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Ghost of Gijs

An Unkindness of Ravens [Magnussen's Thoughts]

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((Preliminary: Magnussen's backstory))

[mp3]http://puu.sh/8sazL.mp3[/mp3]

I keep having visions. An unkindness of ravens enticing me to succumb to death's cold embrace.

A friend once told me to write down my thoughts as a form of therapy. "Only you can fight your demons". The only way I can even silence mine is by pumping chemicals through my veins. Perhaps that's what's causing me to have these draconian hallucinations.

I've given up trying to find connotation in my dreams and nightmares, waking or not. If only I could give them up altogether. I keep considering to just end it but somehow even death doesn't seem like egress. How wicked is the devil.

I have been holed up in a pre-war bomb shelter for what feels as years. It takes only one glance at my reflection to affirm this. I look more dead than alive. Maybe it has actually been years. Maybe I'm the last survivor, doomed to bide here in this barren world for all eternity. And that without glasses.

I'll never wake up out of this one.

((Continue reading...))


OOC

This will be a continuation of Isak Magnussen's story. You can read his backstory and what preceded this journal here, but it is not necessary. This is in a separate thread for a reason. I wanted to give writing from a first person, journal perspective a shot. It will mostly be based on in-game events (if and when I start playing again).

The soundtrack is taken from various sources (series, movies, games) but the art is entirely my own work.

As always, any feedback is welcome.

Sountrack (in order):

  • Dishonored Soundtrack - The Return
  • Dishonored Soundtrack - Street Suspense
  • Six Feet Under Soundtrack - Buddhist Chant (extracted from S02E10)
  • Maxence Cyrin - Where Is My Mind (Pixies cover)
  • Jeff Beal - The Mark of the Beast (Carnivàle Soundtrack)
  • Jeff Beal - Management's Advice (Carnivàle Soundtrack)
  • Jon & Daniel Licht - Honor for All (Dishonored Soundtrack - Instrumental)
  • Jeff Beal - Justin Forgives Norman (Carnivàle Soundtrack)

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I like it Jizz! But you should play IG so you can get more things to put in it

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I like it Jizz! But you should play IG so you can get more things to put in it

You're right, I should. The Watchers disbanding put my plans to a halt, that's why I stopped playing. :/

I actually created this to motivate myself to get my ass in-game again.

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It's great ^^ Hope for more sooon

btw, did you draw the picture yourself ? :troll:

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It's great ^^ Hope for more sooon

btw, did you draw the picture yourself ? :troll:

Thanks! And yeah, I did draw it myself with the use of some preset brushes. I hope you like it! It was a bit of an experiment. Personally I like how it turned out so I'll probably continue drawing.

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8tnKs.png

[mp3]http://puu.sh/8to3w.mp3[/mp3]

Last night I dreamt of the tree again. From behind it she was staring back at me in silent judgement, but also alluring like the ravens, as if to say "come, you know you want this".

What if hell is an endless longing for death? I made an attempt yesterday. It seemed so easy. Just jam the damn knife in my throat. Instead I dreamt my dreams and live the nightmares and outside my head people continue to get eaten by their loved ones.

You think you know the true meaning of solitude but then you start to question the validity of the universe itself. What is out there? There's me, and there's everyone else, and never the twain shall meet.

Yet I need to find something, someone... Distractions. I must get out of my head before it will engulf me and...

Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'.

On the morrow I'll go out. I'm low on morphine anyway. Hopefully I'll get to converse with someone other than myself. Best case scenario I get shot. I reckon I might encounter Pavel again, equivocator of the promised land. Had I told him everything I could've made it work, but he seemed genuinely concerned, and so was I. The lies we told were the glue that kept us together. Truth wasn't something either of us was ready to deal with. I thought it was a pit we could climb out of eventually, but it is bottomless and we're still falling, down and down again.

Nevertheless I told him more than anyone and he knew more than I told him. In that regard he was my Borys. Omniscient, omnipresent, lacking but one characteristic.

