characters. Dictating what they'd say, how they'd say it, whether they'd be picking their nose or lighting a cigarette when they do... it's hard, lol. Link to comment
Legend Conor Posted January 19, 2015 Legend Share Posted January 19, 2015 Jesse this is awesome! You are so talented with your writing! I am looking forward to more!! Link to comment
Emerald Jm Von Cat Posted January 19, 2015 Emerald Share Posted January 19, 2015 Well, wow... that's what im going to say, just wow. I cannot realy describe how good this is because words currently fail me... ;-; and that's not a common thing. Link to comment
Guest Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I must say this was fantastic! Can't wait for the next bit Link to comment
citycatred Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Wow….That was really amazing ^.^ Link to comment
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