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SweetJoe

Still Breathing

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SweetJoe    390

The seasons are changing again. I always loved this time of year. The smell of decay yielding promises of rebirth to those who survive the coming hardships of winter. Smells and colours insighting poetry in the soul. A last bit of something before the nothingness. The Desolation of winter is coming.

i've been laying here in this tent for hours. My mind has been racing with thoughts and ideas and even fears. I only bring the pen to the paper to try and get some off my mind as ive noone to talk to. I still have friends, people who say they would die for me, as if id ever ask that. I love them all and I hope they make it through these tough times unscathed. I just...wish i had someone I could talk to.

I've seen so many people come and go. Worse still are the unknowns. Not knowing if someone is alive or dead is much worse.

I picked up a gun today and it had Sakos name on it. Even though im aware its a gun manufacturer it still drove up memories,

Fuck it. Time to lay and await my death.

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Lil_Beefy    0

Nice to know the inside thoughts of SweetJoe, definitely something I have always been interested in.

Also, fix that damn coding error!

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Guest Shadow   
Guest Shadow

Will be really interesting to see what happens when Amin and Joe meet again, cant remember the last time we rob *Coughs* uh I mean hung out together.

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Vesper    0

Will be really interesting to see what happens when Amin and Joe meet again, cant remember the last time we rob *Coughs* uh I mean hung out together.

Don't count on it. I want him dead >: (

lol. Good read as always, Joe

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SweetJoe    390

Around every corner awaits death. The wind itself whispers my name. Its coming. The only thing that drives me is bringing supplies to good people I barely know. At times I sit out of sight just listening to them talk. They are good folk. These people deserve to do more than survive, they deserve to thrive. Its dangerous for me to be close to them. While they sleep I leave them supplies. I note what they need and I grab it while im out...each time I go into the city I dont expect to come back, but bringing them what they need drives me forward. Knowing they are doing well gives me the urge to last another day, to drag myself up by the boot straps and go on living, so that they can continue to exist. Funny and sad thing of it is that they dont need me. My efforts only make their lives slightly easier.

Soon ill hear the knock at my door. Death always comes calling.

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SweetJoe    390

I dont know why I am the way I am. Sometimes doing whats right, or what feels right takes me away from the places I should be. I forget everything and just react to the situation at hand. When peoples lives are in danger I just do what I can to help. Thats how i came to be here. Helping people run. I regret that decision every day.

I should of ran to you. I should of held you above all else. There hasnt been a day that has gone by that i havent thought of you. Not knowing where you are or if you are even alive has been tortureing me, I would end it all just to see you again. I'd destroy the world if it meant that i could be next to you even if only for a moment. You are my better half and without you I've felt like an empty shell.

Before you came into my life I had never had to think about the Future, I had never had to think about the past. I had never known a love so great, before you came into my life i had been living without love in my heart. I had done some wicked things, terrible things, and the night we met, everything had changed. My heart swelled and I knew a love for things that i had never known before. Life and living in general became something to be cherished.

I have been traveling without a destination, knowing i can never find you again I have found little reason to have a plan. Before we met I had always thought that i would die alone. You changed that and it felt good, made the future seem like it was something to work towards making a better place. Without you I know I will die alone. I don't remember it feeling this cold inside to know that. Feeling alone, it never had felt so bad, but then again I didnt know any better before you came into my life.

I miss your bright eyes, your warm smile, your reassuring voice.. I dont sleep much anymore, Im tortured in my dreams by an unmentionable scene. To make it all the worse, all those women and children i helped flee the city all drown in the crash. Ill never get the sound of their screams out of my mind. The desperation, the fear, it will haunt me until the day i die.

I am a ghost. I am a shell of a the man I once was. Without you I have not been living, Just biding my time until my demise. I have never believed in suicide, Thats a cowards tool. I am no coward. You always told me I had an issue with asking for help, well now im asking for help. I need you in my life, please darlin, Help me to remember how to live. If you are...If you are with the angels, please come to me and give me a sign, give me the strength i need so i can see you again. If there is a God, and you still are alive somewhere, Please god bring me back to her, I am nothing without my love.