And in the course of time: inevitable betrayal.

((Continue reading...))

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Guest

I haven't read your thread, but I'l comment on the pictures because it reminded me of that one girls thread, I forgot her forum name, but you said you wanted her in your "Tales of the Apocalypse" thread to write a story. She even included you in your story I think.

Funny how we both have writers we miss on DayZRP, funny how they're both girls to. :P

Anyways, nice drawings, I really like them and I thought about drawing myself. Even got bored and drew Jack Bandit one day, I think it's a bit over-exaggerated though:

a1dab24d-011c-48e8-bb0d-48f0c4be59e9.jpg?t=1398894712

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Good one gijs!

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Guest Alfie

Carib, I think you mean Mel Drake. Her stories were so good, lot of work put into them.

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Carib, I think you mean Mel Drake. Her stories were so good, lot of work put into them.

Yep, Alfie is right. It wasn't really my intention to copy her style though, and it was only later I realized she did drawings too.

I love her journal to death.

Good one gijs!

These are really good Gijs, hope to see more :D

Thanks! You too Carib.

I won't be writing until after I get in-game again (I'm rather busy momentarily), but in the meantime, I'd love to get some more feedback on what people think of the drawings and how they fit with the text.

As for the text itself, my biggest inspiration was kharmasutra and the journal she wrote as Sophia. Unlike me she had a lot to write about, but I'm gonna work on that. :P

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Those drawings are really fucking creepy, Gijs.

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Guest Astycc

Gijs, this is amazing, the music fits amazingly, those photos are creepy as hell, and the writing... again, man, you need to write a book or something. It is so good and intriguing, I long to hear more, could you also credit the songs in small text above it or something, I wouldn't mind knowing the sound effect/song name.

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Unlike me she had a lot to write about, but I'm gonna work on that. :P

You better will! haha

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Those drawings are really fucking creepy, Gijs.

Well, good. That is what I am going for. :D Thanks Soren. :)

Gijs, this is amazing, the music fits amazingly, those photos are creepy as hell, and the writing... again, man, you need to write a book or something. It is so good and intriguing, I long to hear more, could you also credit the songs in small text above it or something, I wouldn't mind knowing the sound effect/song name.

A book has to have a beginning, middle and end. Writing short random stories doesn't even come close to that. But thanks. :P

Good idea about the soundtrack. I added it to the OP.

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Gijs, this is amazing, the music fits amazingly, those photos are creepy as hell, and the writing... again, man, you need to write a book or something. It is so good and intriguing, I long to hear more, could you also credit the songs in small text above it or something, I wouldn't mind knowing the sound effect/song name.

Well actually, the soundtrack is from the Dishonored soundtrack. I asked Gijs about this a while back as soon as I read it, and he said it was also a sort of inspiration, and now that he revealed it to me, I totally see it. :P

Commenting seriously on your work Gijs, I do like and always will enjoy your work. You realistically portray your character in this "journal" of sort (I'm assuming this what he just says in his head though) and the fact that he needs morphine for (I'm assuming) a addiction of his really humanizes your character.

You're drawing is similar, just as you said, as the Dishonored trailer about the three

I really like that, as it is of coarse, depressing and suiting for your character.

Keep it up!

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8A2z1.png

[mp3]http://puu.sh/8bsOx[/mp3]

Hello?

'ello? 'ello? 'ello?

I called out to the stranger in the distance and I thought I got a response when I realized it was only the sound of my own voice echoing against the adamant walls of the gloomy caves named my mind, and I was jerked back into my drug-addled reality.

The sudden impulse to get rid of it all was followed by a feeling of immense regret, but it forced me to get outside. No one was out there except for one man that had shot himself in the mouth. He reminded me of someone. An acquaintance from better times.

I used to think life and time were a balance between the past and the future. Lean too much to one side and everything on the other end will tumble over you. Now I know it is a pinball machine. You bump into stuff at random and you desperately try to keep this going thinking you have any control over it at all, until it is over for good.

