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Guest Likurja

The Incredible and Fascinating Tales of Bilko Otradovec

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Guest Likurja   
Guest Likurja

As you walk the dark streets of Svetlojarsk you notice a faint light coming from a window on the corner pub, as you approach the building suddenly a zombie jumps out from the shadows and tries to jump on you, you evade his attack and reach for your firearm as fast as you can however before you can pull the trigger the zombie falls dead, the window with the faint light opens and a flashlight is aimed at you, a dark figure behind the light tells you to come in the building and close the door behind you.

When you enter you are greeted with a hell of a surprise....

[mp3]http://puu.sh/cL13z.mp3[/mp3]

^Listen and read along^

Hello, hello, hello, come in, come in my friend this is the Gulag! Number one bar in whole Chernarus and South Zagoria, it is absolutely the best with me Bilko Otradovec, yes, come in.

You want beer, vodka we also got whiskey and there is this... this what my cousin brought from Hungary, its called Firewater or something, I don't know but it tastes like fire. Yes, yes? Exactly... exactly, its horrible... its stronger than Vodka. Whatever. You want Vodka yes? Hold on...

*Bilko searches under the bar counter for a bottle of Vodka and a shot glass*

Here you go! Very good, yes? This glass... its very clean... I make them clean... I clean all this... very good vodka.

Anyway, anyway... you look tired! You want to hear good story, you want to hear good story eh? Of course you want, of course you want!

Neh... there is this one time where it happened, I was sitting in bar you call it bar counter yes... name is... english... oh my god. So! I was just sitting there right? I was serving drinks for... uhm... customers and then Chedaki comes in like "KNOCK, KNOCK Hello!" And then I'm like: Hello! Come in! its okay its okay! I don't care if you Chedaki CDF, NAPA I don't care you all welcome here! And then they like: No, No no no, you give us free vodka or we ramsack place! I'm like: Why you ramsack place? Why you ramsack place? I give you vodka you pay little money you get your vodka, you get as many vodka as want as long as you pay! They like: No no no, we need vodka now or else we boom boom and shit, you know. So, so I tell them like, like you know who the fuck are you fucking with? They like start laughing thinking they tough. So I pull out my double barrel shotgun under the counter ah, and put bullets in three of their heads its fucking amazing I love sho- double barrel shotgun, two shells three down, I'm amazing shoot I'm amazing shoot! I'm like boom boom! Three down! Its very nice, very nice I'm sharpshooter, best sharpshooter even, I don't even know how he calls himself in CDF but very good sharpshooter... he shoots pew, oh god damn it, its really good, really good. But uhm as you can see I'm crack shot so, what do you learn from this?

Don't fuck with me especially not in my barn... bar? Barn? No no no, its bar, its bar you are in my bar or eh... or else yes I shoot! You dead, you collapse, and you haven't drink your vodka DRINK YOUR VODKA GOD DAMN IT!

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Guest Likurja   
Guest Likurja

Vik this is hilarious

Then I did a good job, thank you! :D

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Vector    0

Vik this is hilarious

Then I did a good job, thank you! :D

yes you did mate, I'm glad you went for a comedy approach with this, I like the deep dark stories but this made my day. look forward to the next one

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Guest Likurja   
Guest Likurja

Are you Russian?

If not, respect! Very good accent.

Have laughed gorgeously ...

Thank you.

I'm from Hungary, I already have a bit of an accent when I speak english I just "over do it" and I sound Russian. :P

Thank you by the way and I'm glad I made a smile on your face! :D

Lol, good work on this man. :D

Thank you! :)

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Toska    0

*slowly claps*

Awesome Viktor!

Can't believe you actually managed to write that all down when you told us that yesterday. :D

Can't wait to move into the Pub with the mercs. Hehe. ^^

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Guest Likurja   
Guest Likurja

*slowly claps*

Awesome Viktor!

Can't believe you actually managed to write that all down when you told us that yesterday. :D

Can't wait to move into the Pub with the mercs. Hehe. ^^

Writing?

