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Guest Shadow

Regrets Of The Un-dead

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Guest Shadow

//Figure I'd put up a little something for Amin (My B17 character). Would like to throw a big shout out to Vesper, Lord Franklin, Major Tom, Terra and many others who's RP stories I have read at a ridiculously massive length to get some inspiration. I'm trying a new style of writing, so hopefully you all enjoy it :)

"Just go, Jesse.."

That was the last time I saw Jesse.. For a very long time.

I walked away. Looking nowhere but straight ahead. I could hear her small feet behind me, they moved a couple steps forward. I could hear her pain.. A pain we both shared. Part of me screamed at me to tell her why. But a stupid thing called "logic" told me otherwise.. She wouldn't have understood. I did this to save not just her, but the rest of my family as well.

B17. I loved them all. Which is why I endured so much pain for them..

So I deflected her silent tears with my cold shield. And just walked away.. Did I make the right choice? Did I really save them all in the end? I don't know.. Maybe it was just me being a selfish bastard? NO! No!

I sacrificed for them! They didn't know it, for had they known why. They would have put me out of my misery. They would have screamed in fear, they would ran for the hills and never looked at me again. Never even come close to talking distance again. Hell they probably wouldn't even talk to me on the radio.. Not that I will be able to talk for much longer anyway..

For so long I have been alone, searching. Hoping. Downright desperately for a way to stop it. I have tried EVERYTHING!! I even tried cutting pieces of myself away. Nothing worked.

Before I ended his life. The doctor told me with what breath he had left, these drugs should slow the infection. How much? He didn't seem to know. But anything was enough.. I needed to come back. I NEEDED to tell them why.

*Amin glances in the mirror, examining the branded "B17" on his chest*

Even if it costed me.

If only they saw this mark they left on me now. Tell me, what sort of human heals this fast?!

*He rubs the scar furiously*

They cant see it..

I cant let them. Not yet. Not until I finished what I came here to do. I'm not sure how I'll be able to bring it up. Nor am I sure what their reaction will be.. I just hope they can carry out my favour. I mean after all, even if my blood is different to theirs.

We are still family aren't we?

Even if I'm not one of them...

Damn it. I wish things didn't have to be this way!

We could have been one big happy family, living happily in our city. Often I dream of how different our lives could have been if I didn't choose to make things happen the way they did.

So many things would be different..

But now I look at The Block.. At my old friends. My heart bleeds for them although I would never show it. Yet they are happy to show their hate, their complete distain for my existence. The moment I pulled up on the coast in the car, picking up Kevin. My old dear friend.

I received nothing but deafening silence, it was as if a barrage of icicles were launched at my chest from his cold, hard eyes. It was as if the depths of Antarctica washed over me, it was as if I wasn't Amin anymore. And he was not Kevin.

My mouth opened slightly, what little air I still contained in my lungs was far too busy trying to keep me breathing. I tried to talk. I tried to say how sorry I was. I tried to tell him why. I tried to tell him I love him, I tried to tell him he was like my brother. But all I received was silence.

I'm not sure if Kevin or Jesse was worse..

Looking her in the eye.

Was the hardest thing I have done in my entire life..

I was surrounded. She had me at her mercy. Fire in her eyes, shining brighter then the sun. They burned through my flesh, It was like a bullet passing through my chest in slow motion. She wanted to kill me. Every fiber of her being was begging her to do it.

The words

"Kill him"

echoed throughout the room into my empty soul.

I have never felt so tortured in my entire life.

To see those I would call my family..

Hate my very being..

Maybe soon..

Once they know the truth..

Things will change..


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Fantastic Amir! Good to have you back and to see you're starting up your writing again. It's gonna take a lot to get back on Kevins good side, after all you did call us all "nothing but highway bandits".

Still, we'll see how this turns out ;)

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Great job Amir,

The format is good and easy (not to mention interesting) to read. I would suggest a text color to make it even better, but that's the designer in me, haha :P

Other than that, keep it up!

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Great entry as always from you, buddy. I've always loved them from all of your characters. They are easy to follow and interesting to read. I really can't wait for more. I guess I should hold to my end of the bargain and start writing? Sigh. lol.

also +1 for the mention

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Great entry as always from you, buddy. I've always loved them from all of your characters. They are easy to follow and interesting to read. I really can't wait for more. I guess I should hold to my end of the bargain and start writing? Sigh. lol.

also +1 for the mention

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Guest Shadow

I need to go now.

I did it again..

I abandoned them.

My family. My friends. Now once again my enemies..

I tried to save The Block, I tried to stop their descent into chaos. Senseless killing, robbing, torturing anything dark you name it. B17 had no quarry with committing the act, as long as they enjoyed it. They did it.

I went through so much to get back to them, to get a second chance. B17 will always be a part of me, the scars I received from them will forever live on inside of me. Serving as a reminder of what I am capable of. Of what I have done, and why I did it.

I just wanted to fucking tell them the truth!! For once not lie!!! It could have been so easy.. How could they not see the signs?!


I'm a fucking monster!!

Or was I already?

I use to justify the atrocities I committed; "Survival of the fittest" is the way we'd put it. Simplify the pain until it was non-existent. I'll never forgive myself, for the countless people I have robbed and murdered. All without a second glance. All without a moment's hesitation.

I was going to Kevin's room.

When I heard the news.. He blew out his own fucking brains. He couldn't take it, he was always one of the few who still felt something. A shred of emotion was all he had left, but by god that was enough! He was still a human! He still had hope!

If he couldn't make it..

What chance do the rest of us have?

I need to go now. Somewhere dangerous and make it safe.

I know there is a seat in hell with my name on it. My actions are far beyond that of forgiveness, all I can do now is the best I can. To make sure monsters like myself, never EVER do what I have done. For every innocent person murdered, humanity tightens the noose around its own neck. I cant let that happen.

Far too many apologies to make.

Too little time.

But for what it's worth..

I'm sorry.

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