My hands are shaking, I'm sweating profusely and I'm terrified. Terrified of my own fear. Rare moments of clarity interrupted by more nightmares and all to accompany me is a man with a hole in his head.

Pray to God, but row for shore. Na dobranich, Borys.

((Continue reading...))

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Well actually, the soundtrack is from the Dishonored soundtrack. I asked Gijs about this a while back as soon as I read it, and he said it was also a sort of inspiration, and now that he revealed it to me, I totally see it. :P

Commenting seriously on your work Gijs, I do like and always will enjoy your work. You realistically portray your character in this "journal" of sort (I'm assuming this what he just says in his head though) and the fact that he needs morphine for (I'm assuming) a addiction of his really humanizes your character.

You're drawing is similar, just as you said, as the Dishonored trailer about the three

I really like that, as it is of coarse, depressing and suiting for your character.

Keep it up!

Not sure if it's noticeable, but my writing style and Magnussen's character is slightly influenced by the soundtrack I use. In this case, Dishonored was an influence for the drawings.

And yeah, Isak has a drug problem. Most of it is explained in the backstory and the rest of the stories, but the bottom line is that he relapsed after having been clean for years. I'm trying to write him out of that, but I'm not sure if he's ever gonna be drug-free, with the apocalypse and all, and how dangerous (probably lethal) it'd be to go through the whole detox thing in a situation like this.

It's likely these are just his thoughts, but it does say "a friend once told me to write down my thoughts as a form of therapy" in the first entry. Make of that what you will. It's not really relevant anyway.

What you can safely assume is that the drawings are what goes on in his mind. They are his memories, his interpretations, his dreams.

Glad you like it Carib. :) Those Dishonored webisodes are fucking awesome.

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Read them all brilliant Gijis! A really, really good read. The music on the first one gave me the chills specially with those images.. :)

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I took my time today and read into your stories today, I must say, They are something of a read. To tell the truth it was to be expected upon your part. Isak for a while when I was In TWS was a character i wanted to meet along a few others (who just the last week I had the honor too). When I read this, Isak's style of thinking is to me a corrupt realist... And the style of writing is heavly romantic... Maybe post romantic movement.. But yet he is a man of logic to what I can tell who has problems... Knows of them.. But to me.. He does nothing about them.. Its saddening for the reader, why keep punishing himself?

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I took my time today and read into your stories today, I must say, They are something of a read. To tell the truth it was to be expected upon your part. Isak for a while when I was In TWS was a character i wanted to meet along a few others (who just the last week I had the honor too). When I read this, Isak's style of thinking is to me a corrupt realist... And the style of writing is heavly romantic... Maybe post romantic movement.. But yet he is a man of logic to what I can tell who has problems... Knows of them.. But to me.. He does nothing about them.. Its saddening for the reader, why keep punishing himself?

Well, that's pretty much spot on. Isak romanticizes everything, and because he's also a narcissist, when something doesn't live up to his high expectations he gets either really mad or sad (or both) and overdramatizes it all. Any serious relation he's been in he has romanticized to a level the other probably didn't share. Borys (whom he loved, not necessarily on a sexual level) perhaps saw as much in him as he in Borys, but it's likely that Pavel didn't think nearly as highly of Isak as vice versa. Though you'd have to ask Muntz.

He also romanticizes Chernarus. Thought he had some sort of purpose, and that he could eventually call it home. Those dreams were shattered and that crushed him so much he relapsed after years of being clean. He's quite aware of his problems, yes, but that's the issue with addiction. No matter how aware of it you are, it's still hard to overcome. He's really smart (just never had an education; dropped out of high school) but this is something he just can't solve. Not on his own in any case.