I just simply recorded for the first time improvising then I wrote it down and refined it :P

Anyway thank you Fox ^^

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Guest Likurja   
Guest Likurja

[mp3]http://puu.sh/cMvZJ.mp3[/mp3]

^Listen and read along^

Aww... good story isn't it? Very good story. You liked it yes? Yes, it is absolutely true! I tell you, I'm best shot in whole Chernarus and it is good thing, it comes handy this days isn't it? How do you like vodak its Kalinka Russian brand its very good in my opinion. Hold on...

*Bilko points at a chair next to the man which is on the ground*

Can you get that chair up next to you? Yeah that one. Thank you my friend!

Anyway... so... eh... I got another good story for you... its a realated to vodka what you drink, its really, really great story. Eh... well I'm not sure if you belive it but if you don't belive it you can prove me wrong, I give you chance to prove me wrong, but listen to me this is very important... I'm IMMUNE TO ALCOHOL! Yes. You know how? My great grandfather catch it from two headed 20cm no, 2m claw bear, 2m like pew... yes. Very very bad, his very fearsome and he has poisonous claws. So, my great grandfather used to be very good hunter, but rumos in village were spreading saying: "Yes, two headed bear is back! Its here to destroy!" So my great grandfather decided to hunt it down put it in throphy, show it whole village and South Zagoria that we can hunt down monsters. So my great grandfather goes around looking for it, but bear comes in abuses him and BOOM, my great grand father shoots his gun but bear's 2m claw scratches his chest. Oh no poison poison! Doctor saves his life thou because good doctor in village, his very good and tells: "Papa, you have something in your blood but we don't know, it is okay you going to live! Yes?" Yes. Very good. So my father wasn't immune to alcohol for some reason even thou he should have been. But me? Yes! It came out on me! I became immune not my father.

Anyway if you want to prove me wrong, it is chance!

*Bilko pulls out two same looking Kalinka bottles seeming unopened and a couple of shot glasses.*

Two bottle Kalinka one for me one for you, shot glass. Yes? Very good.

You can prove me, we can drink and if I fall off chair before you, you win and you prove me wrong and I give you price. What do you say my friend?

*The man gives an unsure nod*

Ahh... very good... I see you on your eyes, you want my free vodka. Okay you get all my free vodka, yes?

You know what let's turn on some music for this come on!

*Bilko hits the start button on the radio next to him on the bar counter*

Alright, here we go lets start this up!

How you say it in english... cheers? Da, lets go!

*Both of them drink then Bilko pours vodka to the man from the man's bottle then he pours "vodka" from his bottle to himself*

Good start isn't it? Good vodka... another one!

*They drink and Bilko pours again the same way*

Very good, this is very good!

You okay there? Okay, more! C'mon!

*They drink and Bilko pours again the same way*

Uhh... yeah... that was a bit hard for me. You okay there?

More yes, c'mon!

*They drink and Bilko pours yet again the same way*

Alright its getting a bit hard now isn't!?

C'mon my friend last one maybe I fall off chair now hehe!

*They drink again*

Ah shit, you okay there? Oh no what are you doing?

Boys! C'mon I turn off music you come down!

*Bilko hits the pause button on his radio*

Managed to get another one! Yes. He fucking belived me. Alright uhm... you know drill, you take all his stuff and put on, hold on...

*He gets up from his chair to open a little box behind one of the tables*

Here you are! Right there... T-shirt, jeans and boots down there. Put him on and then... uhm... well maybe take him down to Chernogorsk, its good place. He should be alright there find stuff for himself, we won't kill he that would be too cruel... If he wakes up on way on taking him to Chernogorsk knock the fuck him out and continue the way. Don't let him get to his mind what is happening. I want him to think he woke up from that because he was stupid. Okay, very good. Take him out then boys, see you around... eh... don't get killed over this fucking bitch.

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Toska    0

And that, kids, is why you wake up on the coast without any memory of what had happened and only with a T-Shirt and a pair of jeans. :)

Great entry Viktor! The music topped it. :D

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Guest Otmel Strangler   
Guest Otmel Strangler

Sorry I glitched out. When I came back in I had respawned! Thanks for some amazing RP, guys. Poor Merlin!

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Guest   
Guest

Great entry Viktor!

Keep it up

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