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IrishThePotato

Donavan Wolf Williams

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When I was a young boy my parents were killed and I was adopted by a Captain Donald Williams and he has since then taught me how to shoot all sorts of guns and has showed me some of his military tactics just in case something ever happened and I needed it. Donald was my foster Dad but he was a better Dad than I actually had and we had a meet up spot in case of something bad ever went down we would go there and wait it out or if we had to get out of there. When the zombies started coming we didn't think much of it, until they were in our city and Donald told me to go to the "spot" and he went to go help the survivors fend off the zombies but I watched as I was running to our spot that the survivors were overran and were getting torn apart but it didn't stop Donald because he went in with a bat and a will to survive. I have not seen Donald since but I have had a feeling that he was close and I never knew why but I miss him and I regret letting him go and fight. After our town was overran I got on my boat and waited a couple days for him to show. Until the zombies tried running down the docks so I had to leave.

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Burgz    6

It's a good start, but try to beef it up a little more. You've included too many things in such a small section. Instead of making it seem like one thing is happening straight after the other, try and make it so you describe each event with more detail etc.

Like I said, it's a good start though :P

Plus, paragraphs are also appreciated.

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Baron    2

Wrong section for this my friend, this belongs in the "Roleplay" Thread group. :D

Otherwise, not so bad, but if it's your white list app story, I'd consider adding a little more to it, including paragraphing, etc.

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Guest

Moving to Roleplaying

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