I feel so pathetic sometimes.

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SweetJoe    390

I dont know why I am the way I am. Sometimes doing whats right, or what feels right takes me away from the places I should be. I forget everything and just react to the situation at hand. When peoples lives are in danger I just do what I can to help. Thats how i came to be here. Helping people run. I regret that decision every day.

I should of ran to you. I should of held you above all else. There hasnt been a day that has gone by that i havent thought of you. Not knowing where you are or if you are even alive has been tortureing me, I would end it all just to see you again. I'd destroy the world if it meant that i could be next to you even if only for a moment. You are my better half and without you I've felt like an empty shell.

Before you came into my life I had never had to think about the Future, I had never had to think about the past. I had never known a love so great, before you came into my life i had been living without love in my heart. I had done some wicked things, terrible things, and the night we met, everything had changed. My heart swelled and I knew a love for things that i had never known before. Life and living in general became something to be cherished.

I have been traveling without a destination, knowing i can never find you again I have found little reason to have a plan. Before we met I had always thought that i would die alone. You changed that and it felt good, made the future seem like it was something to work towards making a better place. Without you I know I will die alone. I don't remember it feeling this cold inside to know that. Feeling alone, it never had felt so bad, but then again I didnt know any better before you came into my life.

I miss your bright eyes, your warm smile, your reassuring voice.. I dont sleep much anymore, Im tortured in my dreams by an unmentionable scene. To make it all the worse, all those women and children i helped flee the city all drown in the crash. Ill never get the sound of their screams out of my mind. The desperation, the fear, it will haunt me until the day i die.

I am a ghost. I am a shell of a the man I once was. Without you I have not been living, Just biding my time until my demise. I have never believed in suicide, Thats a cowards tool. I am no coward. You always told me I had an issue with asking for help, well now im asking for help. I need you in my life, please darlin, Help me to remember how to live. If you are...If you are with the angels, please come to me and give me a sign, give me the strength i need so i can see you again. If there is a God, and you still are alive somewhere, Please god bring me back to her, I am nothing without my love.

I feel so pathetic sometimes.

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Arcarius    25

More Please, Sweet Joe.

I require more.

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Arcarius    25

More Please, Sweet Joe.

I require more.

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SweetJoe    390

The happiest moments in my life were when I would wake up beside you. Seeing your smile, knowing you felt the same. There are some moments you wish you could live in. I would give up everything in life just to return to those moments. We would lie there, starring into each others eyes, smiling. Words unspoken, unneeded. That is love.

Today, i sleep in intervals of 20 minutes. I force myself to move, my body sore, aching, feeling of Rust. First thoughts to my mind are of distain for life. I'm no better than those walking corpses.

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SweetJoe    390

The happiest moments in my life were when I would wake up beside you. Seeing your smile, knowing you felt the same. There are some moments you wish you could live in. I would give up everything in life just to return to those moments. We would lie there, starring into each others eyes, smiling. Words unspoken, unneeded. That is love.

Today, i sleep in intervals of 20 minutes. I force myself to move, my body sore, aching, feeling of Rust. First thoughts to my mind are of distain for life. I'm no better than those walking corpses.

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Arcarius    25

I agree. +1

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Arcarius    25

I agree. +1

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Guest SonicTactcis   
Guest SonicTactcis

Nice read, it felt like i was reading poetry (in a good way)

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Guest SonicTactcis   
Guest SonicTactcis

Nice read, it felt like i was reading poetry (in a good way)

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SweetJoe    390

Every day i feel myself dying. Ive been wandering the airfield looking for a reason. Have not found it yet. I did find the brother of the kid we all murdered. I gave him a gun, all my food and some beer. gave him better clothes and some gear and sent him on his way.

I could of gone on not remembering that kid.

Never again will I tolerate Cherna-Russian Roulette. NEVER.

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