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Teebag3r - The story of life

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I was a Russian spy on a mission in Chernarus to de-stabilize the government by sponsoring the pro-Russian partisan fighters known as the Chernarussian Movement of the Red Star, (ChDKZ) or Chedaki for short. Their leader “Akula” (Shark in English), had led several successful attacks and had been winning the war for the past few months. After my first two weeks on the ground here I learned of the Akula’s real plan. It was the total destruction of the coastal town of Berezino VIA a small chemical/biological device which would be discharged at the hospital. Their intent was to show the American’s the ChDKZ’s capabilities so they would leave the country. This was a huge mistake and I could not let this happen, not only to save the innocents of Chernarus, but to stop an event which would likely lead to World War III.

After submitting my findings to my higher echelon at KGB, I received orders to stay focused on my mission and not to intervene with the Chedaki plans for Berezino. I had been fooled. It wasn’t a plan made from the Chedaki, or even Akula! HE himself was an install from the motherland! Ex KGB! It was the Kremlin’s plan to unleash this weapon upon the city!

Two days later I stopped receiving transmissions from my contact Evgeni. He was the only one who was on my side with all this. I can only assume he has been silenced by the KGB. Surely the same plans had been arranged for me. I could no longer stay here, nor go back to the motherland. I could not imagine my only option. The USS Khe-Sanh had been sent to the coast of Utes to assist the Chernarussian government and it’s army. The 27th Marine Expeditionary Force was on-board and black op teams had been conducting raids on land for the past few months. I had to get aboard that ship and let them know of Russia’s plans for the ill-fated country.

I contracted a poor fisherman to take me to the Khe-Sanh in the morning. Little did I know an S-GRU team was already on their way to remove me from the picture. I had been hiding in some abandoned apartments in Chernogorsk, laying low. The team worked quickly and efficiently to get to me. As they entered the stairway, they set off a tripwire set to a PMN mine under the first stair. Hearing this I readied my AK and looked towards the window. A flash grenade would be next. With the crashing of the window came the familiar sound of a grenade hitting the floor. The subsequent blast of sound and light confirmed the fact these Spetsnaz were all too predictable. Un-shielding my eyes, and leaving my ear plugs in I opened fire as the first came through the window. Surplus ammunition is steel core, so their body armor would be ineffective. Time for me to leave. I kicked out a floorboard in the bathroom leading to the floor below. From the hallway I dropped down the garbage chute and ended up in the basement. To my surprise, no-one had secured the basement. I armed a jug of 20kg’s of homemade explosives and bolted out the back of the building. The timer was for two minutes. Plenty of time. As I stepped foot out of the building, I was forced into the air and that is the last I remember.


An unknown time later I woke up in a pile of rubble surrounded by psychopaths eating each other. I tried to run north into the forest to hide, gain some energy, and figure out my next move. As I looked back, I could tell that the psychos turned their attention to me and were now running in my direction. I turned my head forward and kept on telling myself "keep going and go faster!".

After about 10 seconds of running I heard a man shouting at me to stop. I must have tripped on a log because the next thing I remember was hitting my head and being face down in the mud, blood dripping from my face. I was knocked out.


I woke up some time later. I knew I wasn't dead because the room was too shitty to be heaven and not shitty enough to be hell. The light was bright as fuck though, and as the blurriness cleared I was met by a figure of a man wielding a hatchet. He spoke in Czech, “Say something!”. I quickly realized that hatchet might be for my head if I didn’t respond correctly. “Já jsem v pořádku!” I shouted, meaning “I am alright”. He dropped the hatchet and offered up a cup of water.

They call him “Zubař” which is Czech for “Dentist”. He was a local veteran who was injured on during the war, and a well-known hero who was seen as a leader and a visionary in Pavlovo, his home town. We shared stories and I’m not sure why I gave up my real identity as I’m not sure if he will trust me now.

Zubař told me much about his life and struggle with the local gangs like the Zeleno Crips, or the Somalian Death Squad. He stated that he was so close to unifying the region of Chernarus, but the local gangs being sponsored by the Russian government hindered any progress.

He stated “the people are inspired to succeed, despite these bandit groups, and with our help they shall prevail”. As the gangs pushed on the people, the people pushed back. They were about to take the back the capital when the outbreak happened.


After the recovery, I found myself partnered up with Zubař and a newly acquired friend “Crasher”. Together we started walking the new world in search of safety, food, and survivors.

Our journey has not been an easy one at that. We had several encounters with friend and foe. From time to time we’ve crossed paths with the S.D.S, every encounter leading into gunfire. The Russian’s have still dedicated S-GRU teams to the area I can see, so we must keep an eye out as they are a dangerous bunch. There are also the Zeleno Crips we are to be mindful of. We have slain a few of their members and surely they will seek revenge.

We are now part of the Cernarus Liberation Front, fighting for the freedom of the region.


You may find it strange. A KGB agent so easily turned? What can I do? My country betrayed me. I have no past and everything I lived for before is something I am fighting against now. Several times I have considered ending things, but I have decided I would rather a bottle of vodka in my mouth than a piece of shit Makarov any day. Plus, I still need to make those bastards in the Kremlin pay for what they have done. Mercy be upon those who get in my way, because I will not be the one who gives it to them.

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  • 1 month later...
  • MVP

Nice piece of writing , I enjoyed it !

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