And he's kinda beyond suicide now. He tried, multiple times, but hidden under the excuse of "fearing himself" and "fearing the unknown" lies a very basic fear of death. Which I guess is the unknown. He's not religious perse, but... You know, death is scary. :P

Anyway, thanks a lot for pointing that all out. Even if you were wrong, which you aren't, it's still nice to see someone taking a more analytical look. :)

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Snip

Well, that's pretty much spot on. Isak romanticizes everything, and because he's also a narcissist, when something doesn't live up to his high expectations he gets either really mad or sad (or both) and overdramatizes it all. Any serious relation he's been in he has romanticized to a level the other probably didn't share. Borys (whom he loved, not necessarily on a sexual level) perhaps saw as much in him as he in Borys, but it's likely that Pavel didn't think nearly as highly of Isak as vice versa. Though you'd have to ask Muntz.

He also romanticizes Chernarus. Thought he had some sort of purpose, and that he could eventually call it home. Those dreams were shattered and that crushed him so much he relapsed after years of being clean. He's quite aware of his problems, yes, but that's the issue with addiction. No matter how aware of it you are, it's still hard to overcome. He's really smart (just never had an education; dropped out of high school) but this is something he just can't solve. Not on his own in any case.

And he's kinda beyond suicide now. He tried, multiple times, but hidden under the excuse of "fearing himself" and "fearing the unknown" lies a very basic fear of death. Which I guess is the unknown. He's not religious perse, but... You know, death is scary.

I feel for characters who have such depth and such a loss of hope. He is a never ending circle with no real end... The chain can not be broken within.. Only with someone else from the outside can break this chain..

But being as much of a narcissist you claim he will let only one person IMO will break him out of this chain, well the only one he would let. Others would need to push him to the edge.. He may be a smart person but something tells me he is a thinker... A processor and someone who plans to the far futher and enjoys controling the discustion. If he would ever meet someone who could test that and beat him at his own game, He will go into self denial and depending who he meets and how he acts, will scar isak deeper than most wounds would.

I like this character a lot, he reminds me more of a romantic version of my Alex Conview character... While yours is a high lvled way of thinking, mine is a mascoquist testing and punishing himself always in self denial as he believes fully, he deserves this fate.. While isak fears the unknown, alex welcomes it with a smile.

Going past attempting suicide is a bit to far... No.. That is a cry for attention, when one ia ready he ia ready and being a narcassist doea not stop him doing so, I believe he still has hope. The attempts where a cry out so something will show IMO ;)

It would be interesting to meet this person, I know he will be cold and hostile.. I expect that.. I like that, when I see you on.. Il make it my next goal to find you IC without OOC influence...

Great work :)

P.s.. Pardon my spelling.. On phone.. With spanish autocorrect... Does not help.

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-snip-

Well, being a romantic at his core he'll always have hope. But being a dramaqueen is what's causing him to think there isn't any. He loves to feel sorry for himself, which is what makes him a narcassist. He thinks his understanding of the world is beyond that of most others, while in reality he's just as lost as anyone else. He doesn't know what he needs, but it surely is another person. He's not an introvert by any means.

Perhaps attempt was the wrong word by the way. He has contemplated it, sat with a gun to his head. I suppose that was a cry for attention and again him feeling sorry for himself.

And yeah, he would want to have control, though I think at the moment he's a little too out of it to have any. Finding someone new to look up to (or perhaps meeting Pavel again) will probably be what gets him out of this hole.

Or maybe it'll be Conview...

Don't worry about the spelling. I can understand what you mean, which is the point of communication. I did think it was funny you called me Gjin in your own thread though. :P

I've always wanted to meet you and some of the other (ex-)Watchers. Once Isak finds new glasses, I will. :D

I feel for characters who have such depth and such a loss of hope. He is a never ending circle with no real end... The chain can not be broken within.. Only with someone else from the outside can break this chain..

giphy.gif

^ I would've used that line in the journal but I didn't want to steal too much from pop culture. :P

Oh, and thanks again for making all these comments. I tend to ask myself questions, but someone with a different (outsider's) perspective can better help me work out any inconsistencies by forcing me to think differently about something. These responses are not only for you, but also for myself. :)

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:tldr:

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